February 2024 (Lunar New Year)

Red envelopes, a digital glow.
Her apartment, a small diaspora.
Dragon dances on a screen,
fireworks muted by time zones.
He sends a photo, plum blossoms,
a scroll with a calligraphic wish.
"Xīnnián kuàilè" she types, fingers flying,
a pang of home, a new year’s echo.

March (International Women's Day)

She speaks of her grandmother,
bound feet, unbound spirit.
He listens, a quiet respect,
a history he seeks to understand.
Emails filled with stories,
feminine strength, ancient wisdom.
He sends her a poem, Li Qingzhao,
translated with care, a delicate offering.

April (Qingming Festival/Easter)

Ancestral graves, a digital visit.
He lights incense, virtual smoke,
a gesture of shared remembrance.
Easter eggs, pastel and bright,
a Western symbol, a gentle contrast.
They discuss life, death, rebirth,
the cycles of nature, the soul’s journey.

May (Mother's Day)

He sends a package, silk scarves,
a teacup painted with peonies.
She calls her mother, a long conversation,
then calls him, a voice soft with gratitude.
He speaks of his own mother,
her simple kindness, her enduring love.
They find common ground, mothers remembered,
a bridge built of shared sentiment.

June (Dragon Boat Festival/Father's Day)

Zongzi, sticky rice, sweet dates,
she makes them from a recipe,
a taste of childhood, a memory shared.
He sends a photo, a dragon boat race,
a vibrant spectacle, a shared experience.
Father's Day, a quiet reflection,
his own father, a man of few words,
but deep, enduring actions.

July (Mid-Year/Independence Day)

Summer heat, a digital escape.
He sends photos of his garden,
lush greenery, a peaceful haven.
She sends photos of her city,
concrete canyons, vibrant energy.
Fireworks across the divide,
a shared moment of light, a distant celebration.

August (Qixi Festival)

The Weaver Girl and the Cowherd,
a celestial love story, told and retold.
He sends a handmade card,
a constellation drawn in silver ink.
She writes a short story,
their own tale, a modern myth.
Longing, distance, a love that persists,
a thread connecting two distant stars.

September (Mid-Autumn Festival)

Mooncakes, round and golden,
shared through a screen, a virtual feast.
He sends a recording, a moonlit poem,
a melody of ancient words.
She sends a painting, a rabbit on the moon,
a whimsical image, a shared smile.
The moon, a silent witness,
a shared sphere, a common sky.

October (Double Ninth Festival/Halloween)

Chrysanthemums, symbols of longevity,
he sends a dried bouquet, a lasting gift.
She sends a photo, her costume,
a playful spirit, a moment of lightness.
Halloween, a night of masks and stories,
a shared fascination with the unseen.
They discuss aging, wisdom, the passage of time,
a conversation deep and meaningful.

November (Thanksgiving)

He cooks a traditional meal,
a table set for two, a place for her in spirit.
She makes Shànghǎi làjiàng miàn,
a fusion feast, a celebration of her heritage.
They express gratitude, for each other,
for the unexpected connection, for the love that blooms.
A shared warmth, a quiet contentment,
a thankfulness that transcends distance.

December (Winter Solstice/Christmas)

Dumplings, a winter tradition,
she makes them with friends, a shared warmth.
He lights candles, a quiet ritual,
a celebration of light in the darkness.
Christmas carols, a familiar melody,
a shared appreciation for the season.
He sends a small, carved wooden box,
an intricate design, a symbol of hope.

January 2025 (New Year's Day)

A new year, a fresh start,
a promise of change, a hope for reunion.
They make plans, tentative and exciting,
a journey across oceans, a meeting of hearts.
He sends a poem, a promise of spring,
a vision of shared days, a future unfolding.

February 2025 (Lunar New Year)

Another dragon dances, brighter this time.
She plans a trip, tickets purchased,
a promise of presence, a physical connection.
He prepares his home, a space for her,
a welcoming embrace, a shared future.
Hope, respect, love, a foundation,
a new year, a new beginning, together.

