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Nov 2019 · 50
Stacy Mills Nov 2019
Last night I had about 12 different dreams in 12 different ways of killing myself I'm not suicidal this set of Dreams disturbs me am I going to die am I going to **** myself I don't want to I don't know what's going on anymore
Sep 2019 · 57
A bit of realization
Stacy Mills Sep 2019
So I've been sick for the past 5 days and I was contagious so I sent my kids to my mother so that way they didn't get sick as well and I had a sort of epiphany. The Awakening that happens within each of us is different within each of us because each of our stories are different. Maybe we don't all go through the same hardships maybe we don't have the same views. But we are all human and we do have path destined for each of us to take on our own. People will come and go in our lives and that's the only thing that's constant is that nothing lasts forever. Cherish the things you have and learn from the things you lost, and never forget to be kind because without kindness this harsh world would be horrible for everyone. Do what you can be what you can and love when you can. Each of us has our own path we must take and maybe it's not the path you planned on taking but it's the one you were meant to go on and it's why you are where you are it's why you are who you are Never take for granted the ones that love you or the ones that hate you because each is a lesson and a blessing and even if they do hate you love them because it's not them personally that hate it's just the path that's meant for them.
Sep 2019 · 448
truth hurts
Stacy Mills Sep 2019
I said, "Love me or leave me!"
everyone left.
Sep 2019 · 49
Stacy Mills Sep 2019
I'm the one of the deepest darkest holes I've ever been in and it seems nobody wants to reach a hand and help; don't think I take it if it was offered anyways. I just want to lay here and rot as I feel my heart already has.
Aug 2019 · 1.2k
i wish
Stacy Mills Aug 2019
I wish I were prettier
I wish I were younger
I wish I were smarter
I wish I was skinnier
I wish I did not have to love with all my heart
I wish someone would love me back
I wish that person would want to keep me and not just use me
I wish I could mean so much to someone
I wish I wasn't alone so **** much
Jul 2019 · 93
Stacy Mills Jul 2019
I am empty. I'm Hollow. you dumped me because it could not have children; so I end up pregnant and have to **** it otherwise I would die. I feel like I took from you what you deserve. no matter what I'm in love you. I need to stay away, but I can't, and I don't know how. I miss you and it hurts. I'm just so ******* empty!
Jul 2019 · 326
I'm sorry I'm never enough
Stacy Mills Jul 2019
I'm sorry I'm never enough
Jun 2019 · 89
Stacy Mills Jun 2019
I enter a relationship giving my all and i fail every time
each ending I write an emotional cleansing rhyme
but the blow to the chest keeps getting  less and less
because i know im ok and my lifes not such a mess
it's not that i need anyone cuz I got all my **** covered
but with each relationship something new is discovered
i learn more about myself and who I am
so i can take that hit and still stand after the slam
i just wonder if ill continue to always care
or if my heart will even be there.
I do know that I will always continue to be me
So I guess ill just have to wait n see
May 2019 · 80
i already know
Stacy Mills May 2019
i know you don't love me.
i know you want her back.
i know you beg her to come home.
why do you straggle me along?
why do you pretend to want me?
why do you do things that make me want to love you?
im stuffing my tears.
i want to scream tho I stay silent.
i know we r terminal.
there is nothing I can do.
so i guess i must prepare.
im not gunna fall this time.
I'm ready. .
I've seen it comming.
Apr 2019 · 95
Stacy Mills Apr 2019
All life is, is one choice after another. it's the choices that we make that put us where we are. nobody else has any effect on that .it's all ourselves doing everything that we do to ourselves. if we're in pain because we put ourselves there. you just have to consciously think about what you're doing before you do it; and how it would affect yourself and others, because ... Karma... and eventually after you consciously start making better choices for yourself and others, better things will start happening to you.
Apr 2019 · 51
Him and I (revised)
Stacy Mills Apr 2019
he's **** as hell and ***** like a Norse God.
he's sweet and kind he's hard and blunt
he's fire and ice he's passion and poison
he's patient he's fair he's selfish and cruel
he's a one of a kind an ******* for sure
but he's not mine and i dont want him to be
I'd rather be free to just be me.
