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spysgrandson Dec 2013
I could say I understand
and I do say "I understand,"
with my Oscar winning voice
with my imploring eyes that ask you
for more, while subtly looking, at your crusted scars
I imagine some catatonic feline, curled
in your gut, waiting stoically to make the next cut
the next surgically precise silent scream
joined by other equally ferocious growls
that only you can hear, if you are lucky enough for them
to drown out the howls of your heaving heart
I can say "I know what you feel,"
you with your sacred steel
I can wipe the blood from your thighs
I can smell the stale silence of your cries
all the while looking through your soaking soul
mercilessly forgetting, your slicing red chants,
were meant to awaken a deaf mute world
I have seen dozens of "cutters" in my office, but I can never claim to be were they live, with their razors and their hidden red lines
spysgrandson May 2013
“Jeopardy” replaced
by ominous clouds
on Doppler’s screen
rains came!
I went to watch Jeopardy and the station was running reports of local heavy storms and tornadoes instead--we are in drought
spysgrandson Aug 2015
I thought,
I was impervious, armor
in place, attached to detachment
my pesky synapses
melted away in
a gray soup

protected,
pain exempt...
but ****, you  
come to me
in dreams

in Morpheus grip
you slip in, those menacing faces
I managed to block, return
to mock me

the jeers to which
I made myself deaf, are now soprano, alto, bass
in my nocturnal symphony

those who malign me
are free to walk on my grave:
to them and all others I am
but slumbering slave

I can not choose
when to wake, to end your reign
but if I could, you would then skulk  
a bit in my skull's dark den
waiting for my weary eyes
to close again
spysgrandson Aug 2012
2038--neurolotto

You SEE
sometime
in years yet seen
science
will make
our bodies last longer
a decade or more
but questionable advances
will allow
our BRAINS to live
for…millennia
or longer
submerged in
a neuro-friendly elixir
connected to
electric eyes and ears
freed from
frothing fears
about our body’s
dutiful decay
BUT even with infinite leaps
in scientific skill
and our relentless will
(to be around for eternity)
only a few will have the means ($$$$$)
for such magic cyber machines
and joyful juices
to keep them THINKing
10,000 years or more!
So, the powers that be
will have a grand lottery
though millions will apply
(while 10 billion others know their own brains will die)
only a few thousand will have the privilege
of having their few pounds of cranial fat
placed in a perpetually guarded vat
for helpless these brains would be (!)
if they were left at the mercy
of those who could not pay
to extend their time to play
on this rolling rock
What things they will get to see
floating in the magic juice (!!)
But…walks in the park
will be only a waking dream,
thinking about cheeseburgers
will be calorie free,
for the sense of smell and taste
will, of course, be history
music will sound a bit…strange
for the best implants
won’t replace the old ear
a passionate kiss
and the a n t i c i p a t e d bliss
of more
will be a sweet (??) memory
a “sweet” memory…?
Or just a memory
for when freed of the flesh
can sense and soul still mesh?
Can THINKing
we are FEELing
suffice?
and will we really
savor the cyber sight
or cringe in FRIGHT
of round spaghetti *****
floating in other preciously guarded vats
that we KNOW
are our only bodiless friends?
written for fun in 2011, but one of the readers said it was frightening...all in the eye of the beholder I suspect
spysgrandson May 2013
the trail up the mountain
is lined with serpents  
hissing in strange beauty  
they lunge but do not strike  
not in dreams
I
w  a  l  k
p  a  s  t
t  h  e  m
I
avoid their fangs
for I do not trust
what the elders have said  
“in dreams none die,  
in dreams none die”  
though lost loves and my dead father still
speak    
in some language without the tongue  
revealing answers to questions not yet asked
yet
I do not trust those ageless words
“in dreams none die”  
though I know this is true
of snakes
of men
of fallen angels
whose wings were words
writ for eyes not yet closed
before dreams,
before the mountain
and the myth of blue sky
spysgrandson Sep 2014
I need to write a letter, in curling cursive blue,
and mail it to me, it doesn't matter what the words say
I just want to see them scrawled on the page, to remind me
I am seventy minus eight, and my symmetry in script
is increasingly askew

I know this
when I press ******* the pen,
when I fold the paper, lick the envelope,
and drop it in the blue metal world where its flat life
commingles with strangers until it comes back to my red and white box,
into my black and white life, where the average of the two is gray,
the growing, groping color of my beard,
and the hair on my heaving chest.

