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Nov 2017 · 178
Sleep
Stacy Mills Nov 2017
2 melitonin
2 flexeril
2 Tylenol pm
2 Benadryl
If I can't sleep now I need to be  committed
Nov 2017 · 182
Crimson hug
Stacy Mills Nov 2017
I'm alone. Those Crimson pearls are the only hug I could get. The only release of pain accessible to me. The only comport in my emptiness.
Aug 2017 · 210
Scary
Stacy Mills Aug 2017
I don't expect anything from anyone but I've also never been in the situation I'm in rn. All the people I thought where my friends just don't come over anymore n so having no one to talk to is hell. I know I can do what has to be done  and I know that I'm the only one that can do it but I can't talk to myself about my issues tho. I mean I have people that obviously care n would do anything for me if I needed; I just don't have my best friend anymore and when he died the other people I thought where my friends disappeared and I'm left alone in my mind with myself and sometimes I'm scary.
Aug 2017 · 214
Welp
Stacy Mills Aug 2017
Shoved deeper into this dark demented hole
So alone there's no one here to care or console
So I cut n I bleed n I hurt n I cry
I hate my life I just want to die
No one cares I'm alone and I'm lost
But I can't stop trying at any cost
I don't know what to say or what to write
This endless hole has no light
Only darkness that feeds on pain
Making me feel completely insane
These crimson pearls no longer help
I'm just a sorry sad *** loser welp
Stacy Mills Jun 2017
He had a heart attack.  I gave him cpr. When I rolled him over to clear his airways, beacuse he puked in my mouth, I therw my back out. The ambulance took 45 min to get there. He died in my arms. I watched his deep purple face take his last ragged breath. I lost my everything in a matter of moments. My best friend, my confidant, my roommate, the best father to my children anyone could ever ask for, my rock; just gone! He's gone and I can't ever hug him again. I can't tell him I love him any more n hear him say ,"I love you more." I can never again respond "nope". no more family trips, no more weird conversations in the middle of the night or  early in the mornings. He's ******* gone! I cant sleep, it all replays in my mind as im watching him die over and over agan seeing his lifeless eyes and swollen tongue, and the color purple, I used to love purple but now it will forever haunt my waking and sleeping dreams; and im so not ok!
Brian, I love you so much. I miss you so uncontrollably.  I am so lost without you. Im broken and unwhole. I am never going to be the same again. I wish I could hug you n tell you I love you I wish this where all a bad nightmare.  But it's not. And in can't even ever look at you gain. I hope your happy where you at and your surrounded by beautiful woman that throw themselves at you relentlessly.  I hope there are  2 life size flat screen tvs playing red wings and lions I hope you have a window to watch your loved ones as they grow. I hope you realize how much you are missed and how many people whom love you that you left behind. I will always love you with my hole heart n not just a part .
May 2017 · 632
Be remembered well
Stacy Mills May 2017
For all who suffer
Keep your head up
Don't let them see u cry
You've more important things to do
than be sad
You'll either win
or end up in a better place
Those odds seam pleasant
So......
when the depression has u cutting
Keep your head up
When your best friend stabs you
in the heart
Keep your head up
When the love isn't returned
Keep your head up
When the cancer comes back
Keep your head up
When your kids never listen
Keep your head up
When you feel all the weight is carried
by your shoulders
Keep your head up
Don't let them see you break
You control your mask
ware it well
Be remembered for that smile
Not that tear
You got this.
May 2017 · 627
Inside Demons and Angels
Stacy Mills May 2017
Inside every angel,
Hides a demon.
Inside every demon,
Hides an angle.
That person,
once a kind person,
is now cold.
Having failed,
By not releasing the demon,
And cleaning his soul.
Not every soul will stay pure,
this world has too much evil.
Not all angles are strong;
So they hide,
Showing only the face of the demon.
Not every angel will fail.
Those pure souls exist.
Every demon has an angle,
some just some have to fight harder!
May 2017 · 297
Just an old little
Stacy Mills May 2017
I'm a little  trapped in a moms life
I just want crunchy Cheetos  n a spanking
But I'm stuck playing the wife
With no gratitude or thanking
I want to hide amongst my stuffies n disappear
But I have reality slapping me in the face
I would rather a paddle to my rear
A Daddy to put me in my place
But I'm stuck being the mother
I'm stuck taking it all on alone
I'm stuck with no other
Mindless as a drone
I am stuck being a little in my head
I'm stuck wanting a Daddy to hold
I'm stuck like lead
Knowing I'm so very old
May 2017 · 370
Rotting rose
Stacy Mills May 2017
O if u only knew the deepseeded agony that creates my beautiful poetry You would understand y I will die left all alone Left to my own damnation created in my own mind Rotting and festering for a beautiful rose to bloom n cover the truths while the thorns only dig in deeper
May 2017 · 247
If I could just die
Stacy Mills May 2017
I'm sick
I'm sick and I'm dieing
Im all done with the crying
I just want to go home to my God above
Where I can know that unconditional love
No more fighting to survive
No more caring if I'm alive
To b where I know I won't feel such pain
To go where it's all gain
So stop feeling this agony inside
To hold only pride
Thees tears finally dried
Only truths if I had just died
May 2017 · 176
Why
Stacy Mills May 2017
Why
I just want to die
I feel like the world would be better without  me
I feel like I wouldn't even b missed
I feel like I'm useless
I feel like I've no purpose
I feel like I'm not needed
