It's 3.33 AM

I look out the window.
It is snowing outside.

I see you down there.
Standing alone staring back at me.

Your beautiful red hair.
Your heart-shaped face.

I close my eyes and sigh.
Suddenly i realize how much i miss you.

No...
It's not you.
You passed away years ago.

I open my eyes and you're still there.
Now staring at me with such a longing.

I go back to bed.
With such a weird feeling.

I stare at the window.
I know you're still out there.
Whenever i look out again.

It's 3.33 AM

I look out the window.
It is snowing outside.

I see you down there.
Standing alone staring back at me.

Your beautiful red hair.
Your heart-shaped face.

I close my eyes and sigh.
Suddenly i realize how much i miss you.

No...
It's not you.
You passed away years ago.

I open my eyes and you're still there.
Now staring at me with such a longing.

I go back to bed.
With such a weird feeling.

I stare at the window.
I know you're still out there.
Whenever i look out again.

Why are you weeping...
Why are you shivering...
I see the light in your eyes fading away.
Your people are not to stay.

Swiftly you move among the trees.
Disappearing into the silhouette of the night's kiss.
Aalbertje.... My love... My Precious.
The forest is dark and dangerous.

I touched the back of your neck and kissed it gently.
You turned around to see me as i tightened my grip around your neck affectionately.
I saw the light in your eyes fading away as you fell slowly on the ground as i breathed the sweetness of the air.
So slowly into my dark lair.

My face was the last thing you saw.
Aalbertje... Albertje...
Aalbertje Roweinna Van Loren...

Get over your past, woman!
A dead man doesn't love...
A dead man doesn't touch...
A dead man doesn't make love to you...

Your lover died a long time ago.
Still for him you mourn.

I have been here for too long.
I am running out of time.

Love me or leave me...

A dead man doesn't love...

I found this old black and white photograph.
Of a young handsome man.
Who died almost twenty years ago.
He looks so happy.
Perfect smile.
Beautiful eyes.

He looks so full of life.
Not aware of what is coming his way a few days later.

And suddenly i felt like i had known him.
The way he smiled.
His voice.

He was only 21.
They buried him somewhere i do not know.

But his smile told me a lot.
His eyes shared a lot.

If only i had met him.
If only i had known him.
I could have known how he was like.
I could have felt his warmth.

He's the most beautiful dead man i have ever seen.

i walked myself to his gravestone.
It was old and musty.
His name was curved into it.

I did not know what i felt.
But there's something about this man that had touched me.

I still came back to visit his grave years after.
And one day i stopped coming back
I got married and now have kids.

Many years ago, when i was young....
I fell in love with this man...
This handsome young man...

If your arms are long enough...
Come dig me up...
Say your prayer...
For i am not dead yet...

I can see...
I can feel...
I can hear...
Still...

Come now...
Dig me up...
I beg you...

I am not dead...

I look up to the sky...
Staring at the pale grey clouds...
And i feel so peaceful...

So peaceful...

I am waiting in my room.
In the dark.
Sitting so patienly on my bed.
With vague shadows moving around me.
With the cold air torturing my skin.
I can feel my heart beat  fast.

Then i hear your voice.
Calling out to me.
But i can not see you.
Too dark...
Too cold...

I reach out vaguely into the dark.
And there you are.
Standing right before me.
Cold as frozen morning dew.
Dark as night sky without stars.
Hollow as a disembodied sounds of death.

With outstretched arms i let you in.
You come closer to me slowly without a sound.
And i hold you tight.
So tight.
To never let go.

I can feel your hands dancing on my skin.
I can feel your lips soothing my *******.

And then you vanish.
Just like you did before.
Leaving me in the dark alone.

My lovely shadow lover...

Bloodmark, swords and damnation.
I fought for the lost souls of the nations.
With such unbearable desire and passion.

Fuil ar mo aghaidh....

Secrets of three, veiled yet unhidden.
Lights upon the earth to cast away the forbiddens.
Pain and sorrow to deaden.

M'anam.......
Forget thy sins not...
Unreveal thy secrets not...

