I paint the roses with my sorrow
Those may see and not feel
Once, twice, thrice goes my brush as I paint the roses
You may see my plastered grin and be fooled
But only my roses know the truth
This poem may seem meaningless
Or the reader may see past
Perhaps my roses are not alone
As the petals fall
My roses are not the only things breaking
Joined at the hip
My roses weep, so frail
I now know
Why roses are red

You're beautiful on the inside and out
That's not true
Think you're unintelligent and not worth it
I refuse to
Believe you're valuable
Never.
Give up yet?

Left, right
Give everyone a fright
Up, down
Never see your wedding gown
Left, right
Blame it on a bite
Up, down
Same as a drown
Left, right
Could be obvious or slight
Up, down
Became the talk of the town
Left, right
Are those sleeves too tight?
Up, down
Irrefutable proof of your final breakdown

Mommy and daddy are fighting again.
Close your eyes,
Cover your ears,
Quiet your cries.

Nobody's allowed in the den.
They just won't quit,
Right down the middle,
The family was split.

The word has been said.
Forbidden until now,
Though it was assumed,
I wonder how.

It's time to go to bed.
Listening at the door,
Quiet your voices!
I knew it was the end for sure. (shore)


Mommy and daddy are fighting again.
Forced to choose,
Kids pick sides,
The only emotion I have is confusion.

I knew it all along...
I heard every word,
I must pack my bags,
And migrate like a bird.

Late at night,
All I have are my thoughts.
There's always a fight
Over the good and bad.

Memories are the most powerful of all.
Some will let me rise up,
Others may be my downfall.
Most leave me in tears.

Closing my eyes,
I think back.
Back to my cries,
And my darkest hours.

The time when my knot was at its tightest,
I think back
When I wanted the monsters silenced.
These are my memories.

But, I'm still here,
Am I not?
Thank you for lending me your ears and eyes,
In my story shared by too many.

Remember when you fell down
And everybody laughed?
Not me. I dusted you off, and helped you up.

Remember when you failed that test,
And thought you were stupid?
Not me. I showed you my test, and called you Einstein.

Remember when that rumor was spread,
And thought nobody would talk to you again?
Not me. I called you up, not believing a word.

Remember when you said you were fine,
And meant it?
Not me. I saw the pain in your eyes.

Remember when you tried to get me back,
And be friends again?
Not me.

It's like drowning,
but you can see everybody else breathing around you.

If younger me saw me now
It would not be good.
She would ask how
I would just hang my head.
She'd ask why
I wouldn't say a thing.
She asked me not to say goodbye
I promised I'll stop.
I'll try so hard,
I said one day I may drop.
She said she knew I wouldn't
But if I almost stir,
I will stop.
Just for her.

They were once the people I could trust my life into
All I want to know is: what did I do?
Best friends until the end, we said,
Yet every night I lay crying in bed.
It does not take a sleuth
To discover this poem only speaks the truth.
Lies and drama filled to the brim
My emotions forever more grim.
You ignored me, and I didn't know how to react.
So, I just did it back.
Barely a glance when we see each other
Sometimes I wish we could treat each other like sister or brother.
Writing this pains me
But sometimes this is key.
You broke my heart and trust
I tried to apologize and that ended in a bust.
Forgiving them is no longer an option.
You pick out your new friends like an adoption.
Who's cute, who's nice?
Who's quiet, veins filled with ice?
I must confess
I now know summertime sadness.

Words
So many are said everyday
So many not spoken,
And kept inside.

You think calling me fat
Will make me thin?
You think calling me stupid
Will raise my IQ?
You think calling me short
Will make me grow?

You try to break me down,
Ill just stand back up.
You try to make me feel terrible,
Ill brush it off.
You try to make me cry,
Ill just laugh.

You tried,
And tried.
I laughed,
And laughed.

