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"I'm nothing special. In fact I'm a bit of a bore." Not much to say about myself at the moment for my story is still …
i am a 30 something bohemian...yup, that pretty much covers it. all works are entirely original, except where noted, and are property of the author.
Poems
Bardo Sep 2023
Magical remote control device
Bardo
Sep 2023
Over in Israel once visiting the holy sites
One morning I took off on my own for a wee wander in the desert
I hadn't been walking long
When I came across this thing sticking out of the ground
It was a kind of strange looking dial with ancient markings on it
I thought to myself this could be a real find
I might get some money out of this...
I started nudging at it with the toe of my boot
But then suddenly I hear this little voice "Go on, pick it up"
So I turn around expecting to see someone there
But there's no one, no one there
Well that's odd I think. So I start nudging at it again with my boot
And then I hear the same little voice again"Go on, pick it up"
I look around and there's no one there only some rocks, the sand and... and this, this prickly looking desert Bush,
I look at the Bush a bit suspiciously and I say rather amusingly not expecting an answer
"Are you talking to me... you talking to me ?"
Well I tell you, Jaysus I nearly jumped out of my boots when the Bush it snaps back at me rather curtly "Well who the hell else would I be talking to, you're the only one here aren't you!!!
A Bush with an attitude I thought, I bet Moses never had to put up with that
Then I thought to myself 'this isn't the kind of Bush you meet every day'.
So I bent down and picked it up, the strange dial
'What is it ?" I asked
"It's a magical time piece" the Bush replied, "it's like the remote control device you use for your TV
It has 3 buttons, a Pause button in the middle, a Rewind and a Forward button
But instead of controlling a TV, it controls Time itself"
"Yeah!" I said a little disbelievingly
When you press the Pause button Time stops and the whole world stops
If you press the Forward button you can go into the future
The Rewind brings you back into your recent past".
'You're not serious', I said.
"So", the Bush continued, "if you're in a queue, say in a restaurant, you can press the Pause button and then you can go right up to the top of the queue and get your dinner and you can sit down and eat it in peace with no noise or distractions, time will have stopped for everyone else
No one will see you, it's like you're the Invisible Man. You can go up and down your whole world just like that".
'And I suppose' I say, 'if I ever need some money I can just nip into a shop and take it out of the till, or go into a Bank..'
The Bush cuts me off here suddenly saying "No! You can't steal/take other people's money
Instead you just go into the future, there you can get all the winning horses and winning Lotto numbers and bring all that knowledge back into the present".
And what's the Past button for?' I asked
"If you have good happy experiences you can go back and relive them over and over".
'That sounds great', I replied. I thought he would have made a great salesman this Bush.
"But why me", I asked kind of conscientiously, "why should I be so lucky",
"Well you found it", said the Bush, "and I can't use it, I'm only a Bush".
Then he went on "But be careful to keep it a secret, others will suddenly start getting curious and start asking questions
They'll want to know why you're so lucky and successful and where all your money is coming from
Even if you take a wife, she too will probably eventually start asking questions, trying to discover your secret. But remember always keep your finger to your lips, like a Sphinx never reveal to them your secret".
Then the Bush said "I've got to go now".
"You've got to go", I said a bit sadly (I was getting kind of fond of this Bush),"but you're a Bush"
Then he starts burning, becoming engulfed in flames.
"Are you alright!" I said, a bit concerned
Then he says finally "Enjoy your new toy, have a great time !
And he was gone. And I was alone again.
One morning I took off on my own for a wee wander in the desert
I hadn't been walking long
When I came across this thing sticking out of the ground
It was a kind of strange looking dial with ancient markings on it
I thought to myself this could be a real find
I might get some money out of this...
I started nudging at it with the toe of my boot
But then suddenly I hear this little voice "Go on, pick it up"
So I turn around expecting to see someone there
But there's no one, no one there
Well that's odd I think. So I start nudging at it again with my boot
And then I hear the same little voice again"Go on, pick it up"
I look around and there's no one there only some rocks, the sand and... and this, this prickly looking desert Bush,
I look at the Bush a bit suspiciously and I say rather amusingly not expecting an answer
"Are you talking to me... you talking to me ?"
Well I tell you, Jaysus I nearly jumped out of my boots when the Bush it snaps back at me rather curtly "Well who the hell else would I be talking to, you're the only one here aren't you!!!
A Bush with an attitude I thought, I bet Moses never had to put up with that
Then I thought to myself 'this isn't the kind of Bush you meet every day'.
