absence of dreaming
and a disembodied mind
let's me choke on the pills
little hollow bones
and hands and toes are fine
i guess my body's clock is out of time
there's no light through this smoke
at least i have chemicals to bloat me,
to haze me with dopamine
but where is everything else?
where are the vivid colors
my life when it was filled with flowers?
i want to sing to another heart
but i'm just caught in layers
unsure how to articulate prayers
whatever i'm hiding, i've already lost
in the dark, fading into gray
no more daydreams
screaming under a veil
30 tiny pills without condition
the strike of a match,
the lip stain on a coffee cup,
the drop of blood in a river
the lighting of a wrinkled cigarette
an empty vial medicating
progressive thoughts
all the unspeakable things
something's wrong,
no one's happy
i envision myself somewhere but
i'm just dark and cold