March 2025 (International Women's Day)

They walk, hand in hand,
through a garden bursting with spring.
Stories shared, faces seen,
the distance collapsed, the journey begun.
A new year, a new chapter,
love, finally, tangible and real.

Future 2025

He proposes on the ninth day of the ninth lunar month, a double nine, symbolizing longevity and eternity.  Nine days of introductions to family and friends, a whirlwind of new faces and shared meals, laughter bridging cultures. Nine months of courtship, exploring their adopted city together, discovering hidden corners and shared passions.  A wedding, a blend of East and West, traditions intertwined, vows spoken in two languages.  Nine days of honeymoon, a secluded beach, the ocean a constant rhythm, their love a new melody, echoing into a future filled with promise.

Marriage is changing, from who can get married (37 states now allow gay marriage!) to who actually ends up doing it. Only 26% of millennials are married, a sharp decrease from 36% of Generation X and 48% of baby boomers, according to the Pew Research Center. But marriage isn't obsolete — in fact, in many ways it's thriving as we re-evaluate what the institution really means to us.

And with re-evaluating marriage comes re-evaluating weddings. The Knot's "2014 Real Weddings Study" found that couples are foregoing traditional wedding customs to modernize their nuptials through their choice of rings, dresses and officiants.

That includes — perhaps most importantly — the vows. Couples today are taking cues from badass brides like Amelia Earhart, who banned the word "obey" from her 1931 wedding vows, and reciting promises to one another that reflect the partnerships they strive for. Here are 12 real-life couples who vowed...

1. "To split the difference on the thermostat."

Why it's awesome: When Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston got married, Pitt pledged to "split the difference on the thermostat." While that partnership didn't last, as we all know, it was a lighthearted vow that highlights a crucial element of modern marriage: compromise. The key to a happy marriage is learning how to meet halfway.

2. "To be a true and loyal friend to you."

Why it's awesome: Marriages weren't always about intimate, caring partnerships between equals. But we know well enough now that the happiest, most long-lasting marriages are those in which partners see each other as friends (even studies have proven it true). Jevan's vows to Alithea, shared by the Knot, are a reminder that the bedrock of friendship is what makes a modern marriage stand.

3. "To communicate fully and fearlessly."

Why it's awesome: Among the traditional promise of partnership and faith, real-life couple Anne and Gabrielle told the Knot they vowed "to communicate fully and fearlessly" as spouses. In our modern world, we have seemingly endless ways to communicate — text, email, Skype, Snapchat — and yet still have to work to connect. Sitting down face-to-face, making eye contact and being vulnerable with one another is still crucial, as is being honest without fear of judgment from your partner. Emojis aside, that's what really sustains a lasting relationship.

4. "To grab your **** even when we're old and wrinkly."

Why it's awesome: As we become more open about sexuality (thank goodness), it's only natural that a wink and a nudge find their way into the wedding vows. In an open thread on A Practical Wedding, Zach and Kate shared their vows, which included the promise "to hit on you in awesome accents and grab your **** even when we're old and wrinkly." This promise to keep the spark alive even years down the line is no small thing. After all, studies have shown that all it can take is a simple touch to maintain a ****** connection.

5. "To value our differences as much as our common ground."

Why it's awesome: Love is a powerful force to bring people together, even when they're divided by cultural background, religion and, increasingly, politics. As society grows more divisive and we hold tight to our views, it's valuable to remember that our differences don't have to actually divide us, as these vows from real-life couple Greta Christina and Ingrid, told to Patheos, show.

6. "To continue to love your children, as if they were my own."

Why it's awesome: A marriage isn't just a vow to one person, it's a vow to an entire family — future and present. In 2011, Pew Research found that more than 4 in 10 American adults have at least one "step relative" in their family, including a stepparent, a stepchild or a step or half sibling. These adults are just as likely as others to say that family is the most important element of their lives. So it's no surprise that people have been adapting their weddings to encompass the commitment to an entire family, as Sara M. did in her vows, shared on Offbeat Bride.