I need not even open it to know I have forgotten
what secrets I writ...the name and address suffice,
showing me not who I be or where I be, but how slanted and sloping
my world has become, no matter how vainly I endeavor to keep things straight,
of late, and more tomorrow, my dysgraphic lines
tell the truer tale, in the simple scribbled letter
I wrote to me
spysgrandson Aug 2017
nor Horace--my Ars Poetica was ars psychotica,
cannabis my myrrh

though I must have known Homer, for my thumb
took me across vast asphalt seas

where I was tempted by sweet sirens, and didn't resist, while others crouched crowded in desks and read tales of two cities

unaware I was ever there, hungry, road weary, far from their land of oblivion
reflections from a high school dropout
spysgrandson Mar 2018
the third day of spring, pear blossoms fall like snowflakes
then disappear in the new grass

this blanket coming green after a russet winter
during which the old man took shovel to earth
to bury her last Retriever

the runt of the litter, yet it grew strong
and outlived her by only a fortnight, after sniffing her dormant beds, lying at the foot of her lawn chair

as if the canine divined where he last saw her:

lounging in the yard, reading Dickinson under early March light,
sipping a mint tea, scratching the pet's ears;

she passed there, under the same trees, winter's survivors
not yet in bloom

though full of budding promise, unrealized, unseen, but there even as they lay her in the ground
spysgrandson Apr 2012
why are you strolling through?  
you are supposed to “run in my family”
slashing and burning along the way
instead you take hostages
handing them recipes for a
crock *** slow simmer
to transform the hard, well-formed and fresh
into a soft mush
ready to be scooped into the bowls
of the beggars or the bold
who slop you down
crap you out
and flush you
to where you swim rather than stroll
or run in anybody’s family
but still manage to foul the earth
with your wretched stench
spysgrandson Oct 2011
in the dead
of night
I write
for 'tis then when my thoughts are draped
like soggy towels on a sagging clothesline
but in the light
of pestering day
they
bounce around like busy buzzing bees
in a place I call my head
so in the dead
of night
I write
and squeeze what I can
from those soul soaked rags
hoping what flows won't be like tears
or some sanguine soup to **** my fears
for in the dead of night
I write
not to purge my heavy heart
of pain and grief
but to come closer to true belief
spysgrandson Oct 2012
are there any takers
who choose to look
into the electric mist
where there is
no sun
yet still
shadows of men
with their longing arms
curling
like ancient gnarled oaks,  
their legs like roots mired
in the sanctified mud
where we ask
if whispers of men
are really screams of ghosts
are there any takers
who choose
to wander this fog
to hear the symphony
of the dead, in
the gray haze
of dreary dreams
beyond this long walk
there
is
no
beyond the grave
only the soft siphoned roar
around it
in,
of
the electric mist
the last verse I posted here took 2 minutes, literally--I played with this one 20-30 and it still isn't where I want it...
spysgrandson May 2013
who has time
to look up for branches
laden with tempting fruit,  
to pick one
when ripe and bursting
with the knowledge: we are alone  

‘tis all I can do to dig in the dirt  
to plant hopeful seeds in greedy ground  
to pray for water left from the flood  
to watch and wait for fall’s fickle bounty
to fill bellies and end this primal ache

let others speak of the serpent  
they blame for their demise  
and look for rapture, in roiling black skies  
I want my god to be of light and sun  
though I know this is not to be
for the fruit picker ******* things
for you, and for me
spysgrandson Sep 2017
warm, our Bengal bath--eelgrass tickling our shins, sand marrying our soles

we traveled across the globe to escape the frost, the gray memory of our loss

the tropic sun browns your shoulders; your lips list a smile, for me

your bikini bottom fits perfectly, revealing no trace of a life purloined

we'll try again, when the time is right; for now, the sapphire sea is warm, hypnotic

whatever spell it casts won't last when we return to the land of falls and winters

where we'll again meet in our bed, with feigned abandon

for you will never trust our union--its milky, mystic promise that can end in blood
spysgrandson Apr 2017
on the trail today,
I thought of something
I wanted to say

I told myself
I would remember, but
nothing's there

perhaps I wanted
to mention I had seen
a dozen bikes

peddlers whizzing by under 
cloudless sky, with no whipping
winds to ****** them

where the prairie's rude
riding gusts were hiding,
I do not claim to know

wherever they chose to go
their sabbatical left surface
waters calm, blue

but that's not what I had to
tell you--tales of cyclists unperturbed
by a stiff breeze

i said i wouldn't forget
and yet, here I am rambling,
scrambling to recall

what inspired me most
of all: not nascent blossoms or
butterfly wings, of all things

but the absence of an invisible
symphony, a silenced howling from
the sky's spectral lungs

