yes king slay best boy prince
baby belly love this simple verbal kiss
pat on the head cause you're doing so well
negativity expelled spills love as you tell
your love to him
your love to him he should value over all
sad smile thanks you but
it's not mutual
honey baby love just listen to me
I love him like I would if he were me
if I was him he'd love me back
but then again if he was me I wouldn't love like that
look
all you need to say is that you'll love me any day
cause darling baby boy it only works when it's both ways
if someone doesn't love us then that's okay
but we need to love each other if you'd let me just explain
the ultimate is happiness, on this we both agree
but means of obtaining, on level we don't see
really it just starts with reclaiming yourself, reign in yourself, and most of all remaining yourself
it all starts with you, baby boy, with me, and our joy
without disclaiming just be naming me as your love as your flame
and I'll be naming you I know as the one I'd like to stay
for if we have this fire light, we'll never be alone a day
seeing as we both
are one and the same

breathing music into water
fingers pinched around a wine glass stem
a phone screen in a locked room
avoiding dinner table gazes
why do you want that

extra hours for today
but never quite enough to escape
why does he feel like that

the only thing inside
the only thing i will deny
to suppress is to nourish in a twisted kind of way
to reach and to hold
there are no longer lungs within my ribs
[]
im sorry
i shouldnt say that
please forgive me when i say i still need to forget you

paper in my hands
remember why the residue taunts at the front edge
its funny now, after all that, theyre the same too

dark mode no prose, subject to monarchy
low dose closed eyes the way im not supposed to
why did you ask to see that

the sound of crust from bread
the empty bowl in front of me
the way i call the animal
im thinking of white stitching
why did you choose to watch that

here, now
how many times have those images slept within your eyes
and could it ever be said
the way it has rooted in my mind
i secretly hope and i desperately dont
and im sorry but why did you suggest that or do you even know

your driving is reckless
but im more concerned about the tires
and the fire in my throat

the bruises on my knees did not give respite
swiftly i was swept by my ineptitude
sick to my stomach when youre with me

i dont want it to be true
fingers crossed that its not the same for you
because all that i can say is

i just hope that i die quickly

seventy percent is needles in my head, bed sheets clean but not made yet
seventy percent is baby park pride, neighborhood rummage sales and mountain bike rides
seventy percent is school computer games, new DS names, broken back maimed
seventy percent is everything I did today except for homework
why'd you have to make it seventy percent
if it were less then maybe I would put forth
but it just feels impossible and efforts will be worthless
seventy percent is something bound to fail
seventy percent of my grade 'bout to derail

sending clouds through silver rollers in my mind
cornered treetops of seven-paned patchwork skyline
with glass reaching to the planes

it is in moments of solitary names that it comes to me so peacefully in pain -
i wish that i could make you understand
just how gentle it can be to feel such complete despair resting in your hands

but here i stay
i fear i may
be lost again today

and as the same
it would pertain
the pulse inside my veins

sectionals of sky before my eyes
and i will never find it wise
to simply let it by to my demise,
but i digress -

gentle hands when gentle time collides
touch hair touch heart touch lives
include another in tactile feeling
grounding, remind them that they are worth being
the warmth that is held in the palm and the eyes
conveyed to each other through physical guide
how difficult to be vulnerable
to show scars with skin
but with touch, consolable
a human within

slicing whispers
inside of your head
gun shots on your tab
liquor in your holster
several left for dead

will you let me down easy
lower the webbing so gently
dont let me hold on to the putlogs so tightly
soften my grip on the entry
lay me to rest for a century
back fill my memories with petals
write on the stone with intention
eventually visit to tell me youre ready to witness acension
breathe in my lungs with devotion
release me completely without breaking motion
allow me to meet you in fourteen years and let my six feet of tears bring flowers to the fields

and will you let me down easy

will you touch my cheek without burning
and settle my sleepless turning
will you let me down in speaking
will you let me down so easy

