1.  you're standing in the shower and your lungs burn from crying and everything aches. Red mixes with the water and flows down the drain, you can't tell if its blood or hair dye but you think it might be a mix of the two.

2. you're on top of your best friend, both of your limbs wrapped around eachother as you sob into her shoulder. You haven't been held like this in years. When you mention that you're scared that everyone will keep abandoning you, she reminds you that she won't. Then she makes a stupid joke. You cry more, but this time in a happy way. She holds onto you until you fall asleep.

3. you're sobbing again, this time in front of your brother. He tries to hug you but you push him off, yelling for him to never touch you. He looks hurt and confused. You almost feel guilty for getting satisfaction out of seeing him like that.

4. You're laying down beside a river in the forest, its a hot summer day and the sound of the water and birds singing calms you. You close your eyes and feel the warmth of sunlight. You're pretty sure this is how love is supposed to feel.

i want to tell you.
i really do.
i'd love to spill my secrets, my issues to you.
yet i can't comprehend it.
i can't communicate it to you.
and the fact you could leave me.
it makes my heart a tearful blue.
you already look at me as if i'm broken.
what do i have to lose?
i want to tell you.
i really do.
yet i can't cope with the fact.
the fact your presence may fade.
vanish without a trace.
except you'd still have that key.
the key that can unlock the darkness in my brain.