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Poems

Valerie Jan 2011
We're always halfway there
No matter where we are
And being halfway there
We don't have to go far.

It started on a hike
So familiar
Then to a shrine
Nothing in particular.

A small discussion
To later be pronounced
Sharing of stories
Figuring things out.

Just to that hill
There lies a bench
Tiny flower on the way
So many colors, all for you.

An urge to feel the Earth
On my skin
But I oppress it
And instead move on.

We don't walk far
But it's been an hour or so
We discover a rock
Where my brain would explode.

Take me on this rock
I want you to
You want to
We're halfway to the cave, why not?

It hits me like a semi truck
I can't see even though I see
So I close my eyes
No, no, the initial shock.

It brings on tears I've been meaning to cry
For so long
You tell me it's all right
And I try to breath, with you.

Undeniably a profound experience
I cannot explain
But it happened
Halfway to the cave, with you.

I wouldn't have gotten out alive
If you hadn't been there
But I wouldn't have been there
If you didn't bring on awkward moments.

Mind-blowing all in all
What I expected it to be
Though it never was
Never had been before.

I was so scared
But you were there
And I hated you briefly
Only briefly, and it was false.

You pried me from the rock
The only existence I understood
Since mind didn't make sense
And yours terrified me.

A long journey ahead
But I'm not afraid anymore
I think I can relax a little bit
You make it easy to be something I've never been but wanted to be so bad.

You said I'm brave
Or was
But who wouldn't be
When they have you as their guide.

But I don't trust easily
Especially guidance through
What I fear the most
Even if it's by you.

But now in darkness
I'm not afraid
A profound experience
One you made.

I would have had you on the bridge
Halfway to the cave
But I'm so unlucky
Good thing I waited.

Riddle me this
Riddle me that
Have you met your match?
She's halfway to the cave
Halfway to you
And where you are
And halfway home
And halfway to halfway
But lost
But everything is halfway to the cave
So you know where you are
And it's not far
Cause you're halfway
Halfway to the cave
And where you need to be.

But I'm glad I got lost
Halfway to the cave with you
Cause we kept going forward
And lead me through.

I grew so much
In just a day
A moment I'll savior
So life-changing, I must say.

So many realizations
From ripples of water
To plants that eat
And watch and grow

I lost myself
Halfway to the cave
But you found me
You always do.
SSK<3  AKA: Valerie Garcia
lilly  Aug 2019
halfway
lilly Aug 2019
he does everything halfway.

he laughs halfway:
chuckles travel halfway into my ear before he
clamps down a hand,
covering his charming calamity,
interrupting his intricate melody
-- half my mind melts into quicksand.
( it consumes and engulfs                     
the halfway bits of you i see;             
i can't have you, but even little bits
are good enough for me. )

he touches halfway:
reaches in for a hug but halts his motion,
as if i could burn him with half a breath.
he always settles for a hand on my shoulder,
or a bump at my side,
or a hesitant high five.

he touches halfway, but somehow
with just a tentative touch,
holes shaped like his eyes
are hammered into my heart.
his footsteps stain
every crevice of my brain
-- i can no longer clean myself of him.

he lies halfway:
he used to.
told me he loved me but
forgot to act like it.
smiled at me like i hung the moon
-- like i could scramble across skies,
searching for the brightest stars,
just to ****** them up and
serve them to him on a silver platter.
( i could, would.                            
but half my silver isn't enough
for your platinum-plated
plastic pulse. )
he sweetly smiled at me,
its own sugar-like song serenading me
-- but he simply did the same
to anyone who bowed in his reign.

he lies halfway and it is enough,
for his lies to wrap their way,
halfway around my gut,
and trap my lungs just enough
that i grow used to a tight chest
and holding half my breath.

he does everything halfway.

but when he loves?
he doesn't love halfway,
he loves no way.
-- maybe for someone else.
( but not for me; not for half of me.
am i not worthy                        
of more than half of you? )

he loves no way:
not in the way he says he "cares"
nor in the way he shares
only filtered fragments of himself.
the halfway bits of him i see
do not combine to form a full body.
scatter and speck and silvers
of someone i thought i knew.

he loves no way,
( and i am half a fool always,
to settle so surreptitiously )
for half of any.
half my heart wholly longs for half of you.
the other half is glad i never wholly gave in to you.
Betty Aug 2014
It was a cold night when you told me
In the basement of my parent’s house
About how your mother would leave you alone
With your father
Who abused you and your sister
For years on end
Week after week.
Month after month.
You would call your mother to please
Come pick you up,
But she never came.
The truth was she didn’t know.
No, the truth was she didn’t care.
I can’t imagine how bad that must've felt.
How bad that must feel.
I never knew why you were so secretive.
I chalked it up to you cheating on me;
It would be easier to deal with
Than the truth.
The truth was that your back really hurt you
And your mom was on medication for pain
From a car accident she was in when she was 18
And you only took in dire circumstances
When you couldn’t bear the pain.
No, the truth was that you had headaches,
Migraines,
But the stuff about your mother was true.
No.
No, the truth was that you were selling drugs
That your mother had prescribed to her.
The truth was your paycheck went to paying her
For your addiction to those pills.
I found one in my car and you threw it and told me
Nothing was more important to you than me.
I never believed a word you said.
No, not even then.
I was in someone else’s bed when you left a message,
Saying you have been addicted
For the past year we were together,
And now you’re going to get clean.
I never knew what it was like to forget how to breathe.
I only caught my breath when I knew you were there,
With no way of communicating with me.
With no way of communicating with anyone.
You called me the last night you were there,
Telling me lies that comforted me for two years.
I wished I could be deaf so I couldn’t hear,
But you have always been able to paint
Such beautiful misery.
And my heartbeat began to resound in my chest,
And I realized how foolish a heart I had.
A sober house was where I would pick you up.
A halfway house.
I never knew what that meant, halfway house,
But now I knew more than I ever wish I could.
Halfway between rehab and real life.
Halfway between who you could be and who you really are.
Halfway between the old you and the new you.
You figured that we would fall back into love;
I figured I could only meet you halfway.
Because we never shared love.
You never had love for me.
I could never numb you to your past,
To your life,
I couldn’t be swallowed and course through your veins,
Though I would have given anything to be your cure.
I wasn’t allowed in the halfway house,
So we regressed to the age of sixteen,
Driving around and listening to music.
We turned into our old selves in the parking lot of a hibachi joint,
Arguing about how I can’t just be driving for two hours.
“There’s a spot behind the house.”
“Let’s go there.”
And there we were,
Just like the old us, but halfway to new,
With Bright Eyes blasting through my speakers,
I was sure all of Wilkes-Barre could hear,
But they only knew the half of it:
You would pause and sing me all of your favorite parts,
Whispering to my lips as if they were my ears,
Like my body was your own personal musical instrument.
You looked into my eyes and told me
How you have always been in love with me.
It was always me.
I never believed a word you said.
No, not even then.
You could tell me how I was always your cure,
But the truth was, we were
Halfway to heaven and halfway to hell
In the driveway outside of
A halfway house.