two bottles of coke
a fresh tablet and an open notebook
left behind for class
a heart's a heavy burden
but the smiles of the crew really make it worth it
just being in that space is all it takes

printed waltzes over rendered clouds
we played the song again
a kiss a dance a hug, careful steps with love
and then
a spoonful of center cake
but not sweeter than the hearts
of the people i partake

borrowed pages on a gymnasium floor
crowd sourced poetry interlude ensues;
an encore -
oh how i would love to live
with just the three of you

what's he saying
what's he saying
you don't get it do you
digging graves deeper
never six feet but thirteen now
costs of conversation ever steeper
how is it that every time you speak together
it becomes a shrieking endeavour
when will you stop
when will you stop
when did you stop
loving each other

what's she saying
what's she saying
why's she saying that to him
he tried to help
to please to pleasure
but nothing fits her standards
as she sits higher than her own slandered answers
she says she loves him

what's he saying
what's he saying
what he's saying
is he's done and through
with you
and your degrading ways
the price to pay for abusing stays
but he will not stay with it

he will stop the cinic
when the cinic will not stop herself
or stop listening at least
might miss the ring on his finger
but never in his ears
here's to bold-choiced new-life filled of tears
with years of shut in living
she said she loved him
but if she ever listened to what he was saying
she'd know how
what he's saying
is hopes for best
but goodbyes for now

audacious suspicious
egregious and vicious
pervasive emissive
passive persistive
unarmed and ungallant
expectedly *******
unbounded unfounded
expoundingly grounded
tenacious abrasive
abruptly invasive
static in stasis
solitary basis erases tastes this wasting faces making listing blazes
hazing draped in places
losing races unabashadly
maximally tragically insanity and jaded

relentlessly unyielding
what am i to do but apologize
a leash does not affect the facts
nor can such a thing be held with strictness

i shouldve known it would only be
a disgustingly short matter of time
and in such a repulsively simple moment
but of course that is when i am
an unguarded unsuspecting witness

crushed to the ground at your feet
kneeling in pools of tears and guilt
dare i even ask such undeserved forgiveness

breathing music into water
fingers pinched around a wine glass stem
a phone screen in a locked room
avoiding dinner table gazes
why do you want that

extra hours for today
but never quite enough to escape
why does he feel like that

the only thing inside
the only thing i will deny
to suppress is to nourish in a twisted kind of way
to reach and to hold
there are no longer lungs within my ribs
[]
im sorry
i shouldnt say that
please forgive me when i say i still need to forget you

paper in my hands
remember why the residue taunts at the front edge
its funny now, after all that, theyre the same too

dark mode no prose, subject to monarchy
low dose closed eyes the way im not supposed to
why did you ask to see that

the sound of crust from bread
the empty bowl in front of me
the way i call the animal
im thinking of white stitching
why did you choose to watch that

here, now
how many times have those images slept within your eyes
and could it ever be said
the way it has rooted in my mind
i secretly hope and i desperately dont
and im sorry but why did you suggest that or do you even know

three hours later at the nine and followed forty
(where did you go from the four)
slandered rocks he left on bricks before a bus of bad memories came to knock me down
straight into the ground I thought it might just drive me to the mantle
molten rock to cool my temper after living below finger pads and being trampled
how could I have run when simply stunned I nearly tripped
over my own tongue
I need to close my mouth
but here I am too kind too cruel to ever say a word but to never stop a sentence what kind of speech is my own
I've never heard it real so to speak you see at least thats how it feels

ask me again tomorrow and I'll say I've felt it true and that I know myself exactly who
and yet
across the bench is you