Mo chroí a fháil ar bhealach...
For God love ist divine...
To those who dwell in His Shrine...

Dorchadas fháil bás...
Darkness finds death...

Solas teacht ar an saol
Light finds life...

She stood up so proud.
She was sure she had done nothing wrong.
Her mournful beauty saddened the world.
Her time was near as she saw her own shroud.

As gay as morning blooms....
Yet cold as frozen dews...

''Blood would be shed once again.
No pain if you give your soul to me...
You will come back and walk the earth...''

Decapitated souls lost and stranded.
The head is the crown.

Give me thy soul...
And thou shalt live forever as my bride and walk the earth...

Give me your soul, Anne

A Politician says love is a waste of time. One can't make such disadvantageous sacrifice.

A Girl says love is seeing and finding yourself through another person.

Satan says love is giving your soul to the one you love unconditionally.


Love sums it all up for us itself...

*Love is a waste of time when you can not see and find yourself through the one you love who has already given his/her soul to you unconditionally.

When i was a little child, my father told me a story about a young man who went missing.
They had been looking for him for years. He was nowhere to be found.
He was last seen standing by a river nearby looking strange and cold.

They believed he drownt and died.
But She believed she was still alive.
She said she could feel his presence wandering around among the trees.
She was there everyday waiting for him.
Years passed by....
She had been waiting...
So patiently...

One cold morning they found her lying on the ground...
Motionless...
Covered with mud and dead leaves...
When she woke up she said she saw him...
Still handsome as could be...
But he was trapped...
Neither alive nor dead...

The next day they found her leaning motionless on a willow tree by the river...
My daughter...
My sad daughter...

When i was a little child, my father told me a story about a young man who went missing.
They had been looking for him for years. He was nowhere to be found.
He was last seen standing by a river nearby looking strange and cold.

They believed he drownt and died.
But She believed she was still alive.
She said she could feel his presence wandering around among the trees.
She was there everyday waiting for him.
Years passed by....
She had been waiting...
So patiently...

One cold morning they found her lying on the ground...
Motionless...
Covered with mud and dead leaves...
When she woke up she said she saw him...
Still handsome as could be...
But he was trapped...
Neither alive nor dead...

The next day they found her leaning motionless on a willow tree by the river...
My daughter...
My sad daughter...

When i was a little child, my father told me a story about a young man who went missing.
They had been looking for him for years. He was nowhere to be found.
He was last seen standing by a river nearby looking strange and cold.

They believed he drownt and died.
But She believed she was still alive.
She said she could feel his presence wandering around among the trees.
She was there everyday waiting for him.
Years passed by....
She had been waiting...
So patiently...

One cold morning they found her lying on the ground...
Motionless...
Covered with mud and dead leaves...
When she woke up she said she saw him...
Still handsome as could be...
But he was trapped...
Neither alive nor dead...

The next day they found her leaning motionless on a willow tree by the river...
My daughter...
My sad daughter...

Today i saw christmas trees everywhere i went.
But you weren't there with me.

I saw happy faces and their eyes told me a thousand stories of warmth and peace.
But i did not have you there to share my stories with.

I went back to the place where i had first seen you, wishing i could sense the shadow of your presence.
I found nothing but my own shadow.

He is walking down the road so happily. he is going to propose to the love of his life today. They had talked about this a few months ago. Living together without a shame. Having kids and becoming parents. What more could he want? Oh There she is standing at the door.... So beautiful and heavenly.... Looking into his eyes with such unbearable feelings.... He opens his mouth,begging on his knees....  'will you marry me........?' She smiles.''

And just like that i woke up finding myself standing in front of her house. It was raining. She had declined my proposal a few months ago. And ever since,every morning i always woke up and found myself sitting in front of her house,staring at it vaguely. The pine trees were my wittnesses. They saw a man who had been cutting wounds on his own heart.
And i walked myself home in misery.
I laid me down as i started to think of you.
If only you had said yes...
Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
I got up and i saw you there at my door.
Smiling at me....
I could not believe my eyes.
You did not say anything but kept smiling as you walked across the room closer to me.

