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2.0k · Jan 2016
Stuck in a rut
Stacy Mills Jan 2016
I'm stuck in a rut
I don't know what to write
I'm stuck in a rut
I don't think I'm going to win this fight
I'm stuck in a rut
with nowhere to go
I'm stuck in a rut
and I just don't know
I'm stuck in a rut
no friends to help out
I'm stuck in a rut
but too proud to pout
I'm stuck in a rut
but I can't make me frown
I'm stuck in a rut
100 miles down
I'm stuck in a rut
just going to contemplate a while
I'm stuck in a rut
but you're just going to see my smile
I'm stuck in a rut
But guess what, I wrote
I'm unstuck from this rut
As I end this on a positive note
1.9k · Oct 2016
My demons
Stacy Mills Oct 2016
My demons got my depression in an uproar
My Demons cut me up
My Demons **** my joy
My Demons haunt my dreams
My demons utterly destroy me
My Demons push you away
My Demons always leave me left alone
My Demons they are never truly gone
they run rampant through my life for a while
and then disappear in hibernation
until the next ******-up thing disturbs them
my demons are my demons alone
I fight them silently everyday
My Demons let no one come close
I guess my demons protect me that way
1.8k · Mar 2021
I died alone
Stacy Mills Mar 2021
I died today all alone
I died today and no one cared
I died today everyone went on with their lives
I died today no one even noticed
I died today and everyone seems a little bit happier
I died today there's no heaven or hell
I died today and I'm just as alone as I was in life
1.2k · Aug 2019
i wish
Stacy Mills Aug 2019
I wish I were prettier
I wish I were younger
I wish I were smarter
I wish I was skinnier
I wish I did not have to love with all my heart
I wish someone would love me back
I wish that person would want to keep me and not just use me
I wish I could mean so much to someone
I wish I wasn't alone so **** much
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
I'm a mom
I have two jobs
It seems I'm working
all the time
If not on the job
on my family
I wouldn't say I'm beautiful
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm smart
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm talented
But I have my moments
I despise drama
But it can't be avoided
I yearn for my soul mate
But that can't b found
Some days I'm depressed
And most days I'm not
I wouldn't say I'm a *****
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm unkind
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm a pushover
But I have my moments
I think everyone is a little of everything
With flecks of nothing
Smeared in greys and blacks
Speckled with rainbows and sun
A little lost
A little found
A best friend
A worst enemy
I wouldn't say I make sense
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I'm an idiot
But I have my moments
I wouldn't say I know what I'm doing
But I have my moments
Maybe I'm too bossy
Maybe I'm a bad mom
Maybe I'm  A natural born leader
Maybe I'll fail at everything
Maybe one day I'll get it together
Maybe I am doing everything right
I wouldn't say ..........
but I have my moments
905 · Oct 2016
I'm just barely holding on.
Stacy Mills Oct 2016
The depression I think has settled in.  
I can't seem to break it this time.
I can't breathe.  
I don't want to live.  
I don't seem to have a reason to right now anyhow.  
I'm tired of holding on when all I have to grasp are spider webs.  
I just want to let go
867 · Dec 2016
Bill Hughes
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
For you are so far away but your words are dear
You may be far away but your kindness is clear
You've touched my hardend heart with a feather like sonnet
Left a trail of smiles upon it
For this I thank you my friend
I hope your kindness never falters, true to the end.
Stacy Mills Apr 2016
See, I want to leave this town as there is nothing for me here. You don't want to leave because you have everything here. I don't want to leave you as you are my best friend. But I wonder if be being here is hurting more than leaving would? I live with you because you are my best friend and I love you and we get along better than anyone. Does it hurt to have me live with you but not be with you? Would it hurt you less to have me gone? Is me being here somehow creating a means to the end of our friendship deep seeded from a resentment? I don't want to lose you as a friend ever! I need your happy face in my life. But with my inability to be in love with you, can we co-exist or would it be better for you if I where to just leave?
