my mind tends to ooze with a negativity

that leaks out & into my already searing

and prolonged wounds;

within this ragged & treacherous steam of consistency

I find myself laid out upon the very gravelish grounds

that I goofishly juggle with on a lazen basis

sometimes there

sometimes here

but a lot of times just nowhere at all.

where I disappear to I couldn’t be sure,

the empty screen in front of & behind me

don’t speak of much

but they do tend to catch my demiseful falls

every now & then;

seems these cavernous valleys have a soothing touch

to them,

a loosely held comfort that I know

better than I seem to know myself at times

and at times I wonder

what I am supposed to be protesting

within these grotesqueful lines

of a beautifully laid out tragedy,

for even here I do not feel

within the bounds of my own mental safety nets

but maybe an unthoughtful falling & tumbling

will do me some good?

to be comfortable with my own deathly summons,

I write to edge the demons within

to a borderline of both peace & content,

for truthfully no set of letters

can taint me as much as I might allow them too

although I can tend to lean towards the waywards

of an apathetic crustacean

through my own carelessness & ill suited

self brought upon lonesomeness

…

sometimes I cannot tell what is right,

or maybe best is a better way to put it.

for I long for a connection of connections

and equally equivalent siphonings,

but many a times I seem to find

that my end of the line has gone stale,

quiet, a desperate yet eerie monotoned scale

of solemn notes left to ring in the ears

of those who are strongly enough

to take the time to hear,

and for those that are not afraid to stare

deeply into their own darkened & blazeful caverns,

I am forever grateful.

Thou said I'd killed thee-then haunt me! The murdered do look for their murderers. Do find me, capture me, and seize me-until I am no more! Until all t'ose resentments are conquered; and th' due satisfaction is approached! How I am but ready for 'tis-for I now can see even t'ose roaring flames in thy *****-thy lifeless, inanimate *****-o, thy ghost! My poor-dreary love! But why doth thou hath just to release it right now? Thou wert no more than a vapour. A silence! An undreamed thought-yes, despite how I sobbed over thy ignorance, thy blandness towards me! I who was unjustly a piece of willful visage in thy mind-a fracture on th' soil thou mercilessly cracked-a wailing fragment, unheard by t'ose passers-by, unrecognised by th' wind! Terrified in t' steepness I could look around-but insignificant as I was, I hath no right to claim any attention-I was by birth a stone to t'ose young buds-leaning against their flower mothers so tightly, so scared and petrified were their looks-upon my gently-but alarming, steps! How I was a crust to warmth, unbinding and unyielding in every step, glowered at by t'ose thirsty stems-and their green abodes! How crushed I was by my own nature-and to my despondency, by my own fiery passion! Thou wert so distant to me-thou wert a prince from a faraway castle-unreachable to my loveless realm-I could only, in t'ose wakeful jests-dream of thee! T'ose solitary walks we took, as part of our serene perambulations, but in every retrospect, also part of my wildest dreams! At those silent, barbaric hours! And how I regretted when which wert admonished! How my waves of anger would be roused against me-and my lilac-scented pillow-I wanted, in those wraths-grasped my little gun-t'at very kind, and sometimes sweaty-lil' gun, with t'ose uncomprehending steel layers, and strangle th' neck of each of th' intruder: I was glowing with fury! Insidious and pernicious my soul was-but inevitable as to the love I nurtured. The love that would be adequate to me, and its loss hath left me in 'tis shameful, disgraceful, and unpardonable lifelong longing, and incarceration. How isolated I hath been now-for t'ose unimaginable y'rs-how unfair! Resentful ist my heart-grudge is th' only will it can beareth! O my lost love! My prince! My young, mirthful treasure! But I recall how solemn thou wert to me-and cold-tempered in thy redolent sophistication-thou neglected me! Thou killed the flame that had been lighting up my mindth-thou wert the one who fled from me! Aye! Thou wert the one who relented-who adversely tore t'ose flo'ers of my heart; thy quietness sent them into a hurried, mysterious death! Like an earthquake flitting apart th' moons at a blissful night-and enduing th' soil with bursts of cold horror-thou passivity in t'ose very moments-wert but tragic yet unmistakably obscure! O my soul that was ripped apart-just as thine! How dead we became-and still, areth now-how inanimate! Of bliss have our languid joys have been deprived, its remains doth we have no more-no, in our but only dying embers. And how their momentary torch mocks us! How bashful, and unlovable! O but my love is torn. Wholly torn. As how a pool of blood is th' produce of a sword of honour-that is how it is now-and was it swerved astray from its cherry, back then-its very own romance-which hath been so full of ****** youth, to taste agony! Agony as it was-but th' only reward to my suffered love, when I could feed on thy sight no more-thy movements were a nameless leave-threatened by the glaring autumn, and killed by th' ragged winter-my holy love was slaughtered! Now that thou hath known how dead I am-and my feelings are, how I am unseen by most of yon ingress and egress of t' others-t'ose vile, and reprehensive b'ings-with t'ose unthoughtful, and abhorred shortcomings-pallidness and sickly merriment in t'ose eyes-o, what falsehood, what falsehood! I despise th' sight o' 'em-daemons they are, hellish are their souls! **** me, my darling, slander me now, and bring me back into thy world! For th' world I belong to is th' one with thee, my dearest-I do not mind being a ghost, and am unafraid of its vagueness-I'm not! And together shall we traverse th' earth-enjoy but only our keenly desired brambles-t'ose ones we could not partake of, as healthy refreshments to our souls-in t'ose sickly, tumultuous lifetimes-t'ose brazen years! I am thus indebted to thee-t'ese guilt and pleasure, as both thy own'th remorse and treasure-I declare as thine, only thine! Be with me always, since we'll occupy ourselves together-and taking any form, we'll drive each other mad by our passioneth-and grasp all 'ose happiness we've always wanly desired! Love me back, o love me back, my prince! Only don't leave me alone in 'tis abyss, where I cannot find thee...'

