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Jessica Head Oct 2013
Overwhelmed with calculations
How much time I've truly wasted
Spend it all anticipating
'til my blackened heart is faded
Now I know how far I'd take it
Now I know how far I'll take it
Won't be lost in conversations,
Headiness or accusations
Now I know
Now I know

It's far away from here
I file it down do anything
Anywhere but here
Burn it down and disappear
Far away from here

I'm not fighting any longer
Nothing left for me to conquer
But my tired soul's on fire
If I don't move I'll surely die here
Now I know
Now I know

It's far away from here
I file it down do anything
Anywhere but here
Just far far away from here
Won't you tell me dear
It's far far away from here
Far away from here
Now I know
The whole world could disappear
Disappear

I'm not looking from approval
Just the strength to finally move on
If I don't move I'm surely doomed
And I'm the only one I'm foolin

It's far away from here
File it down do anything
Anywhere but here
Just far far away from here
Far away from here
Burn it down and disappear
Anywhere but here
Just far far away from here
Far away from here
File it down do anything
Won't you tell me dear
It's far far away from here
It's far away from here
Alan S Bailey Mar 28
~**** SOUND~

The way it's smelling, I can't believe it-I've never smelled a
**** LIKE THAT
It's oh so gassy, such a **** sound that goes
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...
I don't believe it-it's got my face turning a pale greenish-hue!
You know I've never smelled a
**** LIKE THAT
It's oh so gassy, such a **** sound that goes
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...

Verse 1
I think that the earth is shaking-I swear someone just lit da' fuze,
An' detonated a whole **** whopping ton of "Nitrous juice,"
That **** was like a ghost in Ghost Busters,
It sneak up on you and you freakin' smell the
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...
I turn around and think
What is this some kind of bad **** could seem,
Who ate that whole hot dog with sharp mustard?
And then cut the cheese?
And do not think that this is the first time I or my friend here
Jo-jo made the flowers seem to move in the breeze
For I, Triumph, am on a mission to escape this **** smell
With my head between my knees-ABOUT TO PASS OUT........

The way it's smelling, I can't believe it-I've never smelled a
**** LIKE THAT
It's oh so gassy, such a **** sound that goes
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...
I seek that face mask-like this is a smell emergency
Buddy, You know I've never smelled a
**** LIKE THAT
Don't no one order the garlic liver with fried onion steak!
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...

Verse 2
The other day I was in gas station, some guy was getting gas
Had gotten "Carsick" and blamed me! But I knew the truth it was the car next to me,
I am not lying it came wafting through the breeze and it goes
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...
I said, "MAN do I look like the "Houdini of farts?"
With fumes from some unknown specter of flatulence? When clearly,
It was you? What you think I should do? Don't look at me!
Make it so that everyone up in this gas station knows it wasn't me?
But you know the truth there is a doughnut I buy one for you please
Don't get so angry I didn't mean any harm, no need for one to yell,
You know you can't light a lighter or smoke? It's a law everyone knows
When there is so much gas you might just
**** (Phew-can't no one light a ****...!)

Chorus
The way it's smelling, I can't believe it-I've never smelled a
**** LIKE THAT
It's oh so gassy, such a **** sound that goes
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...
Don't ya know that beans are a magical fruit?
I've never smelled a BIFF like that,
In the end we all can't escape the
noxious fumes of the
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...

On airplane flight I was minding my own business
When some dude let an "aero-**** fly" a guy looked
At me and said:
"Hey, what you think that this is, did superman
Himself let a PHLPH
As his cape lifted up from a gassy (?)
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...
"You think that Triumph the puppet dog not super enough?
I think you are like kryptonite to me! You saying I had some
Thing humble apology I had to say? Don't you know there is no room to breath?
I clearly know better I see the sign when you need to pull out a bag
Because you airsick there are multiple usages, and you can use it
Like I have repeatedly to breath from a **** smell I didn't make!
I am just a puppet, not a ****-tion teller...!

Chorus
The way it's smelling, I can't believe it-I've never smelled a
**** LIKE THAT
It's oh so gassy, such a **** sound that goes
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...
From the rear end, this isn't a whoopee cushion ****-
Can't pretend
That I've ever smelled a
**** LIKE THAT
It's oh so gassy, such a **** sound that goes
**** FA-FAR-FAR-****...

