Usually I can write some stupid poetic ******* that dances around what you did to me and what I'd like to do to you
This did not make me better person
This did not help me grow
Reverting backwards and I did not come out unscathed
In fact, I'm still covered with your sins
They follow me every waking moment of my nightmare of a ******* life
I would've sacrificed myself if I could
You should have taken me and only me to satisfy your cannibalistic tendencies
but now I'm losing count of the amount of innocence lost
And its been almost three whole ******* god forsaken years
Yet everyday I find out more, keeping a file on you and the atrocities committed
A timeline in mind that plays over and over again, everytime filling in another blank
Everytime becoming fuller of rage than the day before
I'm taking the knife back.

his eyes provide a path to a prettier place
a place that has always been beyond my reach
i'm tired of the dark that blinds my eyes
i'm tired of the familiar pavement and machinery
in his eyes nothing is orchestrated
beauty that happens on accident
a beauty I've neither contained or obtained
there is no darkness under his eyes
only warmth, as if he had just woken up from a nap
and is still wrapped in blankets and pillows
i'm wrapped in someone else yet I still feel alone
i still feel cold
and this room is still dark
i can't find my way out
no one else will help me.

Maybe my ex boyfriend was right, I am a *****.
I have no reason to be bored, yet I seek excitement.
I crave the forbidden instead of enjoying what I have;
Constantly craving the rush of a stranger's hand.
So far within my own head I might as well be dead to him,
The love of my life, I am afraid to lose, I am devastated
To think of such a thing, survival unlikely
If I keep living like this. but there is no off switch,
Only waves of guilt for things I've never done,
Yet have an absurd longing for.
I can't always be the center of attention;
But every second you're not touching me
I feel torn from you, and dragged miles away
But I am just a *****.

I was compromising with soul murderers
While planning how they will end
I wrote letters and messages that I could never send
I was waging an invisible war
And I don't seem to get held much anymore
The snares pound at the inside my skull
And I only poison these hammers
As an attempt to feel full
But it is hard to live when the sun burns through your head
When every move feels like a needle missing the thread
When all I want to do is be your shield
Maybe then I could feel your body against mine again
But I understand that you're not fully healed
I think I am selfish for feeling far away
But I know you could never lead me astray
So for every today, I will always stay.

Like a boomerang I stray
Only to come back here against my will
With the walls painted and cracked
Soon we will brush over the artifacts
Just like the streets that have been repaved
The once spotless driveways
Overgrown with moss
Gardens once tended to
Now infested with weeds

But I suppose
that weeds must
live and grow
just as flowers must.

I know you don't believe me
When I tell you that I will fight for you endlessly
I will always give you whatever you need
All you have to do is let me
I will knock down your barriers
I will fight your insecurities
Your personal warrior
You just have to let me
I will give you every last cent I have
If it means your head stays dry from the rain
I will buy your every meal
If it means your body is nourished
And I will tear apart
Limb by limb
Those who see you as lesser
Than their own disgusting selves
Just let me help you
Stay alive
So that I
Can stay alive
Too

I.
once you fed me a magic fungus
you wove me a hat
to keep me warm from the cold
we walked outside
the night twinkling
holding hands melding into the earth
melding into each other
we came home
you breathed into my hands
and as you ran me a bath
I saw the violence in myself
the red lines down my legs
a reminder
of how i'd been hurt
and you understood
holding me in the hot water
we boiled with our tears
into a healing broth full of hope

II.
i was so young before
so hurt
nothing's changed except
you dont feel here anymore
you feel as far as your new home
even when you're directly beside me
our entire lives by each other's side
only to be torn apart
left to my own devices
i feel you missing everyday
but not the you that sleeps in a tiny town
the you that slept next to me
when I thought nothing could take you away from me.