feeling like an endless and gruesome winter,

you eventually left me;

leaving a gaping hole of nothingness
in what i used to call my heart.

i remember you telling me
that i was like a flower;

you pulled me from my roots and placed me in a vase of water,

keeping me safe and alive.

but flowers eventually die

when the careless and unthoughtful rip them from their thoughts.

because there are other things to worry about;

because there are many more flowers to be picked.

Dear R,
I hope you are doing well. I hope you are safe and happy and find all of the best things in life (i'd name them, but I haven't yet found them myself). I hope german life is treating you better than ever. I hope you make a million more friends there, though i don't really need to hope for, as you're sure to do it anyway. I hope you don't get too cold in winter. Make sure you have thick warm socks and sturdy boots. Sometimes it's best to walk on untrampled snow as it's less icy. I hope when you return here, or to Aus, you have a safe flight and get plenty of sleep. And that you don't get very jet lagged once you're home. I hope you read this. I hope you have a long happy and healthy life and you never want to die. I hope you wake up every morning smiling and go to sleep contented every night. I hope you feel full and content with everything you have in your life, and everything that is yet to come. I hope you stop feeling anxious. I hope you begin to understand how loved you are, by every person that has come in contact with your soul. I hope you realise how special you are, how unique, how kind and how loving. I hope you see how much you have to offer the world, and how happy you are able to make others. I hope every venture you undertake in life is successful. I hope i can visit your bakery one day. I hope you meet the most lovely girl, just like you, with an open heart and mind. I hope you fall deeply in love and reach a new level of happiness. I hope you spend many happy years together, perhaps marry, raise children and love them more than yourselves. I hope she is stable and has a good mind. I hope she is able to let herself be happy. I hope she doesn't doubt herself, hate anything or ever want to die. I hope you two never cry again. I hope she understands herself and her desires and her emotions. I hope she has feelings that never waver and are rational and make sense. I hope she is beautiful. I hope she never does anything to hurt or upset you, nothing silly or rash or unthoughtful. I hope she can plan a future with you that you both believe in, and that comes true. I hope she loves you unconditionally. I hope she holds your hand in public, and likes to play with your hair and that she's really good at video games. I hope you are happy. I hope she never lets you down.      All my love.

Thinking of thee makes me feel love;
Love so sweet and deeper than mine.
Unlike the winds, I cannot move;
Unlike the sun, I cannot shine.

To be thy own love is my dream;
no more my past, nor but of him.
He once filled my heart and destroyed;
He lent me an unthoughtful joy.

To dream of him is but a pain;
Thoughts that shall fray in feeble rain.
Shall never I want him again;
Only my curses, shall remain.

Like butterflies in the garden
Thy images flirt 'bout like heaven
Thou art handsomer than glosses;
Even more p'rilous than roses.

Thou shall cure me of all torments;
Thou shall be my real gentleman.
Best of the stories I invent,
A tame hero; a loyal friend.

He is a past too far away;
He whose worries are past dismay;
He traced my path last September;
out of autumn fogs and winter.

He lured me into his foresight;
let me astray in memory.
He knows nothing of wrong and right;
He is too blind to say sorry.