MAN!
It's got a life all it's own!
My own personal humor flatulent smell, a simple funny mix-up, to the tune of Eminem's song '*** Like That'

"One day this one might be SMELLING like hot cakes...!"
TheWhisperingPoet83  Jun 2021
FAR
FAR
Far
From you
Far away
Far
From
Everything
Far from
Everyone.

Far
From you
Away
From
It
All.

To
Refresh
To get
Back
To My
Best.

Far away
From
You
Far
From
Everyone
Not
Far
Enough
Too
Far.

Far away
From
You
Further
Away
From
Them
Is it
Far
Enough?

To have
That
Space
To be
The
Best
You.

Far
Far
Away
From
It
All
For a
While
To have
A
Break
Then
To come
Back
Refreshed
With a
New
Perspective
To be
The
Best
For
You.

How far?
Is
Too far?
To be
Far?
Before
Coming
Too far?

-FAR
(C) By -HF Whisper
24/1/2021-26/1/2021 -24/1/2021-21:31PM
Cant decide which editing...?
TheWhisperingPoet83  Jun 2021
FAR
FAR
Far from you
Far away
Far from everything
Far from everyone.

Far from you
Away from it all
To refresh
To get back to my best

Far away from you
Far from everyone
Not far enough
Too far

Far away from you
Further away from them
Is it far enough?
To have that space
To be the best you

Far, far away
From it all
For a while
To have a break
Then to come back
Refreshed
With a new perspective
To be the best for you

How far is too far?
to be far?
Before coming too far.

-FAR
© By HF-Whisper
24/1/2021-26/1/2021 -24/1/2021-21:31PM
The original piece.
Declan  Jul 2010
The Island
Declan Jul 2010
There was a desolate Island
Far, far away
There sat a man
Not knowing his way

His friend told him
“I know the way”
So he traveled by car and train
Boat and plane

To that desolate Island
Far, far away
Where that man now sits
Not knowing his way

He somehow landed
In that God forsaken place
Unbelieving and doubt
Mixed in his heart

On that desolate Island
Far, far away
Where that man sits
Not knowing his way

He trusted that man
To put his life in his hand
Then the cruel wheel of fate
Dropped him

On that desolate Island
Far, far away
Sitting there
Not knowing his way

The island choked
His heart and thoughts
Making him feel
As though he were alone

On that desolate Island
Far, far away
Sitting there
Not knowing his way

He decided one day
To make a way
To get back home
And possibly escape

That desolate Island
Far, far away
Where that man stands
Possibly knowing his way

He walked to the ocean
Looked into the water
Saw his reflection
And doubt in his eyes

Because of that desolate Island
Far, far away
Where he stood at the shore
Knowing his way

He jumped in the water
Enjoying the feel
As warmth embraced him
Eliminating fear

Leaving that desolate Island
Far, far away
Where he once stood
Not knowing his way

He gave up on those
Who he thought he knew
And started over
With little fear

Away from that desolate Island
Far, far away
Where he once stood
Not knowing his way
Megan Grace  Aug 2012
Travel
Megan Grace Aug 2012
You are far.
Like mars far.
Like from the couch to the kitchen far.
Like end of the check-out line far.
Like you're next to me but we aren't talking far.
Like "but my phone charger is upstairs" far.
Like 4900 miles far.
Like six hours and three flight changes far.
Like a fifteen hour drive far.
Like international texting rates far.
Like impossibly far.
Like "the concert is a whole week away" far.
Like 204 marathons far.
Like country roads far.
Like "where is the nearest gas station" far.
Like commercial break far.
Like Canada far.
Kripi Jun 2013
I am going far far and far away
Just to that bay
Where i will stay
For two years

These two years
Will be of pains
Tears will come out of my veins
Will be of grief
Where i will be a deaf
Will be of such kind
Where i will be blind
Will be of sorrow
Where i will have to borrow
Some amount of happiness