600 · May 2017
Be remembered well
Stacy Mills May 2017
For all who suffer
Keep your head up
Don't let them see u cry
You've more important things to do
than be sad
You'll either win
or end up in a better place
Those odds seam pleasant
when the depression has u cutting
Keep your head up
When your best friend stabs you
in the heart
Keep your head up
When the love isn't returned
Keep your head up
When the cancer comes back
Keep your head up
When your kids never listen
Keep your head up
When you feel all the weight is carried
by your shoulders
Keep your head up
Don't let them see you break
You control your mask
ware it well
Be remembered for that smile
Not that tear
You got this.
597 · Sep 2019
truth hurts
Stacy Mills Sep 2019
I said, "Love me or leave me!"
everyone left.
592 · May 2017
Inside Demons and Angels
Stacy Mills May 2017
Inside every angel,
Hides a demon.
Inside every demon,
Hides an angle.
That person,
once a kind person,
is now cold.
Having failed,
By not releasing the demon,
And cleaning his soul.
Not every soul will stay pure,
this world has too much evil.
Not all angles are strong;
So they hide,
Showing only the face of the demon.
Not every angel will fail.
Those pure souls exist.
Every demon has an angle,
some just some have to fight harder!
534 · Aug 2016
My daughter's words.
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
For my deadbeat father that doesn't care about me, that lies to me about ****, that doesn't even acknowledge that I'm alive, and that most importantly doesn't even act like a father to me half the time, I am done with the lies, the u not caring, the EVERYTHING you do and don't do for me! First of all the not caring, you can't even try to tell me that you care because I know you don't and I know you never have! Second of all the lying...... The birthday present you said you bought and what about the Christmas presents you said you had at home or that got lost in the mail where are all of those I'm not just some stupid little three-year-old I know you never got me anything. But what about Autumn and Alexis?Huh? They get everything oh but we can't forget about your perfect little Adyan or you're absolutely perfect son Nathan they all get anything they want phones, tablets, new beds NEW EVERYTHING!!! But then there's me. I get nothing because you don't care.YOU NEVER HAVE!! Thirdly the not even acknowledging I'm alive. When I went to North Carolina to visit you, because I actually cared and wanted to see you, you never did anything with me and don't even say that you were working 24/7 because you weren't. And lastly you don't even act like a father should. That pretty much ties everything together. You said I didn't have to go back to see you so guess what, IM NOT!! And just to let you know I didn't not have fun because my "nose was in my phone" it was because nobody at the house actually feels like family to me. Being on my phone was the highlight of my trip talking to people that actually care about me. It was better than spending time with you or anyone down there. Also while I am talking about deadbeat fathers Glenn(my sisters dad) you are such a low deadbeat **** for choosing drugs over your own daughter and pretty much giving up your rights to her. I love my sister with all of my heart and I would rather her be with us over you any day. Brian Zimmerman is such a better father like figure to me and my sister than either of you two! Happy late Father's Day Glenn Brian and Nathan.
508 · Feb 2016
Stacy Mills Feb 2016
I run my fingers through my hair
sit down in an uncomfortable chair
jump up and run around
zip back on a rebound
trip on the rug and have a great fall
take a breath and scoot down the hall
fly through the bathroom door
and sit down once more
do the deed that needs to be done
then I'm up and on the run
Ive got things Ive got to do
sadly none of them involve you
Stacy Mills Apr 2016
You pretty little two-faced backstabbing *****,
Your a lier a **** a ***** and a snitch.
I wish I had never met your shriveled heart and  darkened soul,
Or someone would throw you down an endless empty hole.
Now on you I will waste no more time,
So this is the end of my ******* rhyme!
.............­..........April Fools *******.........................
I'm so blessed to have you in my life,
You ease a lot of my pain and strife.
You make me laugh that soul filled kind.
At times it's as though we're of one mind.
I know you'll be there where all else fails,
You'll stick by my side as if we cannot bail.
It doesn't matter what our trials should ever be
I know I've got you and you've got me.