Apr 2019 · 66
Him and I
Stacy Mills Apr 2019
he's **** as hell and ***** like a Norse God.
he's sweet and kind but also hard and blunt
he's fire and ice hes passion and poison
he's patient hes fair hes selfish and cruel
it hurt but its done and i can say I saw it coming
i let it happen cuz he is someone worth keeping
but aparently I'm not in any way shape or form
im just a toy to be used and discarded
or so they think
it hurts and i bleed and i yearn and i need
but ill walk away head held tall
a new lesson learned and a new path to take
i know my direction so here I go I'm on my way!
Mar 2019 · 114
Stacy Mills Mar 2019
Dec 2018 · 96
Not yet named
Stacy Mills Dec 2018
I used to say that I was blessed in life but not love
thought I'd never get to let my heart flutter like a dove
free to fly and go where I please.
not begging and pleading upon my knees
thought those only feelings I could wish to be
I used to think those weren't meant for me
and then along you came  walking into my life
making that one less pain and one less strife
I'm not trying to be anyting for you
I'm not making myself into someone new
I just do as I do and be who I am
and if no one likes it I don't give a ****
Ironically who I am and you are who you are
we seem to be completely at par
i feel that flutter of that dove
I am lucky in life But unlucky in love
words seem unfit now to be said
things seem right in my heart and my head
I am lucky in love and I am lucky in life
I'm completely at ease I feel nothing no rife
I finally feel relaxed I finally feel whole
as finally with happy tunes I can fill this scroll
I haven't named this poem yet I asked the poetry group I admin if they had any ideas. I'd like to see what they come up with
Nov 2018 · 121
Heart Truth
Stacy Mills Nov 2018
A heart can't love without chancing it broken
Truer words have never been spoken
A heart can't mend unless someone else holds it dear
A heart is not happy if it is full of fear
A heart can't break if you let no one in
But not following your heart I believe is the worst of all sin,
Nov 2018 · 114
Mom, let me in
Stacy Mills Nov 2018
You're just so very bitter
Life happened to you and made you that way
I'm sorry for your sufferings
They shouldn't have been yours
You refuse to love in order to protect yourself from more hurt
You refuse to let anyone in
It wasn't your fault all that you had to endure
But should you make others suffer to protect yourself
Do you want to be alone
I don't think you do
I don't think you know any other way
I feel sorry for you
I love you more than life
You are my mother you gave me life
yet you don't seem to want to be part of it
You're so lonely
you just don't know how to not push people away
A heart cannot love unless you chance it to be broken
A broken heart can't mend unless you let someone hold it
You don't have to be strong
It is okay to cry
It is okay to be human
It is okay to feel things
It is okay to talk to people about all of this
You are loved
You are important
You are my mother
You are bitter
You don't have to be
But even though you are
You are loved
And you are important
You are strong
You can let down your mask
you can let down your Shield
You gave me life
I want to help you smile in yours
I wish I could be more for you then I am
I do not know how to be
You never let anyone in!
I hope someday you got to read this Mom though I doubt you over will. You've always hated my works!
Sep 2018 · 126
Never gunna keep me down
Stacy Mills Sep 2018
one step forward
two steps back
two steps forward
fall on my ***
stand back up
splat face first in the dirt
jump back up big ole grin
keep knocking me down
I'll still win
Stacy Mills Aug 2018
Things i want to say to you but i hold back.
