what do i call you?
you were between a lover and a friend.
you called me a potential
and it was foolish of me to think,
it amounted to anything.
maybe that is the exact moment where everything convoluted.
everything got twisted in my mind,
and i believed, dangerously,
for more than a split second,
you wanted to be mine.

i never believed in wrong timing,
just wrong people
but with you,
i found myself saying -- "i wish i met you earlier,"
or "i wish i met you later,".
i' m now convinced that timing really is a tragic thing,
and oh how it destroys what could have been.

in another timeline perhaps i made it past your walls --
the ones you've built around yourself,
preventing anything and anyone
from going in and out of your heart.
maybe, at that moment,
one far different from this version we both traverse through,
you and i were unscathed,
untarnished,
undamaged.

in a separate dimension,
my heart hopes,
there exists a you and i.

i asked into the oblivion,
"when will the pain subside?"
i suppose it was foolish of me to think
an answer would present itself,
that a voice will come out and say,
"soon, after you've felt all that is there to feel,"
i want to shout into the void how tired i am,
how much i want the very memory of you to go away.
but i know myself,
i know that even if i wanted to,
i couldn't.
i can't.
and i won't forget about you.

i had a good day,
and in some, nay, most of those moments,
i couldn't help but think of how we used to be,
and how we would be,
if you were there walking beside me.

how do i escape what's in my head?
how do i free myself from the voluntary shackles i've put in my hands?
how do i retrieve the keys that i've allowed you to swallow unknowingly?

tell me,
how exactly do i walk away from all that's been said and done between the two of us?

i want to destroy this part of me
that yearns for you,
that aches for you,
because it mourns your absence.
i wake up to each new day in torment.
my mind says no,
but my heart pleads for you.
logic tells me you'll never come back
and that i should pack it up and move forward.
but you've opened the irrational part of me,
the one that believes in feelings and humanity,
and it asks for me to be patient,
to go on and carry whatever i feel for you,
in blind faith.

its a terrible thing,
to have hope
and something you hold dear.
i'm hoping i can eradicate every part of me
that feels for you
and hopes for your eventual return.
nevermind what my heart wants,
you don't want any part of it anyway.

at the end of the day,
i can't blame you.
i told you i knew i would get hurt.
you told me this would end badly.
your friends told you to stop hurting me.
but i ignored all of it,
i told you to go on,
and hurt me anyway.
you are not the perfect girl,
nor was this the perfect situation,
but i wanted it anyway.
no matter the cost.
i wouldn't have it any other way.

we embarked on our journey together with a kiss --
a kiss with tears embedded in that memory.
a kiss with tears still forming in your eyes
as you remembered a former lover,
your almost.
ultimately, we ended our journey together with a kiss --
a kiss with tears swimming from our eyes,
trickling down to our lips.
a kiss that meant the end of me for you,
as you did the same thing your former lover did,
and became my almost.