I'll love you till the end of time.
Our friendship is simply sublime!
493 · Feb 2018
To him
Stacy Mills Feb 2018
I put my heart in a box and gave it to you
It is yours now and with it u choose what to do
I know I jumped in probably too fast
And these feelings they may not last
But hearts can't love with out chancing it broken
So take my love as a good luck token
Because within your arms I feel safe and surrounded
Even though the feelings came so fast I was confounded
I couldn't help but to speak my mind
And you took my words and handled them so kind
So to you I've one last thing to say
I love you and have a wonderful day
457 · Nov 2016
I'm smarter than that
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
I really like you a lot, and have for a few years now.  I was going to try to be with you, now that you are single, but ****  that putting my heart on my sleeve ****!  I'm smarter than that!  Too many times have I had it knocked off and onto the ground,  stomped and smeared through the mud, and sent through the grinder. Why would I put my heart on my sleeve to let that dumb **** happen again. Prove to me that you can keep my heart safe and maybe then I'll let you have a peek!
454 · Dec 2016
Who needs fake friends
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
I hate it here but can't leave I just want to burn this town down
Sick of the drama sick of the pain sick of fake friends that I wanna drown
The tell u they got your back n will always be there for you but they r not
They'll leave you alone when you r at your lowest leave you to rot
So I'm done caring for all but my family and my God whom I know have my back
To all you others I say goodbye and as I walk away I hope your hearts stay black
******* ******* I don't need u anyhow
My family and my God are all I need now
451 · Feb 2016
Lowest low
Stacy Mills Feb 2016
Have you ever felt like the tiniest piece of ****,
on the smallest fleck of *****,
sneezed out by a disgusting snot filled nose,
which sits on the face of the nastiest,
disease filled being in the universe,
eaten by a cockroach,
devoured by a rat,
consumed by a cat,
digested by a dog,
and shat out again,
then picked up,
flushed down the toilet,
torn apart by a crocodile in the sewer,
only to be caught by a trapper,
Then made into a pair of boots,
that stomp through manure all day?
Stacy Mills Feb 2017
My children are always on my mind
The God
The evil
The aluminati
The government
My relationship status
Clean the house
Go to work
grocery shopping
Feed Chika and Spike
I wish my best friend loved himself
Why won't my girls stop fighting
I wish Mickayla respected me as I taught her to respect others
I wish Nathan was closer
I wish Nevaeh could be greatful
I wish I could know true love
why can I think of nothing
why do I feel empty
I love my friends
I miss my friends
I want to go to Zims
I want to have a good time
I need a vacation
Why do I have to fight with my kids for help
Why won't Brian help himself be happy
I can't I help myself be happy
I'm always up and down
I'm pretty today
I wonder if I work the bar this weekend
What is so wrong with me I'm undateable
I have so much **** to do where do I start
**** I've a dysfunctional crazy family
I wish someone would take me by the throat throw me down pin me to the bed and **** me like they can't help but want me so bad
I miss some of my old friends
I love long hot baths
I wish it where summer all the time
I wish I saw my parents more
There's never enough time
Why am I so alone
Why am I so uncontented
I want to cut but I wont
What is my porpoise
I hope I don't **** my kids up too bad
I want to die but cant
God, I know you can hear me; please help me
I wish I was good enough
I wish I was loved as much as I love
Frogs are cool
I'm Batman
I'm Edgar Allan Poe
I'm Tim Burton
I'm Melanie Martinez
I'm so **** shy
Why can't I let any one in
Why am I broken
I hope my kids make it further in life than I do
I wish I had all the answers
I wish someone could tell me what I need to do and help to do it
I wish I where on a kayak right now
I don't want to be single anymore
I'm over whelmed
I'm under-stimulated
I'm empty
I'm a slob
I have too many shoes
I'm a very fortunate and lucky person
I have more than most
Will anything ever be enough to make me content
I just want to be left alone
I want someone to cuddle
I'm such a **** contradiction
I wish my brother...  Many things  starting with that he wasn't such a fool and that he wouldn't have alienated the family
I wish I had some candy
I think I'm tired
I hope my girls had fun at the game
I'm going to bed now
Maybe I'll have more to tell tomorrow
I doubt it though
I never finish anything
409 · Jun 2016
A poem of Hope by Hope
Stacy Mills Jun 2016
I changed my clothes brush my hair
Put on my make up to change my face
Play the part, play the role, it s not like they'll ever know

Pretend to be what they want you to be.
