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108 · Jun 2019
No going back
It doesn't matter how hard I try
I can't lose the ones who need losing.
I am not sure god hears me.
Because this pain isn't going away.

I just want my mind to lay still
So I can breathe and sleep.
I am fed up of dying and crying.
My heart can't take the beating.

I am tired of pretending everything
Is fine when it's not.
I'm just trying to remember how to
Smile for awhile.

There's no going back to the way
I use to be that hurts even more.
I just felt a wave of anger hit me today I had to write to get it out
#god #pain #lose
108 · Nov 2017
don't grow old
Don't waste time its to short and to precious.
Don't think just do it.
Don't ignore your heart just listen to it.
Don't think about tomorrow.

Have fun everyday.
Laugh until it hurts and tears fall.
Tell someone you love them.
Do that thing you keep putting off.

Don't get caught in stupid fights.
Don't grow up to fast.
Stay young for as long as you can.
Don't grow old.
I got the inspiration for the poem from my aunt who said don't grow old to me.
107 · Jan 2018
Moods
I have seen the sea
When it is.
Rough and wild.
Calm and still.
Warm and cold.
Dark and moody.
In all these moods.
I see my self.
This is my first peom of 2018
107 · Apr 2018
too late.
Its too late to apologise when
The damage is done.

Some words said can never be taken
Back and sorry doesn't change it.

Some deep wounds will never heal not
Even in time.

Some thoughts will stay with you for
A lifetime.
This is poem I wrote is about how sometimes it can be too late to say sorry and saying sorry  doesn't always make things better or make what you said hurt any less.
107 · Jan 2020
When we say good bye
Take me some where we can't be seen.
Where we can lock out the world.
Where I can be in your arms,
Tasting your lemon drop kiss.
****** my mind touch me with words.
Let me get lost in your eyes.
Let me live in this last moment with
You, before morning comes.
I hate the moment where we have
To say goodbye.
107 · Sep 2020
A cry for help
If I am honest....
I don't want tomorrow to come.
Because i know it will be full of
The suffocating people.

Who never listen to me.
Rubbing on anothet fake smile.
Wondering if God listens to
My cry for help.

Theres days where that I don't
Want to wake up.
Wishing I could stay in a dream.
Where I am happy and free.

Confessing my sins.
Preying for a way out.
Feeling as if there is no
Way out.

Spilling my heart onto empty
Lines trying to ease the pain.
Looking for a get out of jail
Free card.

Close to giving up because
Everytime I find happiness I lose it.
Everytime I find hope it fades.
Now I no longer know what to do.

Tonight I will prey once again.
In the hope he hears my cry for help.
I am in a bit of a dark place in my head at the moment and it's feels lik poetry is the only way to set myself free of the pain
106 · Oct 2018
Comfort
Comfort comes in different ways.
A hug.
Kind words.
Your favourite dinner.
A poem.
A funny memory.
A kiss from the one you love.
Your child's smile.
A friend who is always there.
Whatever way you find it hold it
And never let it go.
I wrote this because comfort doesn't come in one form or one way we all find comfort in the little things or big things.
106 · Nov 2017
midnight poem.
No thoughts to share.
Nothing to tell either.
Long days and cold nights.
Heavy eyes closing.
A mind that won't sleep
Jam jars full of heartfelt words.
Waiting to be used.
Maybe tomorrow.
Just not now.
106 · Jul 2019
Happy days
Some bridges need to be burnt and I
Lost the ones that need losing.
Now my dreams are full of colour and
My days are more happy.
Sometimes you just need to burn the bridges with the ones are no good and lose the ones who need losing
105 · Jun 2020
The witches cruse
Sitting under a sea of stars,
Searching the black velvet sky
For lost dreams of you
Whispers of your poems are carried
On the gentle summer breeze
Reminding me that I can only
Have you dreams
The unending nights
Your smooth moves
Hot and heavy kissed
Touches that burning my skin
The witch laugh and cackles
She takes pleasure from my pain
She listens for the sound
my heart breaking 
She places one last curse upon me
To see nothing but your eyes
In each dream I have
Now all we share is the night
like the moon and the stars
We are miles apart and I am
Left never to feel the one touch i
Crave the most.
While on lockdown I have been spending some time with my poetry and learing how to make it better
105 · May 2018
the dark side
Hell has made its self
At home in my chest.
It's hard to breath when
My mind is full.