And the toughts dont give me any slack
One thought one emotion rules till the end
I must forever and always remain your friend
But those demons at the back of my brain
Those are monsters i juat cant train
I ignore them always as best i can
But deep deep down i wish you could be my man
I know your getting married and i wont stand in your way
Just know ill be here for you any and every day
Stacy Mills Jun 2018
How many of you can say that sadly you have written another poem? I can. I can say almost every time, that sadly I have written another poem. Most my poems are dark and sad. Obviously I can't write poems about a happy ending that never happened, and I don't believe ever will; but I do wright everytime I'm sad, every time I'm suicidal, every time I have an overwhelming emotional overload! It gets me through. It keeps me alive. Sometimes I still have to cut just to know that I can feel, but most of the time my poetry helps me. My poetry gets me through. My poetry lets me breathe. My poetry is my release from all that garbage in my brain that doesn't need to be there; because I know better, I just can't help it. It happens. I'm human. So thank you to all of you that read my stuff. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being an ear when I really don't have any here. I know my stuff is depressing, I can't help that. Just know that because I wright and because you listen, I am alive, and thank you, thank you all from the deepest depths of my existence, thank you!
Jun 2018 · 101
My Heart Is Just Not There
Stacy Mills Jun 2018
I go to sleep alone in my empty bed again. If cuddling kills depression then why don't I have someone to cuddle? Everyone says it's cuz I'm not marriage material; hell my mom even told me that. I don't want to sleep alone anymore! I want to cuddle and I want to **** my depression, but sadly I do not see an end to my misery. I'tll always be just being me at night; and the occasional stray that gets to stay the night because I needed to play, never anything permanent and that darkens my heart. I have my children and my parents and everything I could ever want or need except someone to cuddle. My empty arms never being able to wrap around someone, the same someone every day and night. I feel like an empty shell. "You're so beautiful why are you single?", they say. My response is, "I don't know nobody wants to keep me I guess!". I'm meant just to throw away. The luckiest person on the planet and I believe the price I pay for that luck is lack of love. Two men two men have my heart and neither of them want me except for just a ****. What is my worth in this life? Where is my joy? Am I doing enough? How can I do more? I just don't even know anymore; the worst part is, I'm starting to not care, I mostly don't care, I think I'm done caring! My heart is just not there!
May 2018 · 123
Stacy Mills May 2018
I hate this house
I hate this town
I am very blessed  to have all I do
But honestly I hate that too.
Seems like everything that I've needed has somehow just fallen into my lap with ease, except love; that dies in my arms!
Apr 2018 · 99
A better human.
Stacy Mills Apr 2018
I keep searching for solidarity, for stability, for something real, no more games. I keep searching for a connection with another human; I can't even do that with my own parents. guess you could say that when I'm looking for something solid I can only find Jello. I want to mean so much to someone. I want to feel like I mean so much to someone, and believe, know, have 0 doubts and not be let down nor disappointed! are my standards too high? I just don't know anymore; I sit in my bedroom and I talk to myself because I feel like I have no one; but I feel like I'm blessed at the same time because I've never had need or want for anything because somehow it always falls in my lap without me even trying. I still feel empty, I still feel alone. I wake up in the morning wanting arms to be around me but alone I role over only to see a brown wooded wall. alone in my empty bed. Alone surrounded by people that I love and that love me but yet I'm still alone. no one to connect with. no one I can call when I have problems.  myself. I can't talk to my kids about it because they don't need my issues. they've got their own issues just with growing up. I remember that age. it's hard. I don't want to put more on them than I have to being; a tough loving momma. I can't talk to my mother because I speak poetically and she doesn't get it, and she doesn't really want to. I don't know why I can't talk to my daddy. I guess I've never really tried. I guess I feel like he's always thought of me as a little princess and I don't want to do any wrong in his eyes. I want to be a perfect princess for him; and I do well, I doa I have a 5 bedroom house, I pay all the bills and keep a roof over my kid's head, I keep them fed, I have a car, I have a driver's license, it's all legal, I have a job. I'm doing the daily things that make me, I guess, an American blooded human being (I ******* hate human beings  that make living here feel like solitude. Andy  my relationships,  that I it's a joke. I'm bound to be alone forever. not that I need a man. I just want one. I Miss having arms around me. I miss having that person you tell everything to. I miss everything about having that one person that you connect with, that one person that makes you feel whole and not so alone this world because it is huge. when you're you're living it alone, doing everything on your own, you get tired; and I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm beginning to look at things around me and say, "what's the point? What actually am I doing here? what kind of impact am I making here?" And I don't see it. I love and I know I'm loved, but I also know I have no one; I want to say my girls but they'd rather play with their friends. I get it I did at that age too. I know one day /I hope one day that they'll become closer to me than I am with my mom. I want to be their everything.  I always feel like I'm never doing enough.  they make me feel like I'm not doing enough. I wish you could teach them gratitude. I wish I knew how to teach them gratitude. I wish I was a better human!