So I bent down and picked it up, the strange dial
'What is it ?" I asked
"It's a magical time piece" the Bush replied, "it's like the remote control device you use for your TV
It has 3 buttons, a Pause button in the middle, a Rewind and a Forward button
But instead of controlling a TV, it controls Time itself"
"Yeah!" I said a little disbelievingly
When you press the Pause button Time stops and the whole world stops
If you press the Forward button you can go into the future
The Rewind brings you back into your recent past".
'You're not serious', I said.
"So", the Bush continued, "if you're in a queue, say in a restaurant, you can press the Pause button and then you can go right up to the top of the queue and get your dinner and you can sit down and eat it in peace with no noise or distractions, time will have stopped for everyone else
No one will see you, it's like you're the Invisible Man. You can go up and down your whole world just like that".
'And I suppose' I say, 'if I ever need some money I can just nip into a shop and take it out of the till, or go into a Bank..'
The Bush cuts me off here suddenly saying "No! You can't steal/take other people's money
Instead you just go into the future, there you can get all the winning horses and winning Lotto numbers and bring all that knowledge back into the present".
And what's the Past button for?' I asked
"If you have good happy experiences you can go back and relive them over and over".
'That sounds great', I replied. I thought he would have made a great salesman this Bush.
"But why me", I asked kind of conscientiously, "why should I be so lucky",
"Well you found it", said the Bush, "and I can't use it, I'm only a Bush".
Then he went on "But be careful to keep it a secret, others will suddenly start getting curious and start asking questions
They'll want to know why you're so lucky and successful and where all your money is coming from
Even if you take a wife, she too will probably eventually start asking questions, trying to discover your secret. But remember always keep your finger to your lips, like a Sphinx never reveal to them your secret".
Then the Bush said "I've got to go now".
"You've got to go", I said a bit sadly (I was getting kind of fond of this Bush),"but you're a Bush"
Then he starts burning, becoming engulfed in flames.
"Are you alright!" I said, a bit concerned
Then he says finally "Enjoy your new toy, have a great time !
And he was gone. And I was alone again.
Now this one isn't true unfortunately LoL, is a bit of Sci-fi. When my nieces and nephew would visit I'd sometimes pick up a remote control and say I'm going to put you on Pause or Rewind you, this is probably where this came from. -I like the idea of someone having a secret power just like Samson.
Bob B Aug 2021
It's YOUR Fault!°
Bob B
Aug 2021
BIDEN (to Bush)
I have to say,
Because of you, man,
We have this mess
In Afghanistan.
BUSH
It's not my fault.
We were attacked
On 9/11,
As a matter of fact.
If we hadn't gone
To Afghanistan
What would have been
Al-Qaeda's next plan?
BIDEN (to Bush)
But wait a minute!
Al-Qaeda was routed.
But let's talk about
Other things you flouted.
Like the truth when you said--
Like a vicious hawk--
That there were reasons
To invade Iraq.
OBAMA (to Bush)
Ah, so it's your fault.
BUSH
No!
WE went there
Because of the production
Of dangerous weapons
Of mass destruction.
OBAMA (to Bush)
But how did they ever
Get on your list--
The WMDs--
For they DIDN'T exist?
OBAMA, BIDEN (to Bush)
See, it's your fault!
BUSH
No, it isn't!
I decided
As commander in chief
That Saddam Hussein
Was causing too much grief.
I had to do
Something about it.
So, I had my team
Try to figure out it.
OBAMA, BIDEN
Figure it out,
Is what you mean.
But come on now:
You've GOTTA come clean.
BUSH (to Obama)
Wait!
You're the one
Who pulled our troops
Out of Iraq,
Which then allowed groups
Of ISIS fighters
To spread their hate
As they tried to form
An Islamic state.
So it's your fault.
OBAMA (to Bush)
The Iraqis wanted
Us to leave.
I didn't have
Any tricks up my sleeve.
The war in Iraq
Was a major distraction,
It didn't help matters,
Not even by a fraction.
Because of you,
People lost their focus
On Afghanistan
With all your hocus-pocus.
BUSH, BIDEN (to Obama)
But then you suddenly
Had the urge
To initiate
A giant surge
Of troops again
In Afghanistan.
What the hell
Were you thinking, man?
TRUMP
You all bear
Responsibility.
The war was a lesson
In futility.
BUSH, OBAMA, BIDEN (to Trump)
You're the one
Who spun his wheels.
