365 days gone
8760 hours, since you've been gone
All these months that passed by
I love looking back on the very first day, that was a Wednesday
When you texted me and I didnt even know who you were
Just your name written there on a piece of paper
A reminder to me
That all you could be
was trouble
But then we met in person
And i saw no valid reason
To avoid you: your kindness and niceness
All i was at that time was emptiness
Just keeping afloat along the strong current of life
There you were, the calm that unexpectedly came to me
We became close instantly
Like we've known each other our whole lives
I spilled out to you about my past
You did the same, we both support each other back then that the past will pass
So it did.
I loved you since that night when I was in the hospital and we texted till I need to sleep because my nurse caught me still awake
We talked then about how things would be once you left for Canada
Or maybe Ive loved you even before that
But I was just too afraid to admit
Because you were another "anne"
Because you'll be leaving too, soon, just like everyone else Ive ever wanted to stay
Because we were friends, you were the closest to me that time and I cant risk our friendship away
Because I was too scared, had always been, scared of loving and being not enough to make someone choose me and stay
Then 22nd September came
I was surprise by your somehow confession
I cant help but smile even though it's just a week before my grueling board examination
My friends told me to brush you off, you'll only be a destruction
But my heart thought otherwise, it saw you as an inspiration
So even though all the odds were against us
I took a chance, we both did.
We were happy, or I thought we were.
We had our own share of problems mostly started by me
I was still adjusting to this long distance thing
But you made me happy, you made feel loved, you made me feel emotions I havent felt in a long while
It was a summer to remember
Even with all the fights we faced, we're still together
Your words still ran through my head
It was a night before classes start
"Im gonna miss you" you said
"I'll miss you too" I answered
And just like before you rode that plane, we promised to make ends meet as I walked into a new journey
June came, pressure came, reality came
I have everything I ever wanted, all at once
Stable job, money to support and make my family happy, and of course you
But I was too confused, too afraid
I was so used on being sad
I was so used on losing things
That when everything Ive ever wanted came
I didnt know how to keep them, especially you
So I acted badly
All the pressure I was feeling, I turned it all to you
You were like my absorber
But you have your limit too
I regret every wrong doing Ive ever done to you
I regret taking you for granted
I regret everything I wasnt able to do to make you stay
I wanted it to be you
I badly wanted it to be you
I dont know how 2 months can ruin a strong 8 months
But then it happened
Youre gone
Here I am
525600 seconds passed
Still having wishful thinking
Dreaming of you, here
not there
Not that far away,
not to be the one that got away
Lots of could'ves, what if's, shouldve's
They all hold me on, telling me not to move on
There's no difference a year has made
Maybe I still need one or two or God knows how many just to forget you
But right now, all I know is, youre my favorite past.
The past that made me believe in now
and the future
And if in the future, we see each other one more time
With my feelings not changing a bit
With your name, echoing in my heartbeat
Dont resist to ask me this:
After all this time?
Always.
It will be always.
It will always be, always.