I'm tired I'm drained I'll completely explain
why I do not like you--
if only you'd sign this form of consent to never sue me over words I may have maybe said
except those are never read just signed in blinded ink instead
so really what's the use just take the helmet off my head
(don't be silly, as if I ever had it really)

he's got his heart on his shoulder but I'm not sure
if there's another in his throat
another one to dread
I hope to find proof yet hope's all I can do
for better or for worse or left for simply dead
I cannot seem to tell good liars what's the truth

it's four in the morning
go back to bed
dreams soaring but
don't spend so much time inside your head
it's time for work instead
Easter Sunday

homework on the dining table
laptop and a pen
don't tell me I don't fit my label
wasn't kidding when I said
this is not pretend
Easter Sunday

six years without wheels can lead
to isolation caged frustration stuck inside a cell
inside the bottom of a well
understand me
I wish I had a bike
but really I just wanna love my family
wish that they were people that I liked
they love me and deserve it back
but I just can't requite like that
in tears upon linoleum
I'm loveless in the bathroom
Easter Sunday

gentle hands when gentle time collides
touch hair touch heart touch lives
include another in tactile feeling
grounding, remind them that they are worth being
the warmth that is held in the palm and the eyes
conveyed to each other through physical guide
how difficult to be vulnerable
to show scars with skin
but with touch, consolable
a human within

fresh colors completely distantly constant
brother poet possibly gripping patience
smooth for ever eventually taking existence

a swallowed rolling branch of trouble
the blade expressed by monster eighty
compliantly shady driving a cracked creating whisper
bubbled rubble of weighty concern
does this hurt forget her it's Christmas, web surfer
a bloom adorned in restless praise
for tongues and lathes trail storms ablaze
lingered is west current laid
an unexpected place, for change

tears are skin deep
in beauty moon wonder
takes my lonely youth away
they heal the bleeding peak
the boys smile numbly thunder
underneath holy force they lay

from heavens content petals prone
claim waiting names of ancient begged
those Saturday boys of wasted senses
desires swallow ghostly natural stone
perfection strung on madness famed
conversations threw perception wrenches

pharmacopoeia pseudo-heartbreak
boys of silk surrender's tone
numbers **** fixed clue compassion
they've knocked naive awkward sake
surrounded rot dwell spoken phones
talks grateful lake of mentioned passion

chronically perched he crouches on my shoulders digging into skin only resting when my thoughts become dreams when my mind has left reality behind, is it reasonable to believe i have a chance, is it just cruel to hope for survival when the existence is so visceral and i am brought to ruin by a glance

slicing whispers
inside of your head
gun shots on your tab
liquor in your holster
several left for dead

her name not on your tab
her texts you've left on read
her smiles you don't have
her presence you now dread

bearing marks of monthly faces
safety races faster than time
careful crime bothered the speed
of greedy circles eyeing ashes
car crashes sliding into birthdays
plastic rays bridging stolen gaps
of payments lasting grinning pity
in mercy city on planet danger
steady stranger listing sideways
right they form faced bullets
and same full pit lifeless mouths
sorrows endowed continue to consider
within her catching snap a melancholy tone
exposed and prone a younger mile crooked
pockets took its twelve fingers sworn
adorned on necklace rests
eternally festers in a sense
except intense purity wept confessed
anticipation checked and kept
nails curled over wire breaths
another morsel crept

reality laughs at tomorrow as promises pull me back
grassy worries written under flowers return my nature fate
an answer for the shadow's teeth keeps moving, gently ready
walking smiles of golden places eat endless sand and hate
angels plan twisted poisons every evening wave
another painted innocent, left to make their grave
wearing fingertips as gloves his fading difference wanes
but my honey glory always keeps and washes daily shot from shirts
infinite yet burnt blankets offer strangers common prayer
a mere shout traced a rolling blade drives refusal under holes
again I'm claimed by explanation floating wishes torn and rare
scared below sacred thoughts of brushing matching hair

an ear it aches of music tastes like splintered glass
running through an autoshop of metal broken last
on the couch the chair the ceiling flesh to reeling
the worm inside my head it writhes and twists
in pinkish pain it extorts contorts complains
wishes it were real insists the wrists were not
wrought untold to taint my mind it will own my
to the from with but then a next that we for pry
tears knitted back into the mouth of woeful lies
the entrance of a chasm barren grounds of feeding festered
nothing left completely ravished and the worm he is still famished

work, heat, delta thermal
physics homework is eternal
pressure, volume, temp-er-a-ture
writing numbers of im unsure
diatomic, radiative
canvas grading is creative
gpa extrapolated
ideal gases suffocative
but i only need to pass
to relax at long last