☆
inventory slots pockets brought
water savory lot ticket caught
☆
lights bring colors bring joy bring finicky listening luster leaping in custard
☆
pen going dont stop
time ticking watch the clock
rhymes and rhythm for the rock
shop this walk it dont just lock it
stop
☆

relentlessly unyielding
what am i to do but apologize
a leash does not affect the facts
nor can such a thing be held with strictness

i shouldve known it would only be
a disgustingly short matter of time
and in such a repulsively simple moment
but of course that is when i am
an unguarded unsuspecting witness

crushed to the ground at your feet
kneeling in pools of tears and guilt
dare i even ask such undeserved forgiveness

two bottles of coke
a fresh tablet and an open notebook
left behind for class
a heart's a heavy burden
but the smiles of the crew really make it worth it
just being in that space is all it takes

printed waltzes over rendered clouds
we played the song again
a kiss a dance a hug, careful steps with love
and then
a spoonful of center cake
but not sweeter than the hearts
of the people i partake

borrowed pages on a gymnasium floor
crowd sourced poetry interlude ensues;
an encore -
oh how i would love to live
with just the three of you

what's he saying
what's he saying
you don't get it do you
digging graves deeper
never six feet but thirteen now
costs of conversation ever steeper
how is it that every time you speak together
it becomes a shrieking endeavour
when will you stop
when will you stop
when did you stop
loving each other

what's she saying
what's she saying
why's she saying that to him
he tried to help
to please to pleasure
but nothing fits her standards
as she sits higher than her own slandered answers
she says she loves him

what's he saying
what's he saying
what he's saying
is he's done and through
with you
and your degrading ways
the price to pay for abusing stays
but he will not stay with it

he will stop the cinic
when the cinic will not stop herself
or stop listening at least
might miss the ring on his finger
but never in his ears
here's to bold-choiced new-life filled of tears
with years of shut in living
she said she loved him
but if she ever listened to what he was saying
she'd know how
what he's saying
is hopes for best
but goodbyes for now

it's four in the morning
go back to bed
dreams soaring but
don't spend so much time inside your head
it's time for work instead
Easter Sunday

homework on the dining table
laptop and a pen
don't tell me I don't fit my label
wasn't kidding when I said
this is not pretend
Easter Sunday

six years without wheels can lead
to isolation caged frustration stuck inside a cell
inside the bottom of a well
understand me
I wish I had a bike
but really I just wanna love my family
wish that they were people that I liked
they love me and deserve it back
but I just can't requite like that
in tears upon linoleum
I'm loveless in the bathroom
Easter Sunday

bearing marks of monthly faces
safety races faster than time
careful crime bothered the speed
of greedy circles eyeing ashes
car crashes sliding into birthdays
plastic rays bridging stolen gaps
of payments lasting grinning pity
in mercy city on planet danger
steady stranger listing sideways
right they form faced bullets
and same full pit lifeless mouths
sorrows endowed continue to consider
within her catching snap a melancholy tone
exposed and prone a younger mile crooked
pockets took its twelve fingers sworn
adorned on necklace rests
eternally festers in a sense
except intense purity wept confessed
anticipation checked and kept
nails curled over wire breaths
another morsel crept

her name not on your tab
her texts you've left on read
her smiles you don't have
her presence you now dread

reality laughs at tomorrow as promises pull me back
grassy worries written under flowers return my nature fate
an answer for the shadow's teeth keeps moving, gently ready
walking smiles of golden places eat endless sand and hate
angels plan twisted poisons every evening wave
another painted innocent, left to make their grave
wearing fingertips as gloves his fading difference wanes
but my honey glory always keeps and washes daily shot from shirts
infinite yet burnt blankets offer strangers common prayer
a mere shout traced a rolling blade drives refusal under holes
again I'm claimed by explanation floating wishes torn and rare
scared below sacred thoughts of brushing matching hair