I am going far far and far away
Where i will sway
In the emptiness
Where i will convey
The message of loneliness
Where i will play
The song of emptiness
Where i will astray
In the loneliness
I am going far far and far away
III. TO APOLLO (546 lines)

TO DELIAN APOLLO --

(ll. 1-18) I will remember and not be unmindful of Apollo who
shoots afar.  As he goes through the house of Zeus, the gods
tremble before him and all spring up from their seats when he
draws near, as he bends his bright bow.  But Leto alone stays by
the side of Zeus who delights in thunder; and then she unstrings
his bow, and closes his quiver, and takes his archery from his
strong shoulders in her hands and hangs them on a golden peg
against a pillar of his father's house.  Then she leads him to a
seat and makes him sit: and the Father gives him nectar in a
golden cup welcoming his dear son, while the other gods make him
sit down there, and queenly Leto rejoices because she bare a
mighty son and an archer.  Rejoice, blessed Leto, for you bare
glorious children, the lord Apollo and Artemis who delights in
arrows; her in Ortygia, and him in rocky Delos, as you rested
against the great mass of the Cynthian hill hard by a palm-tree
by the streams of Inopus.

(ll. 19-29) How, then, shall I sing of you who in all ways are a
worthy theme of song?  For everywhere, O Phoebus, the whole range
of song is fallen to you, both over the mainland that rears
heifers and over the isles.  All mountain-peaks and high
headlands of lofty hills and rivers flowing out to the deep and
beaches sloping seawards and havens of the sea are your delight.
Shall I sing how at the first Leto bare you to be the joy of men,
as she rested against Mount Cynthus in that rocky isle, in sea-
girt Delos -- while on either hand a dark wave rolled on
landwards driven by shrill winds -- whence arising you rule over
all mortal men?

(ll. 30-50) Among those who are in Crete, and in the township of
Athens, and in the isle of Aegina and Euboea, famous for ships,
in Aegae and Eiresiae and Peparethus near the sea, in Thracian
Athos and Pelion's towering heights and Thracian Samos and the
shady hills of Ida, in Scyros and Phocaea and the high hill of
Autocane and fair-lying Imbros and smouldering Lemnos and rich
******, home of Macar, the son of ******, and Chios, brightest of
all the isles that lie in the sea, and craggy Mimas and the
heights of Corycus and gleaming Claros and the sheer hill of
Aesagea and watered Samos and the steep heights of Mycale, in
Miletus and Cos, the city of Meropian men, and steep Cnidos and
windy Carpathos, in Naxos and Paros and rocky Rhenaea -- so far
roamed Leto in travail with the god who shoots afar, to see if
any land would be willing to make a dwelling for her son.  But
they greatly trembled and feared, and none, not even the richest
of them, dared receive Phoebus, until queenly Leto set foot on
Delos and uttered winged words and asked her:

(ll. 51-61) 'Delos, if you would be willing to be the abode of my
son "Phoebus Apollo and make him a rich temple --; for no other
will touch you, as you will find: and I think you will never be
rich in oxen and sheep, nor bear vintage nor yet produce plants
abundantly.  But if you have the temple of far-shooting Apollo,
all men will bring you hecatombs and gather here, and incessant
savour of rich sacrifice will always arise, and you will feed
those who dwell in you from the hand of strangers; for truly your
own soil is not rich.'

(ll. 62-82) So spake Leto.  And Delos rejoiced and answered and
said:  'Leto, most glorious daughter of great Coeus, joyfully
would I receive your child the far-shooting lord; for it is all
too true that I am ill-spoken of among men, whereas thus I should
become very greatly honoured.  But this saying I fear, and I will
not hide it from you, Leto.  They say that Apollo will be one
that is very haughty and will greatly lord it among gods and men
all over the fruitful earth.  Therefore, I greatly fear in heart
and spirit that as soon as he sets the light of the sun, he will
scorn this island -- for truly I have but a hard, rocky soil --
and overturn me and ****** me down with his feet in the depths of
the sea; then will the great ocean wash deep above my head for
ever, and he will go to another land such as will please him,
there to make his temple and wooded groves.  So, many-footed
creatures of the sea will make their lairs in me and black seals
their dwellings undisturbed, because I lack people.  Yet if you
will but dare to sware a great oath, goddess, that here first he
will build a glorious temple to be an oracle for men, then let
him afterwards make temples and wooded groves amongst all men;
for surely he will be greatly renowned.