So y can't I just die
Why can't I just leave this world
Why do I have to sit here in misery
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
I'm a mom
I have two jobs
It seems I'm working
all the time
If not on the job
on my family
I wouldn't say I'm beautiful
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm smart
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm talented
But I have my moments
I despise drama
But it can't be avoided
I yearn for my soul mate
But that can't b found
Some days I'm depressed
And most days I'm not
I wouldn't say I'm a *****
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm unkind
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm a pushover
But I have my moments
I think everyone is a little of everything
With flecks of nothing
Smeared in greys and blacks
Speckled with rainbows and sun
A little lost
A little found
A best friend
A worst enemy
I wouldn't say I make sense
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm an idiot
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I know what I'm doing
But I have my moments
Maybe I'm too bossy
Maybe I'm a bad mom
Maybe I'm  A natural born leader
Maybe I'll fail at everything
Maybe one day I'll get it together
Maybe I am doing everything right
I wouldn't say ..........
but I have my moments
Mar 2017 · 361
Never care
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
Hardened heart n darkened soul
Actually caring takes its toll
I forgot for a moment and let you in
That's was a mistake to begin
**** I'm stupid, why do I try
I just always end up alone to cry
I need to accept I'll always be alone n not to care
Then keep my heart welded right there
High on a mountain no one can reach
Safe from all the pain that wants to leach
But I forgot and I cared and I cried and I hid
I want to yell, "look at what u did"
But I'd alone hear my cries
So let me just hang here with no goodbyes
Because I am alone and always shall be
And caring has been locked away from me
Mar 2017 · 302
I forgot not to care
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
I forgot and cared again for a moment
I got hurt
That's why I just don't care
Why would I when the results are always the same
Me sitting alone left to drown in my solitude
****** I'm done
Stacy Mills Feb 2017
My children are always on my mind
The God
The evil
The aluminati
The government
My relationship status
Dinner
Laundry
Clean the house
Loneliness
Go to work
grocery shopping
Feed Chika and Spike
I wish my best friend loved himself
Why won't my girls stop fighting
I wish Mickayla respected me as I taught her to respect others
I wish Nathan was closer
I wish Nevaeh could be greatful
I wish I could know true love
why can I think of nothing
why do I feel empty
I love my friends
I miss my friends
I want to go to Zims
I want to have a good time
I need a vacation
Why do I have to fight with my kids for help
Why won't Brian help himself be happy
I can't I help myself be happy
I'm always up and down
I'm pretty today
I wonder if I work the bar this weekend
What is so wrong with me I'm undateable
I have so much **** to do where do I start
**** I've a dysfunctional crazy family
I wish someone would take me by the throat throw me down pin me to the bed and **** me like they can't help but want me so bad
I miss some of my old friends
I love long hot baths
I wish it where summer all the time
I wish I saw my parents more
There's never enough time
Why am I so alone
Why am I so uncontented
I want to cut but I wont
What is my porpoise
I hope I don't **** my kids up too bad
I want to die but cant
God, I know you can hear me; please help me
I wish I was good enough
I wish I was loved as much as I love
Frogs are cool
I'm Batman
I'm Edgar Allan Poe
I'm Tim Burton
I'm Melanie Martinez
I'm so **** shy
Why can't I let any one in
Why am I broken
I hope my kids make it further in life than I do
I wish I had all the answers
I wish someone could tell me what I need to do and help to do it
I wish I where on a kayak right now
I don't want to be single anymore
I'm over whelmed
I'm under-stimulated
I'm empty
I'm a slob
I have too many shoes
I'm a very fortunate and lucky person
I have more than most
Will anything ever be enough to make me content
I just want to be left alone
I want someone to cuddle
I'm such a **** contradiction
I wish my brother...  Many things  starting with that he wasn't such a fool and that he wouldn't have alienated the family
I wish I had some candy
I think I'm tired
I hope my girls had fun at the game
I'm going to bed now
Maybe I'll have more to tell tomorrow
I doubt it though
I never finish anything
Feb 2017 · 316
I just don't know anymore
Stacy Mills Feb 2017
IDK,  I guess I just need to write
IDK what to write so I'm just going to keep writing whatever
I'm at the laundromat
Doing laundry I don't want to do
I work at a job I don't want to do
I live in a house I don't want to live
In a town I don't want to be in.
I have 3 children I would give the world to see happy.
I only have two of them with me
I know I'll b single for the rest of my life
I feel this constant alienation dragging me deeper
I have an over nagging feeling of dread
Hate
Worthlessness
Emptiness
Uselessness
I can't seam to overcome
I just keep sinking deeper into this morbid mood
This corrupt feeling of hopelessness
I don't know what to do
I'm lost
I've got too much weight on my shoulders
The weight is overbearing
I'm going to buckle or break
What happens when I snap
What horrific actions will I take
What irrevocable consequences will I then have to face
The fog is blinding me of what is yet to come
The refusal to cry is making me hard
My walls keep getting stronger
Will anyone ever be able to get through
I highly doubt it
It's quicksand I stand in
There is no bottom to this pit
That's why I never stop sinking
That's why I've no hope left
Jan 2017 · 295
Hope
Stacy Mills Jan 2017

