i'd like to
find a crevice
so deep in your bones
to build a nest
of your vessels
for this cold,
chilling winter

you know for ages
I thought I was finally getting
over you
my mind was filled with
other thoughts
but at 4:36 I woke up
this morning
and realised how stupid
id been

of course I still miss
you
and it wasn't the empty
space next to me that reminded me.
it was the knots in my hair
I got from turning in my sleep
so much because even
in my dreams
you aren't mine

it's hearing a text on
my phone
and my breath catching
in my throat
because I'm hoping it's you

I'm not sure if I'm
angry at you.
how could I be?
whenever someone asks
about you
I never know what to say.
...an ex-almost?

that's what kills me the most.
we could have been...
something.
and the only way I can
somehow fall asleep
at night without
saying goodnight to you
is to remember we are under
the same galaxy,
you're made of bones
just like him, and him,
and her.

you're a part of me
you're in my veins and I've
done all I can to get you
out
but it just won't work.
it won't work.
please make it stop.
I guess some nights
when we're both filled with
***** we'll finally have
the same thing running
through our veins

I like to tell people
I don't have a heart,
what are feelings anyway?
but you,
you remind me that I have one
because I can feel it breaking

I remember that you
always had a pen in your
hand, tapping away
god, that was annoying.
but now I can't hold a pen
without replicating your
actions just to feel
less lonely
do you remember how
I good I am at lying?
you told me that once.

it scares me that you've
forgotten me
because all I remember is you
you
you
you
but it scares me even more
that one day I might forget you
because then I won't have
something to remind
me how to feel

maybe one day
10 years from now
you'll feel your heart sink
because the red wine in your
glass isn't dark enough
to match my red lipstick
or you'll remember me
when that girl makes you
coffee
and puts too much
milk
and the brown doesn't resemble
my eyes anymore

maybe one
day you'll realise what could
have been
but it will be too late
I'll stop running to you
because I got burned everytime
and I have tears running
down my face now
and you aren't here to
help me
*******
why aren't you here?

I never believed in fate,
that the universe somehow
controlled who we met
but I guess I have to
thank the universe
for at least letting you
stop by.

-
I'm okay now.
you're out of my system,
my blood no longer has
your poison
I don't wake up at 4:36 anymore

I'm okay, I don't love you.






(remember how good I was at lying?)

The cold nipped my nose like a puppy
Wind chapped my lips like each gust contained razor blades
My eyes cried tears
Solidifying into frozen spears
My hands rubbing in prayer
For spring

The fragrance of fresh flowers wafting in my nose
Honey suckle and fresh air entering between my lips
My eyes cried tears
Being cold no longer my fears
Yet I wanted more, I wanted my skin to pulsate with the sun
Of summer

The sunburn turning me into Rudolph
Parched, insatiable lips
My eyes tried tears
Evaporated by heat,  it sears
This hot needs to stop before I drop, I need the shade
Of autumn

A crimson leaf caressing my nose
Cider residue on my lips
Eyes cried tears
The leaves a whirl of life, changing, winter nears
But I want scarves, cocoa, nights by the fire, Christmas, the snow
Of winter

Looking for new to be different
Seasons bringing new emotions, new thoughts
But old actions remain the same
Wanting new but reverting to old
Seasons to be the same

I am an irrational fear
I bear claw at your beehive of a brain
I’m ice crystallizing on the window of your mind
I’ll insta-freeze your thoughts
No amount of heat will get you going again

Fight or flight
But I make you always choose the latter
I’m the elephant in the room
hanging from above your head by
Thimble thread

I’m a taxi service
Driving you up the wall
Zig-zagging up the walls tearing you to and fro
Never giving you respite from the whirl of anxiety until
Crashing you straight into the ground

A professional packager is part of what I am
I’ll pack you so tight into the box
There’s no air to fit in any crevice
The trick is it’s a mime-made box of
Your creation

I’m the black sun to your planet
Everything you do revolves around me
I don’t get off light but **** all of yours away
A tick on the underside of your spirit
Leeching away your life till all that’s left
are your broken bones

I am the ghost in the mirror
I am the shade in your stride
I’m the monster under your bed
And you cannot hide
From me

I am strong, I am fierce
I am relentless, I am calamity
I am the rock tied to your leg
Pulling you under

I am You.