There is a rope,
two hands pulling the
rope, and a competitor.
The truth is that life
plays the game.
The competition pulls
me with fear, struggle,
absence, lies, lust, and
impartable waves of boredom.
My body gets pulled
from left to right,
right to left.
The devil thinks he has
my life. Brings me
down with deception, lust, coveting
lies, stealing, and gods of flesh.
He pulls me into a controversy,
the battle of sin and darkness.
But there is a competitor on
my side.  There is a man
on my other side.
I was built with fear,
pride and lies to defend
any good side of my war.
There is sunshine, love,
peace, joy and happiness
hidden in my heart.
It was God who pulled
me to the right place
to see the light of day.

The war of strife on
one level, announced the
winner. However, John 3:16
declares the war of love
for me.  I will always
stand in the light of God.
Every inch that the devil
pulls, God moves twice
to the right. I feel
split between two competitors
who want to make me their own.
The serpent head is wounded,
and the heal has been used
to pull me, ****** me to
the right. This game is a
life-long game that only
death will announce the
winner.  I have to be able
to stand firm and courageous;
while in my life, make the
right decisions.  The right is
where I want to choose,
and yet, the left seems to
drag me down.
Psalms 23 shows me
that I have a shepherd;
and without the Shepherd, I
can falter to the ground.
Like Nebuchadnezzar, my enemy
will stand tall and firm
trying to fight for my life.

Also, I am always
stuck in the middle-
the middle of right and wrong.
Daily I am being tugged
with many obstacles.
These obstacles are what
pull me away from
truth, something like
a psyche ward waiting
to confuse my mind.
These games are far
from over, but at least
God's truth will set me
free.  My freedom from
past sins, provides me
grace, love, mercy,
forgiveness, long-suffering,
and peace. This peace
provides me a foundation
of freedom of mind. He
does not have the mind
control- He has the control
of the mind for which I can
make and deal with
changes and challenges from
***** and lustful control of
my life.  But on the other
side, I have the freedom
to choose and protect my
goodwill.

To end this war, I have to
surrender myself to the right view
of life.  I need God and His presence.
He is my protector, savior, counselor,
healer, king of kings, the One.
My Savior is pulling me to stand
strong, be courageous, and confident.
The war on the left side
was killing me, and I needed
light to see where I am heading.
Death- game-over!
The right war has been tugged-
and my sins were erased
by the man who stood in
my place to defeat
the strong and endless
evil battle. I knew
Heaven is my reward,
this is where my war
ends. Tugging me into
sin, frees me from the
sin; and now this war
is placed on the devil.
The life-long game of
tug-a-war is a long,
strenuous, and curruptible
game; and if you do not
know the rules, the competitor
could win. God is in
control; and the funny thing is-
God does not even control
the game.

A dark cloud has been storming around me,
the wants and needs over-portioned and mounted-
Why the war of pain and wonder wanders to see
where no one feels the love or is lost but founded?
There is a light- the light is so far away,
but I can still see the embellishing distractions
that are so brightly extraneous and willing to stay,
but the storm, so undeserving and strong infractions.

The storm passes by the deepest depths of the earth.
the blackness of perception now gone from you;
the perceptions of poor judgment in the burning hearth
suckling of pure judgment within the heart anew.
The cloud hovering over me, now descends
to the east a rainbow ascends.
The troubles once afflicting your soul,
now are gone from you, and you are whole.

(Possible Chorus):
Light of Day made a new
with courage, strength, and love
one can stand firm- this one is you.
The free spirit of the dove,
provides what's inside the light of day.
For you are the light of day.

Born into this world as an angel;
experiences unheard of and in defeat-
the mouth of outrageous roars and gel
grown in a circle of many feats.

There came a face filled with scars
the mind of unsure, bold, and assertive delusion
promotes such gratitude and mingled spurs
to run from me, run from such obsession.

The hyenas are so fake in their attitude-
their faces are like an abandoned building
with graffiti to cover their indecisive gratitude,
and pretentious illusions that yield bring.

In the dark valleys with only moonlight,
such attitudes and gloom of darkness
sets in motion the evil wariness and fight-
the lion flights into the cave of the barking mess.

Hyenas crave the deception to feed on lies;
and the lion's assertiveness frees from itself
the circle of dark redemption that proves his rise,
hyenas hide behind the masks on the shelf.