i said i wouldn't forget; tomorrow
surely the winds will blow, and I will
catch whatever they meant to say
spysgrandson Jan 2012
in the green searing sea of afternoon
my gaze fixed on his black pajama clad frame
the croaking canopy of jungle shading his tanned face
( I never knew why they were called a yellow race)
my hands had followed some voiceless lethal command before
but only in faceless night
that could not only conceal my fright
but also keep me from seeing more than shifting shapes
that one could have convinced me were eyeless, thin apes
flipping the switch and popping the rounds had been no easy task
but darkness had always been a convenient mask
did he see my eyes digesting the scene if front of me?
this little man called my enemy, AKA VC or Victor Charlie?
did he have time to think of my malicious intent?
(that I would only after the fact invent)
or were his last visions not of my pimple pocked face
but of richer times in some faraway place
where he planted and played and heard simple songs
and couldn’t imagine the treacherous throngs
who would come to “save” his jungled land
but could never fully understand
why we couldn’t just leave them alone
I can’t say what his final racing thoughts could have been
but I do know that mine were deafened by the din
of my rapid rifle fire that caused his demise
and I only remember I could see his eyes
In the Vietnam War, much of the carnage occurred at night. In places, the canopy of jungle was so thick you would need a new word to describe how dark it really was. When fired upon, you simply flip your weapon to automatic and spray as many rounds as you can “pointing” (as opposed to “aiming”) at your foe. Rarely, therefore, do you really see your enemy close up. When dawn’s light peppers the dense vegetation, you may find blood trails or bodies, but by then, their eyes are closed…
spysgrandson Nov 2013
out where?

other than here, on this spinning  
six sextillion tons to which we are
tenuously tethered

are there big eyed,
big brained air walkers,
silent talkers, beaming
among the billions and billions
of suns and deliriously dense
dark matter?

I think not, though

we

are not alone

if by chance
we were to encounter the
“non us”  
I suspect it would be like a dog
trying to bark at a Higgs Boson

or perhaps a Higgs Boson
trying to bark at a dog
not much of a poem, but just what popped into my head when considering the perennial question
spysgrandson Oct 2017
it seems awkward October is when
the days march into a haze,

unaware of how the sultry nights of August
evaporated

and left us with falling leaves, lime lawns,
and adulation of harvest moons

even if drought has murdered every
sprout planted in hopeful April

I keep a big calendar on my breakfast room wall,
and another in the hall

to remind me a freakish frost has not signaled
it's December

and feel blessed to remember, All Hallows' Eve
is not yet here,

for when it comes, the neighborhood ghosts and goblins
will yet knock on my door

expecting treats sans tricks--I'll pass out candy
with a tepid smile

knowing all the while, November
is a sleepless night away,

dragging in another day, colder, when more
living things pause their pulse

and I turn the page on two calendars
to see if it then seems November
spysgrandson Dec 13
UPS, FEDEX, et al.
ubiquitous in this 12th month

manic motored,
four wheeled, dropping their loads
on stoops and porches

under watchful eye of door cams,
and eager Prime-aholics
who give little thought
to Bezos' bilious billions

an Amazon addict am I as well
cyber pampered, too indolent
to wander the aisles of Macy's, Walmart

wait...I see the brown behemoth
slowing by my drive; I must not tarry
in my armchair

up, up, a package will arrive
in milliseconds, surely grander
than gold, frankincense, and myrrh!
spysgrandson Aug 2014
on the trail by the canal, with horseflies buzzing,
turtles sunning, and the grasses growing green as…oatmeal  
the white sun has bleached, not blessed this place  

who would want to walk with me in this wild world  
who would take my gritty hand in theirs to speak
of painted pastures and trees rich with fruit, when
all around there is the stolid stench of death, a demise that requires  
no witness, no silent prayers, or tears dropping from forlorn faces  

for I am here alone,
making fading  footprints, speaking to no one  
asking no one to walk with me, as I slowly become the grass,  
and no longer swat the flies from my bowed back
spysgrandson May 2017
you found me
in a second hand store
on Lincoln Avenue

you bought me
for nine dollars and tax because
you thought I was a mandolin

you told Tryone, the clerk
who would sell me into slavery, your
wife always wanted one

you took me home to your
twelfth story apartment; I discovered
your wife was gone many years

but her photo on the living
room wall got to see me, and hear
your lament:

you wished you would have
found me seasons sooner--but my
strings were rusted even then

my last song played at a bar mitzvah
before your hair turned white, before
your wife's many colored regrets

you played me but once and didn't
like what I had to say--you tossed me
from your balcony to the street

I made the same flight your wife did,
landed in the same spot; yes, I suspect she was  
more a disappointed music lover than you
Thanks Lora Lee for your poem that made me look up oud.
spysgrandson Apr 2015
I will bring you concord grapes,  
for you like the color of them, and I the way
your cheeks move when your mouth
is full of them  

I will cut the meat for you,
in thin slices, as razor narrow as the knife
will allow

the nurses tell me
to let you feed yourself
to gain your strength
back

but we, just you and I,
know your arms will become more flaccid
with each passing night, and no amount
of measured movement, will make
that right

I will make the soft cloth wet, warm  
and caress the dirt away, for they scrub you
like palette or canvas, painted all wrong

I will brush your hair,
a hundred strokes each eve,  
as you did, before your amber waves
turned wistful white, and your limbs
went limp

I will read you stories
of children at play, lads and lasses
who never grow gray

I will bring apples
for your wooden bowl  
but we don't dare slice them
for they are there for us to watch
to help us remember red, round things,
beginnings, in a world before this room
of endless ending
spysgrandson Oct 2012
I stopped being a story teller when I learned to read. I don’t think I ever learned to write. I think I was a story teller long ago, before the truth mattered. Before the truth became an obsession. Truth can get in the way when we want to tell a story. Truth has a way of narrowing the walls around us,  putting the pressure on us, and sometimes squeezing the blood from us.