I send so many prayers with you in mind that u r doing well.
I hate that I can't see you as much as I'd like to.
I will always think of such love when I think of you.
You've always been a light I could find when I was  lost.
You've always been a smile.  
You've always been a laugh.  
You've always been a best friend.  
You've always been a hope in a world full of pain.
I HOPE   you realize how much you truly mean, and have ment to me all these years!
I love you;
You shall always be my Hope.
To my best friend Hope!
Dec 2016 · 896
Bill Hughes
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
For you are so far away but your words are dear
You may be far away but your kindness is clear
You've touched my hardend heart with a feather like sonnet
Left a trail of smiles upon it
For this I thank you my friend
I hope your kindness never falters, true to the end.
Dec 2016 · 237
Perfect crimson
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
Cut
Perfect little crimson pearl
Cut
Perfect pretty crimson stream
Cut
Perfect calming crimson trail
Cut
Perfect end to a not so perfect life
Dec 2016 · 481
Who needs fake friends
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
I hate it here but can't leave I just want to burn this town down
Sick of the drama sick of the pain sick of fake friends that I wanna drown
The tell u they got your back n will always be there for you but they r not
They'll leave you alone when you r at your lowest leave you to rot
So I'm done caring for all but my family and my God whom I know have my back
To all you others I say goodbye and as I walk away I hope your hearts stay black
******* ******* I don't need u anyhow
My family and my God are all I need now
Nov 2016 · 353
Take a bow
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
Well ****,  I put my heart on my sleeve again, Dumb!
I put my heart on my sleeve again;
I shouldn't have done that, I know what's to come.
Here's another heart ache on its way.
Here's another heart ache come out to play.
**** it what's wrong with my brain?
Why is that ******* thing so hard to train?
I know better, constant giving makes me insane!
I don't know what to do next.
My mind is so very vexed.
But for now I think I will just trust.
Because my heart says I must.
N if you smash it as I'm sure you will,
At least my notebook with poems I'll fill.
Words of beauty, love, and hurt.
Of this I can assert.
Because out of the worst pain I feel,
come words that are soul wrenchingly real!
Ones that reach down to your soul!
Ones that make a life changing toll!
So Imma sit back n see what I do now!
And acknowledge whats real n take my bow
...........
Nov 2016 · 322
Me, my one and only
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
Don't worry about my heart
No one usually does any how
They use it, abuse it and rip it apart
Why would I expect it to be different now
I don't believe you would know anyway
I could love you like no other could
Because I keep my love locked away
So I know you never would
To keep my heart safe from hurt
To protect it from that stated above
To keep it from being smeared in the dirt
So I march on not knowing love
I do however want to thank you
For a brake from that lonely
It was amazing it's true
But alas I shall always be my one and only.
Nov 2016 · 480
I'm smarter than that
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
I really like you a lot, and have for a few years now.  I was going to try to be with you, now that you are single, but ****  that putting my heart on my sleeve ****!  I'm smarter than that!  Too many times have I had it knocked off and onto the ground,  stomped and smeared through the mud, and sent through the grinder. Why would I put my heart on my sleeve to let that dumb **** happen again. Prove to me that you can keep my heart safe and maybe then I'll let you have a peek!
Nov 2016 · 310
Beautiful
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
So I was doing some soul searching, n I realized how true the statement is that beauty is only skin deep!  Not many that r beautiful carry that beauty inward, and as they age the outer beauty fades leaving them ravaged with the harshness of time.  It seems that the ones that don't have that outer beauty to begin with radiate it from within, and as time passes the beauty takes form on the outside as well showing how loving time can be to those whom are kind.  Isn't time a beautifully grand punisher and reward giver for those whom deserve!
Oct 2016 · 981
I'm just barely holding on.
Stacy Mills Oct 2016
The depression I think has settled in.  
I can't seem to break it this time.
I can't breathe.  
I don't want to live.  
I don't seem to have a reason to right now anyhow.  
I'm tired of holding on when all I have to grasp are spider webs.  
I just want to let go
Oct 2016 · 2.2k
My demons
Stacy Mills Oct 2016
My demons got my depression in an uproar
My Demons cut me up
My Demons **** my joy
My Demons haunt my dreams
My demons utterly destroy me
My Demons push you away
My Demons always leave me left alone
My Demons they are never truly gone
they run rampant through my life for a while
and then disappear in hibernation
until the next ******-up thing disturbs them
my demons are my demons alone
I fight them silently everyday
My Demons let no one come close
I guess my demons protect me that way
Sep 2016 · 252
Abandonment
Stacy Mills Sep 2016
I saw forever in your eyes.
Then you closed them tight.
You didn't even say any goodbyes.
And that just wasn't right.
Now again I lye here lost and alone.
No strength to get on with my day.
An emptiness felt but unshown.
I never thought it would end this way.
Aug 2016 · 557
My daughter's words.
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