7. "To comfort you when the Falcons lose and drink beer with you when they win."

Why it's awesome: As Mallory summed up so perfectly to Eddie in their vows, shared by the Knot, appreciating each other's distinct interests and actively sharing in them together makes a huge difference. It goes beyond just putting on the Falcons jersey: Sitting down for the game and sharing a beer is what researchers would call "shared leisure," and it makes a big difference for marital satisfaction. That football game is more than just a football game.

8. "To never try to hurt you just because I'm angry or tired."

Why it's awesome: The chaos of our lives means lots of stress, lots of late nights and lots of exhaustion. (Unsurprisingly, Gallup found that 40% of American adults get less than the recommended amount of sleep.) That can actually wreak havoc on a relationship, which is why it's all the more important to anticipate the challenge. Sarah's vows to her husband, which she shared on A Practical Wedding, are a promise not to take out her stress and exhaustion on him. Instead, she vows to trust him throughout the chaos, "even when we veer from GPS directions, schedules, itineraries and to-do lists."

9. "I have called you my life partner, my significant other, my longtime companion, my lover. ... Now I vow to love you always as my lawfully wedded husband."

Why it's awesome: The vows said by George Takei and longtime partner Brad Altman at their wedding, after the passage of marriage equality in California, were unsurprisingly moving, given they were 21 years in the making. As couples, straight and gay, wait longer to get married (and cohabit in the meantime), labels like "husband" or "wife" are less crucial for defining the relationship than the moments a couple has shared. Takei and Altman's wedding was not proof of their commitment, but rather a tribute to the commitment they had already demonstrated — a truth echoed clearly in their vows.

10. "To be your partner in all things, not possessing you, but working with you as a part of the whole."

Why it's awesome: If we're really striving for egalitarian marriages, then recognizing the equal amounts of work required by each half, as partners, is crucial, especially as women's participation in the workforce keeps growing (57.2% compared to 69.7% for men in 2013). In order for both careers to receive equal focus, a promise not to "possess" but to work to support each other is key. Much like Amelia Earhart refused to use the word "obey," real-life couple Alex and Michelle promised to be each other's "equal in all things" in the vows they shared with the Knot.

11. "I will love you no matter what makes my blood circulate, or even no matter what provides my body with oxygen."

Why it's awesome: Traditional weddings tend to be religious occasions, but with increasing rates of atheism and marriages across faiths, religion is taking a back seat to a more personalized expression of commitment. As of 2013, only one third of couples opted to get married in a church, and even more are removing religion from their vows. But that doesn't mean the vows don't appeal to a higher sense of faith — in the other person or in the world, as these scientific, "atheistic" vows, translated from Swedish and shared on Reddit, prove.

12. "I see these vows not as promises but as privileges."

Why it's awesome: Marriage might have been necessary decades ago, but these days it's more of a choice. So it's only natural that the vows we recite — traditionally a list of duties and obligations — actually reflect the happy choice that marriage now is for so many.

Yuval and Dina chose to frame their vows as honors, as they shared with the Knot: "I see these vows not as promises but as privileges: I get to laugh with you and cry with you; care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk with you; build with you and live with you." With between 40% to 50% of marriages in the U.S. ending in divorce, it's more important than ever that couples remind themselves that being with their partner is a privilege in itself, and one to never take for granted.

Source: http://www.graziadressau.com

Chapter 7:  Learning To Share

At St Thomas Of Villanova Grade School we learned how to share.  We had shared desks, shared inkwells, shared coatrooms, and no individual lockers.  Any valuables that we did have were out in the open and under the protection of all.  This honor system was developed over many generations, and one that had its own measure of checks and balances.  Things did occasionally get lost, but in my 8 years at St. Thomas,’ I can’t recall one thing ever being stolen.

If you talk to anyone who grew up in the 1950’s, you’ll hear things like this repeated over and over again …

: In my neighborhood we never even locked our doors.
: I left my bike on the front porch for years.
: The milkman and breadman left food outside the front door,        sometimes for hours, and no-one ever touched it.