When I look at what I write, the things others would call poetry, the truth is nearly always inversely related to whatever value the words have. You see, there will always be someone who has felt more intense pain or joy. There will always be someone who has behaved more heroically or shamefully than any person about whom I can write. There will always be some common man or woman who has transcended his or her circumstances far better than anybody I have ever met or observed.

If I feel compelled to write about things, acknowledging that whatever great stories I might have had inside were long ago flushed from me by the waters of truth, then I must create people and events. I must conjure them up like ghosts. These apparitions have no form to be washed away.

The people who follow my words like tracks of an animal--predator or prey--should know I feel closest to being one who says something of value when the words are the greatest distance from the texture and grit of events. If I were to tell the truth, it would hurt. It would hurt me to write the truth, and it would hurt the reader who reads it. That reader has often rested complacently with the belief that the words are true, that history is really history rather than one of an infinite number of versions of the truth in this thing one might be inclined to call the book of life.

When  you read my words, please don’t forget I don’t like the truth. I avoid it even in my stories that I believe are based on "real" occurrences. I avoid the truth. Yes, I may have seen the eyes of bloodied Vietnamese children when I was twenty, and yes, I may have sat in a bunker and listened to someone tell me they saw innocents slaughtered on the Mekong,  or what the young warm blood felt like on their hands, and yes, I may have heard someone’s last words before hospice sleep, but all these things are only shadows cast by some light whose source I cannot see or comprehend.

Truth hurts. If you have read my words before, and felt something, there is no way to rob you of the feeling. Please, however, know that I was doing my utmost to hide the truth, because trying to reveal it would have been even more futile.
spysgrandson Nov 2015
the roller’s creamy caress of the wall,  
a few brush strokes in close corners, trim
requiring the greatest finesse of all    
at that art I am past master,
but hell, it’s mostly plaster    

I would love to create a corner café  
its neon lights a beacon in the night  
for those in insomnia’s grip  

or fashion a woman sipping coffee
from her favorite cup, in her favorite easy chair
finicky feline purring in her lap--and I don’t
even like cats

Hopper, Munch, a thousand more
whose canvasses speak a million words
I would trade all but one of the years I have left  
to make palettes scream, or sit silent
in their beautiful despair  

instead I’ll crank out “Times New Roman” art  
black and white characters without sense or scent,  
sensing the reader will yearn for less, the oil’s
shallow relief so much more fecund
than my “deep” words  

‘tis not to be, for me  
I will have to settle for Sherwin Williams, Benjamin Moore
and try my best to not spill too much on the floor
spysgrandson Apr 2017
I wrote about you last night
when there were supposed to be
a million falling stars

clouds got in the way
but hell, those weren't really suns
falling to their death

would have been fitting
if they were, for the cliche is apt:
you being my light of day

and you did fall from the sky,
though not through the firmament at night
with others tracing your trails

you jumped solo from the
GW Bridge, on a clear Thursday
at a low high noon

your obit was politically polite, not
describing your terse flight, or the bones
the Hudson's waters crushed

so I wrote about you last night
a missive to me--I asked what the Times did not,
what was your final thought

when you stepped from the rail:
did you see your whole life fly before your eyes
or just sky, water and the helpless bridge
The George Washington Bridge, Manhattan, New York
spysgrandson May 2017
called, "when I am dead"

and what came to mind, while
pecking away

were thatched roof cottages, hedgerows
all along a cliff,

and waves below whipping against
earth's spine

farther out were great swells
and black ships foundering

sea serpents were darting through
the green depths

this spectacle was silent, the screaming
men, the crashing waves

even the charcoal sky, threaded with a
thousand bolts of lightning

birthed no thunder, though I didn't
wonder why

I was supposed to among the dead
where vibrations abound

though none pound against
eardrums

such silence, I was told, was tantamount
to solace

but men were drowning, and fires leapt
across the waters

and no passage led up the cliffs to home
and sanctuary from this terrific tempest
He's in his cottage on a bluff above the Atlantic, on his deathbed. His hearing is long gone, but he can yet see. His final vision is that of a schooner, aflame with its ****** leaping into a turbulent ocean, some already on fire.
spysgrandson Nov 2015
a refugee from wealth,
he and his Dartmouth degree found the spot
farthest from his New England roots, and the first roots
he saw there were those of a banyan tree, giant gray tentacles
piercing the Asian earth, imploring the black soil
for atonement, he thought

