A man from McFarland once shitted
His pants, which were too tightly fitted:
   He popped a low squat,
   And he shitted a lot,
And it squished out his pants when they splitted.


Ya really got to wonder
how the process really works
Turning food into something
closely akin to mud, or dirt

Eat that steak or yogurt
and magically it seems
It's turned to something brown
as out your ass, it streams

The mysteries of waste
a defecated product made
simple fertilizer proof
of something, now decayed

It's a total wonder
as joy upon release
a crap that feels so good
as defecations, cease

God in his infinite wisdom
created life and everything
laughing uncontrollably
as bowels, are emptying

:D Oh yeah, The crapolla is in the house!
I would have marked this "adult", butt, let's face it, it's not ;D~

I got a call from my cousin Red Eagle
"Your Uncle Sam has decompensated."
"I think he's trying to kill himself!"
"You'd better go visit him in the Hospital"
"To make sure he doesn't commit suicide!"
"Okay, Red."
"Calm down!" I replied.
"I was just taking a nap while listening to some Carlos Nakai Flute Music,"
"But I'll put on my coat and walk to the Mental Hospital to make sure my dear Uncle Sam  is okay."
When I arrived at the Psych Ward,
Uncle Sam was screaming obscenities
And throwing his feces at the nurses.
"Hey, Uncle Sam,"
"It's me."
"Your nephew."
"I've come to visit you," I said.
"Shut the fuck up, Jewboy!" Uncle Sam shouted.
"It's you who got me into this Mess."
"But, Uncle Sam," I pleaded.
"I'm your only nephew."
"Don't you care about me any more?"
The replies  became increasingly hostile.
"Get away from me, you stupid Kike!"
"Only I know what's best for America!'
"You Jews are just a bunch of stupid EGGHEADS"
"Who are trying to take the Power away from Real Americans like me!"
With that pronouncement,
Uncle Sam reached out from underneath his Hospital Gown,
Pulled a chunk of feces from out between his butt crack,
And threw it at me.
It hit me right  in the face!
Uncle Sam might have been out of his mind,
But he still had good aim.
He was a minor league pitcher in his youth.
When the shit hit me in the face,
The orderlies grabbed Uncle Sam and forced him into his room,
But I could still hear him screaming.
"I'm gonna' kill all you Jewish Sons of Bitches!"
"I'm gonna' finish the Job that Hitler started!"
"Get out of my face!"
When Uncle Sam was locked up in his room,
I went to the restroom to wash the feces off my face.
I had a Talk with the Nurses.
"What happened to my Uncle Sam?"
"He never treated me this way."
"I was always his favorite nephew."
The lead Psychiatric Nurse looked like Malcolm X,
And had a very serious expression on his face.
"Mr. Moskowitz,"
"He told me."
"I'm sorry to inform you that your Uncle Sam"
"Has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder."
"We have also determined that he is a Borderline Personality."
"His Authoritarian Personality Disorder is causing him,"
"To have Grandiose Delusions"
"And he thinks he's President of the United States."
His Assistant Nurse must have been some sort of Cuban
Or Venezuelan Gal.
She was pretty damn hot,
And one could glimpse all her perfect  curves
Due to the tightness of her Nurse's Uniform.
"Mr. Moskowitz,"
"Your Uncle Sam has had a BREAKDOWN," she said.
"Why don't you go home and make yourself a hot cup of tea?"
"We'll take care of your Uncle Sam for you."
After taking one last look at the Latina nurse's perfect cleavage,
I walked home in the snow on Franklin Street.
"Jesus Christ," I thought.
"My Uncle Sam has really fallen apart!"
"I always thought that he was too focused on money,"
"But I never thought THIS would happen to him."

Sam Hain Oct 2016

If it’s true
That when a bird shits on you
It’s good luck,
I hope you’re nailed by a turd
From a thunderbird
The size of a trailer truck.


There is no political change
That can address all the problems
In a world of Suckers
Who just  want to hold on to Idealism
Just as we want to hold on to Old  Memories
Or old Youthful Appearence
But isn't Idealism just a toxic attachment,
Just like our feces?
The salad was fresh,
The tomatoes were red,
The carrots were orange,
And the spinach was green,
But, when it comes out of one's anus as feces,
It's in a different form.
So, too,
Old ideals decay and are meant to be released
Rather than  regurgitated.
New responses must be developed to changing times
Just as one must prepare fresh meals
Rather than eating old shit.

Knit Personality Jul 2016

A limerick should always be witty
And dirty and filthy and gritty.
   A good one has wit,
   And some sex or some shit;
And a clean one is sure to be shitty.


Shiterary Jan 2016

Poetry is to asshole
as asshole is to poetry
many owners
it smells like shit
is lined with shit
leaks shit
and sometimes it takes a while to really push out,
but once it streams forth without resistance -- more shit.


— The End —