or was it the other way around?
when I made the decision to give myself to her, I felt my soul
yearn
to be torn apart
like cells splitting in half,
simply because
something within them
told them to

have you ever seen a mother make a sandwich for a child?
she uses this kind of jam
because that's the only kind they like,
and she cuts it just this particular way
so that it fits in their lunch box

I wanted to cut my heart into shapes that she would like.
coquette cookie cutters stamped into mounds of muscle
and arteries
and sinew
for a girl that said I was special

long night longing
what was, again
new beginnings
again
the train had stopped
got off to ponder in past obsessions
didn't know if they were healthy or not
but I dont think any of them are
a journey of steps impossible to take back
new loves with no special spark
i tend to think i've felt it all
that's what you made it seem like
how we created our past with nothing new to witness
at least that's how it seems
messages evaporated into thin ******* air
meaning nothing but everything to me
another night
longing for chances I can't even see anymore
longing for moments i'll never feel again
gone
gone
gone
like the wind that passes
old photos
still moments
i can't remember them all but i was grateful
filled with joy, nothing to regret
moments i can't seem to remember but will never forget
thank you
for caring for me
"me"
if there ever was one
an illusion to fall for
false hopes all along
because they should've never existed
i should've never hoped either
let me tell you the time
4:42 am
my eyes are droopy
my body
restless
thinking about this poem
more and more to express about someting that has died
an effect i can't ignore
something to remember
everything was once okay
and although, ultimately
everything still is
it would be better with you, by my side
darling
always
thinking about you behind emotion filled moments