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kenye  Jun 2016
Strawberry Moon
kenye Jun 2016
Strawberry Moon
So Sweet
So delicate

Glowing
in the reflection
of the summer solistice

While an oak tree
drips sap
in the shape
of the ****** Mary
or maybe a ******

the cosmic ****
the goddess nectar

Whispering
We’re all made of star stuff
Won’t you journey to the center?

Spiral in and out 
let fear
be the reason you enter

You'll only stand in your own way
if you don’t come back around
and pull yourself together
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2015
she once said, ‘ life is ****, deal with me!’
well no... she just said life is ****...
i liked me,
now i sit by the boiling kettle
and i’m singing out a song that
sounds less like crow, even crow sounds like
the ultimate pathology, the ultimate north...
higher and more remote from oslo that iceland
and the denmark colony...
she’s singing hello via the **** fat *****...
goodbye will be given the arithmetic a b c
when she’s 31...
testifying to train-spotting so she looks cool
but isn’t... goodbye from platform five...
i must have checked my g.p.s. for vanilla a budding first...
women are too expensive... keep cats / dogs...
better eyes... oh look here comes the soviet army
ready to beat me... then the talk of schengen was
just impregnated lamb lore of the foetus you ***** me into having,
thank you, thank you dianna thank you charles
and thank you the paparazzi... **** the harrod’s boy;
all i really want is the don quixote windmill of slo mo
of the close up airy of the hair...
i want to chase mirrors... i really do...
i want to chase them into sleep patterns
that gave you a roof, or might have had you given me the chance...
forget the marriage of buttonman buttnoning up a jacket
into perfection for batman...
batman took to encourage the october solistice and harmed
the elbow on the hour hand of the clock...
i’m **** smear bare all over the honey with you...
i’m melting like your father with his economic creases
about to remember vulture snooker... which didn’t work...
took the safetynet with him, reminded himself
of the thing called a ****** he married detached from mother
denoting daughter...
you are ready for feminism, are you ready for intellectual sexism?
i think you are...
otherwise you wouldn’t be so militant in islam...
which i invoke france with to censor you...
yeah i survived... i wish i didn’t...
i care less for the drama that ensues in you avoidance of justice...
it’s just so pathetic... i think death is less pathetic...
and i wish for death, the less pathetic of the two pathologies,
to smooch me quicker as a medicine,
i just want to disengage with this pathetic engagement with life
that brings me no closer to life
but closer to those dead and lying while with a working
tender worm oesaphagus... i rather be dead than
alive and engaged with your lies.*

the other ***** said her father had morals and didn’t
sell her as a child on screen...
he ****** my guitar up that i didn’t pay for but had
to concede on having with installments...
he sold the child... daddy **** luck was almost rich with
the investment she lied about when she said
that he: didn’t take the money and run!
he ran...
and if you’re still enlisted in the camp that said:
free art!
but not in the camp:
free bread & wine!
you must be the one gratified by really **** poetry
and stale bread that never came / and vinegar that
you wouldn’t salad-crunch with.
*****: sigh elsewhere,
i'll my mp3 the cultural output with the hamster farmers -
there's no part of you that said credo in symphony no. 9
but not owl... there's no part of you that said:
i carved the falcon crescendo of the edenic fall
for freelance
akin to the cheap **** of pop in the dyed age of replicas
for early blonde dye - can i ask you, why free art?
why free art and the contradiction of sustained
charity... art is charity? really?!
i thought the original impetus to art
is governed by sustaining the gut and the brain...
but i guess my generation just took to carrier pigeons
speeding to nowhere on empty stomachs...
well... free bread & wine & whine still resonates
better than pop songs as free as pigeon coos
or dog barks.
Ankita Dash May 2020
I saw a dream at sunrise
I won something
Something I didn’t know I wanted
Something I didn’t know I needed
But it felt like Uncharted Territory
As if I was trying to make a home for myself at a place where I didn’t belong.

It felt a bit like loving you.

Did you know I changed cities? I heard you did too
Will you sing Hey There Delilah for me, now?

Opposite continents and timezones
I would stand at the Tropic of Cancer, just to melt a little more
Because you were the summer of my solistice.

