hiding in the dark
a retreat to solitude
the trees hold my hand

the city is frozen over
on the first day of the year.
slow to waking up,
I make a cup of coffee to
warm myself up to the
new year.
I make pancakes in the shape of the numbers
"2021".
I stay home
although the time has reset,
the world is still cold
and there's no place for me
yet.

I kissed you as the flames
danced and popped in the sky,
another moment with you
frozen in time

another moment
passed by

i don't know when it was
that I lost myself.
maybe it last year
or when I left home.
all I know now is
I can't write a poem without
throwing it in the trash,
crumpled and forgotten.
All my crochet projects are being left
unfinished,
hidden under the bed with old clothes and makeup
I don't feel pretty in anymore.

another day spent with the same routine,
wasted.
i put my empty coffee cup in the sink,
crawl under the covers,
and pray I wake up somewhere else.

I yearn to grow and float away
As petals do in the wind
Follow the air
And follow my heart.
I don’t know where I’m going
But I know I will land.

My roots hold me back
Crawling up my frame and pulling me down
Chained
To the earth where I
Started to bloom.

Maybe I’m a lotus.
Dormant in one spot
Being used only when needed.
Blossoming and folding back up
Into myself
its the only home that’s
Permanent.

Earth,
Give me a push in the right direction.
Move the currents and tides
So I can float downstream.
Exhale your winds on my petals
Spinning in the air
Falling towards a new home
Starting my own roots.
I don’t know where I’m going
But I know I will land
Someday

I want to marry you next to a
Field of flowers
On a sunny day with
Thunderclouds looming behind us while the
Ceremony takes place.
I want lightening to strike when we say “I do”
And thunder to clap when we take our first kiss and
Our first steps into
Eternity.

A waterfall next to the reception,
Where the younger kids could swim and play
(If there even were any).
You could dip your feet in, too ,
Or watch me while I float on my back
Living in the moment of love, light
And happiness.
I won’t care if my dress gets wet
Or if my makeup smudges
We’ll take pictures barefoot playing in mud;
Because that’s what our love is: fun,  simple, and whatever we want it to be.