This isn't a poem. I had some stuff on my mind I just had to get off my chest.
Apr 2018 · 98
What was i thinking
Stacy Mills Apr 2018
I want to write a poem to explain how I feel
But I've so many already its unreal
You broke my heart, nothing new
Why did I let myself fall for you
You didn't seam care when I said I was done
I was really hoping that you where the one
Again I was wrong n let my heart get away
Maybe I'll learn not to one day
Stacy Mills Apr 2018
I chose you
I had a few choices
But I chose you
I could have chose one of the others
But I chose you
I didn't need you
I wanted you
You hurt me
You have taken me for granted
I've been broken enough
I don't put up with it
I should be treated as a priceless artifact
Not avoided and overlooked
If I'm not what you want then tell me
That way we can both move on
Don't play games
My heart doesn't deserve that
I put my all into us
You decided I wasn't worth yours
I fell back into my old pain relieving habit
But those crimson pearls ease my pain.
Apr 2018 · 132
I am a Gemini
Stacy Mills Apr 2018
A Gemini is needy
They need to know you care
They need you to be right there
They need to hear those words every day
They need to know you feel what you say
They need to feel your loving touch
They need to know you feel just as much
They need to feel encouragement
They need to know exactly what's meant
They need someone to always be there
So within their life they can share
Are you the one for a Gemini
Are you the one whom can make her fly
Feb 2018 · 96
Much too much
Stacy Mills Feb 2018
The depression has ahold of me today. Most it's ever lasted was a week n I don't think it's that bad this time I just feel ..... Blah.... Alone.... Taken for granted.... Idk... Emotional.... Contradictory; I wanna be left alone but I don't want to be alone. I wanna scream but don't want to talk. I feel betrayed with no evidence to say I was. I don't know, I think I feel too much too much ya know!
Feb 2018 · 101
You don't get it
Stacy Mills Feb 2018
I don't think you get it I don't think you know
How these feelings inside of me go
I'll give you my all n chance my heart to be broken
But your feelings must also be spoken
But you don't n you keep them all locked away
I wish you would just speak what it is you have to say
Feb 2018 · 115
I am a Gemini
Stacy Mills Feb 2018
A Gemini is needy
And can be quite greedy
They need to know you care
They need you to be right there
They need to hear those words every day
They need to know you feel what you say
They need to feel your loving touch
They need to know you feel just as much
They need to feel encouragement
They need to know exactly what's meant
They need someone to always be there
So within their life they can share
Are you the one for a Gemini
Are you the one whom can make her fly
Feb 2018 · 97
Mine alone
Stacy Mills Feb 2018
I slept most the day missing you
I cried cuz I didn't know what else to do
Love hurts n I wanted no part
But you came along and stole my heart
I feel like the feeling r not returned
And another time I shall be burned
But I put my heart on my sleeve for all to see
And it seams no one cares what's going on with me
If I never messaged anyone would I still get to converse
I don't think so I'm alone in the universe
I love too hard n give too much
But I'm just something no one wants to touch
I told you I loved you and held open that door
But you couldn't return it so I was left on the floor
Why can't I feel love like normal n start to fly
Why do none give me that high
For now I am going back to sleep
I guess my love is mine alone to keep
Feb 2018 · 438
To him
Stacy Mills Feb 2018
I put my heart in a box and gave it to you
It is yours now and with it u choose what to do
I know I jumped in probably too fast
And these feelings they may not last
But hearts can't love with out chancing it broken
So take my love as a good luck token
Because within your arms I feel safe and surrounded
Even though the feelings came so fast I was confounded
I couldn't help but to speak my mind
And you took my words and handled them so kind
So to you I've one last thing to say
I love you and have a wonderful day
Nov 2017 · 103
Stacy Mills Nov 2017
2 melitonin
2 flexeril
2 Tylenol pm
2 Benadryl
If I can't sleep now I need to be  committed
Nov 2017 · 107
Crimson hug
Stacy Mills Nov 2017
I'm alone. Those Crimson pearls are the only hug I could get. The only release of pain accessible to me. The only comport in my emptiness.
