IM SORRY IM ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW SICK I AM ITS JUST I KEEP HOPING YOU'LL GIVE ME A PILL TO MAKE IT STOP OR AT LEAST DIAGNOSE ME TELL ME EXACTLY WHATS WRONG INSTEAD OF IT BEING THIS ******* MALAISE ALWAYS IN MY ARMS LIKE A CHILD I NEVER WANTED BUT WAS TOO KIND TO LEAVE

I PROMISE IM NOT VOMITING ON PURPOSE I HAVENT BEEN THAT WAY IN YEARS AND NOW WHEN I STICK MY FINGER DOWN MY THROAT TRYING TO PURGE THE POISON IN MY BELLY ALL I DO IS DRY HEAVE AND WEAR MY THROAT RAW AND I END WITH A POUNDING HEADACHE AND A DROOLING MOUTH

THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED YOU TO SEE ME DISGUSTING AND USED DRY I WANTED TO BE YOUR SHINING GODDESS YOUR ICON SOMEONE YOU COULD LOOK UP TO SOMEONE YOU COULD STRIVE TO BE BUT PLEASE DONT END UP LIKE ME

SORRY FOR HOLDING YOU TOO TIGHT IM JUST TRYING TO PULL YOU THROUGH MY ******* SKIN I DIDNT MEAN TO LEAVE THOSE MARKS I DIDNT MEAN TO BRUISE YOU WITH THE PATTERN OF MY FINGERPRINTS BUT NOW THAT IT'S THERE I CANT SAY I REGRET IT YOU CAN REMEMBER ME AS THE GIRL WHO ****** YOU UP YOU CAN BLAME ME FOR IT ALL

TELL ME THAT IM WORTH SOMETHING TELL ME THAT DEATH IS A JOKE AND I CAN LIVE WITH YOU FOREVER TELL ME ILL NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE TELL ME YOULL ALWAYS BE WITH ME SO MINE IS NOT THE ONLY HEARTBEAT IN THE ROOM TELL ME WE CAN SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM SO WHEN I WAKE IN THE NIGHT SCARED AND SWEATING I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING AND KNOW IF I DIE THERE WILL BE SOMEONE THERE I WILL NOT DIE ALONE I WILL NOT DIE ALONE I WILLNOT DIE ALONE

IM CODEPENDENT AND SELFISH AND SICK AND I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME THAT NEITHER OF US HAS DIED AND THIS TRACHEOTOMY IS CRUDE BUT WE'RE BREATHING STILL AND WE CAN STAY IN THE HOSPITAL UNTIL EVERYTHING FEELS RIGHT AGAIN TELL ME THAT GOD EXISTS AND IF WE CANT LIVE FOREVER AT LEAST WE CAN GO TO HEAVEN

IM SO ******* SICK OF LEAVING EVERYONE BEHIND IM SO SICK OF BEING TRANSIENT IM SO SICK OF BEING A PAPERY GHOST LEAVING WHEN THINGS TURN SOLID TELL ME YOU WONT LET ME LEAVE YOU BEHIND TELL ME YOULL STAY WITH ME EVEN WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES AND DONT SPEAK FOR DAYS IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY I WANTED TO BE A GODDESS BUT IM JUST A ******* SLUG AND IM SO AFRAID YOULL LET ME LEAVE