With Taliban forces
You made some deals
Without including
Officials from
The government.
And that was dumb!
Did YOU perhaps show
With your Sharpie and your chart
That by May 1
The troops would depart?
TRUMP (to Obama and Biden)
Now wait a minute!
Part of your campaign
Was troop withdrawal
From the Afghan domain.
BIDEN (to Trump)
And that's what I did.
I followed through
With an agreement
That was made by you.
It wasn't something
That I reversed.
I just moved it
To August 31st.
Who could know how long
The government would last
And that the Taliban
Would move in so fast?
BUSH, OBAMA, TRUMP (to Biden)
Then it's YOUR fault!
THE PEOPLE (to Bush, Biden, Obama, and Trump)
It's EVERYBODY'S fault…
Along with Congress
And others we could blame.
But stop pointing fingers
And end this stupid game!
You ALL bear the fault.
Be that as it may,
What is done is done.
That was yesterday.
We need to save lives,
So, find a way somehow
To try to figure out
What to do now.
BIDEN, OBAMA, TRUMP, BUSH (pointing at one another)
But it's still your fault!
THE PEOPLE
Stop!
-by Bob B (8-18-21)
°Very loosely based on Stephen Sondheim's song "Your Fault" from INTO THE WOODS
I have to say,
Because of you, man,
We have this mess
In Afghanistan.
BUSH
It's not my fault.
We were attacked
On 9/11,
As a matter of fact.
If we hadn't gone
To Afghanistan
What would have been
Al-Qaeda's next plan?
BIDEN (to Bush)
But wait a minute!
Al-Qaeda was routed.
But let's talk about
Other things you flouted.
Like the truth when you said--
Like a vicious hawk--
That there were reasons
To invade Iraq.
OBAMA (to Bush)
Ah, so it's your fault.
BUSH
No!
WE went there
Because of the production
Of dangerous weapons
Of mass destruction.
OBAMA (to Bush)
But how did they ever
Get on your list--
The WMDs--
For they DIDN'T exist?
OBAMA, BIDEN (to Bush)
See, it's your fault!
BUSH
No, it isn't!
I decided
As commander in chief
That Saddam Hussein
Was causing too much grief.
I had to do
Something about it.
So, I had my team
Try to figure out it.
OBAMA, BIDEN
Figure it out,
Is what you mean.
But come on now:
You've GOTTA come clean.
BUSH (to Obama)
Wait!
You're the one
Who pulled our troops
Out of Iraq,
Which then allowed groups
Of ISIS fighters
To spread their hate
As they tried to form
An Islamic state.
So it's your fault.
OBAMA (to Bush)
The Iraqis wanted
Us to leave.
I didn't have
Any tricks up my sleeve.
The war in Iraq
Was a major distraction,
It didn't help matters,
Not even by a fraction.
Because of you,
People lost their focus
On Afghanistan
With all your hocus-pocus.
BUSH, BIDEN (to Obama)
But then you suddenly
Had the urge
To initiate
A giant surge
Of troops again
In Afghanistan.
What the hell
Were you thinking, man?
TRUMP
You all bear
Responsibility.
The war was a lesson
In futility.
BUSH, OBAMA, BIDEN (to Trump)
You're the one
Who spun his wheels.
With Taliban forces
You made some deals
Without including
Officials from
The government.
And that was dumb!
Did YOU perhaps show
With your Sharpie and your chart
That by May 1
The troops would depart?
TRUMP (to Obama and Biden)
Now wait a minute!
Part of your campaign
Was troop withdrawal
From the Afghan domain.
BIDEN (to Trump)
And that's what I did.
I followed through
With an agreement
That was made by you.
It wasn't something
That I reversed.
I just moved it
To August 31st.
Who could know how long
The government would last
And that the Taliban
Would move in so fast?
BUSH, OBAMA, TRUMP (to Biden)
Then it's YOUR fault!
THE PEOPLE (to Bush, Biden, Obama, and Trump)
It's EVERYBODY'S fault…
Along with Congress
And others we could blame.
But stop pointing fingers
And end this stupid game!
You ALL bear the fault.
Be that as it may,
What is done is done.
That was yesterday.
We need to save lives,
So, find a way somehow
To try to figure out
What to do now.
BIDEN, OBAMA, TRUMP, BUSH (pointing at one another)
But it's still your fault!
THE PEOPLE
Stop!
-by Bob B (8-18-21)
°Very loosely based on Stephen Sondheim's song "Your Fault" from INTO THE WOODS