I'm finding replicas of you in my insomnia
Smoke pouring from my nose
A manifestation of self destruction

The fear of death playing my lover
Sleeping on my bed sheets in my place
There is no shelf for my carousel thoughts
Heart of alternating magnetic poles

The quiet and the noise of night
Condradictons becoming rule of life
Forgetting how to breathe
But still remebring you in this insomnia

A heart of stone
Has no fear
Pain and Joy
Have no place here

One cant feel
If it is near
A silent, calm
Ship I steer

Needing not
To shed a tear
Or anguished cries
Of yours to hear

The outside of it
Almost sheer
The silence if it
almost queer

With robotic
Response to fear
But Joy in
solitude found here

Letting no one else
Draw near
Away from friendship
It will steer

Scoffing at a
Lonely tear
Sadness will
It never hear

Its rocky ledges
Are quite sheer
With great, deep caverns
Just as queer

snorting burned toast
too late in the day to
call it a complete and
nutritious breakfast

(i have my heroes
but i also know that i
will never be a hero
to someone like me)

i'm not going
to make it that far.

(call me defeatist but
i guess you're right)

that's what i haven't
been saying is that
i'm not making plans
for the fall or the spring
or the rest of my life
because i'm afraid or
maybe convinced that i'm
not going to make it that far

because before the snow
covers the lawn in quiet
white layers i will be sprinkled
over top of the grass in the
form of a grayish powder
and misplaced hymns

(i doubt that all of us
were born to live)

nosedive into a
sandwich smothered
in over-sweetened
jelly regrets

and forget about the
haunting sweat that
you can't wash off
of the back of your neck

(the nice thing about
dying young is that
you'll have the rest of
your life to forget me)

headfirst slam into
the midnight sky
i cracked my skull
open on the moon

the milky way poured
out from behind my
eyes and galaxies came
up out of my throat

bits and pieces of me have
died here and there along
the way like ripped out
pieces of that hateful lawn

(the reason i want
to be forgotten is
because i was never
worth remembering)

but really it's just that
death and darkness are such nice
peaceful calm and reasonable
topics to discuss at length.

The daylight grows dim
The sun goes down
I've passed through the day
But another journey awaits

I lay my body to rest
I say my prayers
I close my eyes
There the transition begins ....
My spine expands as my body lengthens
Taller I've grown in my worries

A million hairs of anxiety
Spring out of my toughened body
My ears grow longer in fear
Eyes red in anger
Sadness deep within my stomach
Rising out of my throat as a loud howl

All I sense is danger
Claws growing out of my soft little hands
Fangs emerge from my once harmless teeth
Into the mirror I glance
Only to see myself for the beast I am
Why would they care for me?

If I give them the chance
They'll light their torches and ready their guns
I have no choice I have to run
Memories of the wounds with which they inflicted me
Made me nothing but blood thirsty
Now I must hunt

But as I leap towards the streets
The sight touched me deep down
I've lost my appetite
Most in their comfortable homes
Tucked into their beds
Everyone else... laughing with their loved ones
Standing firm on my hind legs
I groan in envy as i observe their peace

It's almost the beginning of a new day
I just want to go home
All this trouble tired me away
Inner comfort emerges
It's ok you'll be alright
How I wish someone could pat my furry ears
But of course... who would comfort a monster like me?

Turning on my side
Pulling my sheet
I'm too tired for worries
Now I'm ready to sleep
The beast locked away neatly in this body of mine
Waiting for tomorrow night a little past nine

A new day begins
Here's the chance to prove the monster wrong
Who knows.... maybe today she wins