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A Blue Guitar,

A Corgi **** pillow.

Can you feel these words that I keep as secrets
Trying to break forth,
Trying to erupt?
But I suppress,
suppress, suppress
In your eyes I want to undress,
Completely unveiled
Every detail revealed
Of flesh and bone,
Of hearts and home
But no, keep your distance

Only songs can truly understand me at this moment,
Because love isn't supposed to be such a waste a time
All this longing and anticipation,
What am I supposed to do with it?
Offer it up to you,
As a worthless gift?

I just wanted a friend in you
You travel through this world
In an orb of emotional protection,
And me,
I just sit at home
Making things pretty
Decorating my nest

I don't want to keep my distance from you
But you smell of danger
And I just like the rain
I want to run in it,
dance in it
Forget all my pain

Do you understand the burden
I carried in my past life?
This is my new life
And I want to be safe to protect
this tender heart within me
That's already been through so much

Look out into the expansive sky,
Do you see?
You'll see my smile
With warmth
Shining down on you
I don't want to be kept from you,
But I can't help it
If you don't have your **** together

For now I'll keep my distance,
But with things like this, you know what they say:
"Only time will tell."

Silky yellow
Glowing ever so softly
Ever so sweetly
Spread and sprawled
Over the hills
And through the trees
Like little orbs of glowing light
Calling to me
Wanting to guide me

Whatever this is,
This mysticism
It likes to play
In the kindest way
It tussles my hair
And pinches my cheek
It tickles my nose
And makes me laugh rapturously

It surrounds my body,
The warmth emanating from the light envelops me
Rising into my heart
As love expands through me
Then I see in crystal clear visions
My purpose here
Just one little speck of light,
Called to shine.
To be a beautiful one of a kind.

The leaves are changing color,
They’re falling to the ground
Everything is dying,
Without a whisper, without a sound
And I’m here crying
Cause the world as I know it is burning
And there’s no saving it

I look out from my attic window
At the world below
These people are unaffected, I would suppose
They cannot feel it, they cannot see
That the world I’ve known is coming to an end
And in its demise it’s taken my false security

It’s all burning in wild flames now,
My little, perfectly constructed world

I have no other choice now but to take an unknown path
Cause what’s behind me is gone
And I won’t look back,
I’ll use these ashes as soil
To plant my broken heart in
So it can mend,
So it can grow past all it’s current limitations
Cause I’ve learned this before--
Worlds inevitably get torn apart
But if you’d just make it through the wreckage
You’d find new life beyond all the death,
You’d find the green meadow beyond the smoldering aftermath.

I pass you everyday,
But you're cooped up and away
in your world of wonders
Strumming your guitar
That lady of polished wood who loves you exactly as you are

I'm dreaming of the day
I'll see you again
Will it flow naturally like our initial interaction
Or will it be stunted and masked-- calculated

You wondered if this was all a pointless game
But here I am,
Wrapped up in this trivial pursuit
What am I chasing after
When I don't truly know you?

But I do, I want to get to know you
But not in some starry eyed kind of way
I just want to get to know you,
Soul to Soul,
Fully exposed

Cause I feel like I haven't been loved well for a long time,
And that's because I haven't been willing to reveal myself,
But even sometimes when I do,
People shun my realness...
But not you

But now I feel disconnected from you,
So very far away
I'm trying to touch you through a screen
I see your beautiful face and I scream
with mounting desire and anticipation
But I halt myself,
and deter myself from opening up

Caged by secrets
I don't intend to tell
But if I would just open my mouth
to dispel my truth
I would be set free from my hell...
There is no other way to this.

Time passes
Dreams slowly die
I looked into your open eyes
And spoke strange things

Time passes
And dreams go away
Nothing ever happens
The status quo remains

I might go insane
Everything is monotonous
Every single day
Come, take my pain away

I don't care how good or bad you are
I'll pack up all my life into a suitcase
And jump into your car,
Just one request: Drive far

Can't you see?
I can't take the pointless drudgery
Stuck in between
Wanting to stay and wanting to leave.

My mind is tangled in knots
Why can't I have you?

To own another
Outside of myself
Make you love me
The way I want you to

But is it truly a lover I want?
Or a fantasy to be fulfilled
An aching desire
To be celebrated, to be put on a pedestal

Selfish ambition
Is what I have
And manipulation is your curse
I'm dropping it, I'm dropping you

Why would I dream
That a compelling conversation
Could mean something more
Something beyond the constant boredom

I'm tired
Of waiting for you