The dishwasher was run the night before
The moon reaches high again as I empty
I turn to the sink which has been filled
I peel back the layers of the day as I reach
The fifth day leftovers of pork and sauerkraut
The soup cup I chugged in search of pie
The bottle I made after enduring the tears
The lime green snack bowls, unwanted
The breakfast *** crusted over just as my eyes were when I made the first meal
Now mixed with rings of grit and swirls of grey from the coffee filter
Delicately sliced grapefruit, perfectly sized bites, I presented to the baby now lie in the drain
Mist hits my face as it bounces off stainless steal
Wipe the grime and release the shine

Stomach in knots
It mirrors her movements
Click and a snap
A little hum to make it go down easier
She’ll mirror your smile
So just smile
Be soft outside
Be stronger inside

1:13pm Eating scrambled eggs out of the pan
2:23pm Watching *** in the City with hot tea
5:05pm Crisp apple and peanut butter for dinner
7:43pm Trying to get my dog to stop barking
9:28pm Shopping for an oversized sweater  
11:37pm Hand under the covers into wet warmth

I seep joy from my chest
The heart knows what’s best
It settles in the gut
But my lover is in a rut
Guarded by the mind
Distracted by the grind

I live in a whirlwind of love
When she leaves
I’m in the eye of the storm
Too quiet

Watching anime and eating cake
on a Saturday night
Drinking beer and enjoying football
on a Sunday afternoon
Placing a fluffed pillow on a single bed
On a Monday morning
Walking through the trees with my mind
Stepping over dreams with reluctance
Driving through the day for me and her

'S ****.

to be and how.

In this moment, there are no problems.

If the love you have manifested was/is real,
it will continue to linger; it never goes away.
It's a beautiful and powerful force.
Like an eye of a super cell storm,
Let it continue to engulf me,
Soak me in your chaos; I am patient.

Illustrated in color
With gray spaces in between
Black lines that redefine the truth
And still I can't get to you
I'm not asking for much
I'm not asking you to hold my hand
But maybe you could take me home
And it goes around and around
My head

Sometimes love just ain't enough
Don't ask me why
Because I don't know

I woke up in the middle of night, last night, to an unfamiliar noise. It was a vibrating frequency coming from the floor underneath of me. I live in the third floor unit of my building which means there's second and first floor units. The noise is coming from the people underneath of me, probably. I heard it again and I was unsure of the location. Then I heard it a third time and this time it sounded like it was coming from my front door. I heard the **** make a noise. The sound of someone turning your locked doorknob or vending touching it in the middle of the night is not okay. I felt the adrenaline rush to all the muscles in my body and for a moment I was ready. I was still. I listened. My instinctual fighting abilities have evolved to this moment even though I have never been in a physical fight with anything except my boyfriends dog... After so many minutes, I began thinking about that very specific door **** noise and then trying to figure out what that vibrating rumble was. In my head I compared it to the Babadook which is a movie I had just watched recently. Even though still terrified hiding under the blankets, I found this moment comical. This would be the moment as a child when I would run into my parents bedroom night after night telling them about my nightmare and then continue sleeping in between them. In this moment I decided to let my mind wonder and listen for the first time in a long time. Through meditation I have learned to shut the unproductive doors in my mind. As I listened all I heard was the rushing vehicles on rt 76 across the river. The sounds created it's own river. I heard the breaks of the tracker trailers rumbling down the freeway to fade into the noise of the night.  I heard nothing. I heard a car drive by on my street. It hit a *** whole. For awhile the noises became so repetitive that it became mundane and my thoughts started to creep in and I let them. Then I heard an emergency vehicle. My ears perked up as I listened to the sirens bounce off the buildings. I could visualize the architectural layout of each block the ambulance went down or approached. My mind had made a fuzzy map of my neighborhood. I eventually heard the sound of my alarm reminding me to get out of bed.

I have found your words
After weeks of dreaming
I have found you
Just in time for you not to

she was a sweet ride, but nothing compares to the sound system in mortis

1:  an economic good: as
a :  a product of agriculture or mining
b :  an article of commerce especially when delivered for shipment <commodities futures>
c :  a mass-produced unspecialized product <commodity chemicals> <commodity memory chips>

2 a :  something useful or valued <that valuable commodity patience>; also :  thing, entity
b :  convenience, advantage

3 obsolete :  quantity, lot

4:  a good or service whose wide availability typically leads to smaller profit margins and diminishes the importance of factors (as brand name) other than price

5:  one that is subject to ready exchange or exploitation within a market <stars as individuals and as commodities of the film industry — Film Quarterly>

Starring into the valley, I am still connected to the people behind me.
Pounds of pressure rush by and I hear you hum a sweet tune.
People walk in-between as a child makes a risky move.
and I hear your sweet tune.
faintly.

I have to turn away because their choices are frightening,
but I look ahead because the valley is humming your sweet tune.
I am distracted by this distant conversation:
"Why would you want to leave this place?"

Sprinkling, trickling, crying. Twisting and turning.
I feel my heart beat race, but this is not a race.

These are my notes on the present.