keyboards covering miles -
turbulent plights of backhanded fights, it isnt arguing if its explanation
i suppose for those whove known no difference in abrasive ways for twenty years of unchecked distance kissing specious missing patience, it is true or at the very least adjacent
drag the corpse if not complacent
heinous words are not creative
and lately all the heart i have has drained away to become tasteless

a new symphony
invited to a group
honored flattered
small dreams really
my short hair mistook
by thee an image shattered
sorry but new me
I think myself it suits
(so don't mind if I do)
not yet exact, sure
but we'll get there

captured pitch
constellations understand
fragments marked cliché

fluttered catch
imperfections overwhelm
passage traced away

wednesday stint
permanently connected
weightless neared today

complex brick
independence constructed
coughing thumped display

find care felt apart
smart
starting young realize patience
cremation tastes this
****
dropped exploited shaken dark
explained in snark
carting baggage luggage part
a lot but late
leak steak lurking bait escaping shape
heart

black blanketed empty ice
i didnt want to bring it
i didnt feel the pull the push the desire the bone-burning fire
i think i might be losing what it meant what i felt what i dreamt
grieving on pine needle floors
"TO DECIDE"
is it even up to me anymore
"everything that i want
i now have to give up
because it seems appropriate"
(appropriating portions that you punctuate)
if abdication is required well then so be it
or at least that is the manner that i will depict
as i realize the extent to which i fluctuate

spotted in tears parallel to peers
for the impact is unimaginable
intangible ungrounded unfounded unmanageable

i stand in the back row, watching the casket sink lower
im never sure whos inside
whats divine when theres nothing alive
to what capacity will the constraining factor maintain
incapable, an electric field of rage, inescapable
a negatively charged invertebrate ablaze
as if i ever had a chance against the flames

yellow crosswalk indicators underneath my shoes
sillhouetted familiarity by the garden ledge
and instead, wiping away water, stopping for the view

six identical plates, twelve identical more
will i wont i, pushed aside
deciding that right now i will be fine
six identical breaks, twelve identical torn

this future does not carry over
perhaps it is that i will be declined denied reimagined revived
i will never be ready for anything old for anything new
not even clouds in windows in lines
i miss you i miss you i miss -
well
i miss what i used to think of you

but standing in that row
did you hear what i had whispered
a candle lit dinner in tandem to splinters
for some time
sitting alone at the table
inside of my mind
would i even if i was able
did you notice
did you falter
are you stable
the stone had a name like mine

a budding desire to leave
an afterthought of tears sprouting in the fields
unreasonable hopes and unobtainable dreams
a small amount of lines on a screen - its hard to digest wheels and wings, but harder yet to stomach the prospect of being, of lying sleepless breathing
back pain creeping, repetition steeping, the only thing persisting keeping cling to aching missing fleeing
argumentative sitting
conversations of speculative dissonance, proliferated distance, insisting dismissive
artistically passive tragic and diminished
there is minimal drive, suffocated motivation with nothing particularly persuasive, save for invasive ideas of loving ways and pay that plays a part in paving optimistic savings for an all too distant day

as points of life are stripped away, one thing will yet remain. its funny how much it takes, the sheer amount of space for this inside my brain, theres not much else up there anymore.
and it is in times like these that i find not even a moment can pass without it, so it seems.
and i am lost within these green and golden waves, and for that i do apologize. it was never my intention and should have been a phase, but here i stand -
and here i feel. with only a single aspect left, i fear. it is unfortunately clear i caught a riptide despite wishing to stay dryly in the sand.
i cannot help but notice what swims the water at my side, and glancing back i cannot help but notice the coldness of my hands

seventy five percent and of the unprosetic words eighty some is silver. eighty some a studded cup, insulated yard sale zippers, two black doors, just like the hood of a past to a sister. sometimes the existence is painful, but with sweet will come bitter, merely wishing for peaceful decisions that do not fester but glimmer, although the fear is insurmountably weighted heavily pressed to the soul, and occasionally cracking the skull, creating a beat just to keep a distraction for temperature, redirection of heat, and tears under stars will shimmer with shivers of guilt - acceptance pending, as this will not wither, this will not wilt.

