You said I was your favorite taste
Of cigarettes and whiskey
So I'm begging you to kiss me gently
Because I'm longing to kiss your velvet lips
And feel your breath against my neck
I want to taste the venom on your lips and the poison on your tongue
So lay me down
Like you do in my dreams
And rest your hands on my legs
Until your fingernails are cutting into me making me bleed
And when I look into your eyes filled with pools of shadow
I question if you're a blessing or a curse
And then I ask you again,
Take my body
And make my wild weird dreams come true

I sit and feel... Different.
Some would have inspiration, some would have peace,
And some would be able to think about anything with
That clanking of cups and the whirr of a coffee machine.
But I can't describe how strange I feel sitting here.
Maybe the people sitting here aren't supposed to be.
The snobs giggling and gossiping in the corner,
The waft of marijuana coming in from just outside of the door.
This isn't a normal place. And I
Am not a stereotypical poet.
I write paintings in my mind and draw poems with my lips.
And, right now, they aren't encasing the rim of a coffee mug.
I don't have the money.
And I don't have the rhyme scheme to
Make fun of those who don't get it.

I should be getting it together and setting up for work but can't,
all I'm doing is sitting here thinking about you and if you are safe.
I can't get your voice or your lovely face out of my mind.
Yes I'm obsessing mainly because you are that mystery I want to discover.
If you read my poems Betty P., they are ALL about you and wish I had your number.

Took the leap of faith
I allowed myself to love
I fear getting hurt she means the world
Things are great I fear shell find someone else
Leave me out to dry up consumed by heartache
That passion fades I want to express my love
I don't want it to end or say goodbye
You know how I feel I said be friends you didn't like the idea
The thought of you with someone else is like death
Taking my life away everything that mattered seems pointless
If I could figure it out I wouldn't be losing it
Not playing or trying to be waiting around
Eventually well be together
Or depart save what's left of my heart

Everything is getting so bad.
I am getting so bad.
It really is and I really am.
I have no motovation.
I just can't do anything.
I binge and I purge.
I'm using a cold blade to make myself burn with scars.
Again.
There is no home for me.
I sleep all day.
I've missed a dangerous amount of classes.
I need a job.
I have yet to process
Major things that are happening.
**** has been continuously hitting the fan
For seven years and
I just can't make it stop
And I can't catch a breath,
And the flashbacks are awful.
I just wrecked my thighs.
I don't want to burden anybody.
I know all I do is complain.
But it is literally me screaming for help.
And no one is helping me.
I'm up to my neck in my own mental disorders.
I'm drowning.
I really ******* am.
I walk around late night hope I'll get killed,
I stare at 163 sleeping pills every night.
I'm all late night binging and purging.
This is the ******* life.
I carry a toothbrush in my purse
And tell people I'm just obsessed with my tooth health.
I smoke to hide the smell of *****.
I'm drowning.
I'm desperate.
I'm drowning.
Why are strangers offering more help
Than the people in real life that I'm begging.
I'm an adult now.
It's no longer the fault
Of the people who raised me.
I have waited for this day to come.
The day where all of the sudden
The blame shifts to you.
I'm still drowning.
I'm dying.
I'm drowning.
I know I should stop cryjng for help
And just get it myself.
But I used up all my strength
I really did.
And I will be perfectly fine
With just dying.
I really would be.
I'm drowning anyway.
Might as well make it literal.