Hyenas are busy trying something new
whereas the lion still never gives up his path.
Hyenas are free spirited in the blues
while the lion is free from the hyenas wrath.

(Possible Chorus):
In the wrath of darkness, one is never satisfied.
In the light of the world, one can be magnified.
No matter what there is a circle of life
that once will be the door to wasted strife.
The light of the world, defeats the darkness of soul.
The assertiveness and protection will be whole.

For thirty-three years I have been
the person for the abuse, power, and
long-suffering coming from others.
For thirty-three years, I've been ****** up.
My love may have seem real, but
to others love was surreal to fantasy.
I am *******-
the trail of the inevitable battles
over my head-
from uncle to brothers to
an angry *** grandfather who
took my dignity in the grave with him.
Yet, this uncle still walks freely
through the doors and walkways,
and up and down hills-
I am *******.
What justice I seek- only
a hush for repentance
and forgiveness- but I been
through the gates of hell-
from entrance to another,
his tool goes wild, and I am
forced to kick the teeth out of
his mouth-
And when growing and showing up
to the faces of the universe,
I have lived the fear of rejection and hate-
all I have experienced was rejection and hate.
There is no one who understands-
the story of my life.
The assaults of ***, physical abuse, and
tyranny I have was the demon I want no more.

The guilt of my mind-
the obedience of such gross fantasies  
and the tears I share of lost
friendships have made an angry face.
But for thirty-three years nothing has
worked for me- there has to be a new path:
I had to seek repentance and forgiveness,
for hatred had to dispel from the love I
had for others.

This angry face had been exchanged
for a phat face-
the face of love, peace, and understanding;
it was the inspiration of a friend whom I
am now confused.
I am confused of dispelling love for hate
when I been living with fear.
Rejection and hate was my life-
and it became a demon in my life.
This person was drawn to my life to love me-
not love me physically,
but the love that shows my life
living in fantasy.
I was blamed to be a predator-
a reputation ruined by third party wanna-be's.
My fear was confirmed when rejection
called my name in the name of evil,
and hatred became what my friend used.
This was the person I never shared my
problems, because of his rejection.

Why was he a part of my life?
What brought us together?
I am not the **** in the closet-
I am the hetro living in the dark.
I had nowhere to go, and I
trusted that this could be discussed.
And here I thought I was weak.
I have been through so much
that it hurt me to see my best friend go.

I became angry faced-
the loss of friendship over
my actions, now blamed for
harassment and stalking when
I see surveillance in the eyes
of my life.
Why do I have to learn this lesson?
Who do I learn with?
Where is my understanding?
Why do they not understand?
I am none of the things the
universe declares me; and yet
no light they cannot see in me.
Why did you fake me?
Why do you block me of my
freedom to say my story?
What is your story?
What love do you have if
someone sniped me?

I changed my view on love,
because the hate I've been
misjudged on for thirty-three years.
This ******* society is so messed up;
I have to live according to a
controlling and confused society.
You are like the rest-
put an act on, in front of friends,
and then when trouble comes
or the annoying person is
around, your on your way
to the hermit station.
I do not understand you;
I was not able to find
peace within you; and
I am confused about your love.
In fact, the only confirmation
I got was when someone else
said I tricked them until a
business gig that was never paid.  
And when I was blamed for lying,
I knew you people only put me out.
The most hateful thing to do is to lie
about one thing to save your reputation
to ruin others.
The reality is that you place angry faces
on those you love, but do not
understand agape for your own fantasies
are stuck elsewhere.
I am still trying to put the pieces together,
but I do know where the missing pieces are-
they are connected to you-
Until you understand the agape love-
we will both be missing love and peace
for each other in disguised of hatred.
You only hide me to forget me,
but it is the Heavenly hosts who destined us.

I now seek spiritual guidance;
I need to forget you;
I need to understand why I should;
And while I wish you begin to
understand, I realize that this, too
only a fantasy.
I only ask that someone take away
this rejection and hatred from me.
I fear that I will not see my
friend, again-
but who wants someone in their
life who is not understanding,
always faking me in front of others
than hiding me inside a closet-
abusing power over love?
I only know rejection and pain,
who wants to introduce me to
the Happy Face?