Aug 2017 · 129
Stacy Mills Aug 2017
I don't expect anything from anyone but I've also never been in the situation I'm in rn. All the people I thought where my friends just don't come over anymore n so having no one to talk to is hell. I know I can do what has to be done  and I know that I'm the only one that can do it but I can't talk to myself about my issues tho. I mean I have people that obviously care n would do anything for me if I needed; I just don't have my best friend anymore and when he died the other people I thought where my friends disappeared and I'm left alone in my mind with myself and sometimes I'm scary.
Aug 2017 · 114
Stacy Mills Aug 2017
Shoved deeper into this dark demented hole
So alone there's no one here to care or console
So I cut n I bleed n I hurt n I cry
I hate my life I just want to die
No one cares I'm alone and I'm lost
But I can't stop trying at any cost
I don't know what to say or what to write
This endless hole has no light
Only darkness that feeds on pain
Making me feel completely insane
These crimson pearls no longer help
I'm just a sorry sad *** loser welp
Stacy Mills Jun 2017
He had a heart attack.  I gave him cpr. When I rolled him over to clear his airways, beacuse he puked in my mouth, I therw my back out. The ambulance took 45 min to get there. He died in my arms. I watched his deep purple face take his last ragged breath. I lost my everything in a matter of moments. My best friend, my confidant, my roommate, the best father to my children anyone could ever ask for, my rock; just gone! He's gone and I can't ever hug him again. I can't tell him I love him any more n hear him say ,"I love you more." I can never again respond "nope". no more family trips, no more weird conversations in the middle of the night or  early in the mornings. He's ******* gone! I cant sleep, it all replays in my mind as im watching him die over and over agan seeing his lifeless eyes and swollen tongue, and the color purple, I used to love purple but now it will forever haunt my waking and sleeping dreams; and im so not ok!
Brian, I love you so much. I miss you so uncontrollably.  I am so lost without you. Im broken and unwhole. I am never going to be the same again. I wish I could hug you n tell you I love you I wish this where all a bad nightmare.  But it's not. And in can't even ever look at you gain. I hope your happy where you at and your surrounded by beautiful woman that throw themselves at you relentlessly.  I hope there are  2 life size flat screen tvs playing red wings and lions I hope you have a window to watch your loved ones as they grow. I hope you realize how much you are missed and how many people whom love you that you left behind. I will always love you with my hole heart n not just a part .
May 2017 · 548
Be remembered well
Stacy Mills May 2017
For all who suffer
Keep your head up
Don't let them see u cry
You've more important things to do
than be sad
You'll either win
or end up in a better place
Those odds seam pleasant
when the depression has u cutting
Keep your head up
When your best friend stabs you
in the heart
Keep your head up
When the love isn't returned
Keep your head up
When the cancer comes back
Keep your head up
When your kids never listen
Keep your head up
When you feel all the weight is carried
by your shoulders
Keep your head up
Don't let them see you break
You control your mask
ware it well
Be remembered for that smile
Not that tear
You got this.
May 2017 · 541
Inside Demons and Angels
Stacy Mills May 2017
Inside every angel,
Hides a demon.
Inside every demon,
Hides an angle.
That person,
once a kind person,
is now cold.
Having failed,
By not releasing the demon,
And cleaning his soul.
Not every soul will stay pure,
this world has too much evil.
Not all angles are strong;
So they hide,
Showing only the face of the demon.
Not every angel will fail.
Those pure souls exist.