the natives said the tree was older than God
immortal, but cursed with some blight that bedeviled them
and that prudent pruning of ailing arms would be wise

the man had only a Swiss Army knife  
with its minuscule saw, but soon he set about the task
of trimming the behemoth, one mad millimeter at a time,
and mad was all the natives saw

this white creature, high in the canopy,
often from dawn until the sun sank in the jungle behind him
sawing away, a half branch a day, treating the gargantuan arboreal
like a prize bonsai

villagers would come, hunker, watch in the shade of the tree
once in a great while, they would see a branch crash on the ground,
at which time they cheered the pitifully patient woodsman

many offered to help, some leaving bow saws,
axes at the banyans' base, but he would have none of that
over and over he received new red knives with their tiny saws
these parcels the only mail he got

even during monsoon rains,
the man's labors did not desist
though his audience waned

appearing to defy physics' uncertain laws
the tree was nearly felled, but the man disappeared
before his colossal task was done, the locals claiming he climbed
into the thinned canopy one day and never came down

not even a well worn blade was found
allowing the witnesses to aver he was yet high in the heavens
resting after love's labor had wearied his hands  
but perchance healed his heart
spysgrandson Nov 2011
yesterday,
our
calibrated
counting
made
your gruesome
death
an…
anniversary
Another Hello Poetry member and I were exchanging messages yesterday, commenting about how all of us old enough to remember (I was almost 12) knew exactly where we were when we first heard the news of Kennedy's assassination--our generation could recall not only who told us (or whether it was the TV or radio) but also precisely where we were when we were informed. The generation coming of age today, scores at this site, are likely to have the same vivid recollection of 9/11/11.
spysgrandson Nov 2012
J R died
I guess many cried
J R Ewing, Larry Hagman,
son of Broadway’s Peter Pan
offspring of a famous clan
I guess a decent man
another J R died, Jenny Rae
I guess many cried
but not likely fans from afar
perhaps
her nephew in the corner bar
when he recalled
through his wine soaked haze
younger days, when his Jenny Rae
would meet him payday
and give him a five she earned
keepin’ those old folks alive
well, cleanin’ up their slop
may not have been keeping anybody alive
but she did it just the same
even long after the cancer came
and pain buckled her over on the bus,
she kept goin’
smiling at their ancient vacant stares
when she could
when she was gone
when she passed,
curled up like a baby in that noisy ER
there were no headlines about that J R
only another wretched woman
paid to clean up slop
who hunkered faithfully over her mop
to wipe up the remnants of Jenny Rae
to earn her pittance of pay
perhaps for another nephew
or other lost son of an angry day
This verse didn't come out the way I wanted, but I nearly always feel this way when famous folks get fanfare when they die
spysgrandson Jul 2013
thousands sit
on lawn chairs
in summer grass    
amid the smell of bug repellent, charcoal grills and
gunpowder
ears filled with pop, bang, poppity-pop
from a sparkling spectacle above
for a fleck of time, in the long blue stretch of night
all eyes are fixed on one thing
together
looking at heavens
without words
only light
that leaves as quickly as it came
written July 4, 2008, the last time I witnessed a fireworks display
spysgrandson Jul 2017
I found your solitary grave:

a "t" bound by twine--two sticks from a mesquite

no name, your eulogy likely the
high desert winds,

and perchance a disappointed caw from a vulture for you were covered well

deep in dirt, hard work for any steel,
but after the toil

your grave digger took time to craft
a crucifix

otherwise, I would have stepped on your
grave,

an ignorant desecration averted by love's anonymous labor,

and the ancient blood on the cross
spysgrandson Dec 2016
two of them came in from the night
into the neon light of a 7-11, where they found her
behind the counter, guarding  
the register's cash

with her life
which they took, because, after her trembling hand
handed them $138, one of them, "just freaked"
when he saw her face

and then shot her, in her throat,
and again between two holy *******,
after she landed on the linoleum floor,
12 feet 3 inches from the door

through which they returned to the night,
though only long enough to find the Whataburger
exactly one mad mile away, where they stopped
because the shooter was hungry

he ordered a number one, with cheese
but his accomplice had no appetite--he asked
for coffee, black, and used coins (not stolen)
he had to pay

when they confessed to the killing
even the accomplice found it chilling, the shooter
could eat red flesh and fresh hot fries, while scalding coffee
was all his partner could abide
Based on a true story from 1990. The tale was told to me, after their conviction and sentencing, by a student I counseled. He informed me the killer confessed this to him the night of the event. The victim was a mother in her thirties with whom my wife had attended high school.
spysgrandson Nov 25
tall prairie grasses
wind whipped, without lament