               These Things Were Integral To American Life

Just like in school, the neighborhood had its own method of self-protection.  It stemmed from a principle, all held dear, that no-one would ever even think about entering anyone else’s home uninvited.  Cars sat in driveways unlocked with packages in the back seat and glove boxes full.  The same applied here. This was someone’s private property, and you afforded the object the same respect as the person who owned it. It’s just the way things were done.

Things were done this way because we all shared the belief that any other way would have been wrong.

              It Really Did Come Down To … Right Or Wrong!

In the lower grades at school, we all wore coverings over our pants and skirts in the winter called leggings, Leggings kept you warm while offering a layer of protection from the hard asphalt that served as our playground during recess and lunch.  It was one students job every day to help everyone else get their leggings off.  If you ever wore them, you know what a chore this could be, especially if you were doing it by yourself.  Luckily, in my school, you were never by yourself, and you actually looked forward to the day when it was your responsibility to help everyone else.  In the sharing of oneself, we learned of the deeper meaning that life can bring.  

We also had shared turns at cleaning the blackboard, emptying the trash, and once a week, in the months during spring and fall, we all got to work in Sister Clara’s Garden.  Sister Clara was almost blind, and no-one knew how old she really was.  What we did know is that she had taught our parents, and in some cases our grandparents too, and we couldn’t wait for the stories that she would tell us about them when they were our age.  Sister Clara may have had failing eyesight, but she had total recall when it involved one of her students no matter how many years had passed.

It didn’t matter how long ago the event happened, she could make it seem like it was happening again today. She never pulled any punches, and it was through her stories that I first learned that my mother was not always perfect, she just got that way through hard work and practice.  I know this is true because that’s what she told me (LOL).

The things we shared at school came with responsibility and a pride in what they represented.  The words me or I seemed rarely used back then.  The pride we felt was in our school, or in our neighborhood, and of course in our country. If I hit a home run on the ball field, it was our team who won, and my efforts were part of that greater whole.

We learned early that we were only as good as the slowest or weakest player on our team, and we rallied around this person to sure up his strengths making us all better in the process.  By being willing to share, we could turn slower guys like me into blockers on the line, while our fastest guys would be the running backs carrying the ball down the field to score. No matter how fast those guys were, they always knew that without the right block, at the right time, they would never have been able to get through the line and into the end zone.  It was in the end zone that we shared together the joy of the touchdown.  Isn’t that the way it really should be, people of like mind, banding together for a common goal, and sharing in its reward?

Back then, being visible and being valuable were not necessarily the same thing.  Today, every kid wants to pitch or be quarterback on his team.  Under this scenario the team itself disappears.  Ask any great quarterback how he got to where he is, and he will invariably thank his offensive line for allowing him to make the plays that resulted in the wins. By believing in the concept that what’s good for all trumps’any individual goal, we were able to not only win games but to experience the joy that only teamwork can create.

         A Team Is About The Vision And The Mission They Share

When we shared these moments, we shared them in the only language that brought us together … English! We would never have expected, nor wanted, to celebrate in any other.  Just because you were Italian, and I was Irish, had nothing to do with it.  That was yesterday and in the past.  Today, our common bond was that we were all American kids conversing in the language that our Founding Fathers had used.  One of the marvelous things about the English language is its ability to assimilate different words and idioms from other cultures and make them its own.  

We often times found ourselves interjecting words from the foreign languages we learned from our friend’s parents into our daily speech.  I might be a Meshugana and you a Dummkopf, but it was all in good fun, and it spiced up our native language with a zest and flavor. The parents and grandparents from the ‘Old Country’ didn’t want their children to speak anything but English and would correct us with the proper English word when we borrowed one of theirs.  They wanted their children to be American, and only American, and to speak its chosen language without the accents they still carried on their tongues.