(ll. 83-88) So said Delos.  And Leto sware the great oath of the
gods: 'Now hear this, Earth and wide Heaven above, and dropping
water of Styx (this is the strongest and most awful oath for the
blessed gods), surely Phoebus shall have here his fragrant altar
and precinct, and you he shall honour above all.'

(ll. 89-101) Now when Leto had sworn and ended her oath, Delos
was very glad at the birth of the far-shooting lord.  But Leto
was racked nine days and nine nights with pangs beyond wont.  And
there were with her all the chiefest of the goddesses, Dione and
Rhea and Ichnaea and Themis and loud-moaning Amphitrite and the
other deathless goddesses save white-armed Hera, who sat in the
halls of cloud-gathering Zeus.  Only Eilithyia, goddess of sore
travail, had not heard of Leto's trouble, for she sat on the top
of Olympus beneath golden clouds by white-armed Hera's
contriving, who kept her close through envy, because Leto with
the lovely tresses was soon to bear a son faultless and strong.

(ll. 102-114) But the goddesses sent out Iris from the well-set
isle to bring Eilithyia, promising her a great necklace strung
with golden threads, nine cubits long.  And they bade Iris call
her aside from white-armed Hera, lest she might afterwards turn
her from coming with her words.  When swift Iris, fleet of foot
as the wind, had heard all this, she set to run; and quickly
finishing all the distance she came to the home of the gods,
sheer Olympus, and forthwith called Eilithyia out from the hall
to the door and spoke winged words to her, telling her all as the
goddesses who dwell on Olympus had bidden her.  So she moved the
heart of Eilithyia in her dear breast; and they went their way,
like shy wild-doves in their going.

(ll. 115-122) And as soon as Eilithyia the goddess of sore
travail set foot on Delos, the pains of birth seized Leto, and
she longed to bring forth; so she cast her arms about a palm tree
and kneeled on the soft meadow while the earth laughed for joy
beneath.  Then the child leaped forth to the light, and all the
goddesses washed you purely and cleanly with sweet water, and
swathed you in a white garment of fine texture, new-woven, and
fastened a golden band about you.

(ll. 123-130) Now Leto did not give Apollo, bearer of the golden
blade, her breast; but Themis duly poured nectar and ambrosia
with her divine hands: and Leto was glad because she had borne a
strong son and an archer.  But as soon as you had tasted that
divine heavenly food, O Phoebus, you could no longer then be held
by golden cords nor confined with bands, but all their ends were
undone.  Forthwith Phoebus Apollo spoke out among the deathless
goddesses:

(ll. 131-132) 'The lyre and the curved bow shall ever be dear to
me, and I will declare to men the unfailing will of Zeus.'

(ll. 133-139) So said Phoebus, the long-haired god who shoots
afar and began to walk upon the wide-pathed earth; and all
goddesses were amazed at him.  Then with gold all Delos was
laden, beholding the child of Zeus and Leto, for joy because the
god chose her above the islands and shore to make his dwelling in
her: and she loved him yet more in her heart, and blossomed as
does a mountain-top with woodland flowers.

(ll. 140-164) And you, O lord Apollo, god of the silver bow,
shooting afar, now walked on craggy Cynthus, and now kept
wandering about the island and the people in them.  Many are your
temples and wooded groves, and all peaks and towering bluffs of
lofty mountains and rivers flowing to the sea are dear to you,
Phoebus, yet in Delos do you most delight your heart; for there
the long robed Ionians gather in your honour with their children
and shy wives: mindful, they delight you with boxing and dancing
and song, so often as they hold their gathering.  A man would say
that they were deathless and unageing if he should then come upon
the Ionians so met together.  For he would see the graces of them
all, and would be pleased in heart gazing at the men and well-
girded women with their swift ships and great wealth.  And there
is this great wonder besides -- and its renown shall never perish
-- the girls of Delos, hand-maidens of the Far-shooter; for when
they have praised Apollo first, and also Leto and Artemis who
delights in arrows, they sing a strain-telling of men and women
of past days, and charm the tribes of men.  Also they can imitate
the tongues of all men and their clattering speech: each would
say that he himself were singing, so close to truth is their
sweet song.