bison bones,
now soul wedded with soil

wagon wheel ruts
petrified with time, tracks

followed like words on the page
no scent of the sojourners' saga
remains

for mongrel dogs that hunt
or 21st century two legged creatures

who cruise control across mouthless lands
that once spoke of promise
*two minute poem is one written in two minutes--editing is allowed after the allotted time is up--words may be omitted from the original, but not added
spysgrandson May 2016
frogs "croaking"
in front of me, in the reeds
crickets "chirping"
behind me, in the brush
countless coyotes "yelping"
from across the lake
bass, carp surfacing
under a yellow moon
unaware its shimmering shaft’s
a magnet to my eye  
and more lullaby to me,
who can yet see spectral waves
but lost cherished vibrations--like birdsong,
winsome whispers--eons ago
spysgrandson Aug 2013
the horizon  always bewitches me
a seamless rolling of the stone, but a grand pronouncement  
in my deluded eyes  
the beginning, the end  
the sun makes its exit, stage west  
leaving crimson and gold  reminders
of what treasure came before  
white mushroom clouds descend  
casually, forming cool gray walls
sending silent shafts dancing about  
hot as any star
then comes the thunder, thumping  
or cracking,
depending on its mood  
in this sparkling spectacle,  
there is no horizon for me to see  
no place to jump off  
no “they lived happily ever after”  
only the power    
of formless forces beyond my control  
reminding me
for the first time,
again and again  
each warm rain
will wash away mountains of memories
and mist my eyes a little more
spysgrandson Jun 2016
his dream was always of a cart, carrying
limbs like those in so many slaughter houses
dragged along by two oxen, blind, backs whipped
by a golem whose red eyes illuminated
the path, the cart's carrion, and even
the black sky

when he would awake, he would feel
ravenous, not sated by his breakfast mush
or his noon repast--only when he sat for dinner
would he be full, after he drowned himself in wine, and gorged himself on a feast of flesh, charred yet
dripping with blood

the same sanguine soup, perchance,
he saw flowing from the wagon of his dreams,
the same as the crimson ooze from the humps of
the beaten beasts who transported
the ghoulish cargo to some crypt
in the greedy earth

to someplace he longed to see and
to be, in the dream, the one from which
he would awake with such perverse
hunger for life
*lebensunwertes leben is the German phrase, coined in the early 1930s, meaning "lives unworthy of living"
spysgrandson Jan 2017
he took the cliche sabbatical
when his wife died, careening through
the Rockies to the jagged Pacific coast,
seeing old lovers along the way

ending in Iowa
with his daughter's family:
flat lands, with no ups and downs
surprise turns, or fatal strokes

there the grief was level
his daughter of strong faith
his granddaughter young enough
to yet see heaven in blue sky

mornings after Cheerios
she would lead him around the section
edifying him about the livestock, their purpose;
she introduced him to Harriet

her pet pig;
he couldn't help but think of his Hazel
and if the consonant and vowel were coincidental
or a contrivance of a child's supple mind

his granddaughter spoke of Hazel
with sublime ease, absent the halting
staccato utterances of adults when
they mentioned his wife's name

after all, his grandchild saw her
in a passing cloud, or in the glint
of moonlight on the pond,  
in clear azure sky

soon it came time to say goodbye
to the hog, who had been with the child
a sixth of her years--but she knew this
was the way of things

feeding and fondling new things
watching them grow, becoming cautious
when their mass exceeded your own
when they began to look away

'twas then it was time
all God's creatures would lose footing
even in this flat place,
and go to sleep

though the child would not forget
Hazel or Harriet, for the latter was on the table,
sizzling and succulent, the former on the mantel,
framed in gold, smiling with eyes open
spysgrandson Nov 2011
Life

a
death
sentence
commuted
briefly
while
I
dream
I’m
awake
spysgrandson Apr 2013
you said
we all
have the love of men and women inside us
you said
you were born to love men  
if we have two sides of the coin, who flips it?  
you had no answer  
you asked,
had I ever loved a man  
yes, we were young and he was beautiful  
but I did not tell him,
nor did I want him
you asked why,
as if…I was denying myself
some privilege with half of humanity
I said, it
would have seemed queer,
to be with him that way
queer like mustard on chocolate    
not evil, not sinful but queer    
like beer with breast milk  
you said
that was sad  
I said
I was not sad  
but not born that way  
two sides of the coin, you said?  
inside all of us  
but you knew not who flipped it
nor why
spysgrandson Apr 2014
some friends, some lovers,
some just…names, none  
dropped from the sky like flies  
they vanished, some before my eyes
mostly, though, my ears heard of their passing  
“so and so…before their time”  
but tabulated ticking is not the province  
of the silenced, now in unseen passage  
it is our ears that hear those clocks  
and decide if they beat long enough  
and by what measure?  
some friends, some lovers,
some names, we heard a time or two  
or saw in print a final time  
before we rolled the paper  
to swat another one or two  
from the buzzing air
spysgrandson Aug 2014
I found you
on page 119, of the sacred tome
the only sin, to slay the fine fowl
called mockingbird--why blue jays were fair game
remains mystery to me, but I trust thee,
Ms Lee, to have writ the grand truth