With Our Common Language, We Footnoted Ourselves In The Stories That We Told

We learned in school that one of the greatest tragedies of America’s past had been the Civil War. It was a bitter conflict fought by two sides who shared so much in common — almost destroying each other in the clash of a few differences.  Luckily, we had the great unifier Abraham Lincoln in office to guide us back to nationhood.  Lincoln, more than anyone, realized that “A house divided against itself, cannot stand.”

                                        And So Did We!

We learned that Northern and Southern States were divided along an imaginary line named Mason—Dixon. This line would often pit previous friends, and in some cases brothers, against each other in a tragic struggle to win the day.  One fundamental difference, slavery,  almost destroyed an entire country leaving deep wounds — the scars of which are still visible even today.

We first learned in school that all men were created equal. Our Founding Fathers had assured us of that. In their shared understanding of the basic rights of man, they forged documents (The Declaration of Independence & The Bill of Rights), to insure that in this country men would always be free …free to share in the benefits that only liberty can provide.

It took a Civil War to make sure the promise of those documents was finally extended to all Americans.

    

Chapter 8:  Every Story Paints A Picture

With every story the good Sisters told us, during our 8 years in parochial school, a picture got painted inside our minds.  These pictures became part of our spiritual DNA and the backbone of the moral code we developed and learned to live by.  The Nuns had told these stories over many years, and to thousands of students, but somehow through the intensity in their voices it seemed as though they were telling them again for the first time, and only to us.

Stories that involved important messages like … “Birds of a feather, flock together,” and … ‘Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are” still resonate inside me today. Their truth has only strengthened with the years.  These stories, with their timeless phrases, were as important to us as any Bill of Rights or Ten Commandments.

                    “The *** Should Never Call The Kettle Black”

We also heard these sayings at home as our parents had learned them when they were young too.  It was something they shared with us, and it made the bond between student, teacher, and home, all the stronger.  We were all on the same page and we knew it.  It felt natural and right, and we supported each other in living out what it meant.  There was a twinkle in our mother’s and father’s eyes as they retold the story of what their nuns had taught them.  We knew the lessons were true because they had stood the test of time.

In 1942, my father had gone off to war as a U.S. Marine when he was 16.  He said on many days when the outcome looked bleak, he took special comfort in thinking back to his grade school days in the Kensington section of North Philadelphia, remembering that his 7th grade Nun had told him he was destined for great things … and he was!

The Public Schools taught the same lessons, with the same intent, just minus the religious overtones.  The fundamental principles of honesty, loyalty, fair play, and respect for the individual were constantly reinforced.  

If I heard it in school once, I heard it a thousand times … “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”  The part that stands alone is what divides, but in coming together we unify into something greater than we could ever be on our own.  This turns what is impossible for one into what’s possible, and even likely, when we act together.

When we heard those immortal words from President John. F Kennedy, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country,” we knew exactly what he meant.  The you he was referring to was us as individuals, and in acting together for the good of our country, we could make America great — even greater than she already was.  We knew firsthand that people had suffered and died for its meaning. Most of us were the children of G.I.’s who had not long ago returned home from a long and devastating World War. It had been fought on three different continents to keep the world free.

Every year, we would have one or two, or maybe even three, new students transfer in from other parts of the country.  Some had come from as far away as Texas, or Illinois, and in 8th grade we even had one girl transfer in from Holland.  It didn’t matter where they were from because they thought and valued the same things as us.  They may have been taught in a different language, but the meaning was always the same. Their tastes in food may have been different, but their table manners and concern for those around them were identical to ours.  

Terry Heinsohn had transferred in from Amarillo Texas to our school in the 6th grade.  Terry sure had a real twang to his voice, but it never covered up the respect he showed for Sister Natalie or any of the adults who worked at our School.  Like us, Terry had been taught the Texas difference between right and wrong, and his lessons were easily and readily shared with us for those last 3 years.  He was also a really good athlete.

We learned from these transferees and their stories that the surface differences we noticed on the outside were just that … superficial.  When you got right down to it, they were just like us in the things that really mattered, and it was the things that really mattered, the core values that we shared, that bonded us together as a class.  

                Sadly, I Don’t Believe Today We Can Say The Same!