None ever told me that
Love comes with a
Painful sting.

Tears on my pillows
And pieces of a broken
Heart.

I guess this is
The dark side
Of love.
104 · May 2018
killing a demon.
There's a demon that answers to my name.
She laughs at how I tie my hair up.
She laughs at what I see in the mirror.
She reminds me of the mistakes made.
She reminds me of the things I'll never be.
She never let's me be laugh or be happy.
When I cry she laughs louder.
How do you **** the demon she is lives inside of me?.
103 · Dec 2017
leaving
A heart torn in two.
Dreams broken.
Lifes shattered.
No tears left to cry.
There's nothing to take.
Leaving on a train.
Never coming back.
103 · Jun 2020
Hearts and minds
It all started with red wine kisses
Tantalising touches,
Soft whispers dreams shared,
Memories made.
Now those memories lay scattered on
The floor along with the heart you broken.
#heart #memories
103 · Sep 2019
Never needing to be loved
She wanted to love him have all the feelings that came with being in love.
His smile made her knees shake his touch set her soul on fire.
She longed to lay in his arms and listen to the beat of his heart.
She wanted to love him the only problem is she, doesn't know how to love him because she was use to never needing to be loved
This is a poem from my new book I am working on
#longed #smile #love
102 · Jun 2020
No shame
You can lock yourself away,
Pretend that everything is fine
Bury your head in the sand
While a acting as of nothing
Really matters anymore
I have been down the same road
I have learn from experience
That hiding does nothing
The problem still testers and grows
The depression get worse by the day
You can run if you like but just know
This you will be running forever
Push everyone away if you want
I will always be the villain in your
Story but just know that hiding
Achieves nothing
There's no shame in saying I
Need help.
This came from an heated conversation I had with my sister in trying to make her see that hiding and running away everytime something gets hard doesn't solve anything
101 · Jan 2020
A lost peace
A cozy bed I don't want to leave.
Enjoying the last half an hour of peace.

Before the message come flooding In
Already wanting the day to be over.


Watching as the clock ticks feeling as if each tick gets louder.

Why can't I just stay in this cozy bed
Wrapped up in his arms.

But no that kind of peace never does last.
101 · Aug 2019
The maze in my head
Sometimes my mind is a dark twisted
Maze that i just want out of.
Finally the sleepless nights and anxious thoughts have caught me.
If anxiety and depression was a light
Switch i would be happy to turn it,
And sitting in darkness.
So i would never have to feel like this
Way ever again.
For days weeks and months i can be happy laughing and joking. Then theres that one day where my mind just feels like a maze.
Living with anxiety and depression is really hard at times its not an act you can just
Stop playing
#anxiety #despresson #maze
101 · Mar 2019
Things I can't have
They told me i could have anything
That nothing was out of my reach.
But the one thing I want is the one
Thing that I can't have.
100 · May 2019
My shoes
Step into my shoes.
Feel the things I feel everyday.
Feel every broken thought rushing
Through your head.
Listening to all the nagging voices
That never stay still silent.
Then you will know how it feels
To be in my shoes.
#shoes #hurtingpoem #silent #thoughts
100 · Nov 2017
trying
Trying to hard.
Not trying hard enough.
Trying to write anything to ease the pain.
Trying to smile for a while.

Just looking for a place to call home.
So fed up of broken promise and lies.
Needing friend and a shoulder to lean on.
Hoping for some mindful sleep.

I am just trying to find the lost voice.
Trying to find the real me.
I not trying to fit into your world.
I am here to make my own world.
100 · Nov 2019
My missing piece
Catching dreams and living in the moments I know are forbidden.
Lips bitten in the darkness touched with tenderness we both carved.
Covered by a wave of a lustful excitement.
Wrapped in the curves of his body
The place I always long to be.
Crys of pleasure feeling things
My heart had forgot how to feel.
Finding the missing piece of me that I
That I lost.
100 · Oct 2017
i dream
I dream of the way your hands touch my curves.
I dream of the way you press your lips again mine.
I dream of the way we have our secret little place no one knows about.
I dream of the way you tease me.
I dream of the ways I could make you happy.
I dream of the way our bodies are entwined.
I dream of the way I can feel your heart beating hard under my hand.
I dream of the way I wish that I could stay in this dream with you.
100 · May 2018
wild flowers.
Even wild flowers can grow
In the darkest part of us.
Hope isn't always lost.
This is about how you can be in a dark place but something beautiful can come out of something bad. You can always find the feeling you lost in time
99 · Jul 2020
Every road
Don't tell anyone but....
But I can't not hold back the gates
Of my heart any longer.
His sweet honey voice calls to me.