For my deadbeat father that doesn't care about me, that lies to me about ****, that doesn't even acknowledge that I'm alive, and that most importantly doesn't even act like a father to me half the time, I am done with the lies, the u not caring, the EVERYTHING you do and don't do for me! First of all the not caring, you can't even try to tell me that you care because I know you don't and I know you never have! Second of all the lying...... The birthday present you said you bought and what about the Christmas presents you said you had at home or that got lost in the mail where are all of those I'm not just some stupid little three-year-old I know you never got me anything. But what about Autumn and Alexis?Huh? They get everything oh but we can't forget about your perfect little Adyan or you're absolutely perfect son Nathan they all get anything they want phones, tablets, new beds NEW EVERYTHING!!! But then there's me. I get nothing because you don't care.YOU NEVER HAVE!! Thirdly the not even acknowledging I'm alive. When I went to North Carolina to visit you, because I actually cared and wanted to see you, you never did anything with me and don't even say that you were working 24/7 because you weren't. And lastly you don't even act like a father should. That pretty much ties everything together. You said I didn't have to go back to see you so guess what, IM NOT!! And just to let you know I didn't not have fun because my "nose was in my phone" it was because nobody at the house actually feels like family to me. Being on my phone was the highlight of my trip talking to people that actually care about me. It was better than spending time with you or anyone down there. Also while I am talking about deadbeat fathers Glenn(my sisters dad) you are such a low deadbeat **** for choosing drugs over your own daughter and pretty much giving up your rights to her. I love my sister with all of my heart and I would rather her be with us over you any day. Brian Zimmerman is such a better father like figure to me and my sister than either of you two! Happy late Father's Day Glenn Brian and Nathan.
Aug 2016 · 278
What a day
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
I haven't talked to my brother in over a year
He won't answer the phone or even come near
My thirteen-year-old has the cops at the door
And my 9 year old is playing PlayStation on the floor
I had just woke up and relaxing in an Epson salt bubble soak
The youngest crashes in so fast the door almost broke
"The cops were just here Mom they wanted my sister"
I'm thinking "oh boy her *** is going to blister"
What, when, where, who, and why
I get dressed so fast, jump in the car and fly
My child has stayed last night at my mom's you see
so that was **** well where I needed to be
I get there and find out what's going on
It's breaking and entering and that sort of con
All talked through now and punishments dealt
I love her immensely so I told her how I felt
My mom kept the girls so I coud clean up my floor
Then someone comes knocking at my door
The first was okay but Along Comes an unwanted
And I wasn't nice as my displeasure was flaunted
I got him to leave and along comes another of whom I'm not sure
As a large conflict was just resolved between I and her
So I'm relaxing now and guess what's next
My phone dings with an unexpected text
It's my brother to tell me what **** I am
And expect me to welcome him Open Arms back to the fam
Already riled with today's fine events
I lash back with words maybe a bit too intense
Overwhelmed with how the day has played through
Upstairs to my room to calm is what I had to do
Now that it's done and in past tense
And I've gotten out all of my vents
I say to my oldest girl," you ****** up but I still love you"
I say to my brother," you ****** up but I still love you too"
And to all of my friends I left wondering where I had gone
"I'm on my way back down so put on a good song"
WHAT A DAY!!
Aug 2016 · 207
You
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
You
You tease and tantalize me with the ****** photos in the dark and leave me wanting more with your wonderfully weaved words wrapping endlessly through my riled mind.
Aug 2016 · 191
That kind of girl
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
talking to you and pleasing you its almost like a dream
but in pictures things aren't always as they seem
you can write what you want and read what I do
but I'm not the kind of girl that thinks dreams come true
fairytales are in movies stories and books
I'm also not the kind of girl that worries about her looks
I have what I have and I am Who I am
I know I'm good looking so maybe I don't give a ****
I'd love to keep talking and seeing your smile
tho I haven't gotten any pics in quite a while
I really think I'm more interested in somebody who likes my mind
yeah of the kind of girls I'm that kind
Jul 2016 · 356
Crimson Regret
Stacy Mills Jul 2016
Here I sit all alone locked in
silently battling my fight with depression
tho someone always seems to be around
from them not a single care can be found
I cry and I cut to try to ease the pain
but sadly I know I'm completely insane
most of the time I have no reason to feel how I do
it doesn't matter cuz no ***** are given by you
and it's not just you that isn't there
I don't seem to have anyone that wants to care
I need to move away from this town this state this life
and maybe someday become someone's wife
but I know none of that will ever come to be
because I'm useless and no one would ever want me
so I end this poem with crimson regret
moving along in my life with so many a fret
so I say a perfect peaceful goodnight
as the dark red streak glistens in the moonlight.
Jul 2016 · 211
The edge
Stacy Mills Jul 2016
My hatred for this town is growing at an exponential rate. I fear I'm walking on the edge n about to slip off into the deep end just praying I can swim. If I don't find a place and a job in another state soon idk how everyone around me is going to fair but I'm positive they won't like me for my actions and behavior.
Jul 2016 · 305
.....
Stacy Mills Jul 2016
Here I sit with blade in hand
wanting to leave this land
I lost a friend n now I cry
Wishing God would let me die
Stupid mistakes I can't take back
I feel as though I'm going to crack
if it wherent for my children keeping me sain
I'd let my blood wash away my pain
Jul 2016 · 206
Blue
Stacy Mills Jul 2016
I haven't gotten out of bed much today.
I'm depressed n don't want to face the world this way.
Lost n confused
mentally abused.
Having to crush my best friends heart
is tearing mine apart.
What else was I supposed to do tho
I just didnt know.
So I did what I had to do
n now I'm nothing other than blue.
Jun 2016 · 491
A poem of Hope by Hope
Stacy Mills Jun 2016
I changed my clothes brush my hair
Put on my make up to change my face
Play the part, play the role, it s not like they'll ever know