(ll. 165-178) And now may Apollo be favourable and Artemis; and
farewell all you maidens.  Remember me in after time whenever any
one of men on earth, a stranger who has seen and suffered much,
comes here and asks of you: 'Whom think ye, girls, is the
sweetest singer that comes here, and in whom do you most
delight?'  Then answer, each and all, with one voice: 'He is a
blind man, and dwells in rocky Chios: his lays are evermore
supreme.'  As for me, I will carry your renown as far as I roam
over the earth to the well-placed this thing is true.  And I will
never cease to praise far-shooting Apollo, god of the silver bow,
whom rich-haired Leto bare.

TO PYTHIAN APOLLO --

(ll. 179-181) O Lord, Lycia is yours and lovely Maeonia and
Miletus, charming city by the sea, but over wave-girt Delos you
greatly reign your own self.

(ll. 182-206) Leto's all-glorious son goes to rocky Pytho,
playing upon his hollow lyre, clad in divine, perfumed garments;
and at the touch of the golden key his lyre sings sweet.  Thence,
swift as thought, he speeds from earth to Olympus, to the house
of Zeus, to join the gathering of the other gods: then
straightway the undying gods think only of the lyre and song, and
all the Muses together, voice sweetly answering voice, hymn the
unending gifts the gods enjoy and the sufferings of men, all that
they endure at the hands of the deathless gods, and how they live
witless and helpless and cannot find healing for death or defence
against old age.  Meanwhile the rich-tressed Graces and cheerful
Seasons dance with Harmonia and **** and Aphrodite, daughter of
Zeus, holding each other by the wrist.  And among them sings one,
not mean nor puny, but tall to look upon and enviable in mien,
Artemis who delights in arrows, sister of Apollo.  Among them
sport Ares and the keen-eyed Slayer of Argus, while Apollo plays
his lyre stepping high and featly and a radiance shines around
him, the gleaming of his feet and close-woven vest.  And they,
even gold-tressed Leto and wise Zeus, rejoice in their great
hearts as they watch their dear son playing among the undying
gods.

(ll. 207-228) How then shall I sing of you -- though in all ways
you are a worthy theme for song?  Shall I sing of you as wooer
and in the fields of love, how you went wooing the daughter of
Azan along with god-like Ischys the son of well-horsed Elatius,
or with Phorbas sprung from Triops, or with Ereutheus, or with
Leucippus and the wife of Leucippus....
((LACUNA))
....you on foot, he with his chariot, yet he fell not short of
Triops.  Or shall I sing how at the first you went about the
earth seeking a place of oracle for men, O far-shooting Apollo?
To Pieria first you went down from Olympus and passed by sandy
Lectus and Enienae and through the land of the Perrhaebi.  Soon
you came to Iolcus and set foot on Cenaeum in Euboea, famed for
ships: you stood in the Lelantine plain, but it pleased not your
heart to make a temple there and wooded groves.  From there you
crossed the Euripus, far-shooting Apollo, and went up the green,
holy hills, going on to Mycalessus and grassy-bedded Teumessus,
and so came to the wood-clad abode of Thebe; for as yet no man
lived in holy Thebe, nor were there tracks or ways about Thebe's
wheat-bearing plain as yet.

(ll. 229-238) And further still you went, O far-shooting Apollo,
and came to Onchestus, Poseidon's bright grove: there the new-
broken cold distressed with drawing the trim chariot gets spirit
again, and the skilled driver springs from his car and goes on
his way.  Then the horses for a while rattle the empty car, being
rid of guidance; and if they break the chariot in the woody
grove, men look after the horses, but tilt the chariot and leave
it there; for this was the rite from the very first.  And the
drivers pray to the lord of the shrine; but the chariot falls to
the lot of the god.