I saw a dream yesterday at sunrise.
It was about winning you- because that’s what it was; a contest.
To your shattered heart.
But it felt a lot like Uncharted Territory.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2019
ich würde, vielmehr: schreiben
etwas deutsche:
graswurzel, das ja!
the ******* need more you
ponce of a mongrel saxon!
better deutscheland grammar?
we had our "solistice"
time-out... welcome tomorrow...
no point leaving
a workaholic out for no
apparent reason: best bet?
"look busy"... ******* furlong's
worth of "short"...

jump that! y'ah ******* dwarf
bridge-gap brigade!
der hobbitenvolk ar kommen!
der hobbitenvolk ar kommen!
nicht die kirschemäntel... aber!
noch die "unerwartet":
zeppelinpumpernickelhoppla!
- why am i bound to the scotch
nationalists? oh... i lived among them
for over three years...
the celtic remants...
perhaps edinburgh would be
the new dublin...

christmas... it's such a german "ting"
like... that irish celtic tad woz
zee timez... C'U... C'U... no...
no L8ER...

but i managed! everything i served on
the plate and placed on a table...
the oven-cooked tatties...
the parsley snippets...
the carrots... the garlic...
the peppers... the red onions...

what the **** am i celebrating,
now? i'm pretty sure, that,
whatever it was... will fizzle out
come post-christmas hangover of a tomorrow...

and a buckling-load-of-****-of-europe...
the same islander "english" mentality...
euro-trash continent...
this... belly-button of the world
english mentality...
you wouldn't suspect it among
the welsh, the irish, the scotch...

perhaps the united kingdom can become...
the next yugoslavia under charles the III...
does he keep his name?
does he? London is long gone...
just as Danzig was long gone...
when Venice wrote the blueprints...
an ancient folklore of a city state...

******* just interrupted something...
no... it wasn't the Royal Ascot...
the horses, ran, ran and buckled...
broke some legs and not being able
to fall asleep standing: were put down...
the greengrocers of betting had their harvest...

we'll still have the top hats,
the champagne "socialism"... the CLASS...
oh you have to remember the CLASS / CASTE
pseudo-hindu "oops"...
england will still be...
what scotland and wales could be...
the less timid bits and pieces of...
what could probably hang in the air
as the new yugoslavia...

"problem" being... it's an island...
it's unlike iceland...
and it's quiet unlike new zealand or...
or... japan...
it's... when...
alt vati pommerschen...
flüsterte in der kinderwagen
auf sachsen, und sagte...

the ******* think you're going?
******* yew-tree quasi-nomad
of germania? you're an imitation
hebrew... or you're...
you're not a: bayerischverwandtschaft?

as yes, christmas only makes sense
now... drinking from the amber spring
of the baltic...
some scotch runes in: mash-up...
easy, easy...

i can use this, acquired, language...
but i know the ******* will have their Ascot...
die sächsischweg...
ants-in-their-pants...
and now "they" think they're settled...
post-colonial imperialism bound
to a nationalist revival...
so much for having no nostalgia...
akin to...

the battle of Tannenberg 1410 -
the date 680 by St. Wilfrid...
such a date... a northern crusade against
the last pagans of europe:
the lithuanians... **** me, i don't need
to paint... the lithuanians and the other
baltic folk... whatever the hell became of
the prussians: who weren't exactly treated
as germans by the teutonic collective...

oh i'll sing the carol songs...
i'll sing the crusader songs... hey! pronto!
i'll sing that... baby jesus doesn't really do it for me...
i'll go and visit Catalonia where
the name Jesus is diffused...
ends up a hey-zeus construct...
a H'ezeus etc.... and the party is over...

but i could celebrate christmas...
if it was in german...
i don't know why... perhaps it's riddling
a masochism remains with teasing
the whole: "wunderbar"?

better still... when europe is cited...
there's that black-hole europe...
there's that... cindarella of europe...
that "missing link"...
between what the balkans served up
in the 1990s... the collapse of the soviety union...
how the 2008 economic crash didn't really
affect this region...
von unter die eisenvorhang...

island people: shire folk...
hobbits... you know the sort...
very idiosyncratic...
one minute a russophobe...
next minute... exotica of the siberian ooh!
aah! i have lived on these isles for...
it's not worth stating:
a better part of my life...
but i have lived... among...
the scots, the irish...
i teased the welsh...
and in London? the tower of babel came...
come to think of it...
the english have sort of reacted like
vermin... you rarely see them...
perhaps in oxford...
of ****... pakistani **** gang there too...

my bet is... elizabeth is "dying":
no she's not... seen that ***** on roller-skates?
seen her pre-house-of-windsor
Saxe-Coburg and Gotha teeth,
chin... and... what the hell and other have
they almost made... insufferable
in it being: signatured? the teeth,
the chin... the eyes!

saxons... jews of the germans...
nomads of the north...
it's not like they ever moved with
a hope for adventure...
when a saxon moves...
he moves with a sense of investment...
he brings his reproductive tools with him...
no wonder there was a feud between
the germans and the "germans": the saxons...
this is... what could not possibly be...
the basic interpretation of england...
past the "chernobyl" of the norman invasion...
how celtic became saxon became
french... became... a ******* cocktail
cosmopolitan...
but the welsh still retained their:
Cymru...
there you go...
white cross on a black canvas...
pirates!
Wales and Cornwall...
dip into a ditto-esque whatever...