The war within rages like a forest fire.
His sparkling blue eyes.
The roundness of hips lured me
Into another world.

My racing heartbeat shook my core.
Stealing the breathe from my lips.
He calls me into the midnight darkness
To dance.

I can't work out how he does it
But every road taken leads me to him.
Love doesn't always come with a reason or why it's a spell woven of its own.
99 · May 2018
more than this
These days nothing lasts.
Ruined life's broken hearts.
Dreams live only to die.
Hope never stood a chance.
Taken chances to be happy.
Everything breaks so easy.
No peace no freedom either.
Done with the prison called home.
Getting on the train leaving for
Something better than this.
This is about the place that I grew up and how I don't regret leaving.
98 · Jan 2020
Your favourite slave.
Soft wild whispers, Salacious thoughts
That fills every last inch of my mind.
Every touch sets my soul on fire.
Each kiss feels as if it was my first kiss.
My heart flutters my head spins.
Is this love? Or just an infatuation?.
You walk out of the sea your wet flawless skin, glistens in the sun.
Writing a message to you that never gets sent in the end.
Loathing myself for these feelings of a burning desire.
You had to keep the fire burning in me.
Sleepless nights tormented dreams, needing to get your face out of my mind.
Wrapped in chains a slave to your love, that please you.
Kept in a cold silence you didn't say I couldn't love you, or I shouldn't love you at all.
I am nothing more than your favourite slave.
98 · Aug 2019
When night comes
Everything seems to catch me in
The darkness of the night.
Counting stars until i fall alseep
While my mind trys to stop.
Staring at the moon lost in a crowd
Of thoughts and feelings.
Night doesn't always bring me comfort or rest.
Most things catch me at night
Morning brings me more freedom.
#night #feeling #comfort #crowd #feelings #thoughts
97 · Oct 2019
Don't think just walk
Sitting under a bruised sky the bitter
Sting of tears kissing my cheeks.
A love that is nothing more than a pile of dried leaves, waiting to be swept away.

Shattered dreams feeling ashamed
Feeling broken.
Its getting harder to hide black eyes
Escape planned.

Slipping out into the cold darkness the
Bitter icy chill takes my breath away.
But I am free now and I feel safe for
The first time in years.

Don't hope for things to change because they won't.
Don't make excuses for them because
There is no excuse anyone hitting
Another person.

Don't suffer in silence walk and never
Look back.
97 · May 2018
the monster inside of me
Monster monster that lives inside of me.
Tell me the things I will never be.
Rip me up keep me prisoner.
Break my heart shatter my dreams.
Keep me in the darkness.
Leave me with scars.
Catch all my tears.
The monster is not under my bed.
The monster lives inside of me.
I wrote this because sometimes my anxiety disorder can feel like a monster that won't let you be.
96 · Jun 2019
Does it matter
My heart is empty and numb.
The ones who should care don't care.
Would it really matter if I wasn't here?.
#matter #empty #care
96 · May 2019
The first time
The first time I saw your face
I felt my world move and my
Heart shake.
Never have I seen anything as perfect
As you are.
Yes I know it is wrong to love you
But I can't help it.
Your always on my mind day and night.
I have never felt anything like.
#lovepoem #love #anything #never
95 · Dec 2019
When midnight calls
**** thoughts on silk sheets.
His soft warm lustrous skin.
Seductive eyes promising pleasure.
His ****** touch felt like an arrow of
Delight, shooting through my body.
Kissed by desires flames lost in his arms.
He had my body and my mind begging
For, more of him.
Each deep ****** took Mr closer to ecstasy.
Unzipping my inner core he set me free.
He gave me everything his eyes promised
95 · Oct 2017
thankful
Thankful for the mistakes because it taught many lessons.

Thankful for the darkness because I see the light.

Thankful for the silence because I heard my heart speak.