to falter in stance once lost never lasts bent left enigmatic in an altered trance perhaps yet bought to a felt knot blotted ink tanking in the evening breeze precariously placed at a glance on the brink of gentle yet voracious helplessly encase us to the bone of waking stasis to the core of breaking faces dropped upon a metal plate with ease in case it is abrasive intentionally late and uncontrollably spiraling into hate

three hours later at the nine and followed forty
(where did you go from the four)
slandered rocks he left on bricks before a bus of bad memories came to knock me down
straight into the ground I thought it might just drive me to the mantle
molten rock to cool my temper after living below finger pads and being trampled
how could I have run when simply stunned I nearly tripped
over my own tongue
I need to close my mouth
but here I am too kind too cruel to ever say a word but to never stop a sentence what kind of speech is my own
I've never heard it real so to speak you see at least thats how it feels

ask me again tomorrow and I'll say I've felt it true and that I know myself exactly who
and yet
across the bench is you

I'm tired I'm drained I'll completely explain
why I do not like you--
if only you'd sign this form of consent to never sue me over words I may have maybe said
except those are never read just signed in blinded ink instead
so really what's the use just take the helmet off my head
(don't be silly, as if I ever had it really)

he's got his heart on his shoulder but I'm not sure
if there's another in his throat
another one to dread
I hope to find proof yet hope's all I can do
for better or for worse or left for simply dead
I cannot seem to tell good liars what's the truth

ever closer to deciding
so simply said
it feels dividing
i want to be in love with you forever
but i want forever to be over
i could never kiss you goodbye
so i will never say hello
i never realized guilt could be a personality
but thats just all thats left of me
to hold your hand would be to jump into the sun
i hope you know that i will always remember you fondly
please look away while i mourn
or perhaps it wont particularly matter
perhaps i will be some place so far beyond the earths curvature -
out of sight out of mind so they say
and i will never be the same

find care felt apart
smart
starting young realize patience
cremation tastes this
****
dropped exploited shaken dark
explained in snark
carting baggage luggage part
a lot but late
leak steak lurking bait escaping shape
heart

chronically perched he crouches on my shoulders digging into skin only resting when my thoughts become dreams when my mind has left reality behind, is it reasonable to believe i have a chance, is it just cruel to hope for survival when the existence is so visceral and i am brought to ruin by a glance

corn flake dust
of feelings felt
daily broken trust
heart melt misfortune
the fires of sore sinned
lonely but options undesired
is it too much to ask
apparently

I'm tired

i came across a tutorial on propagating roses
my windowsill is full of propagated succulents
but i had never realized it applied here too

you once mentioned your dad was proud of his garden

on your twentieth birthday, i brought a bouquet for your parents
your mom asked me what type of roses they were
she rather liked how they smelled

we had a stack of empty yogurt pots on the counter
so i snipped a rose hip, planted and honey dipped
i wasnt sure if that family party was a recurring event
but i was deeply lost to your breath
absorbed in delicately moderated intent

we came to pick you up for your twenty first birthday
your mom asked us what kind of jello we would like in our shots
but you still had yet to invite us

the weekend-of i asked if your dad liked to garden
i asked if your parents would like a yogurt-potted rose
i asked if you would like a sapling
he was hesitant to accept, leaning towards no
its already a lot to keep up with what there is
though it was never specified which
and i think im falling out of love

but i wonder if i will ever tell you about the part
of how long that rose was on my patio, and through winter, inside
how from the very start
it was for them for you for this the future
it is hard to go, but i think i have become the executed suitor
as it would seem i am incapable of compromise

and i wonder if i will ever tell you about my heart
of how lately ive been thinking
that i do not really hope i will survive
sinking into tears alive
til love do us part

captured pitch
constellations understand
fragments marked cliché

fluttered catch
imperfections overwhelm
passage traced away

wednesday stint
permanently connected
weightless neared today

complex brick
independence constructed
coughing thumped display

I don't mean to harbor such hate
it's not like me to do so
I so strongly believe in giving repreive
for all I do and don't know