And i find myself standing in the rain.
Right before me lies your heavenly gravestone.
My love...
My beautiful love...

I touched the mask on my face again, gently...
What an unslightly mask it was...
Let out terrible stench...

The mask...
I tried to pull it off my face...
It didn't move a bit...
I pulled it harder...
Felt painful and burning...
I pulled it again...harder...with all my strength...
It came off...
I threw it on the floor...

Then i looked back into the mirror...
And i saw it...
A monster...
Its skeletal face...
Its ****** face...

It wasn't a mask i knew...
It was my face i saw on the floor...

Fear me not.
I know my dark eyes have frightened you.
My tapering hands have scratched your fair skin.
My kisses have hurt your lips.

Fear me not.
I know i am cold as death.
I know i have no heartbeat.
My blood has frozen over.

Fear me not.
I will sing you the most beautiful song of night.
I will dance your soul away when the moon is dead.
Beneath the dark night sky i will linger for you.

Fear me not...
Cut your skin...
And let me in...

Hiélo naht úrnd dá biähn.
Hiélo naht mänd dá laht.
Ahr nast thû bath ay naäm.
Naht fînnünd elt bhar himhnänt.
Shämënün himdarhó et na.
Iy dam na hïrh hîmfëllasted  et ay.
Dránna et a naäm et mennüïnd.
Niörha ethä mat'd.*

Let the moon sing.
Let the sun dance.
Everything is beautiful tonight.
The stars are bright in the sky,
Reflected in your eyes.
Then i find you here in my heart.
More radiant than any star.
Such a blessing and miracle.

This morning i made you a cup of coffee before you woke up.
I wanted you to feel that i still love you as much as i did.
You ignored my coffee that was waiting for you for some sips before you left for work.

You missed the bus again.
I walked right behind you, listening to you cursing the day and your high heels.
I touched your red hair and i could not feel its softness against my skin.
You turned around and looked through me.
I knew you could feel me.
I knew you knew i was around.
But you kept walking and i heard you telling yourself to move on.

As night grows darker i feel your pain.
You cry in the dark of our room, whispering my name.
How much you miss me everyday.
Everytime you hear the sound of rain.
Everytime you see morning dew on the window...
You think of me...

I am trapped forever between the lines of universe.
I do not possess my awareness of time and space anymore.
But i still have you in my weak indistinct mind.
A ghost is all i am to you.

My love...
My vague presence is torturing me.
I can not feel the warmness of your skin anymore.
If i could travel a billion light years away to embody my presence just to touch you for the last time...
I would...

Here in the dark you linger...
Reaching out into the night...
Tracking the last drops of my last days with you...

If only you saw...
If only you heard...
If only you felt...

If only you knew...

*I am here...

A little girl told me where she was hiding.
Asked me to keep trying.
Eventhough it was impossible to.
As i was drowning too.

She was drowning crying screaming.
I was paddling falling dying.
The dead and the living must learn to live side by side.
We must open our eyes wide.

I see burning orbs hovering over my world.
Flashing lights swirling round swiftly like swords.
The dead and the living must learn to share.
God please...... answer and spare...

Just because i can not see...
Does not mean i can not feel.
I may not be able to be...
But i know what i seek.

I saw you there like the first time.
You smiled and my heart chimed.
You came closer, i was frozen on my seat.
Trying to hold my breath and my heartbeat.

You touched my face and looked me in the eye.
You smiled but your eyes could not lie.
I closed my eyes and sighed heavily.
Trying to keep me on my seat steadily.

''I need some space'' you whispered,
Resting your hands on my shoulders.
I did not say a word, i would stutter.
I could hear my thoughts screaming louder.

You had just hung a hung man on the wall of despair and uncertainty once again like an old picture on a boring grey wall...

I feel the earth beneath my feet.
Listening to my heartbeat.
Crumbled and rotten have i.
In the dark forever i will lie.

I touch my falling-away skin.
Trying to take the hint.
Have i been i decomposing already?
While i was sleeping so tightly...

Is this how it feels being dead?
Because i feel no threat.
How long will it take for earth to digests my body completely?
Is this going to be occuring endlessly?