(ll. 239-243) Further yet you went, O far-shooting Apollo, and
reached next Cephissus' sweet stream which pours forth its sweet-
flowing water from Lilaea, and crossing over it, O worker from
afar, you passed many-towered Ocalea and reached grassy
Haliartus.

(ll. 244-253) Then you went towards Telphusa: and there the
pleasant place seemed fit for making a temple and wooded grove.
You came very near and spoke to her: 'Telphusa, here I am minded
to make a glorious temple, an oracle for men, and hither they
will always bring perfect hecatombs, both those who live in rich
Peloponnesus and those of Europe and all the wave-washed isles,
coming to seek oracles.  And I will deliver to them all counsel
that cannot fail, giving answer in my rich temple.'

(ll. 254-276) So said Phoebus Apollo, and laid out all the
foundations throughout, wide and very long.  But when Telphusa
saw this, she was angry in heart and spoke, saying: 'Lord
Phoebus, worker from afar, I will speak a word of counsel to your
heart, since you are minded to make here a glorious temple to be
an oracle for men who will always bring hither perfect hecatombs
for you; yet I will speak out, and do you lay up my words in your
heart.  The trampling of swift horses and the sound of mules
watering at my sacred springs will always irk you, and men will
like better to gaze at the well-made chariots and stamping,
swift-footed horses than at your great temple and the many
treasures that are within.  But if you will be moved by me -- for
you, lord, are stronger and mightier than I, and your strength is
very great -- build at Crisa below the glades of Parnassus: there
no bright chariot will clash, and there will be no noise of
swift-footed horses near your well-built altar.  But so the
glorious tribes of men will bring gifts to you as Iepaeon ('Hail-
Healer'), and you will receive with delight rich sacrifices from
the people dwelling round about.'  So said Telphusa, that she
alone, and not the Far-Shooter, should have renown there; and she
persuaded the Far-Shooter.

(ll. 277-286) Further yet you went, far-shooting Apollo, until
you came to the town of the presumptuous Phlegyae who dwell on
this earth in a lovely glade near the Cephisian lake, caring not
for Zeus.  And thence you went speeding swiftly to the mountain
ridge, and came to Crisa beneath snowy Parnassus, a foothill
turned towards the west: a cliff hangs over if from above, and a
hollow, rugged glade runs under.  There the lord Phoebus Apollo
resolved to make his lovely temple, and thus he said:

(ll. 287-293) 'In this place I am minded to build a glorious
temple to be an oracle for men, and here they will always bring
perfect hecatombs, both they who dwell in rich Peloponnesus and
the men of Europe and from all the wave-washed isles, coming to
question me.  And I will deliver to them all counsel that cannot
fail, answering them in my rich temple.'

(ll. 294-299) When h
トリシャ Feb 2014
it was autumn last year when we first met,
just one step away from each other
(so close yet so far)
cherry leaves crunching under my feet
blue skies and russet cobblestone
the smell of cinnamon hanging in the air
branches snapping in two like brittle bones
and my unlit cigarette dropping to the ground in surprise
as he fell
falling down down down to the ground
gravity gripping him like a soul-******* monster
and his fragile limbs stretching out
rustling paper flying out of his bag
in a spiral dance to a song i could not hear.
frail eighteen-year-old knees scraping against the pavement
lurid irises latching onto mine
as he fell
and my hands shoot out as if to catch him
like palms aching to touch delicate butterfly wings
and even then
i now realize
he was asking me to save him;
to stop him from falling.
but he was already one step away
(so close yet so far)




it was winter last year when friendship was forged.
pink blossoms giving way for achromatic snowflakes;
shaky familiarity giving way for a solid bond
amongst wordless run-ins and shy hello's
and sitting across each other over cups of hot chocolate
(so close yet so far)
we learned about each other
reaching out past thickly built walls
about pets and family and friends
(china dolls and nickels and handmaids);
and maybe we learned a little about falling in love too.
but he bristled at the mention of dreams
and i learned
that in his world of half-shattered glass and dead seas
dreams were distant stars
not meant to be picked out of the pitch black sky
and he insists they were not meant to be;
i wondered
if he meant to tell me that neither were we.
i told him i didn't understand,
asking myself if looking into his eyes
have always been this painful
but he shakes his head and steps away
(so close yet so far)