Far I'd wandered past cliffs and beaches;
Until thy heart came into view.
Thou turned backwards within my reach;
Bringing me fresh feelings and clues.

Thou found me 'gain in summer's bliss,
Thou stole my love from heart of his.
I saw in thy bright complexion,
Neither lies nor trepidations.

Thou art worth all salutations,
The ringing joys of fond prayers.
Thou art the fruit of all seasons,
Son of truth and a fast healer.

Thou art the song of morn and night;
Thou art Lantern to all delight.
To be with thee is'a great blessing;
As are t'ese crazes, and love feelings.

And being with thee feels just right;
To breathe by thee at a holy night.
Thou art profuse, like yon foliage;
Good as my dreams, of marriage.

Discovery can lead to hurt feelings.

This isn't the first time it's happened to me
but for some reason it hurts more than the other incidents.

It's how a baby must feel,
breathing in second hand smoke
from an unthoughtful,
yet seemingly loving,
father, to discover
that one who is held by me
is simultaneously enough
being held by another.

Color me selfish,
but when I hold a beautiful body
in my arms
and I kiss them for who they are
and I kiss them for their soul
I wish for the feeling to be mutual.
I wish for it to have meaning
and I wish for it to be
a singular couple.

This poem was birthed by two things:
My own distaste for confrontation
and you're lack of judgement
to fool around with him,
while fooling around with me.

And you're gone now,
you're opening a new chapter in your life,
but you get away with selfish ******* too much
and it's time you heard about it.



Hold on my dearest friend,
I'm not done yet.
I never knew you to be selfish,
but before I kissed you,
I wish you would have stopped me
and told me you were being kissed by another.

I guess that's all I really want to say.
Although it may not be all that should be said,
and it may be more than what's right.

Who art thou
to pass judgment so?
Harsh and unthoughtful,
what do ye know?

I have wiped
the tears you gave.
Gods ye are, if
live by thine name.

For dishonor
is what you are mourning.
While it is her name I
set on mine lips each morning.

Haveth you not,
Created ample distance?
Haveth I, the fool
not displayed resistance?

Cursed are ye,
in blessed disguises.
Ye, who laugheth at
thine Ungodly surprises.

Why? I needeth ask
why must i be subjected?
To these plays of
Satan your mate-in-bed.

Blind me, ye Cruel Ones,
for I, if ever stray,
thine throats shall
be mine prey.

Pariahs, Messiahs,
will not deliver.
The Absolution of thine name
as your hatred I shall utter.

Giveth my beloved,
surrender her unto me.
Unless thine aim,
is to faceth a lover's fury.

Throw, I pray, throw
thine jests Earthways.
But then watch me at mine death,
when I climb your celestial pathways.

Upon waves of confusion
a bottle rides in
bounded and wrapped
with a tattered sleeve
dancing atop the white caps
and kissing anger good-bye

far from shore
maybe a month or so out
and apart for the text
written, sealed, and sent
neither can say it did something wrong

hurtful and unknown
the bottle rode the sea
letting the sleeve take the damage
ripped, shredded, and frayed
protecting the most dear

this bland bottle
though mean and unthoughtful
had a message
both a sentence and a feeling
to be unraveled by the owner
of this angel like cloth

these things i see they're so hard to find, peering into a glass of aged broken wine,
the thoughts aren't at all lost, i've found that souls belong in lake foss,
i've said before i haven't any feeling, but what i feel now it means to me: everything,
nothing lost inside of any of my will, but what i see are my dreams which will be fulfilled,
don't feel broken lost smitten or shattered, because i'll serve it to you on a silver but broken platter,
i want not to harm mislead or disfigure, but what i say to you are the thoughts that linger,
please let me lead you into this place of unthoughtful matter, maybe one day you'll see that my feelings are much better,
eventhough the silver i behold is broken, but like i said the thoughts to you are unspoken,
like love is a mystery that turns your heart true, i dont want the feeling of my thoughts to turn blue,
everything is anything that lies in your hands, i ask of you everything but yet i dont demand,
i want you to make your choice which is in your hands, but please take my mind upon it which this is very rare,
i wish for you to be wise on this so my soul you won't scare, all that i ever want is for you to know, there for without you my body will no longer be...there

I love you for you
or your hesitant
soft yearnings
to your slight grin,
there isn't anything
I wouldn't do for you.
For your eyes
like soft wood
for your thoughts
structured and respectful.
But I hesitate to say
you'd do anything for me.
For my quick
unthoughtful plans
and ever present smile
for my eyes
like sad clouded skies
of for my thoughts,
poetic.