Every day theres a different thought of you that skips through my mind in a floral pattern sundress with a smile so big Im pretty sure it couldnt go through a drive thru and I slip slowly  away  piece by piece, dripping away from the sound of music in my headphones and my now always filthy room, and the smell of **** and incense,
I slip back to days spent in a high school gym when my only thoughts were of when I would get to see you that day, or how you were feeling or what you were thinking about. I slip back to the first valentines day I knew you and you made me a mixtape which I wasnt aware of then but is apparently your thing. I slip back to the time when as we were leaving that same gym I accidentally said "I love you" and you just giggled and replied
"I love you too."
I slip back to days spent feeling sick at the thought that I couldnt have you in my life, I remember it eating at my insides and my stomach goin on strike, I remember taking money from my moms purse to buy **** because I thought it might help me be happy but it didnt and it still doesnt.
I slip back to days in hardware stores spent checking out kitchen sets just to **** time, and going to waffle house and not wanting to eat my hashbrowns.
I slip back to sitting in jimmy johns for the first time eating a sandwich I didnt care to try to taste but it didnt matter because you were right next to me eating your favorite food and you you were so ******* cute it made my sandwich better anyway. I also remember when they started putting way too much mayo on the sandwiches for you so you stopped going.
I slip back to nights spent in my bed trying my best to not be too forward, finally taking your que and learning your neck and discovering the weird things about how you sleep, I slip back to the warm feeling of my chest against your back as you slept and the way your chest rose and fell in such a way I couldnt stop watching, the way your hair shone in the green Christmas lights around my computer and I remember being so happy, so indescribably happy.

I slip back to telling you everything that came to mind and you genuinely caring, which honestly ****** me up cause if I do it to other people it seems like everything I say has no substance and irrelevant relevance.
I slip back to when I first realized I wasnt enough to make you happy. I thought about you when we were together, and you any time we were with someone else.  I thought about how other people made you laugh differently and how much I agreed with you when you tweeted about how you were too cute for me anyway, I slip back to wishing I knew what was wrong with me and why I wasnt able to make you happy, I slip back to realizing I was holding myself back because  I didnt want to lose you but I also slip back to thinking, "what am I losing?"
I slip back to you never wanting to give me a title and thats not something I get to decide,
I slip back to all the "its complicated"s and "im not really sure"s
I slip back to watching you become such a product of your environment, and watching you flirt with each and every one of our friends and staying silent because its not my right to say **** about the way you interact with people, I remember not being able to express how much your relationship with my cousin stressed me out because it wasn't my place to say who you could and couldn't be friends with and my emotions shouldn't effect that at all.
I slip back to the first time we knew it wouldn't work when I was sitting outside in your car with you crying my eyes out because Id never be in your passenger seat with my hands in your hair again, and how every silver car I saw would only make me think of you and how any time I hear a good song Ill want to send it to you and every time the sunset kisses my eyes ill want to take a picture for you because you'll probably miss it,
but I cant anymore.
because now I made a decision that ill stand by,
I made a decision that I honestly think was a good one for the both of us as we find someone who makes us truly happy, I feel deep down you know I wasnt making you happy but you were just comfortable with me, and invested.
your response to it all was
"glad were on the same page"
but I know your favorite thing to gather and hide is spite so Ill avoid contact with you for a while I guess. Ill watch you grow and hopefully grow as well. Ill learn to hold my peace and come to grips with my destiny which as I said since we first started texting is not in "Nowhere Louisiana", I hope you continue to blossom and find a bearded motorcycle riding man who can play instruments and make your heart sing more beautifully than you do.
every day a little memory of you skips through my mind and I feel your eyelids flutter on my cheek as your showed me what a butterfly kiss was,
every day a little memory of you slips from my mind as well.