I'm sorry to be so jaded
it's just tough to live under this roof
my space is always invaded
I feel always under scrutiny
on the edge of mutiny
or at least just moving out
(quietly, of course)
or so intended though contended
by your natural ways
to make a show of something soft
my reasoning has made
the need to know of why I'm off
you'll never get the answer that you wish for
as I whisper
something not the truth

step one
to fall in love is to be expounded deep beneath the sea floor
imagine yourself with the entire ocean waiting patiently behind eyes
did you know that the average window is three thirty seconds of an inch
and the water at the bottom of the sea has a pressure over one thousand times that of the standard atmosphere
windows to the soul, you never stood a chance

step two
elucidated complicated and delicate
as if there was ever the option, but your mind will always romantacise, rationalize, projecting in masculinized manners
you think that you're so important, so perfect, so pliable, but truly you are simply periodic
this is when you start to find it harder to look past the inconsistencies, the unpuncuality, the irresponsiblitiy
throwing woodchips and delivering food for two
you can no longer pass this off as temporary

step three
the first person to ever say that they would like the opportunity to try
the first person to -
the first person to -
i certainly love you

step four
this isnt really about letting go is it
but there is the feeling welling up inside
as if about to filter into something different
something duller dimmer translucent thinner
will i ever would i wither
could i weather let it simmer -

how do you hold on to a burning pan without handles
when you have worked many years
when you have found a golden hour between two palms
when there is nothing you want more

beaten down by sand in glass
i wonder if i will be okay when it finally does pass

i cannot live on with it in my reach
i cannot survive letting it slip
yet neither could i ever grasp it ever keep it

step four
breathe in

step five
you will never be the same again
but you will be alive

keyboards covering miles -
turbulent plights of backhanded fights, it isnt arguing if its explanation
i suppose for those whove known no difference in abrasive ways for twenty years of unchecked distance kissing specious missing patience, it is true or at the very least adjacent
drag the corpse if not complacent
heinous words are not creative
and lately all the heart i have has drained away to become tasteless

a new symphony
invited to a group
honored flattered
small dreams really
my short hair mistook
by thee an image shattered
sorry but new me
I think myself it suits
(so don't mind if I do)
not yet exact, sure
but we'll get there

seventy five percent and of the unprosetic words eighty some is silver. eighty some a studded cup, insulated yard sale zippers, two black doors, just like the hood of a past to a sister. sometimes the existence is painful, but with sweet will come bitter, merely wishing for peaceful decisions that do not fester but glimmer, although the fear is insurmountably weighted heavily pressed to the soul, and occasionally cracking the skull, creating a beat just to keep a distraction for temperature, redirection of heat, and tears under stars will shimmer with shivers of guilt - acceptance pending, as this will not wither, this will not wilt.

wallets unfolded out of pockets over windows under doors
silky hands flashing plastic no dollar bill encores
stripper poles in limousines an unattended hell
officer asks license unaware of what's in store
it's just as well
wallets unfolded out of pockets over windows under doors

to the store in the wind under clouds over wheels times two
I liked her hair; it was like mine
but no, I hadn't seen a chocolate lab
whipping cream sixty percent done stirred in sugar needs more sugar
needs more sweet
vanilla extract
extract joy then with snapped yells coursing in the veins of home
home... not really, just some walls, my heart isn't here
black pearls on fingers and necks and minds and upon my life
VPN poetry under cold sheets on a twin mattress
prayer beads of black pearls on the shelf
if it didn't take two hands to type
those pearls would be somewhere else

he felt sweet care from the lips of god
a cry for help as bright as reason itself
but a simple burn needed steps to learn
yet silent hours screamed him fogged