Every demon has an angle,
some just some have to fight harder!
May 2017 · 233
Just an old little
Stacy Mills May 2017
I'm a little  trapped in a moms life
I just want crunchy Cheetos  n a spanking
But I'm stuck playing the wife
With no gratitude or thanking
I want to hide amongst my stuffies n disappear
But I have reality slapping me in the face
I would rather a paddle to my rear
A Daddy to put me in my place
But I'm stuck being the mother
I'm stuck taking it all on alone
I'm stuck with no other
Mindless as a drone
I am stuck being a little in my head
I'm stuck wanting a Daddy to hold
I'm stuck like lead
Knowing I'm so very old
May 2017 · 295
Rotting rose
Stacy Mills May 2017
O if u only knew the deepseeded agony that creates my beautiful poetry You would understand y I will die left all alone Left to my own damnation created in my own mind Rotting and festering for a beautiful rose to bloom n cover the truths while the thorns only dig in deeper
May 2017 · 204
If I could just die
Stacy Mills May 2017
I'm sick
I'm sick and I'm dieing
Im all done with the crying
I just want to go home to my God above
Where I can know that unconditional love
No more fighting to survive
No more caring if I'm alive
To b where I know I won't feel such pain
To go where it's all gain
So stop feeling this agony inside
To hold only pride
Thees tears finally dried
Only truths if I had just died
May 2017 · 141
Stacy Mills May 2017
I just want to die
I feel like the world would be better without  me
I feel like I wouldn't even b missed
I feel like I'm useless
I feel like I've no purpose
I feel like I'm not needed
So y can't I just die
Why can't I just leave this world
Why do I have to sit here in misery
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
I'm a mom
I have two jobs
It seems I'm working
all the time
If not on the job
on my family
I wouldn't say I'm beautiful
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm smart
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm talented
But I have my moments
I despise drama
But it can't be avoided
I yearn for my soul mate
But that can't b found
Some days I'm depressed
And most days I'm not
I wouldn't say I'm a *****
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm unkind
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm a pushover
But I have my moments
I think everyone is a little of everything
With flecks of nothing
Smeared in greys and blacks
Speckled with rainbows and sun
A little lost
A little found
A best friend
A worst enemy
I wouldn't say I make sense
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm an idiot
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I know what I'm doing
But I have my moments
Maybe I'm too bossy
Maybe I'm a bad mom
Maybe I'm  A natural born leader
Maybe I'll fail at everything
Maybe one day I'll get it together
Maybe I am doing everything right
I wouldn't say ..........
but I have my moments
Mar 2017 · 304
Never care
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
Hardened heart n darkened soul
Actually caring takes its toll
I forgot for a moment and let you in
That's was a mistake to begin
**** I'm stupid, why do I try
I just always end up alone to cry
I need to accept I'll always be alone n not to care
Then keep my heart welded right there
High on a mountain no one can reach
Safe from all the pain that wants to leach
But I forgot and I cared and I cried and I hid
I want to yell, "look at what u did"
But I'd alone hear my cries
So let me just hang here with no goodbyes
Because I am alone and always shall be
And caring has been locked away from me
Mar 2017 · 232
I forgot not to care
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
I forgot and cared again for a moment
I got hurt
That's why I just don't care
Why would I when the results are always the same
Me sitting alone left to drown in my solitude
****** I'm done
Stacy Mills Feb 2017
My children are always on my mind
The God
The evil
The aluminati
The government
My relationship status
Clean the house
Go to work
grocery shopping
Feed Chika and Spike
I wish my best friend loved himself
Why won't my girls stop fighting
I wish Mickayla respected me as I taught her to respect others
I wish Nathan was closer
I wish Nevaeh could be greatful
I wish I could know true love
why can I think of nothing
why do I feel empty
I love my friends
I miss my friends
I want to go to Zims
I want to have a good time
I need a vacation
Why do I have to fight with my kids for help
Why won't Brian help himself be happy
I can't I help myself be happy
I'm always up and down
I'm pretty today