Have they been crying for me?
Have they been putting flowers down on my grave every christmas to remember me?
Will they make it without me around?
Will i ever see them again?

The city is to swarm.
When night falls she crawls out of her den to offer her warmth.
To any man who is seeking for substitutional love.
That fits their desire like a glove.

Through cold foggy night she wanders alone.
Fair skin, seductive smile, to becoming a bit shy at first she is prone.
As the night grows darker she is inviting
to enter her private zone.
With her nothing to postpone.

As this polite gentle man comes approaching she smiles seductively.
Dark and cold yet he has got something else surely.
Both dissapearing into the fog.
For her it is just another night of hard slog.

Poor Mary...
Something is going on so scary.
They will find you with your inside awfully exposed hours later.
Torn into tatters.

Of all the souls wandering around.
Hers was the only one.
Taken away out of sight.
Dim, mine was slight.

Come sing me a song.
As every soul runs long.
Your story is yet to tell.
When you are in hell.

I see souls wandering around.
Distinct stories of life that surround.
Their feet hardly touch the ground.
I heard hardly any sound.

I need to recite the perfect spell.
I seek for a convincing story to tell.
But everything will come to an end.
Like the happy feeling of finishing a good book.
It is unexpected and true.

I
will
love you
till my blood
runs dry. I want
you so bad, blood i cry.


For you i have torn my soul into pieces
To preserve my heart my memory,
my love. I will never die, nor
will my soul. Come to me,
merge with me. Feed on
me. Live and breathe
inside me forever
Oh my heart
My dear
Love

I live in your basement
Unnoticed to your enjoyment
Quietly lost in my own existence
Yet firm and vast persistence

My heart beats to your every step
As i wait patiently for your misstep
Through a crack i see you every night
Beautiful and fair in my sight

Your scent seeping in through the floor
Through my skin, my every pore
The sound of your laughter i hear in the dark
I feel your breath on me with a spark

I touch your feet every night through the cold
Your bare skin... Heavenly like gold
I am only a feeling away
But not today

I live in your basement
Unnoticed to your enjoyment
Quietly lost in my own existence
Yet firm and vast persistence

My heart beats to your every step
As i wait patiently for your misstep
Through a crack i see you every night
Beautiful and fair in my sight

Your scent seeping in through the floor
Through my skin, my every pore
The sound of your laughter i hear in the dark
I feel your breath on me with a spark

I touch your feet every night through the cold
Your bare skin... Heavenly like gold
I am only a feeling away
But not today

My father was an eccentric middle aged man.
He collected old paintings and kept and locked them all away in the attic
But there was one painting that My father allowed us to see.
An old painting of a beautiful young woman.
He called it 'Miss Van Loren'.
She was so beautiful.
A polite smile and very dark straight hair.
But her eyes were the most unforgetable.
They were piercing green and alive.
As though able to see through me.

The painting was hanging on the wall in the hall.
Whenever i passed it by i always felt that her eyes were following my every step.

My father loved the painting so much.
But i was afraid of it.
I did not like her eyes.

Years pass, my father passed away.
And Van Loren was still hanging alone on the wall, dusty and old.
One day i took it off the wall and kept it in a trunk in the basement.
She looked deep into my eyes like crying as i closed the lid.

Ever since then i always had nightmares about Van Loren.
She visited me in my dreams looking so angry and creepy.
Let me out... Let me out

One morning i could not stand the nightmares anymore.
I took the painting out of the trunk and hung it back on the wall where it had been before.

But the nightmares did not stop.
She kept coming back.
Let me out.... Let me out

She began haunting me not only in my dreams.
She trapped me into a dark trance and screamt all the time.
I saw her eyes everywhere.
Let me out.... Let me out....

I thought i was going mad.
I took the painting off the wall once again and cast it into fire.

One day i accidentally came across my father's old abandoned attic.
I burst into it to my surprise.
I found dozens of different paintings of Van Loren hanging on the walls, lying on the floor.

Let me out... Let me out...

That very day i sold my father's old house and moved to another town.