a budding desire to leave
an afterthought of tears sprouting in the fields
unreasonable hopes and unobtainable dreams
a small amount of lines on a screen - its hard to digest wheels and wings, but harder yet to stomach the prospect of being, of lying sleepless breathing
back pain creeping, repetition steeping, the only thing persisting keeping cling to aching missing fleeing
argumentative sitting
conversations of speculative dissonance, proliferated distance, insisting dismissive
artistically passive tragic and diminished
there is minimal drive, suffocated motivation with nothing particularly persuasive, save for invasive ideas of loving ways and pay that plays a part in paving optimistic savings for an all too distant day

an ear it aches of music tastes like splintered glass
running through an autoshop of metal broken last
on the couch the chair the ceiling flesh to reeling
the worm inside my head it writhes and twists
in pinkish pain it extorts contorts complains
wishes it were real insists the wrists were not
wrought untold to taint my mind it will own my
to the from with but then a next that we for pry
tears knitted back into the mouth of woeful lies
the entrance of a chasm barren grounds of feeding festered
nothing left completely ravished and the worm he is still famished

it has only gotten worse.
i am terrified to speak the words aloud,
the guilt consumes me like maggots on a corpse.
i dont know how much longer i should stay or if leaving would even be any better because this is the happiest ive ever felt though i suppose at this point its less which one is better and more which ones less worse.
i mean look at this.
on my own **** paper and its not even original i feel like a puppy dog and i swear i am a real person with my own thoughts and desires a prime example being this completely unbounded feeling of fire that burns with blinding heat i cannot say it i cannot say it i cannot say it
and it destroys me.

like the delicacy in a roadkill's silhouette
my teeth will leave a mark
an imprint from desire sunken gently through the surface
to break the skin like disturbing silent waters
i find some kind of aspect so alluring so grotesque
served cold over pavement
the world is the platter
the dish, my head

as points of life are stripped away, one thing will yet remain. its funny how much it takes, the sheer amount of space for this inside my brain, theres not much else up there anymore.
and it is in times like these that i find not even a moment can pass without it, so it seems.
and i am lost within these green and golden waves, and for that i do apologize. it was never my intention and should have been a phase, but here i stand -
and here i feel. with only a single aspect left, i fear. it is unfortunately clear i caught a riptide despite wishing to stay dryly in the sand.
i cannot help but notice what swims the water at my side, and glancing back i cannot help but notice the coldness of my hands

limbs held on by paperclips
your soul stapled to the heart
barely beating barely breathing
flickering footsteps waver
you were gone before the start

what's a piece of poetry
type of textual pie
slice of life and of strife
human experience
for you here since
you asked so kindly
so politely
for some verse upon thy ears
tears upon thy cheeks
speak up another curse
another thought to seek
sleep to reimburse
hours burned inside your sight
what's a piece of poetry
type of textual pie

hearing thoughts alive of sky
summer hours running cry
a changing mark of ashes

I ignore poison poured filling actions forced
language aches of notes entire starting spinal coarse

honey painful self

desribe the concrete plain
washed suicide crash of brighter safety
set moth fades mouth maids
fruit and liquor
raging hazy dreams from couch and bed
lazy days another whiskey crazy

burnt crime cluster grime
customer chained dance
advanced beloved violent passion
stand your ground
keep your stance
a chance of no particular fashion

red sun will i ever
will it will it forever
emblazoned within retinas
perpetually imprinted on every image seen
every breath taken
though not to be left forsaken
will it will it
inevitably loved in time unbounded
to drown in divinity expounded
something lasting profoundly undoubtedly will it will it
will it ever leave my mind

I would rather not see
I would rather not be
another on the shelf

hide as you do
but I will always find you
and forever reside inside you
your very skin the walls that keep me in
take me by the throat
just try to **** me and survive
you know you need me

there was fire in your hair when i held your head in my lap
your skin a touch so gentle a glass of water to my lips in the night
and i held you there when i knew that flames dissolve as in manner do dreams awaken in the light

soar blue skies
more to find
taste this sort of hue

you don't miss
sight fronted
sword's flight quick show

torn to life
you want it so
heaven or make some