"I wish you well."
                                                          ­                    



                                         ­                                     (but not too well without me)

I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.

So I've been gone
Away for a while
Life wasn't good
Nothing made me smile

My lips didn't twitch
My heart didn't beat
My mind didn't think
I was incomplete

But now I've returned
I came back from the grave
I'm feeling alright now!
I'm no longer life's slave.

That's what I tell them
That's what I'll say
But I forgot how to feel
My emotions went away

How do you scream?
And how do you fear?
How do you love?
I couldn't tell you my dear

I miss it
I miss it
I miss knowing how to feel
All that's left of me
Is a hollow shell
I know
I'd be terrified
If I only knew how.

I need you to know
that I no longer write about you.

If tears could build a staircase
And memories a lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again