Please don’t look to close you might see the real me.
Is it really that hard. To like this face..

Now now don’t talk like that stay in your place
Do what is asked so nicely of you
Don’t say no, or they might not like you

GOD knows my struggle my pain is real
Oh come on how bad can it be, just deal
You don’t know my pain; is mine, not yours

Its not as easy or plain as you think
But when you are constantly told ..
Nevermind, just go on just blink, just breathe

The sun will come out tomorrow
Hold on pain ends
No one knows…no no now wait yes they do

Random words not much meaning
Unless you know how much it helps cleaning
When you can only make it go away when you
Wash, clean, wipe, scrub, wash, clean, wipe scrub, wash clean wipe scrub

Some may know not all do tho.
It’s a battle we fight on a daily.
Its not much to some but to us is crazy.

Now the flipside. No its not that
I like your face, but it looks nice with something
A touch of makeup …don’t cry about it geeze
It aint like im asking you to lose weight

Is it really that big a deal to do what is small in their mind
Even tho it’s a mountain in mine..
Try to help them see, make them understand

Yeah good luck there. You wont see them try ..
Wait wait hold on there  you know **** well
Its trying for them too. So why you go all off
I don’t know cause it makes me feel crazy inside
When my outside isnt good enough…
And I don’t wanna make it be attractable to anyone
For your reason or whatever I don’t want people to look at me
I don’t want them to see me I want to be and stay just invisible….
Just outta sight invisible. So no one might
Take a look at the damage and the scars
They are deep, they are not gone. They stay always

Don’t dwell move on don’t think, don’t breathe.
Just be still do the devils will
Bend fold break do what they drill in to you
Just blink, just breathe nothing else.
They might just see what all hiding behind your walls…

When JESUS COMES TO call those who suffer for HIS name
You will wish you were one of us by and by.
Thank you LORD
For your grace
Your love
Your mercy
Your help
Your strength
You are my all with out YOU I am nothing.
I did not write this my best friend did!
406 · Mar 2016
to the telemarketers
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I cannot give I'm broke
I do not have that's no joke
What you ask I cannot abode
Still payin on what is owed
I'm sorry I cannot comply
And do not wish for a harsh goodbye
But I cannot do what is asked of me
For I have nothing you see
So no matter how it is you put it
I have no money not even a little bit.
I'm unsure as of how to name this. Any ideas?
399 · Jan 2016
Never ever
Stacy Mills Jan 2016
This is exasperating,
This rage I feel towards you.
I don't understand it.
I want it to leave,
But only intensifies in your presents.
I want you to leave.
But I'm kind,
I stuff my twitching fist in my pocket.
You have no respect.
You have no guile.
You have no remorse.
Your voice makes my fist twitch more.
I bite my tongue.
How much longer can I hold my composure?
Is there no cure for your crazy?
Can't you just shut the **** up n leave?
Why do I have to bite my tongue?
**** that *****,
I've had enough!
Get the hell out!
My fist twitches.
I turn and walk to the door
Out, I point!
You stair dumbfounded!
OUT! I yell and point again.
You stand gather your things and leave.
I sit back down and try to relax.
Man I hope that ***** never comes back,
Finally my twitching fist n wriled nerves ease and release.
At last home is comphortable again.