the remains of the saxons when the global
cocktail decided to send a postcard from
'ere minding the cockney shlang as:
the proper way to speak... Estonian...
eh?!

bewildered germans speaking...
i don't even know what i am speaking:
it's not much of an achievement if you're
speaking english...
you're bound to suffer from a variant of
flu or fluke or slang...
it's not exactly regarded as:
high esteem latin... or hebrew...

pauper Poland: "where i'm from"...
thank god it's omitted...
never in discussions...
by western "proletariats"...
cheap beer in Prague while... Warsaw?
sowwy... not enough bi-lingual
tour-guides and trout ******* mothers
from the caravan of Zappa...

and we will beg to differ...
i don't come from a people who would
celebrate being conquered by ancient rome
had to matter...
yet somehow i write in Latin encoding...
imagine if... Latin encoding was lost
akin to cuneiform...
but it wasn't...
i did, i truly did...
miss the glagolitic transition via
greek into cyrilic...

invader kin: these slavs these indo-europeans...
it ***** up the narrative of the origin seekers...
these modern, "protestant":
afro-europeans of the YEST...
i say: part of the gesticulation of jesting...

among the saxons who disavow their germanic
heritage... thinking they could somehow
replicate the polish-lithuanian commonwealth...
last time i heard...
just because the scotch speak english...
but keep their: wee part of the equation...
the welsh still speak their welsh...
pen dal i fyny uchel draig...

what's the difference betwen...
the medieval Lithuanian...
and the modern Welsh?
what doesn't allow this "union" to sink
into a second Yugoslavia?
h'american influences?
the... "commonwealth"?
at what point sharing a tongue is a plus...
when anyone can start reciting a Bruce Lee
film: kung fu action packed:
chop sui?

augusta III sasa and
marii józefy habsburżanki...
the house of ßaß...
saxons... again: the hebrew of the germanic people...
the nomads of the confederation...
they always... need... to... move!
and if you find them not moving...
they settle for pyramids...
and i mean: pyramids without Giza
reliefs of archeological "findings"...

but there's a massive gap...
between europe... that "bit" in the middle...
and russia...
russophobia is quiet funny...
i'd still prefer to speak german when
celebrating christmas...
after all... i did make a fickenumbringen
when it came to that alcoholic cake...
nein nein...
nicht ein königskuchen noch ein
stollen! keks... kegs...
a rumtopf!

oh i don't mind the natives...
who are the natives?
where the **** is alice?
parasites leeches... sächsischumgangssprache:
wo / wann sesshaft...
are the natives the welsh with their
retainer tongue kept intact like...
the scotch? the ire hell and fire 'reesh!
who does it take...
to speak to the natives of these isles?

just wondering...
because the saxons that remained...
and the saxons that left...
have a ******* in las vegas...
glory be to man to be the man
on the moon...
and all that...

i spent this christmas and...
i didn't buy anyone anything...
i just undermined myself...
when in england...
feel at home, during christmas...
talk some german,
some german outside of a saxon
influence of being the jew-german...
moving from place to place...
****: ja ja... ich "versammeln"...
nomadin / se-my'tine... deutsche "mischling"...

please excuse the saxons...
they are a... frivolous bunch of...
hobbit seeking elven folk...
the chinese crusade and medicinal ivory powder...
apparently: those ****-*****-base-*******-stinkers
will grow! they have size 11 feet and are...
5ft6 tall... walking on chicken nuggets then...
or stilts... or... that chinese harem of:
tied feet and toe "heels"...

oh i'm very much in england...
i can just soak myself in wild...
belligerent humour...
i've dropped any sense of irony...
it's ridicule on steroids...
but as long as there's an element of being
self-deprecating?

poland is the cindarella of europe:
hungary is worthwhile the better return of
being an: examplar reminder...
of how to deviate from socio-political norms...

black hole piece of europe...
then again: in between russia and the west...
there's some variation of an "interlude"...
which is neither west, nor east, nor central...

ensure you keep a **** in the orchestra...
so foul that it would make
a cat jump running...
giggling... turning on nazareth's
hair of a dog... being reminded:
there's a cow bell in it being towed...
and what choir spectacular didn't ever use
a castrato?