Pretend to be what they want you to be.
Please don’t look to close you might see the real me.
Is it really that hard. To like this face..

Now now don’t talk like that stay in your place
Do what is asked so nicely of you
Don’t say no, or they might not like you

GOD knows my struggle my pain is real
Oh come on how bad can it be, just deal
You don’t know my pain; is mine, not yours

Its not as easy or plain as you think
But when you are constantly told ..
Nevermind, just go on just blink, just breathe

The sun will come out tomorrow
Hold on pain ends
No one knows…no no now wait yes they do

Random words not much meaning
Unless you know how much it helps cleaning
When you can only make it go away when you
Wash, clean, wipe, scrub, wash, clean, wipe scrub, wash clean wipe scrub

Some may know not all do tho.
It’s a battle we fight on a daily.
Its not much to some but to us is crazy.

Now the flipside. No its not that
I like your face, but it looks nice with something
A touch of makeup …don’t cry about it geeze
It aint like im asking you to lose weight

Is it really that big a deal to do what is small in their mind
Even tho it’s a mountain in mine..
Try to help them see, make them understand

Yeah good luck there. You wont see them try ..
Wait wait hold on there  you know **** well
Its trying for them too. So why you go all off
I don’t know cause it makes me feel crazy inside
When my outside isnt good enough…
And I don’t wanna make it be attractable to anyone
For your reason or whatever I don’t want people to look at me
I don’t want them to see me I want to be and stay just invisible….
Just outta sight invisible. So no one might
Take a look at the damage and the scars
They are deep, they are not gone. They stay always

Don’t dwell move on don’t think, don’t breathe.
Just be still do the devils will
Bend fold break do what they drill in to you
Just blink, just breathe nothing else.
They might just see what all hiding behind your walls…