Just writing to release some stress
392 · Apr 2016
Broken like me
Stacy Mills Apr 2016
I sit back and I watch all those girls who think they're in love
Till the next best thing comes along and they go fluttering away like a dove
If she would have just stayed with the first where genuine equality was law
She wouldn't have had to deal with this new man's wicked claw
I've been in that situation a few years past now
And I'd never go back, no way no how
But these girls, they do
As if tho they enjoy being black and blue
I've told them they are making mistakes
And I can't watch anymore retakes
I love these ladies because they are my best friends
I wish I could make them see that wretched man is a means to their end
But they don't see and they don't care
They Just keep saying that life's not fair
I pray one day they'll learn its there decision how they live there life
And it could be avoided, all of there strife
They just need to know it's okay to walk away
So that maybe they'll get to see the next day
I pray they'll get out before an untimely demise
Maybe they will take my advice and realize
They have to get out and break free
Otherwise they'll end up broken just like me
Don't stay with a man who doesn't treat you like a queen. If he won't, there is always a perfect man who will. So walk away and then find your King.
389 · Dec 2015
magnanimous beauty
Stacy Mills Dec 2015
As I've walked this earth throughout the expanse of my existence, i have seen such beauty that has awed and bewildered my senses completely.
Then I met you!
I look back at those things i thought magnanimous; and they dull in comparison. The sheer epicness that your magnificent individual presents exudes; it astounds me. And no matter the lengths I go to try to put to  put to words the wondrous excitement that envelopes me when you r within view, I will never  be able to describe it fully enough in any world. There are no words that will ever come close.
389 · Mar 2016
Content to wait
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I weave my beautiful words around your ego and hold on tight
Stroking, caressing, and loving with all my might
I cannot hold you physically in my arms
And cannot avoid all of your charms
So I do what I can to show my love for you
And know you feel it too
One day you shall be completely mine
And that day will be absolutely divine
For now I shall be content to wait
Until the time comes for our reunion date
I love you eternally, completely, and through out
We will be together, I have no doubt.
372 · Feb 2016
Fighting it
Stacy Mills Feb 2016
I feel depression bubbling up from the deep
I try to keep avoiding thoughts that make me weep
I know this sadness is a battle I might not win
and that my happiness may end up in the trash bin
I just don't know what to do I'm alone and lost
fighting to stay happy and smiling at any cost
but I really feel like I'm running out of luck
so hoping my life doesn'tcontinue to mostly ****
laying here always in my empty bed forever thinking alone in my head
thoughts flooding my muddled mind the sadistic cruel depressing and absurd kind
times like this I really wish I had a friend knowing full well I'm going to be alone until the end
I just have to accept how things are going to be in my life
and know I'm never going to be a wife
Trying to be the best single mother of three
I know that's all any good parent could ask to be
but these tears hidden behind my eyes have yet to fall
because this depression hasn't yet fully came to call
so I guess I'm not going to start any fights I'm just going wish to you a many good nights
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I wish I could write happy things
I wish I had days where my heart sings
but I guess I'll have to accept what's true
and know my heart will always be blue
my kids make me smile sometimes
but I can't come up with happy rhymes
the tears they just fall down my cheek and my chin
and happiness it just does not win
I'm alone in this world I always will be
I just wish someone was here for me
but they're not and I accept it
it's not worth throwing the fit
why create drama when it doesn't have to be any
just love my happy days though there are not that many
maybe someday happiness will grow in my heart
and the joyfulness will play its part
but I have no faith for that to be
I only have faith in God you see
when my life finally does end
I'll get to meet my very best friend
he sits up there and watches me go through hell
watching every time that have fell
he picks me up and puts me on my feet
knowing one day we will get to meet
that day isnt soon enough for me though
but I have a patience that only he can know
so when I see him I'll smile my final forever smile
I'll be happy not having to fear for one more mile
he will make all bad go away
he will make my happiness stay
Now is the time to just wait
untill I meet him there at the pearly gate
366 · Jul 2019
I'm sorry I'm never enough
Stacy Mills Jul 2019
I'm sorry I'm never enough
363 · Dec 2015
stand tall
Stacy Mills Dec 2015
push on baby your stronger than this bs n can hold your head high cuz when you stand tall it's hard for people to look down on u even if you only stand 5"2.