though when I look to the skies,
or in the flush of leaves in my oak,
I find only mourning dove, robins
and a plain sparrow or two, all hiding,
from sinners, in the soft rain

they would not heed my words
no matter how earnestly
implored

"stay behind the branches,
do not move a feather,
words cannot protect you;
when the rains stop, those
with sharp eye and cold heart
will rob you of flight and light "

and then I awake,
to a  bright sun, to realize
there has been no rain and the slaughter
has continued all along
thank you Harper lee, for writing To **** a Mockingbird
spysgrandson Sep 2012
chants from red states and blue
and of course the tea partied new
blend into wicked white noise
and with complete lack of poise
we have become a nation divided

not that we were ever truly united
but our rhetoric is now so blighted
that whenever we open our ears
we are inundated with feculent fears
that our country is no longer grand

perhaps we were never number one...
except in matters of money and the gun
but when measured by the yardstick of the soul
did we ever really achieve a transcendent goal
or were we listening to our own lyrical lies?

‘twas not enough to denigrate
-those of foreign birth
-those of color
and the welfare ingrate
now we all chew and spew equal portions of hate
and probably deserve our feckless fate
written shortly after the last presidential election
spysgrandson May 2016
in blue depths beyond our sight
day or night, you flagellate flawlessly
as if you had not a care

dare I say you're fleeing
a predator we're not seeing?
or perhaps just at play

in a world Verne created,
a space ahead of its drudging time
perilous, yet sublime

loligo forbesii, I can only imagine
what watery waves you whipped before I had you,
deep fried calamari, on my plate
Proof not all my verse is morose--just most of it!
spysgrandson Jun 2013
the old stone walls are still standing
though they no longer echo with sounds
of cornball jokes, bottle caps poppin’ off cokes
and the happy humming of a repaired motor
  
the old man was there when
the first car pulled in for gas  
28 cents a gallon, all fluids checked for free
spotless windshield guaranteed  
he hired that Mexican boy because he was polite
yes sir, and was the best **** 20 year old
grease monkey in the county
(hell, the state)
boy had one leg shorter than the other  
and had him a twin brother
whose two fine legs carried him that place,
somewhere between honor and complete disgrace,
called Vee-et-nam
but those strong legs couldn’t bring him home  
he come back in a box,
both his good legs blown clear off  

he hired Lolo the day before
his brother come home      
was hot as Hades at that graveside  
but he went and stood by the boy,
his sobbing mama, his sober father
and the hot hole in the caliche
where his brother was gonna spend
forever    

business was good  
the boy spent most of his time
under the hood
of Riley’s ‘51 Ford
or Miss Sampson’s Impala,
(white 1962, with red interior, clean as the day she bought it)  
Nixon beat that old boy from Minnesota  
told everybody he would end that crazy Asian war  
the right way  
but the old man had been
in those foul trenches in France,
killin’ krauts when he was 18  
and he knew there was
no “right” way  

he and the boy had many a good day
with the register cling-clanging,
mechanical mysteries being solved  
and a good hot lunch now and then
when the boy’s mama brought  
fresh tortillas and asada
or the old man would spring
for chicken fried steak sandwiches from the café

yes, many a good day

until
that hot July afternoon  
the day after we landed on the moon
when “they” came  
not from some lunar rock  
but from an El Paso *******  
where graffiti were their psalms
and switchblade knives their toys  
“they” came,
parked their idling ‘57 Chevy in front of the bay,
and bust through the front door
with a gun and a ball bat  
both had hair slicked back
with what looked like 30 weight oil,
“they” smiled, and smelled
of beer and sweat  
“Dame el dinero! Give us the money!
Give us the money old man, cabron!”  
the old man glared at them  
the bat came down and grazed his head,
cracked his shoulder  
“they” did not see the boy with the wrench
who laid the bad *** batter out
with one righteous swing  
the one with the gun did not aim
but pulled the trigger three times  
and two of those hot speeding streams
sliced through the boy’s throat  
the shooter was through the door and burning rubber
while the boy lay bleeding red blood
on the green linoleum floor  
the old man knelt over him, helpless  
saw his eyes close a final time
while the sting of the burned rubber
was still in his nose, and the hellish screech
of the tires still in his ears  

the old man had seen the dead before
piled in heaps in the dung and mud
of those trenches, faces bloated
with their last gasps from the nightmare gas  
but he hadn’t shed a tear
in the pale pall of the dead  
until that hot July day, with a man on the moon, all those miles away
and the best boy with a wrench in the whole state, Lolo,  
silent on the floor in front of him  

they caught the shooter
(sent him to Huntsville for a permanent vacation)
the one Lolo laid out with a wrench died
on the way to Thomason Hospital in El Paso
the ambulance driver was Lolo’s cousin  
and he may have been driving a bit slow    

