i've been stuck staring at my computer for approximately ten minutes telling myself i need to write but the words aren't coming onto the keyboard as fast as my brain thought they could

i'm being pulled in ten directions, my brain never ceases to think, think think think about time about distance about love about hate about depression about being shattered about how he can glue me back together about how two broken things don't make a whole about how nothing is going to change and everything is going to change about fear about happiness about trust about hate about hate about love about fear

i can't stop thinking and hoping i'll see the **** message pop up on my screen that says i understand how you feel i feel it too i don't know what's going on but i think i'm okay with it

but the way my heart is beating as i write this indicates that the doubt in me is larger than the amount of thinking i've been doing and lately i've realized being a pessimist and being a realist is the same thing and i don't know how to break that to even myself