356 · Mar 2017
Never care
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
Hardened heart n darkened soul
Actually caring takes its toll
I forgot for a moment and let you in
That's was a mistake to begin
**** I'm stupid, why do I try
I just always end up alone to cry
I need to accept I'll always be alone n not to care
Then keep my heart welded right there
High on a mountain no one can reach
Safe from all the pain that wants to leach
But I forgot and I cared and I cried and I hid
I want to yell, "look at what u did"
But I'd alone hear my cries
So let me just hang here with no goodbyes
Because I am alone and always shall be
And caring has been locked away from me
346 · May 2017
Rotting rose
Stacy Mills May 2017
O if u only knew the deepseeded agony that creates my beautiful poetry You would understand y I will die left all alone Left to my own damnation created in my own mind Rotting and festering for a beautiful rose to bloom n cover the truths while the thorns only dig in deeper
344 · Dec 2015
Stacy Mills Dec 2015
I have you  *******. As I fasten the wrist straps I kiss your palm, trailing them down your arm, to your shoulder, and on to your neck. Where i linger and nibble maybe just a bite too hard. I take your lobe between my teeth gently n let it slide away. smack! The whip bites your chest! Followed my hands reaching to caress the welts. Again followed by my lips Lavishing kisses n nibbles along your chest, lingering on the ******* to flick with my tongue. And down to your **** stomach. Crack! Another whip bites into your thigh. Again followed by my hands and sweet kisses. I place a hand on both your hips and trail my tongue the entire length of your shaft. Then along the sac line, as i reach around and lift you, down your ***. Taking both ***** into my mouth I massage them with my tongue. Slowly swallow the entirety of your ****. My mouth now resting at the base and circumference, I  swallow a few times to let my throat do the massaging. Then back to the head, with my lips, Where I flick my tongue over the v and take you in and out of my mouth simultaneously, Until your just about to explode. Then I use my hands to finish you as I like to watch the eruption. And finally climb on top and finish myself. falling beside you gleaming with sweat and heavy breathed we slip into a deep restful sleep.
I'm not sure this allowed on here but I wrote it and wanted to share.
342 · Mar 2016
Easier to just not love
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
Why put your heart on your sleeve
When everyone is just going to leave
Why let anyone know you care
Because obviously they don't want you there
Just keep your mouth shut and plaster on that smile
Because in your shoes they have not even walked a mile
Just keep to yourself and tend to your life
**** other people and their dumb strife Though loved ones are too important to forget
Love is something you just can't have yet
Maybe someday when God sees fit
It'll be my time to revel in it
Not today, not tomorrow, who knows when
When it happens so hold a true smile then
There's no point to try right now
Because the one you like doesn't care anyhow
334 · Nov 2016
Take a bow
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
Well ****,  I put my heart on my sleeve again, Dumb!
I put my heart on my sleeve again;
I shouldn't have done that, I know what's to come.
Here's another heart ache on its way.
Here's another heart ache come out to play.
**** it what's wrong with my brain?
Why is that ******* thing so hard to train?
I know better, constant giving makes me insane!
I don't know what to do next.
My mind is so very vexed.
But for now I think I will just trust.
Because my heart says I must.
N if you smash it as I'm sure you will,
At least my notebook with poems I'll fill.
Words of beauty, love, and hurt.
Of this I can assert.
Because out of the worst pain I feel,
come words that are soul wrenchingly real!
Ones that reach down to your soul!
Ones that make a life changing toll!
So Imma sit back n see what I do now!
And acknowledge whats real n take my bow
333 · Dec 2015
see me smile
Stacy Mills Dec 2015
All night tears got my eyes swelled shut
Fuzzies stuck in the blood where I cut
I wanna say I hate but I don't
I wanna sleep all day but I won't
I wanna talk to you but I can't
Jus don't wanna hear u rant
Feel like I lost my best friend and the love of my life
How can one person deal with all this pain n strife
Feel like my life is in exile
But u won't c my pain only a smile.