it was spring this year when i admitted
i wanted him closer;
that i was tired
of having to reach him through broken chords
of him being a chapter i had to read over and over
of having to chase after a firefly slowly losing its light
tired of him always being a step away
(so close yet so far)
i told him
i wanted to keep his dulcet smiles deep inside myself
caramel bites sweet against my tongue
to tread my hands through his hair
like floss that would melt if i don't hold on tight enough
to have him sing to me;
velvet tones echoing in the silence
jars of honey reserved just for me.
i wanted to run my fingers across his spine
like the ivory keys he spins melodies out of;
to tug him closer and closer and closer
until distance is no more
and there's nothing but lips against lips
skin against skin.
but things don't work that way, he says
my fingers flat against his waist
(we can't work out, he adds;
as if i hadn't heard)
it was a whispered lie against fabric
his body shaking
like a man deprived of a drug he so desperately needs
his eyes irresolute;
uncertainty crippling irises that used to shine
as bright as the northern lights
but he takes a step back anyway
(so close yet so far)




it was early summer this year when i lost him;
he had a girl hanging from his arm
and debonair friends waiting at his every word
(they might as well be valet de chambres)
and not once did he spare me a look
not even when he was only a step away
(so close yet so far)
that month flew by in yet another blur
empty beer bottles in my hands
flimsy cigarettes back between my fingers
broken promises embracing me like an old friend;
as if the forced laughter
did not distort the syrupy voice
that used to drawl in my ear;
as if the empty kisses and i love you's
echoing in my head
did not feel
like repeated slaps against my cheek
like repeated punches into my gut;
and as if his vacant words
did not paint his eyes colours
that i never wanted to see.
eyes that never looked at me;
as if i was a discarded toy.
as if i was the soul-******* monster
i had (tried) to save him from.
someone not worth being around
someone not worth being near
which justifies, i think,
why he always remained a step away
(so close yet so far)




it was late summer this year when i realized
that this is how it has always been;
that to wish and to hope
was to wait for a shooting star
in a world grazed by neither beauty nor light.
that even prior to our meeting,
he had always been a step away
(so close yet so far)
i was born in november, he in october
i was born on the 6th, he on the 7th
i was born in 1990, he in 1991.
even before we were born,
we were already a step apart
like binary stars only destined to orbit but never touch
like parallel lines never meant to ever intersect
never meant to do anything but run close to each other
as close as it can get
but never meeting
forever a step away
(so close yet so far)




it was autumn this year when he lost himself;
gone were the iridescent irises i fell in love with
gone were the caramel smiles i wanted to keep;
gone was the boy i once knew.
like a tree kissing its cherry leaves goodbye
a butterfly bidding farewell to its brittle wings
the ghost of a boy i lost to shattered dreams
in a shell of fragile ribs and untuned keys
even then, he never strayed closer
not to me
not any less than one step away
(so close yet so far)
and i wondered if this was cruel punishment
for something i had done
handcuffs locking around my limbs
as i await the executioner's axe;
because there is no pain
quite like watching the boy i love(d)
crumble into himself
broken and vulnerable
knowing i myself was helpless
merely a felon awaiting my capital punishment
with him always one step away
(so close yet so far)




it was winter this year when the world lost him;
the boy i'd loved
with the fragile limbs and glitter orbs
having destroyed himself
giving in to the promise of a world
better than his tattered own.
reduced to nothing but a lifeless sack of ivory bones
like the branches and cherry leaves
from when we first met;
now contained in a velvet coffin,
still a step away
(so close yet so far)
i ran my fingers against the coffin glass
like he did with piano keys he loved
as much as the stars;
the coffin made with chiffon velvet
like the voice
that used to flow like milk and honey
in the silence of the night;
and his funeral clothes
black like the starless skies
in the desolate cage he'd locked himself in;
a stark contrast to the pastels
that used to paint his irises colours
that render the rainbow dull if compared.
only it's all in my head now
because he is gone
and even now, he is still a step away
(so close yet so far)
just leaving this here. messy and pretentious and hardly a poem, really.

— The End —