When JESUS COMES TO call those who suffer for HIS name
You will wish you were one of us by and by.
Thank you LORD
For your grace
Your love
Your mercy
Your help
Your strength
You are my all with out YOU I am nothing.
I did not write this my best friend did!
Jun 2016 · 223
Untitled
Stacy Mills Jun 2016
I am stuck living in the past tonight.
Trying to sleep with no prevail.
Constant thoughts of the one that is lost.
A reminder of all the ways,
the ways that I have failed.
Try to let go and ease the ache that eats away my soul.
I am broken now and realize that this pain may never go.
So I swallow hard and try to smile to hide the way I feel.
Deep inside,
I know this lie will keep me from moving on.
Alone in life,
as the same in death is how I will remain.
My hope is gone as I am bound,
to the Devil's gate.
This thought is held as I go off,
to take in my last breath.
To be at peace,
this shall never be,
actions with no refrain.
As I pass,
a picture remains,
of a tender smile.
My eyes turn gray as I fade away without you by my side.
Not written by me
Jun 2016 · 229
One day my love
Stacy Mills Jun 2016
I long for the day when I can touch your hand
I yearn for the day when that close we stand
I want to look in your eyes and see your soul
I want you to hold my heart and see what you stole
to sit on the couch and watch some TV show
and not have to talk because we would just know
not that the feelings would ever go unsaid
to finally have this hunger fed
to have between us a .001 space
but we're grown people and know that life is not a race
we both concur completely agree
that will be together when it's meant to be
May 2016 · 339
Hopeless
Stacy Mills May 2016
I will always be alone
A sad little drone
having all my wants and needs unfulfilled
hoping good values in my children I have instilled
but this all feels hopeless and helpless and without an end
I wish this path toward the bottom would some how Bend
make a U-turn and head toward the top
causing all this pain and depression to stop
but I've no hope that any of this will be
because somehow I cannot let this sadness free
May 2016 · 351
Lost
Stacy Mills May 2016
My best friend just walked out the door
and I'm afraid I won't see her anymore
I love her so much she so important to me
but she is dabbling in drugs you see
not just *** the simple easy kind
but with **** and that ***** with your mind
I've seen people fall down this path before
and they think they'll be get clean but that's really a lore
don't know what to do and I don't know what to say
but she just turned and walked away
said I love you and promise I'll see you again
but I know deep down that that was the end
my best friend just walked out the door
and I'm afraid I won't see her anymore
May 2016 · 215
Memories from grade school
Stacy Mills May 2016
I used to dream I woke up , got dressed, went to school, then I'd wake up n do it again, only to wake up and do it again, only to really wake up n not want to do it again. Needless to say I tended to miss the bus alot!
Stacy Mills Apr 2016
See, I want to leave this town as there is nothing for me here. You don't want to leave because you have everything here. I don't want to leave you as you are my best friend. But I wonder if be being here is hurting more than leaving would? I live with you because you are my best friend and I love you and we get along better than anyone. Does it hurt to have me live with you but not be with you? Would it hurt you less to have me gone? Is me being here somehow creating a means to the end of our friendship deep seeded from a resentment? I don't want to lose you as a friend ever! I need your happy face in my life. But with my inability to be in love with you, can we co-exist or would it be better for you if I where to just leave?
Apr 2016 · 417
Broken like me
Stacy Mills Apr 2016
I sit back and I watch all those girls who think they're in love
Till the next best thing comes along and they go fluttering away like a dove
If she would have just stayed with the first where genuine equality was law
She wouldn't have had to deal with this new man's wicked claw
I've been in that situation a few years past now
And I'd never go back, no way no how
But these girls, they do
As if tho they enjoy being black and blue
I've told them they are making mistakes
And I can't watch anymore retakes
I love these ladies because they are my best friends
I wish I could make them see that wretched man is a means to their end
But they don't see and they don't care
They Just keep saying that life's not fair
I pray one day they'll learn its there decision how they live there life