- because if i wanted to retain...
rhyme and a formality of this tongue...
how would i ever feel comfortable...
nothing of the spectacular...
the everyday myopia magic:
how umbrellas became mushrooms
in the fog grey forest of the urban
amnesia...
because i too tend to forget a Mozart...
when i find myself...
falling asleep to the sound of falling
rain on a tin roof...
violin begone! cello begone!
give me rain on a tin roof!

i'll be your Muhammad counting
the number of bones in a body...
truly and vividly so...
i can forget Mozart...
when i fall asleep...
while it's raining and...
the monotone gives me bliss...
the same note: on repeat...
on repeat.. on repeat...
nonetheless: it's still to be regarded
as a polyphony!
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2020
.there's a reason why i don't care... i don't care because... classfic.fm played me... all it felt fathomable of prokofiev... but it never... ever... played me...

concerning the mythology of the candle:
in the age of electric insomnia -
prometheus edison -
                          a journalistic sabbath:
never to come -
                  i sometimes do and would...
prefer a return to a more archaic form
of illumination -
for the simple reason...
                 some per se i have yet to conquer
with the mind and unravel into
a narrative...

              the current war: i don't remember
the last time i watched a movie from
beginning to end...
no synopsis, though:

        the depiction of thomas edison...
by cabbagepatch...
        hardly a need to make empathy
out of... the exploits...
throughout the film i was...
rooting for george westinghouse:
not being of tesla...
michael shannon alone does the persuading...

the innovative genius of
19th century h'america...
          well... all the criticism of communism...
the soviet genius of the 20th century...
and in all honesty: most of the soviet
rust and golems would work just fine...

the motto: if it ain't broke: don't fix it...
i try... i fail:
       nothing brings me closer to anything
worth minding...
but there are some besides...

why do intelligent people appreciate
classical music:
      me? so so... i'm only as intelligent
as... facing a criminal...
or a psychopath... there's no point claiming
intelligent in an in vitro scenario...
with an i.q. score...
if you can't be fooled by a psychopath...
you're smart: by my standard of inquiry...

if i were allowed to explore:
what edison was able to explore...
       tame the lobotomy of what-ifs...
it really doesn't matter...
when all that was recognised was...
working on "something else":
the movie picture...
                       so much alien and
discouraging scenes from a competition...
to have improved the lot of man...
while at the same time...
to have had to... do the beggar's lot...
the kneeling the arm-wrestling
the vanity projects exploding with
custard-pie foam...

           the terrible affairs of men of will:
i'm so hardly bothered by these words
that i do not even wish to utter them...
intelligent people and classical music...
sorry... i did my part...
it ends with the 19th century...
i had to return to a more basic vision...
medieval music: folk music...
something for a wedding a solistice a...
pan phantasmagorical advent
of fruit flies and ferries...
nothing to liken me to a civilised man:
an opera or a tux...
   to listen to classical music is sometimes...
a bit like... how Magritte painted...
standing... wearing a suit...

in between edison and the electric-chair...
but... the actors swayed me...
the gambler came on top...
    all it was: was distance...
so much for edison and the DC for
j. p. morgan and manhattan...
            when... Iowa needed to be lit...
how many years passed
since the man who held the flint...
and the bundle of dried wood...
and cried: fire! fire i made!
made: rather than discovered...

         on the topic of...
it takes a lot less electricity to cool things...
than it takes to heat them...
electricity used to cool things
is much more efficient than when it is used
to heat them...
lucky for anyone i have a smart
meter...
   i sometimes glance at it...
i have an electric stove...
     i turn it on... the meter shoots up
into the exponential! when compared
to having a fridge-freezer and a freezer
working overtime throughout the day...

electricity is... when used to heat things?
terribly inefficient...
when... compared to how elecricity
is used to cool: and sustain freezing things...
i guess you can't cheat:
fire as the ire eye of the soul -
               to freeze something...
is not akin to burning something...

      never mind: i'm not looking for details...
god forbid i find something that
someone else would want to champion
and merit for themselves...
than: as cheap as pebbles: words...
when given the property of: disguise...

mind you: seeing jordan peterson
playing with a remote car: toy-thingy-m'ah-jig...
not fun... watching robert deniro
escape catatonia was more fun...
because i'm not a fan of the 12th rule:
it's not like it was ever a given...
to somehow always manage to stroke
a freelance cat on the street...
sometimes you do... sometimes you don't...
imagine the rule: the cat decides
whether you'll moses the full dozen
with authority...

otherwise... finding a reinvention
of a chicken korma...
        i had 5 ripe mangos sitting on a table...
2 ripe bananas and a ripe pineapple...
i ate one of the ripe mangos...
           those 2 ripe bananas: with polka
dots of being over-ripe will turn out
to be a breakfast tomorrow...
i will marinade some chicken in piri-piri...
and gloat... when grilling the pineapple...
2 mangos will go toward
tomorrow "chutney"... well... a salsa...
red onions, mint... a pepper and a chilli...