When i first saw you i was not who i am.
Nor what i am.
You very slowly turned me into something i was not.
And i embraced the chance of being something new that you offered me.

You were so full of life.
You were so alive.
I felt like a ghost with you around.
I felt like dead.

You peeled off my face and gave me a new one.
I liked it though.
You ripped my heart out because you said i did not need one.
A gaping hole inside me would make me pain resistant.
Nothing would  bring me down if i could not feel, you said.

You were right...

I felt nothing cutting your throat.
I felt nothing ripping your heart out, leaving a gaping hole on your chest.
I felt nothing burying you two and a half feet under.

I feel nothing now.
Nothing.
I stick my fingers reluctantly into the hole where my heart used to be.
Nothing....


Nothing...

I had a bad dream last night...

Someone is chasing me...
And i can not run fast...
I look back and he is there...
Lurking in the dark...
With his hands reaching out to me...
I can not see his face...
But i can hear him saying my name...
I can see his eyes burning with red flames.

My feet feel a thousand times heavier...
But i keep running...
And he is getting closer...
Closer....
Closer...
His hands are reaching out...

I scream when he scratches the back of my neck.
His tapering fingers are cold and wet.
Rotten and juicy...

I stumble over and fall hard to the ground.
I turn around fast but he's gone.
Nothing around but thick cold fog.

I woke up screaming...
In my room in the dark...
It was just a very terrible nightmare, i think to myself.
Just a nightmare...
A nightmare...

Then something caught my eye...
Two red flame burning floating in mid-air...
His burning red eyes...

I screamt again...
But it's just the mirror...
I was staring at the mirror in my room.
And staring at those two burning red flames...
Those two eyes...
My own eyes...

I can not see anything with the rain clouding up my window.
Vague figures are moving out there so slow.
I am waiting for you to come home.
I know from town to town you have roamed.

The sound of the rain thunders, irritating my ears.
Will you ever make it home to me?
I fear the storm is hampering you on your way.
I hope the wind would drive it away.

Hours pass me by and still you are not in sight.
I start to feel so cold inside.
As the rain is falling harder and unmercifully.
And then, slowly but surely i begin to see it perfectly.

I am running in a swirl of time.
I feel so cold and empty.

I find myself standing in the rain against the storm.
Cold and stiff like an old aging tomb.
Right before me i see you through the window...
You are looking out with such a longing on your face, far away i hear a row.

I am right here....
Can you not see me....
I shout out loud as i walk closer to your window.

Open the door...
Let me in...

You keep staring at the storm...
I know you can not see or hear me...
I see tears running down your face...
As you close the window and hide yourself out of my sight....

*I am here...
Let me in...

i cut my skin and let you in.
Merging our flesh and blood within.
Feeling you inside me, drinking you.
Tasting you...

I see what you see
I feel what you feel
Filling each other's cavities...
Passion of infinity...

Feeding on you...
      Feeding on you...
            Feeding on you...

My Prince of Darkness...

Your faithful servant is writting a love letter.
I want thee to know how i feel about her.
She always haunts me in my dreams.
When the world seems to shield from the dark moonbeam.

I love her and i want her heart.
From this world i have come to part.
I only want to be in her world.
Her body and soul i am longing to hold.

I want Thee to know that i will give my soul to Thee.
Such a passion i have is too strong to ignore.
I bind my heart to hers and my soul to Thee.
Take me as i am, my Lord.

Sealed with my blood...
My Dearest Prince, Thine Eyes...

Am a stain...
As it a man...

A skinny fiddler mouth.
Drifted as unholy mink.
A hounded firmly stinks.
Find me in the dark.

Am a stain...
As it a man...

Morgue violets you.
Virtuous eye, gloom
Your volute egoism.
Give your soul to me.

For i am the darkest night of yours.
Fainthearted fought risky moors.

Am a stain...
As it a man...

Shadow is the one
Shadow is all you want
Purity here written devastatingly on this very line
Not to shrink the kind

Making love to your shadow
Living your reflection up
5 torturing years in a row
You have given up

Some of us were hurt like mad.
Some chose to move on.
Some chose to linger in their pain.
Some chose to find some truth.