Lolo was buried the day they came back from the moon
right beside his brother in that ancient caliche
his mother sobbed softly, “mi hjos, mi hijos”  
both boys now cut down
her left with prayers
and memories…  
the boys at the ballpark
their first communions
the grandchildren she would not have  
and the gray graves where they
would return to dust  

the Saturday after, the old man turned 69  
when he flipped his open sign to closed that day, he  
climbed the ladder slowly, painted over his store bought sign
with new white wash,
and red lettered it with “Lolo’s”  
not a person asked
about him using the dead boy’s name  
and things would never be the same    

the old man lasted another nine years  
until the convenience store started sellin’ gas
(they wouldn’t even pump)  
his hands were stiff with arthritis
and his shoulder stilled ached from the crack of the bat  
he closed on a windy winter Friday  
yet painted the sign
a final time that very day  
nearly falling, as he made the last red “S”  
but he made it down the ladder that last time  
and saw the boy’s name in his rear view
as he drove into the winter dusk
Inspired by a picture of  a long abandoned filling station in a small west Texas town--please note, though the name of the station is real, the characters and events are completely fictional creations of the author
spysgrandson Nov 2011
In the long lingering shadows of last light
the trees do not complain or put up a fight
to keep their dark companions at bay
or cling clumsily to the waning day
the grass will neither wither nor whine
nor ask the hidden orb to continue to shine
but for creatures who wander through incandescent haze
and speak boldly of the passage of days
the long shadows are measured with fear
for a certain number of them make a “year”
and unlike the eternal sea from whence we came
or grass and myriad other things we could name
we hide among shadows when they grow
and beg their source to once again glow
spysgrandson Nov 2023
in the long lingering shadows of last light
the trees do not complain or put up a fight
to keep their dark companions at bay
or cling clumsily to the waning day
the grass will neither wither nor whine
nor ask the hidden orb to continue to shine
but for creatures who wander through incandescent haze
and speak boldly of the passage of days
the long shadows are measured with fear
for a certain number of them make a “year”
and unlike the eternal sea from whence we came
or grass and myriad other things we could name
we hide among shadows when they grow
and beg their source to once again glow
spysgrandson Aug 2017
while millions of eyes were on
the skies, I looked to the flat earth:
there, shadows shapeshifted, and
like scalloped creatures crawled

they were but ephemera, photon art,
of which my silhouette was a part: under
sacred penumbra, which augured other
light and darkness I will never see
spysgrandson Apr 2015
the headline, Avian flu,  
was the first bird that arrived
to mark our beginning  

I was in O'Hare,  
on my first cell, when she agreed
to have dinner

but stuck in JFK, four cells later,
when she asked me to get my things
from her loft

CNN was on the flat screen
the new plague on instant replay,
becoming a stale tale de jour

wings of silver birds
were slicing the night sky
my ticket to ride one
on the bar

I hoped
I wouldn't catch the newest bug
while still in the air
spysgrandson Aug 2017
only three days ago,
you blotted out the Sun,
casting as many spells
as you did shadows

tonight, you're but a sickle;
shaved to that anorexic shape
by the third stone from a ball of fire,
which couldn't make a dimple
or a pimple on Canis Majoris,

still I stared at you, luna
imagining the ancients, barefoot
on this same rock, who saw
magic in your pocked face

how far we've come
in scant millennia, making tubes
with their own blessed fire, to blast
us from the bounds of earth

so we could look back
at our spinning blue orb
and compare small steps
to gargantuan leaps
spysgrandson Jan 2018
not rats--he revered them, at least those sans hydrophobia

mice much maligned, though not condign; feral and farm cats kept them at bay anyway

both species took the rap for rodents

his curse he cast on the squirrels--rarely hunted, always chiseling, chipping away at his redwood trim

the spell he cast was whispered; nor did his rifle bark at them

only a few fouled words, imploring birds to dive bomb the *******

and poison placed here and there: allowing him to imagine them taking the fatal bait, skittering off to a favorite hole, writhing in death pangs

sensing some greater god than he could see, and deliver his own malediction to the world, with murderers of squirrels granted no special reprieve
spysgrandson Oct 2015
I was three, four--surely no more
we marched through the old city, I
mostly on father's shoulders, a place
I was perched so often back then  

of a thousand dry seas on the moon's
pocked face, only one my father chose to wed  
with a bomb crater: Mare Ingenii

to others, you were but a mammoth hole,
ill-timed casualty of the bombers wrath,
but Dad named you for a barren basin
on the dark side of the moon  

eons later, I was an ancient ten,
and John Glenn spun thrice around the globe
I then asked if we would live to see the real you,  
an astronomically sculpted scoop, two hundred
arctic black miles across  

dad said of course,
and I believed him, especially
after I asked when, and he said
a billion years ago
*Mare Ingenii is a crater, “The Sea of Cleverness,” on the far side of the moon. In the decade after WWII, my father actually showed me a bomb crater in Vienna, not Dresden.
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