Maybe your hair is blue now
Blue like the song of a mocking jay,
Sweet and cold.
Talking to the wind,
Drenching under the faces of clouds,
Waving at serenity.
Towards the landscape
Your feet smiles to happiness,
The white of your scarf softens,
Soften you start moving inside my eyes.
But I keep it still,
Quiet like the fallen particles of sun
On each of your pores,
Who run miles after miles
Inside your skin
Along with the prairie's wings.
There I am a hidden seed,
Sleeping through the eternity,
To dream you near.

when i say i am tired
i am tired of explaining why my head is so full of thoughts that eat my heart from the inside out

when i say i am tired
i am tired of you asking me to just "snap out of it", i am dying on the inside and i do not know how else i can phrase it for you to understand

when i say i am tired
i am tired of the nightmares that make me feel like i have not slept at all, i am tired for screaming for help inside my head

when i say i am tired
i am tired of trying to fight a battle that i will never win, maybe this is how it all ends

when i say i am tired,
do not keep asking. just hold me and tell me i will be alright
when i do not believe you,
let me go.

First things first, I don't know if we still talk. I probably grew too busy and you probably did too. I don't know if I've seen your face in the last couple of months, and I don't know if I will in the next couple of years. I don't know if your curly hair still slaps the hair of the person standing behind you when you turn to speak to someone, and I don't know if your eyes still light up when you talk to now, someone else about the guy who ended up breaking your heart. I don't know if you can decide whether turquoise or aqua blue makes your skin tone stand out best, but I don't know if I can help you decide anymore.

I guess what all I want to say is thank you, although it will never be enough. Although it doesn't mean our paths will ever cross, again. I don't think I would be the person I am today without the countless arguments we've had, the numerous heart to heart sessions, the spontaneous food trips and the laughter. Oh, the great, great laughter.

I wouldn't have learnt to run if you didn't stand next to me and held my hand when I learnt to crawl away from every single person who broke my heart. I wouldn't have learnt to smile if you didn't stand opposite me making funny faces when I thought I was done. I wouldn't have learnt how to never give up if you didn't stay up with me convincing me I was worth much more than I had made myself believe. I wouldn't have learnt how to deal with death if you didn't pick me up when I fell face flat and screamed for you to not touch me.

I wouldn't have grown if you didn't tell me I needed to stop seeing the world from only two eyes, that there was a bigger picture with greater sufferings. I don't know if the way you cared for me has caused you pain or happiness, but in both cases do know that every second you spent on me is something I believe has moulded be into being the person I am today. So thank you, for your time. For your patience, for your kindness, for your love, for your sacrifices, for your presence at some point in my life.


I wish for you, the best in everything that you are, and everything that you strive to be. I pray you are blessed with nothing but the best and I hope you know, I care.


**Thank you.

I am not feeling well does not just mean the temperature you see on that thermometer,
it also means my body and it's burning desire to no longer be alive
I am not feeling well does not just mean my head feels heavy and I want to sleep,
it also means my heart is sinking to my feet and i physically feel it in my veins
I am not feeling well does not just mean I need a painkiller to take away the pain,
it also means i am dying to reach for the blade and tear my skin apart to feel something
I am not feeling well does not just mean the food I ate is making me feel like throwing up,
it also means my entire existence makes me sick to the point of death
I am not feeling well does not just mean I will feel better after I take this nap,
it also means i will take nap after nap after nap after nap hoping to feel alive again
I am not feeling well does not just mean my joints hurt and I need to slow down
it also means my body is tired of fighting a losing battle and i give up

because some days,
i wear my depression and
some days,
*my depression wears me

Run away with you
To you
Through you
I'm invisible

Down a tunnel
Light as a feather
But, oh, you stick to me so
Think about whether
You could love me as
I do
You.
You
The gold of every sunrise
You
The reason I live
And the reason I die

It sounds ridiculous but only I feel productive when I'm doing nothing.
Sitting back, just relaxing.
Popping blue beans, burning bowls of green.
And just thinking.
Daydreaming about how things could have been.
How things could still be.
But how things will probably be.
Just close your eyes and let music be your guide.

Entire lives constructed and played out
in grand fashion. A world so detailed
I would rather get lost,
And never come back to this travesty of a society,
so raw and primal.
so human.
My world is so beautiful and yet so depressing
because it's what ours could be, but never will become.
Anything to distract me from this.
The 24 year old burnout grinding through school because there aren't many options left.
So where will I'll be in 5 years?
I wont.

do not date a girl
who writes.
she will internalize
everything,
carve poems
into your eyelashes
instead of
kissing them,

she will analyze you,
calculate age
from the rings
your coffee cup
leaves
instead of refilling it.

she will memorize
the way your
lips curl around steam,
but not that you
take it
two sugars,
no cream.

she will read your
palm instead of
holding it
against her chest.

she will not
blink
when you leave,
because she is
already
romanticizing it.