I've found my voice again
It's cracked through my throat
like a butterfly
that was transmuting in it's cocoon
For five years

It's like the impenetrable dam
I had constructed
to hold back my truth
Has been utterly demolished
By the power of my truth
like surging waters
Overcoming my fears

Right now my words are like tsunamis
I closed my eyes yesterday
And I witnessed a tornado rising up inside from my belly
Someone prayed for me yesterday and said
She saw me at the throne of God,
God laid his hands on my head
And gave me an anointing of power and courage

I am a warrior
Borne of love

There are no buts or ifs or excuses anymore that I can lean on
The truth is spilling through me and for once I'm
not moderating it
It's wild and terrifying
People are scared
I'm scared
Because I realize now
That I can no longer live this lie
that I've been living for so long
The truth is making sure of it
The truth is pouring through me,
And this time,
I'm willing to speak it.

What did you mean
I wasn't acting right?
What did you mean when you uttered those
senseless words into the night?
And I could foretell it all,
But was that because I've common sense?
That when people are passive aggressive and
always treat you with subtle indifference
Things will ultimately implode?
You can only put on the act for so long,
Eventually the performance comes to a close
And you bow to the applauding audience
Regretting the fact that you must return home
to the truth that awaits you there,
that a life of playing it safe and avoiding risk
leaves you small and wanting

But I've found my voice again
It hasn't crept in stealthily,
but is booming through me
Moving through me
And though sometimes it scares me
Because it has the power to shatter worlds
That were never mine
I feel so in love with my voice I wish I never lost
I am so in love with the freedom it is granting me
I am screaming: "I've been set free!"

But the truth is wild and untamed
It hurts as it shoots through my body
Shedding the heavy burdens I've carried past
their expiration dates
This shedding is like the shedding of snake skin
Breaking forth through those old, confining scales
Breathing finally, once again.
I can breathe! I can breathe!
Oh truly, heaven has set me free

Honesty is killing everything that is inauthentic in me
Dousing in gasoline everything that is not in integrity
with my soul
And with one flick of a match
All the lies burn away
All the relationships in which I could no longer remain
Because being real was the last thing these people wanted from me
So, what is killing me must be slain
So I can be free

Now,
I can touch and taste and see my freedom
I've always been different,
And this time I will not apologize for it
Because guess what,
I'm not sorry
And I don't give a **** if you can't deal with that

Maybe all the world will think I'm crazy
For speaking the truth
Because we're conditioned from infant-hood
to pretend our lives away
But with this I'm not okay
I can only be real
I know no other way
And for those years I've pretended,
Well, I'll never get them back
This is why now I live my life
in full fledged passion
Love set in radical action,
For too long I've been hooked into
people pleasing and being passive

But I can't **** myself to please you.

Stand still child
While the waves crash over you
They threaten to throw you down
And crush the breath out of you

Persist child
Though the salt water like stinging tears scalds your eyes
And now you can barely see
Past this life of disguise

Hold on child
As this world you've come to know and love
disintegrates
You have but one anchor,
And it is not from this realm

Don't lose your hope child
Even while it seems your efforts aren't producing results
Even while the whole world continues on in it's riotous hate
Please don't lose your love, let only love lead you

Child, I know it can be difficult to love most times and most days
Especially in a world so rampant with hate
But I need you to be strong, I need you to be wise
I need you to realize
This time you have on earth is merely temporary
But I have you here for a reason,
For a divine mission

See, people have so easily forgotten their origins
They have become distracted by toys and lust,
Things of no value that in time turn to dust
And even our flesh will perish and we will return to the ground
But our soul continues, this mission never ends

Everyone has been called to this mission to love,
This mission to radically love
It's not a mission of passivity
And telling people what they want to hear
Coddling them and protecting them from all their fears
Life wasn't meant to be lived in a padded cell of safety
Life is meant to be lived vigorously, bravely
But people have deeply forgotten this call,
And they need saving

Just embody love,
this full spectrum emotion
Let it tear your life a part
Give it all you've got
Completely surrender your heart
To this force that will incinerate all your false notions
And all the measly lies you cling to
All the ego protections
And bragging rights you base your identity on
Once you let Love enter fully through the door of your heart
There is no returning back to who you once were
Love will shatter you
As if you were concrete
So all the wildflowers
Could come through again

So child,
I know you may feel small and scared and incompetent
To say yes to this mission I am calling you to
But really everything about you is sacred
And it's this truth I want you to wake up to.

There is no such thing as love,
Don't you understand?
All this romanticizing and propping on pedestals
People are all ugly deep down
Pierce through the facade and you'll see
The greedy devil
devouring the life within me

Ha, I had dreams
But where did dreams ever get me?
I can't waste my time
And I'm too wise
to lend my heart over willingly

What if I don't want exclusivity?
What if I believed all people have beauty
What if I'm happier being single
And I don't dream of marriage and having kids
I dream of growth and freedom--
Desire unleashed

What if I'm not typical
I don't feel like I'm a woman,
I don't feel like I'm a man
I don't feel like I have any particular role to fulfill
I only feel obligated to be free and love
Create and play
And make sure everyone can enjoy life in this way

So,
There is no such thing as love...
As we know it.
Love is so much much than what Hollywood sells us.

Sometimes I fear falling asleep,
Sometimes I fear these words I wish to speak
Sometimes I fear losing everything that makes up my world.

Browsing, scrolling
Shopping
Consuming

A Blue Guitar,

A Corgi **** pillow.