but the other 2 mangos?
went into a reinvention of a curry...
who said you were ever to inquire
of tomatoes for the ****...
         of a curry sauce?
     - and it's not even the usual litany
of spices...
        'what's the difference between
the blue indians of bengal...
and the red indians of minnesotta?
was it simply their culinary antics
that "spared" them...
or... well... "too boot"...
their fancy scribbles: to capture sounds...
like photographs...

oh ****... almost "forgot"...
have a gnostic at my fingertips...
and she's like...
god... the embodiment...
of dutch velders from:
    missed the zombie franchise...
missed the vampire franchise...
missed the: soul-load-of-french-kissing:
eats the **** like an oyster...
franchise...
and she's there: gnostic mother...
part-time typo part-time
of revel: in anything you don't
desire... sort of... mr. seance says:
best this avenue be kept...
crypto i.e. cryptic...

   my socks stink... i light a candle...
i labour myself to trace...
paris... circa 2004 - 2007...
and the first time... the only time...
the last time...
and jim morisson's grave...
like he were: best kept entomped
like some leonard lenin at the red sq....
pwetty mummy for all to...
beside the...         "hindu" state
of the original giza shovel nicked:
dismemberment...
and that oops: where the gradening fork...
broke... a knee and rib and ankle...

who would have thought that so
much could happen in the world...
and the only point of reference was:
not that heidegger: da-sein: being-there...
but... doubling on the already
abstract: dasein: with
a... imploded: "hier"...
like here is some new junction...

  i like my days spent in playing
chess with rudimentary concerns / concepts
of chess when... bricks are stacked...
i also like...
looking at the clouds...
forcing myself to see:
a "nothing": without blinking...
looking back at me...
having donned... a men-yoroi...
because: i'm so ****** up like that...
that i think *** is a tier below
a good meal and a beer...
the best excused pleasure...
the best... substituted... of all demands...

if you can counter...
recreating a turkey korma...
with a mango...
and no almods...
spices: turmeric...
        korma paste... ****...
i don't even remember what goes
into a garam masala:
probably a schnitzel worth of bullets...
GINGER... no garlic...
    ground cumin... nigella seeds...
    chuck stock and coco milk...
point though: you make the sauce
from pulp of mangoes...
and that's what saved
the blue indians from the fate
of red indians of h'america...
and the coppernecks of...
in the vicinity of cuneiform...

          how a concept of vowels...
the elements...
a, e, i, o, u:
      coupled with... an inanimate
thing rattled will not wake
an animate creed...
an animate will wake an animate creed...
even if... the inanimate lot
is bypassed...
a creaking stair... the boiling
of water...
                           दएअठ (death rides...
by rattling... the... "riddle")
                    ऋइदलए
                             ­        no... sorry...
no english "orthography" of liTTle
******: or maNNer...
                 nigh-err-ger-mania-via-nigh...
ger-non-mania... grrrrrr...
  savvy?
    you want myopia hydra
not savvy 'vat saucy fat and:
***** joins the bridge march... sort of...
"whoops"?
and the blue indians survived...
since... they had food that...
would always undermine...
the basic principles of european:
nomad-esque: borrowed from the semite:
desire for exploration...
camel-**** flinging and no need
for a niqab donning...
parsley sage... rosemary and thyme...
the saltz the pepperz...
   the... gorge on the gorgon -lic...
horderaddish! ****-oids!
does it become...
   simon, McLean, garfunfel and...
               timothy goodweather?
              or that other... **** up best of ours...
jazz-***** buckley like...
nina simone was the lesser...
ella... cosine: she never had the moonwalk
in 'er... just those... bloat...
and a signature ******* that would
always come... after the kiss...
yeah... i know the curse of my...
skinz and... the curiosity of... dermatology...
belzeebub took a **** on my face...
once upon the pride of glasgow...
not when...
i took to liking my face to be a metaphor
for... what die krupps did or could
havve done... to the pasture lands
surrounding Ypres...

what is all of comedy...
  when there's... canned laughter...
to invite: the solo-project "audience"
in... then again...
what is... and isn't... dry martini...
the office... ricky / rocky gyrating
when there... isn't any... canned laughter...
it's not like everyone
was born with a lee evans level
of genius! then again:
my scrutiny of comic genius
is equal to that of a pleb...
******... self-depreciating humor...
conel jackson...
of no use point of reference / conjunction...
laurel & hardy...
mel bison... mel gibson...
lethal weapon 1...
      slapstick funny was once...
but when comedy had to turn the tide...
and become... ridicule prone antics...
intelligent...
no one likes smart funny...
because... everyone just loves...
any funny!

