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Apr 2014 · 725
The military
Sol Ivan Apr 2014
and with spring
came the first grown seed of my sorrow
for i have lost all sense of freedom
and who am i anymore?
i don't recognize myself when i look in the mirror.

they said it's fine, everybody does it
so why does it feel like my spirit has died
a thousand burning deaths?
why does it feel like my heart is beating faster,
and my legs want to run?

all i can see is big walls
and they are all tainted green,
and it no longer symbolizes freedom to me.
all the wild things are blue, and maybe pink,
but they have all been taken away from me.

and through my ragged breath i try to scream,
'someone, please help me. take me away from here',
but it's in vain, 'cause no one can hear.
two long months ago I joined the military (it's something we have to do where I live once we turn 18). And as realization downed on me that this is my life in the next two years, I was flooded with all these feelings.
Oct 2013 · 479
Cycle
Sol Ivan Oct 2013
Every step closer, brings me five back.
It feels like I am wondering, with no way out.
This cycle controlling, bleeding me alive
and all I'm left to do
is chock on the tears while I cry.
Jun 2013 · 663
Numb
Sol Ivan Jun 2013
I lay awake at night, numb.
Thoughts keep racing in my mind.
Voices that are not mine take charge
But I just stay there, unmoving,


numb.
Jun 2013 · 773
nothingness
Sol Ivan Jun 2013
When the last thing is taken away from you,
When you have nothing,
How do you breath?
Jun 2013 · 417
Silly.
Sol Ivan Jun 2013
Tell me why I'm confused by all the signs you're sending me
If I'm not even in love with you at all?
My mind is racing, with the thought of you.
Do you like me like I think you do?
And in this lonely hour, I really wish you did,
for you'd be the only one...

And than maybe I could be relieved.

(s.i)
Jun 2013 · 307
You.
Sol Ivan Jun 2013
When I close my eyes,
all I ever think about is you.
And I sit here alone and wonder,
are you thinking of me too?

— The End —