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Speechless
23/Australia    They say the quickest way to a persons heart is when you've personalised the attack

Poems

Kairee F  Jun 2011
Speechless
Kairee F Jun 2011
Empty.
Numb.
Careless.
Unfeeling.
The lifeless shell of a human you’ve become.
This is vacant soul I see.

I don’t know this boy,
Nor do I want to.
He died the night your arms formed my shield,
And dark eyes brightened to newfound life,
Leaving me speechless.

But our demise saw to it that the birth of death arise again,
Suffocating any life left in you,
Parting with happy, alive, and energetic,
Welcoming the cold.
And we meet the empty shell once more.

A nearly full bottle of painkillers rests on my desk,
Calling,
Shouting,
Crying out my name
For just a moment,
A notion bringing my fearful heart to its knees.
Speechless.

Instead I choose to chase who I once was,
While somehow attempting to better myself
Into someone who can be ok.
But what is ok, exactly?
When and how do we get to good enough?
And is “good enough” actually ever enough?
Too many thoughts.
Too many constant battles inside.
But still speechless.

You called me your “guardian angel,”
Said without me, you’d have no life.
You told me the ghost of who you were
Began to live when I stepped in.
Your will to exist, your empty shell,
Your desire to awaken at the break of every day,
Everything changed when I stepped in.
Everything changed when I stepped in.
You came alive when I stepped in.
You breathed new life when I stepped in.

You said, “Forever.”
You said, “My future.”
You said, “Always.”
You said, “Je t’aime.”
You said, “I want you.”
You said, “I need you.”
You said, “I love you.”
You said, “That love will never go away.”
You said, “I’ve waited my whole life for this.”
You said, “I want every second with you.”
You said it all, but I wish you hadn’t ‘cause maybe,
Maybe I wouldn’t be here,
Trapped in all the vanished promises of our evanescent life.
So many thoughts,
So many desires,
So much life lost deep down inside,
Yet still so speechless.

You stepped out when fear stepped in.
You stepped out when confusion stepped in.
You stepped out because of your stupid, unconditional, pure, overwhelming love for me.
And I stepped out because it made my heart swell with even more love for you.

I don’t know this boy,
Nor do I want to.
But I wish with everything I’m made of that I could help him in some way,
That I could be here in some way,
That I could find one thing to say
To bring him back to life some way.
But here I am,
Speechless.

Little does this boy know I’m here
If he truly ever needs me.
I am always here.
But here he also is,
A stranger,
Completely ok with feeling numb,
Just barely pressing on,
Lifeless.

And it was with those words, this realization, that I discovered
I meant nothing to you.
You mean everything to me.
And I meant nothing.

How can I believe this?
I don't.
But how can you act like it?

Empty.
Numb.
Careless.
Unfeeling.
The lifeless shell of a human you’ve become.
This is vacant soul I see.
But there is nothing I can do anymore,
Except lie here,
Pray here,
Stay here –

Speechless.
Renee  Jan 2015
Speechless
Renee Jan 2015
For the first time in his life,
he was speechless
not a word to say
A thought unformed,
a bell not rang
silently staring,
mouth agape
at the woman who made him think
in different ways

For the first time in her life,
she was speechless
to the woman who told her
she was beautiful
in so many different ways
she was speechless to the friends she had made
unable to formulate words,
chatterbox broken,
a record skipping

Like any other time in his life,
he was speechless,
not a word to say,
unforced words to people he'd never known
to people who don't care
until he's online,
with his fair share.

Like any other time in her life,
she was speechless,
but no,
not on paper,
her words flowed like a rushing river
but only on paper
to be unseen but to her.
Cass  Jan 2018
Speechless
Cass Jan 2018
So, if my vocal cords can't collaborate to produce sounds to communicate audibly to your beautiful mind that I have an endless mission of loving you, can't there be another way to articulate this feeling?
What are my tongue, lips, alveolar ridge, hard palate, and velum doing?
I never knew that emotion could effectively shut down my speech tract.
How I wish my voice could play a melody into my heartbeat, and my heart have an audio port above my skin, so you can plug in your headphones in and listen to the lyrics of my love, because you have rendered me speechless.
I had it scripted in my mind how I would tell you eloquently how beautiful and charming you are.
Yet when I drew nigh, I decided to start with hello, to show some decorousness.
But I soon realized that my lungs couldn't even draw forth the air necessary to widen and narrow my vocal cords, and I stood ultimately voiceless, except for having stammered those 2 solitary syllables, let alone the remaining dozens.
Should I comply with the belief that actions speak louder than words? That I might employ charades to better convey my feelings?
I always thought I was one who could speak with the power of a warlord, yet here I am before you squawking like a sick parrot.
But what could render a spoken word artist so totally silenced?
Maybe let's try establishing causality.
The first time I saw you, you blinked.
When you opened your eyes again, I saw a vibrant blue universe I wanted to explore.
Is that what silenced me? Well maybe you could do that again? It might set me free.
Don't wait for me to ask,
I can't speak.
I hope you never go to an event where the performer needs to concentrate, cuz you'll distract them and they might actually die.
It's because of what you carry,
More mystical than mermaids, you shroud me in Medusa's curse, your eyes communicate to mine, and I am now petrified.
I came of my own volition, but now I'm at your mercy.
Look away and set me free.
Instant infatuation within me converted into electric surges and fried my speech tract.
From a distance I was in great haste to meet you. Up close, I slow to a halt and stand like a big, dumb pillar.
I wonder why I am speechless.
I wonder why I am speechless because I am a man with a silk tongue who can stand before a woman and captivate her with words.
I wonder why I am speechless.
My negative lips attract positive kisses. Maybe we're both negative, so we repel.
How I wish my vocal cords would comply at least enough to produce a sputter of some kind, so at least you know that I'm stricken.
My hobby is to speak, and I am well practiced, so I wonder why I can't even stammer.
My phonetics cannot produce a squeak, let alone weave an elaborate syntax to melt your heart.
How unfortunate it is.

I am speechless because

I am in love