Some of us were desperate.
Some for love.
Some for life.
Some for money.
Some for more time.
Some for recognition.

Some of us were broken.
Some survived.
Some went confused.
Some died.

Some of us were killed.
Some found peace.
Some got stranded.
Some got lost for good.

Have no worries...
It's just some of us...

I found a black jacket this morning.
I put it on like i was mourning.
Then i learnt that nobody could see me.
People just left me be.

I walked through doors feeling free from being stared at.
Wherever whenever i ran, walked or sat.
They could not even hear me when i called them names.
This world is mine, i claimed.

Then i saw a man walking towards me in a rush.
He looked so horrible and smelt like trash.
He opened his mouth and spoke a language i did not know.
But i understood every word he said very slow.

*It is not the jacket.
You are invinsible indeed.
But it is not the jacket.
It is not even a jacket like you think it is.
It is a black tuxedo.
You are dead now.
They are going to bury you.
That is why they put it on you.
You are dead.
Indeed you are.

I never liked christmas.
Those ornaments drove me crazy.
To me it's just another celebration coming to pass.
Gloomy and dreary.

Those christmas carols irritated my ears.
They made me stay at home all night long unwilling to appear.
You did not know what had happened years ago.
Three days before christmas away my father had to go.

Men   ...undo...  men.
Devil  ...undo...  men.
God    ...undo...  devil.
Men    ...undo...  God.

Snow is falling outside.
I want to sing you to your dream, my dear...

''Christmas is here.
And you are so near.
Don't mind the pain you bear.
I do not want to see tears.

You do not fear.
I will not dissapear.
Your heart i will endear.
Like music to your ears.''

I put my hands all around her stiffened body...
I have dressed her up so fancy.
So beautiful........ So cold...... So dead...
She cut my heart into shreds...

Dead yet beautiful you are.
Like a star in darkest night.
Shining from afar.
Reluctantly emitting its light.

I touch your cold face.
Your skin has started peeling off.
But i'm not letting you go
Death is just an empty space.

I want to dance the night away...
Through the storm we'll find a way.

Merry Christmas, love....
My beautiful Corpse Bride...

They had just buried Henry Ferguson today. He was such a handsome and generous young man. Everybody in the town felt so sad when they heard that he had died.
Away he's gone.....
Away he's gone.....
Cold was his gravestone...

Young Sarah Breinnan cried all day long.
Young Sarah Breinnan grieved all night long.
Her beloved fiancé had died.
Life seemed like a threat.

Away he's gone...
Away he's gone...
Now she's on her own...

One cold night Sarah was ready for bed. When she heard someone knocking on the door. She opened it, to her surprise. There he was....

Her dead fiancé...
Standing in front of her...
Looking into her eyes deep...
With his gaping hollow eyes...
All rotten... All bone...
Worms crawling across his face...
In and out....
In and out...

''I can not die now'' he whispered...
Such an eerie voice...
''I love you too much.....''
More worms crawled out of his mouth as he spoke.
''Marry me, Sarah Breinnan......''

Oh the stench his body emitted was terrible...
He reached out to take her hand.
And she fainted...
So beautiful was she...
She had blossomed into a beautiful woman...

The dead man bent down to touch his lover's face...
With love his tapering fingers danced across her *******...

He kissed her gently, picked her up off the floor.
And he walked away, dissapearing into the fogs....
Among the dark silhouettes of trees...
Never to be seen again...

*Sarah.... Sarah....
Could you hear me...???
I was calling you from my hollow grave...

Dead... You're dead...
Through hell shall you thread.
For you there is no daily bread.
Darkness has gone to your head.

On my body you would tread.
Laughing and grinning as i bled.
There was nothing i said.
You had torn me to shreds.

And now you are dead.
In your soul my bullets i embed.
Your soul has gone misled.
Tatters of your soul on hell's pit i shall spread.

Dead.... You are dead...
Left misled...
Torn to shreds...
Blood tears shed...

Dead... You are dead...

Make up your mind now.
It's now or never.
Should we **** this *******????