I wonder if I work the bar this weekend
What is so wrong with me I'm undateable
I have so much **** to do where do I start
**** I've a dysfunctional crazy family
I wish someone would take me by the throat throw me down pin me to the bed and **** me like they can't help but want me so bad
I miss some of my old friends
I love long hot baths
I wish it where summer all the time
I wish I saw my parents more
There's never enough time
Why am I so alone
Why am I so uncontented
I want to cut but I wont
What is my porpoise
I hope I don't **** my kids up too bad
I want to die but cant
God, I know you can hear me; please help me
I wish I was good enough
I wish I was loved as much as I love
Frogs are cool
I'm Batman
I'm Edgar Allan Poe
I'm Tim Burton
I'm Melanie Martinez
I'm so **** shy
Why can't I let any one in
Why am I broken
I hope my kids make it further in life than I do
I wish I had all the answers
I wish someone could tell me what I need to do and help to do it
I wish I where on a kayak right now
I don't want to be single anymore
I'm over whelmed
I'm under-stimulated
I'm empty
I'm a slob
I have too many shoes
I'm a very fortunate and lucky person
I have more than most
Will anything ever be enough to make me content
I just want to be left alone
I want someone to cuddle
I'm such a **** contradiction
I wish my brother...  Many things  starting with that he wasn't such a fool and that he wouldn't have alienated the family
I wish I had some candy
I think I'm tired
I hope my girls had fun at the game
I'm going to bed now
Maybe I'll have more to tell tomorrow
I doubt it though
I never finish anything
Feb 2017 · 236
I just don't know anymore
Stacy Mills Feb 2017
IDK,  I guess I just need to write
IDK what to write so I'm just going to keep writing whatever
I'm at the laundromat
Doing laundry I don't want to do
I work at a job I don't want to do
I live in a house I don't want to live
In a town I don't want to be in.
I have 3 children I would give the world to see happy.
I only have two of them with me
I know I'll b single for the rest of my life
I feel this constant alienation dragging me deeper
I have an over nagging feeling of dread
I can't seam to overcome
I just keep sinking deeper into this morbid mood
This corrupt feeling of hopelessness
I don't know what to do
I'm lost
I've got too much weight on my shoulders
The weight is overbearing
I'm going to buckle or break
What happens when I snap
What horrific actions will I take
What irrevocable consequences will I then have to face
The fog is blinding me of what is yet to come
The refusal to cry is making me hard
My walls keep getting stronger
Will anyone ever be able to get through
I highly doubt it
It's quicksand I stand in
There is no bottom to this pit
That's why I never stop sinking
That's why I've no hope left
Jan 2017 · 220
Stacy Mills Jan 2017

I send so many prayers with you in mind that u r doing well.
I hate that I can't see you as much as I'd like to.
I will always think of such love when I think of you.
You've always been a light I could find when I was  lost.
You've always been a smile.  
You've always been a laugh.  
You've always been a best friend.  
You've always been a hope in a world full of pain.
I HOPE   you realize how much you truly mean, and have ment to me all these years!
I love you;
You shall always be my Hope.
To my best friend Hope!
Dec 2016 · 811
Bill Hughes
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
For you are so far away but your words are dear
You may be far away but your kindness is clear
You've touched my hardend heart with a feather like sonnet
Left a trail of smiles upon it
For this I thank you my friend
I hope your kindness never falters, true to the end.
Dec 2016 · 205
Perfect crimson
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
Perfect little crimson pearl
Perfect pretty crimson stream
Perfect calming crimson trail
Perfect end to a not so perfect life
Dec 2016 · 420
Who needs fake friends
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
I hate it here but can't leave I just want to burn this town down
Sick of the drama sick of the pain sick of fake friends that I wanna drown
The tell u they got your back n will always be there for you but they r not
They'll leave you alone when you r at your lowest leave you to rot
So I'm done caring for all but my family and my God whom I know have my back
To all you others I say goodbye and as I walk away I hope your hearts stay black
******* ******* I don't need u anyhow
My family and my God are all I need now
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