330 · May 2016
Stacy Mills May 2016
My best friend just walked out the door
and I'm afraid I won't see her anymore
I love her so much she so important to me
but she is dabbling in drugs you see
not just *** the simple easy kind
but with **** and that ***** with your mind
I've seen people fall down this path before
and they think they'll be get clean but that's really a lore
don't know what to do and I don't know what to say
but she just turned and walked away
said I love you and promise I'll see you again
but I know deep down that that was the end
my best friend just walked out the door
and I'm afraid I won't see her anymore
321 · Jul 2016
Crimson Regret
Stacy Mills Jul 2016
Here I sit all alone locked in
silently battling my fight with depression
tho someone always seems to be around
from them not a single care can be found
I cry and I cut to try to ease the pain
but sadly I know I'm completely insane
most of the time I have no reason to feel how I do
it doesn't matter cuz no ***** are given by you
and it's not just you that isn't there
I don't seem to have anyone that wants to care
I need to move away from this town this state this life
and maybe someday become someone's wife
but I know none of that will ever come to be
because I'm useless and no one would ever want me
so I end this poem with crimson regret
moving along in my life with so many a fret
so I say a perfect peaceful goodnight
as the dark red streak glistens in the moonlight.
309 · Mar 2016
Ill never win
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I'm teetering on the edge of the blade about to slip
Holding on tight but loosing my grip
I hold my smile in place
But slowly loosing this race
All my hopes and dreams have failed
My path is completely derailed
I'm lost and don't know where to go
What comes next I just do not know
I want to stay forever in bed
Left alone with the thoughts in my head
I really don't even want to wright
Hope your day is better, goodnight
299 · Mar 2016
Thus Far
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
You seem to always leave me wanting more,
As I watch you walking out that door.
I find, around you, my heart starts to race.
snailish as it is; I really like this pace.
Testing the waters with each individual toe,
Keeping things, light, even, and slow.
I feel it's building a friendship I can trust.
Also forming deep inside.........a lust!
A desire to be close to you;
So as my heart raced, you'd feel it too!
To be as we where in my dream;
That's long off tho, or so it would seem.
And as I sit here wondering how you are,
I think to myself, "I like everything about you thus far.........."
294 · May 2016
Stacy Mills May 2016
I will always be alone
A sad little drone
having all my wants and needs unfulfilled
hoping good values in my children I have instilled
but this all feels hopeless and helpless and without an end
I wish this path toward the bottom would some how Bend
make a U-turn and head toward the top
causing all this pain and depression to stop
but I've no hope that any of this will be
because somehow I cannot let this sadness free
294 · Dec 2015
just smile
Stacy Mills Dec 2015
Put on your makeup maybe
Hold your chin up n fake it baby
Things won't always be this bad
Look at all the good times you've had
So hold that smile on your face
Some day things will fall into place.
291 · Nov 2016
Me, my one and only
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
Don't worry about my heart
No one usually does any how
They use it, abuse it and rip it apart
Why would I expect it to be different now
I don't believe you would know anyway
I could love you like no other could
Because I keep my love locked away
So I know you never would
To keep my heart safe from hurt
To protect it from that stated above
To keep it from being smeared in the dirt
So I march on not knowing love
I do however want to thank you
For a brake from that lonely
It was amazing it's true
But alas I shall always be my one and only.
288 · Nov 2016
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
So I was doing some soul searching, n I realized how true the statement is that beauty is only skin deep!  Not many that r beautiful carry that beauty inward, and as they age the outer beauty fades leaving them ravaged with the harshness of time.  It seems that the ones that don't have that outer beauty to begin with radiate it from within, and as time passes the beauty takes form on the outside as well showing how loving time can be to those whom are kind.  Isn't time a beautifully grand punisher and reward giver for those whom deserve!
