corn flake dust
of feelings felt
daily broken trust
heart melt misfortune
the fires of sore sinned
lonely but options undesired
is it too much to ask
apparently

I'm tired

version purity
ride code sincere stormy appearance
bold
footprints set aside
soaking dearly nerve panic
vanished image seeks inside
victims veins rusty bills
knotted patches of poverty
knowledge latches on sovereignty
numbness calls the novelty
unheard of pleading thrills

limbs held on by paperclips
your soul stapled to the heart
barely beating barely breathing
flickering footsteps waver
you were gone before the start

to falter in stance once lost never lasts bent left enigmatic in an altered trance perhaps yet bought to a felt knot blotted ink tanking in the evening breeze precariously placed at a glance on the brink of gentle yet voracious helplessly encase us to the bone of waking stasis to the core of breaking faces dropped upon a metal plate with ease in case it is abrasive intentionally late and uncontrollably spiraling into hate

to forever reside in rapture exotic
reverence heroic and calming melodic
will it ever be within me
to see the stars as she sees
drowned in my fear psychotic
stress noticed and intellect chaotic
I hope to one day
be the way that she bes
her charm unending rhapsodic

will you let me down easy
lower the webbing so gently
dont let me hold on to the putlogs so tightly
soften my grip on the entry
lay me to rest for a century
back fill my memories with petals
write on the stone with intention
eventually visit to tell me youre ready to witness acension
breathe in my lungs with devotion
release me completely without breaking motion
allow me to meet you in fourteen years and let my six feet of tears bring flowers to the fields

and will you let me down easy

will you touch my cheek without burning
and settle my sleepless turning
will you let me down in speaking
will you let me down so easy

i came across a tutorial on propagating roses
my windowsill is full of propagated succulents
but i had never realized it applied here too

you once mentioned your dad was proud of his garden

on your twentieth birthday, i brought a bouquet for your parents
your mom asked me what type of roses they were
she rather liked how they smelled

we had a stack of empty yogurt pots on the counter
so i snipped a rose hip, planted and honey dipped
i wasnt sure if that family party was a recurring event
but i was deeply lost to your breath
absorbed in delicately moderated intent

we came to pick you up for your twenty first birthday
your mom asked us what kind of jello we would like in our shots
but you still had yet to invite us

the weekend-of i asked if your dad liked to garden
i asked if your parents would like a yogurt-potted rose
i asked if you would like a sapling
he was hesitant to accept, leaning towards no
its already a lot to keep up with what there is
though it was never specified which
and i think im falling out of love

but i wonder if i will ever tell you about the part
of how long that rose was on my patio, and through winter, inside
how from the very start
it was for them for you for this the future
it is hard to go, but i think i have become the executed suitor
as it would seem i am incapable of compromise

and i wonder if i will ever tell you about my heart
of how lately ive been thinking
that i do not really hope i will survive
sinking into tears alive
til love do us part

inside warm clothes and blanket
the one made for me by the drunken fingers of obligation and resignation
traded for several months of mine
I can't remember if it was ever a fair trade to begin with
once upon a time, though, I think I thought it was a win/win
funny how that is, time takes your experience
but experience takes your time
longing past relations glorified
only for myself to remind
of why it ended then
and why it should never begin again

they say a pictures worth a thousand words
and with eyes of fire you read me like a book
i want to ask how many words are on the pages
are there as many lines as blisters on my skin
as many as the tears ive spilled into your palms of flame
or can you count them on your fingers, can you count them on one hand
are there as many as the burn degree that i have sustained

youve never tasted cottage cheese
but would you try it with me
like the way ive never had carbonated blood
and would you spill it on my tongue
would you hold my face in your palms and drip into my eyes
would your tears reach my mouth
would you speak like they were mine

there was fire in your hair when i held your head in my lap
your skin a touch so gentle a glass of water to my lips in the night
and i held you there when i knew that flames dissolve as in manner do dreams awaken in the light

ever closer to deciding
so simply said
it feels dividing
i want to be in love with you forever
but i want forever to be over
i could never kiss you goodbye
so i will never say hello
i never realized guilt could be a personality
but thats just all thats left of me
to hold your hand would be to jump into the sun
i hope you know that i will always remember you fondly
please look away while i mourn
or perhaps it wont particularly matter
perhaps i will be some place so far beyond the earths curvature -
out of sight out of mind so they say
and i will never be the same

red sun will i ever
will it will it forever
emblazoned within retinas
perpetually imprinted on every image seen
every breath taken
though not to be left forsaken
will it will it
inevitably loved in time unbounded
to drown in divinity expounded
something lasting profoundly undoubtedly will it will it
will it ever leave my mind

with your hand down my throat
sitting quietly crying
will you ever let go
though really i should ask
will i ever let it fall
from your grasp
and slip to the floor
and if i did
would it hurt even more

step one
to fall in love is to be expounded deep beneath the sea floor
imagine yourself with the entire ocean waiting patiently behind eyes
did you know that the average window is three thirty seconds of an inch
and the water at the bottom of the sea has a pressure over one thousand times that of the standard atmosphere
windows to the soul, you never stood a chance

step two
elucidated complicated and delicate
as if there was ever the option, but your mind will always romantacise, rationalize, projecting in masculinized manners
you think that you're so important, so perfect, so pliable, but truly you are simply periodic
this is when you start to find it harder to look past the inconsistencies, the unpuncuality, the irresponsiblitiy
throwing woodchips and delivering food for two
you can no longer pass this off as temporary

step three
the first person to ever say that they would like the opportunity to try
the first person to -
the first person to -
i certainly love you

step four
this isnt really about letting go is it
but there is the feeling welling up inside
as if about to filter into something different
something duller dimmer translucent thinner
will i ever would i wither
could i weather let it simmer -

how do you hold on to a burning pan without handles
when you have worked many years
when you have found a golden hour between two palms
when there is nothing you want more

beaten down by sand in glass
i wonder if i will be okay when it finally does pass

i cannot live on with it in my reach
i cannot survive letting it slip
yet neither could i ever grasp it ever keep it

step four
breathe in

step five
you will never be the same again
but you will be alive

how gently i would hold you
your ribs against my arms
my fingers inbetween
a pulsing felt upon my palms
the softest flesh against my skin
how careful i would cradle it
it was vicious from the start
but there is beauty in violence
has anyone ever told you the fastest way to someones heart

how many months how many years
will i have to live with such terrifying fear
or is that simply what comes with it
and would a plastic bottle **** it
but do i even want to know

it has only gotten worse.
i am terrified to speak the words aloud,
the guilt consumes me like maggots on a corpse.
i dont know how much longer i should stay or if leaving would even be any better because this is the happiest ive ever felt though i suppose at this point its less which one is better and more which ones less worse.
i mean look at this.
on my own **** paper and its not even original i feel like a puppy dog and i swear i am a real person with my own thoughts and desires a prime example being this completely unbounded feeling of fire that burns with blinding heat i cannot say it i cannot say it i cannot say it
and it destroys me.

an appetite of boundless ferocity
from which you will never be free
the only progress sets you back
its no wonder from the very air you breathe
perpetually between
because when you cross the line
all control is gone and forever unseen
it is ceaseless, unrelenting
and this is how it has to be

it is to both of you that i say your gaze is drowning -
in different ways but the result is nonetheless the same.
just to glimpse a look is to be ripped by the tide to sea for several days
i dont know what to tell you but i am on my knees on broken glass the eyes are windows to the soul but windows are not enough to hold an ocean. (though do not be mistaken not a drop originated from either of the two of you)
and i will take a shard to my chest
and offer my heart to you then
for what else could i possibly give
for an apology such as this