A flicker of pale light
Falls across her face
Her smile is lost,
Hidden behind the haze
Of smoke clouds and rings
Escaping her every breath
To her heart it clings ,
A thought escapes her head
With profound nothing-ness
She remains so calm ,
An embrace to keep her from falling ,
Trapped in her own arms
Bleeding yet again ,
With every words she knows
Just an old nightmare ,
A cold whisper she beholds
Caged inside her own making ,
For she was her own master
But the road was all of night ,
Full of monsters
ghosts walked in disguise
Impervious to ones impending fate
Key to the buried lies
Icicles form the gates,
To the land of mirrors
A world of fading reflection
Blinding one and all
In every direction ,
Blinded her too
Momentarily, for her disguise
There was no view
Outside  window of the wise
Better part of hallucinations,
Were all too real illusions
His name still a mystery,
A concept for her confusion
For he fades away every passing breath
Smoke reminds her of his memory
She's lost , now and forever
In her own reality
Only he Can make her smile
Smile for her so she can be saved
Saved from her cage and night
Night that's now her slave

One
I hate myself.
Two
I'm scared to sleep at night because whenever I close my eyes it's as if the ruthless words of hatred and disgust that you throw at me relentlessly replay over and over in my head as if it was a broken record perched on the top of a dusty shelf that isn't within a reachable distance.
Three*
I don't know who I am anymore. I lost her somewhere within this sea of sadness I plunged myself into.
Four
Fat, Ugly, Worthless. Fat, Ugly, Worthless. Fat, Ugly, Worthless.* These are the words that taunt me everyday and latch onto me like a bloodthirsty leech that just found a new piece of flesh to feed off of.
Five
Whenever somebody tells me to be who I am and that they won't judge. I laugh. I laugh because being who I am is just a distant memory. I cant be who I am because I lost when I skipped my first meal. I lost who I was when I learned what it felt like to genuinely hate myself. I lost myself when I learned how to numb myself so that I feel nothing at all. Now here I am in present time, curled up in a ball of my own self pity, crying out all the feelings I wish I had.
Six
Somedays, I wish I could find the me that loves me, but I can't because the horrid words that you uttered to me stabbed her over and over again relentlessly and when you finally walked away, she stood there bleeding out all the love and trust she used to have.
Seven
I hate telling people how I really feel because they take it as a yearning for attention, not a cry for help. I hate telling people how I feel because they would treat me as if I was a problem and not a human.
Eight
I just wish that someone would paint on me as if I were a blank canvas and turn me into something magnificent because I am tired of continuously painting
myself in hopes that my tear-stained cheeks, lifeless eyes, and pain will turn me into the beautiful girl society expects me to be.
Nine
I just wish I was normal.

-b.c.

Scribbling away my usual thoughts,
I mostly come across your thoughts,
My shallow beats get deep thoughts.

As they joyfully prance on the dark,
Slaying the darker-grimmer shades,
My brighter thoughts will only win.

In my joyous moments I need you,
In my darker moments I need you,
In my present & future I need you.