It is music which I found you;
It was the creative mind-
when you turned to the left side,
your subconscious has taken away
the right brain empathy,
which was taken for me.

Only hope is what is left;
The hope for new
found agape love and peace.
Let me allow my story-
let me allow my understanding;
let me allow you to tell me.

Think of sustainability in your life;
you want inspiration-
think of your creativity!
Think about a puzzle
so jigsawed that perhaps you need
silence and time
to make the puzzle work.  
The reality is the picture,
the destiny, and
the creativity that you made
from this situation.  
In silence you are welcomed
to present actions that
inspire thought and precision.
If you worry about the future,
stress about the past,
then your present is stuck,
which means that in reality,
you will always feel stuck
and fear the past,
unless you open your eyes to
see what you have and move forward.
Just remember to leave
your negative thoughts of me behind,
instead of wondering if I will change,
because with time there comes change,
and it is not up to you to change me.

In my mind there is a song-
a song that keeps playing back;
It is like I see my words
in the mirror facing back at me.
I can hear drums beating,
and my heart beats with the drum.
All I can remember is that I
was left with the hope-
the hope that music would come alive.
I feel dead without the music,
there are excuses to hear it-
Youtube, choruses, and just travels afar-
I cannot believe how far it
has taken me just to find that
one simple note;
I mean the note that has never left me.
All I can remember,
silence without music,
is a silence without a beat.
I realize that at times
the open air can get
things confused in our minds,
leaving no suggestion,
but to have peace and love.
And when that difficult rhythm
comes again, I can say,
"leave me alone."
For the sweet music which
I understand- has always
let me alone, until now-
I am asking to bring it back to my ears.
The balance, purity, and patience-
I wait,and for now-
in silence I leave you alone.

The twisting of a colorful
storm on radar,
shows what looks nice
on the outside,
does not look good on the inside.  
From one end to the other,
we see the sun fading to black,
that darkness has no promise of light.
Once going through the turbulent frights,
I can see at the horizon
a small break in the shade of black.
There I realized that at the end of the storm,
where the light shines,
we can see all the troubled spots,
from our home to health to death.
The life we live in is the depth of a perfect storm;
we only have to accept,
and believe that the light will come
when we realize that no matter what
The Perfect Storm will give misfortunes,
but it is the misfortunes that cause the perfect storm.

There was once a parable,
an earthly story
portraying a message that would
be told in reference of our life:
A sower goes out to sow some seeds.
However, there were some seeds
fell on the wayside, and
were swallowed up by the birds.
Yet, some seeds fell next to the ricks,
but there was not enough earth
to keep the growth of the plant-
so, when the sun came out
the seeds were scorched from the earth
with minimum growth,
but without the roots
to carry on its growth process.
Yet, some seeds were placed in the thorns;
so, those seeds were choked by its death.
The last sower was able to find good land,
where seeds would grow to a hundred fold.

There is a mission:
When God asks us to plant seeds,
we are asked to have the oil with us.
Without the right concentration,
there are concerns of thorns
who can choke you up.
Because the thorns are sharp and dangerous,
only God has the power to devour
or to destroy them.
A thorn is stubborn, and will continue to process
threats of no promise, but the cuts it can process.

Some thorns can be hidden,
while a red rose blooms beautifully
on the branches of a rose bush,
there is no reason to believe-
the thorn bush wants you
to grab the beautiful rose
to dig into your skin
the anger it holds
for you.

Hence we have the earth to produce God's mission,
but without the oil and concentration,
there are only rocks that will go nowhere.
Yes, unless you plan to move the rocks out
of the way, those things will always remain.
Only God has the power to remove the
blockages out of our lives to make
success in His mission, not our own.
Rocks also causes pain. They are
heavy, stubborn to move, and are often in the way.
When dealing with rocks,
their mission is to block the truth
blind us for which what is said is to be
hypocritical to the naked eye.
However, what the rocks do not know,
they may block our message from reaping,
but God can remove that rock,
placing them where they will work better.
The rocks are the most stubborn for sending
a message when the rock says,
"Here I am try to move me,"
however, if you remove a rock from its place,
they too have a purpose, and knocks the
whole scenario outta-kilta.
The situation is that while seeds could grow,
they die off very quickly without roots.