How does it feel to be falling
Down, down, down
Into the deep dark abyss?
Never ending,
Rarely slowing,
Always lengthening

On the sides are ropes,
Belts,
Even scarves to help me get out

The cruelest way is people
They hold their hands out,
Ready to be grabbed
The moment you're ready for their help
They withdraw their hand,
Never to be seen again

Down, down, down
Into the deep dark abyss
This hole with an absence of color is my life
I have been consumed and trapped

Sometimes I look at the walls
There's sometimes helpful items
But others I just cant figure out

Guns?
Knives?
Even broken glass,
I wonder why
Could I be arming myself for something?
Perhaps the war on my sanity

I looked into the glass and saw someone
I did not recognize it as me
I saw a smile stretched across my lips
It even showed in my eyes
I gripped the image tight in my hands
The glass only broke more
It shredded parts of my hand

Bleeding, I continued falling
Into the deep, deep, deep
Dark abyss

Mysterious bottles of pills are on shelves
Perhaps if I get sick
Why else would I need them?

Light?
I see something shining
At the bottom
I drop the glass

I take one last look at the guns
Scarves
Belts
Glass
Ropes
Pills
People

I have become the image
Happy, smiling, grateful
I take one last look at the darkness above me
I plunge into the light

I sit and await the highborn kinsman,
As I look below, I see only sorrow,
To purge myself from mourning cries,
To self obstruct I do abide,
The destruction of my skin shows my way to the end,
Dark shadows cast their way behind me,
Sadness seeps into my soul as I prepare my own sepulchre,
The demons among us sense my presence
Preparing the horrendous journey brought by the Angel of Death,
The demons,
the demons a motley they hide within us
Blood is shed
Battle scars last forever
But they still wont leave me alone,
The demons are at a war,
And the war is inside my head
They're calling me
Beckoning
I'm wanted on the battlefield
Prepare for bloodshed,
I am on the battle field,
It is strange,
There are many people here,
But I am the only one fighting,
Then the demons attack,
I feel their blades slashing me,
Everywhere,
But I keep going,
All I can think about is when these demons are gone,
Then I realize,
I can end it all,
But I keep going,
Slashing,
Bleeding.

Sad
We were both sad.
Mine left,
His stayed.
He left,
I stayed.
Years and
years went by
I stayed here.
He left me,
I didn't follow.
Later
So much later
I saw him again.
He didn't age a day,
Still the same,
From all those years ago.
Still the same
From the day
The sadness won.

I have a confession to make
It's hard to keep in
I've been hiding it for so long.
It's quite sad really,
My story.
Too young,
Too dumb,
that's what they always say.
I have a confession to make
It's eating me away.
I've stopped.
I have a confession to make
Someone has died.
It's truly tragic;
She is gone.
My confession you see,
Has led up to this.
I've killed someone.
She is too far gone,
Traces ever so faint.
You see...
I've killed someone.
That someone..
Was once me.

In the dead of night, if you truly listen hard, you can hear it.
Sounds coming from all over, unable to be stopped.
The growling of the stomach, ever so concealed.
Cries chocked back, from fear of being heard.
The opening of a cupboard, it's contents later to be disposed of.
A bottle of pills, showing signs of truly giving up.
The sounds of night show what day hides...night is when the monsters come out.
The monsters in everybody's heads, not one does not. The voice you hear in your head; there it is. The one helping you read this, the one telling you good from bad.
Some people lost the good, and only know bad.
Monsters are wanted to be silenced sometimes, the bad ones.
Night is a time filled with sorrow.

My favorite flower is a rose
When I look at you, I tingle from my toes to my nose.
My love for you is eternal,
Sometimes I write about you in my journal.
Your eyes draw me in
Our chances is a battle I cannot win.
My favorite flower is a rose.
This poem is coming to a close..
When I see you, I can't help but stare.
I like a lot about you; your personality, or clothes, even your hair.
My favorite flower is a rose...

Your words
are just words.
They mean nothing to me…sometimes.
In one ear,
out the other.
I don't care if you're trying to help me.
I will NEVER see it that way.
Your words are just words.
You're trying to make me sad with words?
Only then will they work.
My words make me sad already though,
so don't bother trying.

Your words are just words..
But why do I think mine are the truth?
I thought words were just words…
*Until you tried to help.

Alone she sat
Waiting for a sign.
When none came,
She decided it was her time.
The note was made
Goodbye's inside,
Her life about to fade.
They say she'll be missed,
She knows they'll forget.
Alone she sat,
Prepared for the worst.
The knot at its tightest,
The monsters were silenced.

Finally, I'm out.
I'm free
And I took the alternate route.
Done with the pain and shame.
Finished with the suffering,
Never again with this game.
So, what's next?
Just give me my wings and hal-
Oh.