hearing thoughts alive of sky
summer hours running cry
a changing mark of ashes

I ignore poison poured filling actions forced
language aches of notes entire starting spinal coarse

honey painful self

desribe the concrete plain
washed suicide crash of brighter safety
set moth fades mouth maids
fruit and liquor
raging hazy dreams from couch and bed
lazy days another whiskey crazy

burnt crime cluster grime
customer chained dance
advanced beloved violent passion
stand your ground
keep your stance
a chance of no particular fashion

I don't mean to harbor such hate
it's not like me to do so
I so strongly believe in giving repreive
for all I do and don't know

I'm sorry to be so jaded
it's just tough to live under this roof
my space is always invaded
I feel always under scrutiny
on the edge of mutiny
or at least just moving out
(quietly, of course)
or so intended though contended
by your natural ways
to make a show of something soft
my reasoning has made
the need to know of why I'm off
you'll never get the answer that you wish for
as I whisper
something not the truth

I would rather not see
I would rather not be
another on the shelf

like the delicacy in a roadkill's silhouette
my teeth will leave a mark
an imprint from desire sunken gently through the surface
to break the skin like disturbing silent waters
i find some kind of aspect so alluring so grotesque
served cold over pavement
the world is the platter
the dish, my head

soar blue skies
more to find
taste this sort of hue

you don't miss
sight fronted
sword's flight quick show

torn to life
you want it so
heaven or make some

hide as you do
but I will always find you
and forever reside inside you
your very skin the walls that keep me in
take me by the throat
just try to **** me and survive
you know you need me

he felt sweet care from the lips of god
a cry for help as bright as reason itself
but a simple burn needed steps to learn
yet silent hours screamed him fogged

there was a heron in the sky when i crossed the street this morning. ive never seen a heron so far from water, so far from home. i watched it gently, despite the people walking. i dont always break the unspoken in this manner, and although ive been more often lately, it still is not consistent, and so feels notable in this instance. of course there you were when you werent and lasting considerably though considering what is normal to me this was not notable.
but a heron was flying when i got off the bus today.

i felt as rested as ten with completed checks yet really i was running on a miracle three with more boxes than i could carry with my hurting wrist and hurting knees -

dear god,
will you hold me so softly with mercy in your palms,
will you tell me so delicately what you mean when you speak,
will you set me so lovingly to the floor when you must let me down,
for there will come the time for me to die.

at six fifty pm they turn off all the lights. and down the block sitting at the stop, at last a moment to catch up, and that is when i saw the second one that day.

dear heron,
will you fly again so starkly with your ever fervent beauty,
will you seek me out so blatantly though subtle as you have been guided,
will you return so frequently further, but not so much you disappear,
for i would love a heron to fly when my time has come to pass.

holding you feels like an inevitable. intangible yet legible. i dont check the clock when im waiting for the bus. it will arrive when it does and when it does i will get on it.

i saw two herons on tower street today.

to the store in the wind under clouds over wheels times two
I liked her hair; it was like mine
but no, I hadn't seen a chocolate lab
whipping cream sixty percent done stirred in sugar needs more sugar
needs more sweet
vanilla extract
extract joy then with snapped yells coursing in the veins of home
home... not really, just some walls, my heart isn't here
black pearls on fingers and necks and minds and upon my life
VPN poetry under cold sheets on a twin mattress
prayer beads of black pearls on the shelf
if it didn't take two hands to type
those pearls would be somewhere else

wallets unfolded out of pockets over windows under doors
silky hands flashing plastic no dollar bill encores
stripper poles in limousines an unattended hell
officer asks license unaware of what's in store
it's just as well
wallets unfolded out of pockets over windows under doors

what's a piece of poetry
type of textual pie
slice of life and of strife
human experience
for you here since
you asked so kindly
so politely
for some verse upon thy ears
tears upon thy cheeks
speak up another curse
another thought to seek
sleep to reimburse
hours burned inside your sight
what's a piece of poetry
type of textual pie

gymnasium
so amazium
blowin my cranium
my **** so hard like titanium
thats crazy insanium
like cadmium geraniums
caesium uranium
wild pounding atriums
emblazened with palladium

corn flake dust
of feelings felt
daily broken trust
heart melt misfortune
the fires of sore sinned
lonely but options undesired
is it too much to ask
apparently

I'm tired