The question is:
Does it take a brain surgeon
to help us decide where to plant seeds?
Do we need to express the dangers
of rocks and thorns?
Where do we lay our hearts?
Is our hearts in the thorns, being tangled and sliced-
or is our hearts being crushed by rocks?
Is our oil being dripped by the holding back of thorns,
or are the rocks dying the oil up?
Our hearts need to sow where there is promise.

Quand je pense à une personne,
Je pense que du bonheur
dû à moi par un autre.
Qu'est-ce que l'amour universel peut
ce soit dans mon esprit?
Suis-je faire une imagination
encore d'un amour illicite,
ou est-ce vrai cette fois?
Tout ce que je cherche
est un cœur de bonheur,
tant qu'il est commun
que ce qui est le point?
Bientôt il y aura un jour,
pas ce jour,
mais un jour viendra
quand je vois mes amis fidèles
dans les yeux de mon propre.
Est-ce que l'amour a toujours
un endroit négatif sur mon cœur,
ou était-ce la malédiction qui
ce cœur jamais trouver l'amour
sauf si il est vrai amour?
Sonne comme mon contrefaçon
dit de faire un cœur de bonheur.

When I think of a person,
I think of the happiness
owed to me by another.
What universal love can
this be in my mind?
Am I just make an imagination
again of a illicit love,
or is this true this time?
All I am looking for
is a heart of happiness,
as long as it is mutual
than what is the point?
Soon there will be a day,
not this day,
but a day will come
when I see my true friends
in the eyes of my own.
Does love have always be
a negative spot on my heart,
or was that the curse that
this heart never find love
unless it was true love?
Sounds like my counterfeit
says to make a heart of happiness.

The definition that is
always misconstrued
with three levels of Love.
Sounds to me that
with different meanings
and no commonsense
it does not take brain surgeon
to diagnose the convict here.

In my understanding, metaphors,
and symbolism, there is no chance
to distinguish between two loves:
the purity and the selfish.

There was once a man
with a coat of many colors
who was stripped and cursed at,
because they were jealous
of their father loving him more than them.
That was not until this man
became a person whom they needed
to depend on during a famine-
still not sure how this boy-
who became a man-
would react to their needs back at home.

The is the parable of the prodigal son-
sometimes we wonder how many
times do we take what we want-
and never remember what we need,
but yet, when we begin to
understand, one can come back
and feel the presence of home
instead of eating the food of pigs.

There is no precious story
than the one to accept
the Universal Love with understanding.
How hard is it to realize the life
of self deception and delusional thoughts,
which keeps one under the curse
of self depreciation-
learn to understand that love is not only self,
but that it is a Universal Love.

There was three individuals whom
were blessed with talents.
There was one who had 10 talents
for which these talents were
blessed and used,
while another individual had five.
Those talents were blessed and used.
There was one individual
who had one talent, suppressed it,
and hid it in the ground,
until the day the Lord has come.

The next day, a certain man came to
make inventory of their talents.
The first man, said he was blessed with
ten talents where there were
twenty seeds sowed.
The next man came and stated that
his five talents were blessed with
five more talents.

However, the man who hid his talent,
told the man, he had hid his talent,
because he was afraid that he would
lose it.
Suddenly, the man suggested
that the talent be given to the
other who has ten talents,
and that the ways of your servants
was not to follow me.

The man went along his own way
with no reaping, and a hidden talent.
When one is scared to follow the
true path for which is
met to be, we risk the buried talent.

Yack! Yack! Yack!
I keep hearing the words you
do not want me to hear.
There were so many things
You not knew from me!
All that talk and no walk-
nothing left in your reality,
but illusions and delusions
of what you saw in me.
There seems to be one,
whom has trouble understanding
your psychotic mind with all these
promises that met nothing,
smiles, acts, and game for a nil-
yet, who stands tall even with
this curse, I now counterfeit-
you think there is power above God,
those are blind even in the
brightest light of the Holy Spirit.
If you are suppose to be in my
life, I will be sure to wait for you
where the light is dim (in your eyes),
that is where you will have no
choice but to follow me, or
risk being broken and spilled out.

