we try to play numb
to our thoughts and feelings
like there's a chance
they will leave us alone
as if they will disappear
if we try to avoid them
but they never will
they have no days off on their schedule
they make us who we are
they're parts of ourselves no one can see
at night
during the day
every second
every minute
every hour
we can't avoid ourselves, our minds
we can't escape the mirrors, the reflections
we can't be numb, and refuse to ever feel

i found fragments of bullets

inside of me this morning

they've been there since the day

you shot me in the heart

then proceeded to exit out of my life

without even a goodbye

i never cried once when i thought about you

for days, weeks, months

told myself that everything would be fine

everything would be just fine

but i was lying to myself

as i did when we were together

every day i told myself

that we would last forever

i live inside my mind
it's a broken home
negative thoughts line the walls
insecurities cook in the kitchen
broken is an understatement
i'm internal
not external
i won't tell you i'm dying
you will see it, feel it, hear it
that's how i am
it's how i'll always be
i don't think i will ever be set free
from myself

I can't forget the past
Which shaped the way
My heart currently beats
With such irregularity
Heartbreak is painful
To say the least
But at best
You will never love again
For fear of having
Your happiness shattered
Your heart split in two
Your image of them tarnished
After they find someone
Who they think
Is better suited for them
Than you ever were
And the only thing you can do
Is wish you were dead
Because the person
Who used to make your heart beat
Will be the one
Who rips it out of your chest
And takes it with them
On their way off to forever
Forever, without you

Today, today
I lost my mind
Because of you
And because of me

An explosion, an explosion
Happened somewhere in my mind
Because of harsh words
And quick tempers

We shouted, we shouted
Back and forth
Because of me
And we almost died

Can we, can we
Go on without fighting?
Because fighting destroys us
And I feel sick to my stomach when we battle

Will you, will you
Help me, help you
Because we need each other
And we always will

Even on your worst day
You shine like a thousand suns
If only you knew
How blinded I am
By how flawless you are
And why every syllable
I utter about you is the truth
When I describe you
From your head to your toes
I am speaking from the basement
Of my heart
Where I house memories
Of our first nights together
And our last nights
Where I fell in love
With your laugh
And the way you know yourself
Better than I know myself
And at night I pray
You never lose that spark
Deep inside of you
That caused a spark to ignite in me
Which will burn in my heart
And travel through every crevice
Of my soul
Until my heart has had enough
And suddenly stops on a dime
Never to beat again
For you
Or myself

the waves in her mind
crash against her trust issues
as if thoughts of heartbreak
rest along the shoreline

painful memories from her past
live in her head like lyrics from love songs
she'll never forget the melodies of

skeletons in her closet, are catching dust
next to broken dreams of a perfect relationship
with someone who won't let her fall flat on her face
when she falls madly in love with them

reality keeps her up late at night
forever reminding her how fatal love can be
and what can happen if she loses herself
trying to find someone
who will make her heart beat right, again