And it could be avoided, all of there strife
They just need to know it's okay to walk away
So that maybe they'll get to see the next day
I pray they'll get out before an untimely demise
Maybe they will take my advice and realize
They have to get out and break free
Otherwise they'll end up broken just like me
Don't stay with a man who doesn't treat you like a queen. If he won't, there is always a perfect man who will. So walk away and then find your King.
Stacy Mills Apr 2016
You pretty little two-faced backstabbing *****,
Your a lier a **** a ***** and a snitch.
I wish I had never met your shriveled heart and  darkened soul,
Or someone would throw you down an endless empty hole.
Now on you I will waste no more time,
So this is the end of my ******* rhyme!
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.............­..........April Fools *******.........................
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I'm so blessed to have you in my life,
You ease a lot of my pain and strife.
You make me laugh that soul filled kind.
At times it's as though we're of one mind.
I know you'll be there where all else fails,
You'll stick by my side as if we cannot bail.
It doesn't matter what our trials should ever be
I know I've got you and you've got me.
I'll love you till the end of time.
Our friendship is simply sublime!
Mar 2016 · 394
Content to wait
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I weave my beautiful words around your ego and hold on tight
Stroking, caressing, and loving with all my might
I cannot hold you physically in my arms
And cannot avoid all of your charms
So I do what I can to show my love for you
And know you feel it too
One day you shall be completely mine
And that day will be absolutely divine
For now I shall be content to wait
Until the time comes for our reunion date
I love you eternally, completely, and through out
We will be together, I have no doubt.
Mar 2016 · 307
Thus Far
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
You seem to always leave me wanting more,
As I watch you walking out that door.
I find, around you, my heart starts to race.
snailish as it is; I really like this pace.
Testing the waters with each individual toe,
Keeping things, light, even, and slow.
I feel it's building a friendship I can trust.
Also forming deep inside.........a lust!
A desire to be close to you;
So as my heart raced, you'd feel it too!
To be as we where in my dream;
That's long off tho, or so it would seem.
And as I sit here wondering how you are,
I think to myself, "I like everything about you thus far.........."
Mar 2016 · 327
Ill never win
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I'm teetering on the edge of the blade about to slip
Holding on tight but loosing my grip
I hold my smile in place
But slowly loosing this race
All my hopes and dreams have failed
My path is completely derailed
I'm lost and don't know where to go
What comes next I just do not know
I want to stay forever in bed
Left alone with the thoughts in my head
I really don't even want to wright
Hope your day is better, goodnight
Mar 2016 · 314
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Mar 2016 · 259
what? me stop trying? psha!
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I don't even understand why I tried to be with you
I should have realized trying for what I want it would only make me blue
I guess I learned that when you try to go for someone that is much more
you're just going to splat face first on the floor
doubt I'll ever learn how to give up though
because when I see something I want I go go go
this time I am going to leave it alone
I guess I'm afraid of the unknown
I just want to protect my heart
and all of those who have a part
if you're reading this and think that it's about you
think again cuz that's probably not true
Mar 2016 · 367
Easier to just not love
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
Why put your heart on your sleeve
When everyone is just going to leave
Why let anyone know you care
Because obviously they don't want you there
Just keep your mouth shut and plaster on that smile
Because in your shoes they have not even walked a mile
Just keep to yourself and tend to your life
**** other people and their dumb strife Though loved ones are too important to forget
Love is something you just can't have yet
Maybe someday when God sees fit
It'll be my time to revel in it
Not today, not tomorrow, who knows when
When it happens so hold a true smile then
There's no point to try right now
Because the one you like doesn't care anyhow
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