Thankful for the star who helped me open my eyes

Thankful for my ego because it helped Me choose life.
There is a thank you to star BG who helped me to listen to my heart and shut down my ego.
95 · Apr 2019
Everyone
Everyone hurts everyone crys.
Sometimes it's hard to smile.
There's good days and bad days.
But don't forget it's okay not to
Be okay everyone struggles.
#mental health #struggles #itsokay #everyone
95 · Mar 2020
Trying not to drown
I am trying.
To keep my head above the water
But there's always something
That wants to me pull me under.
Living with a mental illness is not easy because it feels like that a battle you can't win.

#try #keep #head
94 · Dec 2017
they don't care
Children pushed into poverty.
School meals taken away.
Taxing everything.
More and more lies.
Food banks under pressure.
Families suffering everyday.
Blaming everyone one else.
Never taking responsibility.
People choosing between food or heating.
The truth is never to be told.
A government that lives in a dream.
They never did care about us.
Only a fool believe that they do.
I wrote this because the people in power never care about us or the people they are damaging. It makes me wonder why people think the government cares when they don't.
94 · Feb 2020
Snow globe moment
Bitter sweet espresso kisses.
Staring into the horizon
A kaleidoscope of mixed emotions
A list of pro's and con's
One perfect moment contain in a snow globe where time never moves
Sometimes I wonder wouldn't it be nice to life in a snow globe
#bitter #sweet #kisses #cons #pros
#moment #snowglobe
94 · May 2020
You will remember me
As things fall
Apart you
Will remember how
I was the glue
That held everything
Together.
#glue #remember #together
94 · May 2018
tears
Let these tears be
The last I cry.
94 · May 2019
Bluebird
My head is full of words I can't write.
Everyday feels the same.
Stressing over everything nothing ever being good enough,
Sweet beautiful lies.
There's a little bluebird in my heart
Thats longing to be free, from this Heartache and sadness finding
Somewhere new to start again.
I couldn't write much today
This writing time was hard today
#bluebird #free #heart
93 · Feb 2020
Watching stars fall
I watched.
Stars fall into the sea
Kicking the demons off my heals
Kissing angels
Staining their wings shaking off
These heavy chains
I met a tanned beauty with perfect
white teeth who said all the
Right things
Darkness falls he calls me to his bad
Touching the broken parts of me no one wanted
He saw into the depths of my soul
It didn't matter if he was an
Angel or demon he
Make feel like queen.
#stars #fall #queen #demons #chains
93 · Jun 2019
Friends only
There is no learning to love.
Because I don't feel it.
I can't pretend that I do.
You want more than I can give.
So sorry if your hearing something
Different fall from my lips.
There will never be love.
I need you to listen.
Don't hold on to hope that my mind
Will change because it won't.
I need a friend nothing else.
If you can't be that then this is won't
Work between us.
#friends #listen #lips #love #never
93 · Mar 2020
Save me
I once had space,
Which was mine and now its anything
But mine feeling trapped
The only freedom comes in dreams
Which can't last forever
Trying hard to hold it together but I can feel everything slipping
Trying to keep the flood gates of anger
But they keep opening so slowly
I can feel the red mist falling
Preying hard hoping God is listen to me hoping he will take the anger from
Heart before it erupts and I rise hell
On please safe me before it is to late
#save #god #preying #opening #mist #red
92 · May 2019
Fake acts
I love to watch the ones who are
Acting fake everyday.
Chasing perfection that doesnt
Exist yet they call me crazy.
#crazy #acts #fake
Warm summer days sitting on the grass reading poetry books
feeling happy.
Thinking we had all the time in world
Breathing live back into my heart.
Walking bare foot on the grass you where the light in my darkness.
You found a beauty in me no one else could see.
You were the only one who understands me.
I can live without many things but
I couldn't live without you.
92 · Feb 2020
The enchanting blonde god
I was enchanted by a tanned blonde
With perfect white teeth.
Now i don't know how to end
The story.
I am scared because what if
I can't survive him or his love.
92 · Mar 2020
A highway to any where
A silent misery sitting in a golden cage.
Watching the day's passing by
My heart feels like an over flowing astray
Listening to another dead man's tale
Dreaming of the moment where I can
Get on that highway to tomorrow
Leaving this day behind.
These where from some writing prompts I have been using
92 · Jun 2019
You are enough
Forget what people think and say.
Know your own self worth and know
That you are enough
You #are #enough
90 · Jun 2019
Look away from your phone
Look up from your phone
what do you see.
#phone #tell #me
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