287 · Feb 2017
I just don't know anymore
Stacy Mills Feb 2017
IDK,  I guess I just need to write
IDK what to write so I'm just going to keep writing whatever
I'm at the laundromat
Doing laundry I don't want to do
I work at a job I don't want to do
I live in a house I don't want to live
In a town I don't want to be in.
I have 3 children I would give the world to see happy.
I only have two of them with me
I know I'll b single for the rest of my life
I feel this constant alienation dragging me deeper
I have an over nagging feeling of dread
I can't seam to overcome
I just keep sinking deeper into this morbid mood
This corrupt feeling of hopelessness
I don't know what to do
I'm lost
I've got too much weight on my shoulders
The weight is overbearing
I'm going to buckle or break
What happens when I snap
What horrific actions will I take
What irrevocable consequences will I then have to face
The fog is blinding me of what is yet to come
The refusal to cry is making me hard
My walls keep getting stronger
Will anyone ever be able to get through
I highly doubt it
It's quicksand I stand in
There is no bottom to this pit
That's why I never stop sinking
That's why I've no hope left
283 · Jul 2016
Stacy Mills Jul 2016
Here I sit with blade in hand
wanting to leave this land
I lost a friend n now I cry
Wishing God would let me die
Stupid mistakes I can't take back
I feel as though I'm going to crack
if it wherent for my children keeping me sain
I'd let my blood wash away my pain
283 · Mar 2016
273 · Aug 2016
What a day
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
I haven't talked to my brother in over a year
He won't answer the phone or even come near
My thirteen-year-old has the cops at the door
And my 9 year old is playing PlayStation on the floor
I had just woke up and relaxing in an Epson salt bubble soak
The youngest crashes in so fast the door almost broke
"The cops were just here Mom they wanted my sister"
I'm thinking "oh boy her *** is going to blister"
What, when, where, who, and why
I get dressed so fast, jump in the car and fly
My child has stayed last night at my mom's you see
so that was **** well where I needed to be
I get there and find out what's going on
It's breaking and entering and that sort of con
All talked through now and punishments dealt
I love her immensely so I told her how I felt
My mom kept the girls so I coud clean up my floor
Then someone comes knocking at my door
The first was okay but Along Comes an unwanted
And I wasn't nice as my displeasure was flaunted
I got him to leave and along comes another of whom I'm not sure
As a large conflict was just resolved between I and her
So I'm relaxing now and guess what's next
My phone dings with an unexpected text
It's my brother to tell me what **** I am
And expect me to welcome him Open Arms back to the fam
Already riled with today's fine events
I lash back with words maybe a bit too intense
Overwhelmed with how the day has played through
Upstairs to my room to calm is what I had to do
Now that it's done and in past tense
And I've gotten out all of my vents
I say to my oldest girl," you ****** up but I still love you"
I say to my brother," you ****** up but I still love you too"
And to all of my friends I left wondering where I had gone
"I'm on my way back down so put on a good song"
271 · Mar 2017
I forgot not to care
Stacy Mills Mar 2017
I forgot and cared again for a moment
I got hurt
That's why I just don't care
Why would I when the results are always the same
Me sitting alone left to drown in my solitude
****** I'm done
270 · May 2017
Just an old little
Stacy Mills May 2017
I'm a little  trapped in a moms life
I just want crunchy Cheetos  n a spanking
But I'm stuck playing the wife
With no gratitude or thanking
I want to hide amongst my stuffies n disappear
But I have reality slapping me in the face
I would rather a paddle to my rear
A Daddy to put me in my place
But I'm stuck being the mother
I'm stuck taking it all on alone
I'm stuck with no other
Mindless as a drone
I am stuck being a little in my head
I'm stuck wanting a Daddy to hold
I'm stuck like lead
Knowing I'm so very old
267 · Dec 2015
why do i cry
Stacy Mills Dec 2015
I woke this morning with tears in my eyes.
I couldn't begin to tell you why.
my bed is empty my pillow is the best.
it out comphorts all the rest.
my chin is held high
but still I continue to cry
with no reason or rhyme as to why.
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