understand that sometimes
I just really don't feel like feeling
anything
and its everything
that comes along
I wish my senses would play
dead
play me mute
on the side of a busy road
with no person to care
sometimes I'm too much for my own
self
to remotely stand

it was midnight
when I met you
dark and lonely
you were my summer day
the only reason I made it out alive
I'm sorry for never being enough
I'm sorry I pushed you
as far as I could
just know you saved me from myself

a thunderstorm big enough
to make you drown
and even like a house of cards
weak against it all
a group of clouds you could try
to figure out
and a dandelion
you want to take home before
the seeds blow away.

an empty chest with the readiness to love. consumed only by the fear of the treacherous pain from the holes dug by past lovers. your eyes the deep ocean that my mind swims every chance it gets. and your words ****** out by my lips burn a hole into my lungs. I fear you, my dear, but I do not wish you away. vulnerable at its finest state. I want you to stay. write your initials on my tattered heart and take me away. for together we burn the brightest stars and the night sky has forever been my favorite getaway.

throw me into the pile of unwanted feelings and transparent lies. cover me with empty promises and the little white lies that I made my muse. stack the wreckage as high as you can get it. you make me suffocate. ignore my inability to breathe and get out. come back to see my hand reaching out. take my hand and save me but when you save me the weights on my shoulder get heavier and heavier. your attention can save any soul and your soul is a beauty when you show it. let the cycle repeat. we all know I'll let you be my superman and my villain.

you wrap your hands around my neck as you taunt "am I winning yet?" and I grin because your desire to be in control tempts me to show you my game. you're a coward when it comes to vulnerability. you drop your hands when your heart starts to skip its beats and you find shelter to be relieved. you peer viciously to see how I'm withstanding your fatal attraction. when you see an occupied heart with hands other than yours you wash the noose you call your hands to start fresh. you regain access to my only pathway for air and I hate to admit it but there's no where else I would rather decease than in your hands.

Falling in love is a downhill spiral into a new dimension of lonely hearts and crushed dreams. An inevitable lust that longed to mean more. A temporary fix that latched and wants to remain permanent. Tear soaked pillows and hopeless wishes. Love is hardly reciprocated equally. A high tide. A burial site. A sign that love is equal to an overdose. Pain to the chest. Raspy breaths. Why don't you love me back?