  of which... i am... none.
oh yes.... when there was once... a once
upon a time of slapstick humour...
and... begotten nod... not...
ushered... the canned android brigade...
slapstick humour was replaced with...
crass... circulating the jerusalem
periodical of jews reclaiming
their homeland... like the polacks might
and... should one hope...
for... inviting the russians:
origins in siberia...

to tell a cheap joke...
glass someone in the face...
to tell a doubly cheap joke...
censor a word...
then uncesor it...
then censor it...
and: cheap: gob shyte and
a litTTle: BMW: black man's wagon...
pops into the mind like...
pope's a pedohpile kingpin...
al paccio is no paccino...
cuppa... cedric?
   ****... almost forgot...
           çedric... one does... forget...
one's favoured quit: of a collected
nuance... and time...
i **** to say an english hello!
wave! tired: **** y'ah'ah'ha'ha *******
rhyming couplets: Ipswich no sooner?
no sooner no sober: i hope... ah ha...
ha...               ha...
where's the canned laughter?
who's treating lee evans like...
madeleine mc'cann...
    and... frau fritzl...
christopher hitchens is... dead: ist: tod...
but... this burden breather is still...
the fairy godmother for... all those...
hopes... of pigs that dream about not
having to oink to clarify bacon...
   of god and... *******-eating remains of
jihadi ******* clover: of the bataclan...
if i... i die...
so much for... lucid dreaming...
beside the already available...
lucidity... of "others" attempting to barrage
their way into your...
simulation of solipsism life: life earned...
life earned ******* worth of:
the grim.. grimmace...
   lobotomy dyslexia hybrid mongol...
such... worship for...
delving into: all the choir singing!
that they get to! mispell: misspelled!
    happy hunters... loaded with loot and rap...
like i'm white... and classical...
is all... me and pagan music...
yoddle jazz... yoddle pop sheer...
                      like i said... no name...

watching horror movies is...
a coping mechanism...
the knives are blunt...
i sharpen them when i...
and i don't want to use them...
what i want to use...
is nostalgia...
a tool of regret...
and regret is the fathomable
tool of memory and of cinema...
michael faraday!

   what's the indefinite... and inconvenient...
truth... between...
sarcasm... and ridicule?
                      who's playing that sort
of toy and who's... the lesser nostalgia
prone loop?

so much has happened in
the life of the algebra prone  "X"...
but Y... and Z... also happened...
the open glads of...
the... prior to Cain and the "chair":
the nomad prone...
mother... agape: superior...
Siberia the "new" Africa...
         you... starve among the ravenous
wolves...
leave us... oysters....
to crave: demands...
                    and... leisuring...
        a cusp for... none of them...
that these words leave you:
made to fathom... clicking mimic clicking...
that better chiming...
is all that is ever... required...
this... reap of the fierce:
and that time entombing:
                      i too grieve:
for whatever... was... not... told.

  ju: ******* tel aviv sprinter!
elohim and ethiopia woodoo.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2019
1984...
funny year...

that's in the future, right,
the future where
i'm in no part to blame
for any active agency...

no... мы...
           no zamyatin...
modern day politics,
*******
        boney m and
ra- ra-
   rhapsody in b-putin
minor...

     mw'y...
вы - vw'y...
   Y, yes, that hollowed
out iota...
pasture of the sign
of the cross...
lost among
the W and the Ł...
            
but in the days when...
i am...
    born... innate...
with a distrust for politicians...
i am also
to entertain
an innate prejudice
against... journalists?!

please tell me...
at what moment
(if not already)
     i am to, not...
differentiate
the journalist from
the politician?

                at no point?
sorry, i'm a bit slow...
1984 happened
in 20- thereby or so
a year... with me being
two years shy of existence...

suits...
i see suits grieving
being allowed
their rhetorical
   wunderbar!
  sharpen than knife,
herr meißel...
              the ****** *****
epidemic of westen bərˈlin
(ja, ə no
        boar / bore leen)...

how much *******
           "hollowing out"
do you need,
to require an Y become an
I?
           i count to three...
you... cúnt to tow,
or two...
   as in:                  count...
ú is a: pool table
for the saying...
'arp as a cue,
but no queue in mind...
i.e.: ******* coont...
Maine... ****...
                       breed of cats...

complete with citations
of Orwell...
like...
      there is something
inherent in me,
whereby...
            i feel, most inclined...
to not wish to be here...
are you too feeling
some tickle
of the said sentiment?

- but i'm here,
and luck, is no charm,
as neither is...
giving citations borrowed
from Shakespeare...
nor will schizophrenic
paranoia play a part...
they're out to get me,
and i'm in no mood
to get anything,
apart from...
the thrill of the mob...
and a raw herring...
soaked in brine...
later dipped into some
sour cream and gherkin sauce...
eaten like...
that time when a *** ate
what he forgot was supposed
to be... a take on...
investigating the practice
of sushi... on the shoreline
of the Baltic sea...

and its... "people"...
       oh don't worry...
i can dehumanize myself,
just fine...
but such a curiosity cannot
simply go...
   sterile for so long...

