I am amazed
        but I know not why (knowing me)
how hurt closes me off
sews me up
amputates my heart
from people I’ve loved.

It seems I cannot get by
the rage she vomited on me
what she called me
her shocking condemnations.

Rage cuts deep
wounds heal slow
if at all.

Then I find out how she felt hurt and betrayed
when I changed and detoured
        because someone betrayed me.

But I am glad for those detours
where I discovered other worlds
and became more than I was.

I am amazed
       but I know not why (knowing me)
how hurt can remake
and occasion my transformation,
how the bad can become the good
        If I am patient enough
        and work hard enough
        to find
        or make
        cracks in that wall.