8/14/16

you're the only person that makes my words melt before i even get a chance to push them into existence
it's not hard for me to talk usually
yet with you i feel completely dumbfounded like the times i've stood in front of a crowd of hundreds aimlessly entertaining (i'm sure you know what that's like)
i pick apart and pre-meditate every word and that's all they are
you weave them together in ways that are strangely more beautiful
even ******
and the eloquence of your words that flow out of you with the same ease as water escaping a glass -
is the same effortless pairing i spend hours attempting to perfect
most days i never get it right
hell, it feels like a cliché to want someone as bad as the next girl who struts her stilettos to the bar
just for a single compliment or peck on the cheek
sometimes it makes me wonder
if i'm any different
i feel like i sink away in the everyday black but there's always something you want to say to acknowledge that hey, today i got up and tried
every time you pull back
it all feel so useless
divided
unclear
messy
irate
i don't want your all, i just want a little bit

8/8/16

i thought i lost this at the psych unit  
and now i wear it so i don't forget where i'm going and why i'm going there
so i'm not strung along the day-to-day of the metro suburbs in the nation's capital
where it's all hustle, bustle, or get out of my way
red line of blue line? silver or green?
somewhere in the masses
i am part of the chaos blurring past corporal company buildings and stockholders
the metallic blue nissan in a sea of teslas, porsches, BMWs
i won't throw around the cliché to "grow where i'm planted" but supposedly this is where i'm supposed to be for now
with no one left to impress but a fantasy
it's crazy what our minds will entertain
a year ago i was wandering on a godforsaken island and now i waste the days folding silverware
it's okay
and so am i