   1984...
sorry... what year?
          its like:
people keep citing and citing
that one work of
effort,
to the point where:
stop citing it,
i'm living in...
what was supposed
to be the, "current" year...
        that wasn't supposed
to be: the year in tow...

        and that's not even
the year i was born into,
with the inflation
of a dead come to an end
soviet society pact
for the satellite states
with its: hyper-quasi-Zimbabwe
type of inflation
ergonomics...

      what the **** is this...
always look at the pauper
for any worth of a sentiment
for doubt?!
             juggernaut-kiss-***
*** beg-for-***...
   and then...
in a distance... an angelic choir...
less to assure you
a good-night's sleep
and more...
pseudo-amphetamine inducing
insomnia of...
left, shattered,
and riddled
(don't forget the riddled part)...
the sand baron of
theology stood his ground...
and chose...
his... corpus caedis...
    
now you expect a crescendo
of a juggling act...
suppose...
        i have any russian
in me...
   the ****-nick
of the solistice of me
throwing a dinner plate
in a row over domestic
functions of the atom, and family?

what then?
i pray to caesar:
vis, mors subita...
     only, (a) sudden death.

i cannot shed light
on the parlance
between the fake throng,
the partriarch
and his deadbed...
              as much...
as i'd like to shed light
on...
dying... in the hands
of Aisha (abi bakr)...

   i already known my
meine gedacht...
mein schatten...
meine freunde...
mein charon...
            ich sterben
mit die sohle
   trost,
          auf meine
sohle krank...
                              misch!    

bride, bed, willow...
and all the eerie
chimes...
of  the wind...
killing patience...
playing
an attempt at... flute!
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2020
i sometimes take a walk to remind myself
that i still possess legs...
i have no curiosity
to chariot keeping up appearances:
after all...
a car does invoke
paying road tax...
and getting a yearly...
         m.o.t. check...
         driving a car implies:
you can be implored by
the police to be stopped-over
and have your driving licence
checked...
unlike... in some places...
where... the "lesser passport" /
identity card is invoked
for merely walking...
who's who...
into the petrol station...
a bottle of beer...
walking out: oh hell...
no bottle opener...
back into the petrol station
to buy a cigarette lighter...
the minor archimedes...
should i not enjoy having
legs that... can...
somehow behave autonomously?
that people want so much...
so much is to be achieved...
and then that marriage with
death: the inevitable bride...
to reach old age is somehow
the purpose these days...
to reach old age and to live
in fear...
   what a crowning achievement...
collision course with...
a "belief" in an after-life...
or the already suggested:
quest and... game over...
a car for...
driving through Upminster...
the teenager girls walking
around with teases of their
****-cheeks exposed...
and i am somehow:
"not" tempted?
    to what... execution of a narrative?
she will grow to be...
less gracious than...
an 18th century first edition...

it's one thing to walk through
a gallery of paintings...
after all: to paint is to have invested
in something...
words are cheap...
homogeneity of ink...
            baron square sold for
his elevated cubist reiteration
of the rhombus...
    
               transit art: sitting nicely
with some scrap-heap journalism...
today was: this! spectacular!
no different to the prior day!
no different to the day after!

           but the sun and earth...
the moon was slow...
there was this miraculous... buoyancy...
nonetheless...

one could breathe awe and breath
it... because... even though there
were animate objects...
in the narrative... they... couldn't
be distinguished from the inanimate
objects... they... became...
so coherently... predictable...
fail-safe mechanisms...
truly: deus ex machina...

                  one can almost tease
a solipsism when...
and how the wind brushes tree branches...
how the sea froths and imitates
yards gained wave upon wave
for the shape of reiteration...
but there's "nothing" within it...
to prove a: ex nihil continued:
ad continuum:
    
               the thesaurus god...
a peacock of synonyms...
    the hebrews have... 72 substitute nouns...
the arabs have 99 minor allahs...
and "we"... well.. we have...
the omni- litany rubric...
which... is boring as ****...
              omnipresent i.e. telepathic
is the worst read scenario...

   at least... if given birth to a telepathy of god...
one would be more... courtesan...
when dealing with madmen...
impregnated with the "imagination
of sanity sages": the priests...

it's one thing to... spew the narrative...
sober... dictum: sane...
but another of an omnipresent...
boor... of a god...
and thesaurus rex: forger of a mona lisa...

if it is such an abhorrent word...
the arabs would tell you:
                 dog... as would... slayer ***
the stooges sing-along...
        make way! for the almighty:
blah'lah!

the idea of "god" is most probably...
something...
infantile... imbecile...
               terminology: schizoid: supreme
binding glue...
       which begs the question:
it's not really a thought of...
   but the obstructive nature that...
has no... real narrative purpose...

                       we could have so much
more than... the joy of exercising one's
legs when walking...
it is... mid-june... after all...
the nights are warm...
           the solistice is upon us...
and i can... walk my choice of streets
and find... hardly a wish for
confrontation with a brute
about to cout-knuckles...
or a hard-on thrill adventure with
a *****...

          there has to come a clearer
gratification from walking...
to use ones legs has to become
a central theme from therein...
        how... i don't have to...
ask for a ghost-limb effect...
   how... the legs can write their own...
paragraph of an hour...
so that... the brain can switch off...
for all the claustrophobia
of descartes' res cogitans:
     i counter... res vanus...
         in...

                  how a certain scent...
short-circuits my memory
and i enter a walk-through cinema...
or... after a worthy hour...
i sit... perched on a windowsill
on a folded leg...
and look at my... private library...

  a walk through a gallery...
  and... that sort of session strapped
to a windowsill...
a crow healing a broken wing...
to look at all the books...
read... being stacked up...
     it's unlike... walking into a bookshop...
and this feud of the eyes and the heart...
and the mind: the argument...
of having read...
the brothers karamazov...
but not having read... moby ****...
but somehow having ingested...
a cultural relativity of moby ****
through a different medium...
so... no... not ignorant of moby ****...
but... you have read the brothers karamavoz...
but you haven't read moby ****...

and that's... "somehow" a problem...
which would be hardly a problem...
if you were a PRO-per... a PROP'ah...
MAN'S-MAN... a WOEMAN'Z-MENSCH!
let's forget that the prefix:
uber beside: taxi-daddy-for-her-16-yer-old
princess oi oi! cabby! blah blah...

you know... it's a lot different...
walking into a bookshop...
surrounded by... books you haven't read...
and... amassing a private library:
romford town library can be shamed!
although... proud...
they did own thomas mann's
dr. faustus... which i did borrow...

                         a book... on par...
with anything heidegger ever would write
in either old age or youth...
beside... it's one thing to walk into
a bookshop and be...
"circumcised" k.o. with all the books
you having read...
and those nights staging a coup...
looking at your private collection...
and what you're read... of it...
and...
              if you could ever see the size...
of the in-real-life... the size of...
philipp MALYAVIN's... peasant woman
dancing... late 1900s...

        well... it would be akin to...
standing before an altar of someone who
had a private library... of read books...
of mutilated books by reading...
books with creases like napkins...
          a private library not to boast
a fake intellect...
or to boast intellect therefore...
to "appear intelligent"...
   let's skip to... nurturing a double posit
of privacy... a cognitive labyrinth...
enough to enjoy a beer when walking
in the night...

        unlike going to a gallery and
appreciating all the paintings...
to look at... a stack of read books...
books... not worth discarding in a carboot sale...
a private library: notably...
in two tongues... and a third spare...
a stack of books read...

say... alone... the Sienkiewicz trilogy...
which is not the Tolkien trilogy...
i'm bored of people regurgitating....
as they would do... making videos...
citations of 1984 and brave new world...
yes yes... and what of... Zamyatin's we?  
subscript notes for:
pedophiles, pederasts and pedants...
or priests, prostitutes and psychiatrists...        
                  
it's one thing... to go among paintings
in a gallery... without a mirror or glass...
and the ******* of space that a gallery confines
the painting to...
or a piece of paper and some caryons like
a child might...
but... eh!
    not going anywhere...
      a private library of books read...
   stacked like cans of baked beans
in a supermarket...
hey presto! no warhol!
     a different paternity of time invoked...
i have... 3 years apart... and roughly
a month from each of these 3 years...
           confined to... roughly...
the parameters of a box that could also
be used to... stack-up radios... etc.

     yes... it has become apparent...
this life is worthy of exhausting the narrative...
after all... so many things in this world:
do not have a fixation of narrative
as their prime concern for: ex nihil...

                      i have the cameo cinema of memory...
the blank stare and buddha-blind vector
of imagination...
               and that... ever...
more realistic currency of presently:
entertained consciousness... with not much
achieved... beside...
an argument contra Freud:
            what if i haven't been afforded
the luxury of dreams? interpret what?
    a hermann rorschach?
                       herr doktor KLEKS...
    kleggs... and various other alternatives...
antithesis chiral...
                             of note:
the lesser detail of any known theoretical
confine of organic chemistry.

— The End —