Nebuchadnezzar has three dreams,
not even the "wise men" of old
could interpret the dreams of this old man.
It then takes lads of Meshach, Abendigo, and Daniel
to "cling" together in a fiery furnace,
only to see a fourth man that
the King recognizes and acknowledges
as the the God of Most High.

Why would this dumb old King
still insist on the power of the Most High
with a 90-foot tall statue of no statutes?

Then how is it that Daniel-
a wise man of Babylon
able to entice God's presence?

Even with all the threats and insanity
of this crazy old King,
Wise man, Daniel, stands up against
a statue of a multitude of people
when he stares as tradition in a mirror.

With the delusion of creating a nation alone
has made that crazy old King
filled with insanity and obsession over people.
Sounds familiar with our own traditions,
and obsession to worldly pleasures.

Here is the real problem,
the ruins of Babylon is not only
a metaphor, but a reality to lives
living on this Earth for those
"wise men" who think they can
take the place of God.
Unfortunately, we are crawling around
like beasts on this Earth,
because there is no other
to lift us up, but God the Most High.

Soon, the four Angels
Destiny, Death, Purity, and Balance
will "let it go,"
the four winds of strife on a land
that has insist the impalpable sin.
When I am constantly placed in
a fiery furnace, all the one's around
me feel the heat, and die of their own curse
they caused me, letting go;
and bringing Babylon in ruins.

Was it my mistake?
So, I did harm to you,
but you had no idea
what power I had within me.
See, ever since the imagery
you perceived of me,
I have turned cold
with a frozen heart,
never to believe another lie.
You think I am the one
with the reality problems,
but yet, you have
not even seen your reality, yet.

Was it my mistake
to justify your stupidity?
Did I have to apologize
to the a Rock that
only sits there, so stubborn?
You say you need no change,
but when reality changes,
where are you?
Is this my mistake?
Really, you are fixated,
but yet cannot be fixed-
sounds almost like
childish games.
Why is it my mistake
that you cannot even
see your own image-
that you have to follow
other images that do not
even fit your canvas?
Seriously, I do not see the point!

Is it my mistake
that you chose to
follow a path that was different?
Here is the question:
Are you trying on the
wrong size shoes for your feet?
Was it a Mistake?

Universal love is just,
and in your mind
lust took control.
Was it a mistake?
Is it my fault
that you see me as a threat?
Prove your point,
and stop hiding in the
shadows.
Was it a mistake
that I even took
the time to know you?
It was my mistake;
how then do you
see your mistake?

In my sleep, my mind is wondering
when I am awake my mind is wandering.
All I can see is confusion-
have no idea where the trouble started.
Simply, I bare the immeasurable pain-
the pain that makes tears.
The love for a friend is no way
the same as my girlfriend.
All because my speaking voice
confused that troubled mind,
I have to deal with the consequences.
or is it just the excuse to escape
the legacy of another world
where life is not the same?
Could it be that we both thought
different thoughts-
only one can only hope.
See, I was in no way "in love"
I was loved- or as I thought;
then suddenly, there were colors
on this painting that were hiding
the sunshine views of such happiness
when I suddenly realized
I was not the one with the troubled mind.


[Translation]

Troubled Mind

Dans mon sommeil, mon esprit se demande
quand je suis éveillé mon esprit est errant.
Tout ce que je peux voir est confusion-
avoir aucune idée d'où les problèmes ont commencé.
Simplement, je nu les dou- incommensurable
la douleur qui fait larmes.
L'amour pour un ami a aucun moyen
le même que ma petite amie.
Tout cela parce que ma voix parlée
confus que l'esprit troublé,
Je dois faire face aux conséquences.
ou est-ce juste une excuse pour échapper
l'héritage d'un autre monde
où la vie est pas le même?
Serait-ce que nous avons tous deux la pensée
thoughts- différent
seulement on ne peut qu'espérer.
Vous voyez, je suis en aucun cas «en amour»
Je suis loved- ou que je pensais;
puis tout à coup, il y avait des couleurs
sur ce tableau qui se cachaient
les vues de soleil de ce bonheur
quand je me suis soudain rendu compte
Je ne suis pas celui qui a l'esprit troublé.

Mr. Hermit usually is not
on the same page as me;
in fact, he is always
misunderstanding me, causing
grudges and attitudes
that are not at all
relevant
to me.

Yet,
as he writes
he has much to say
about very little reasoning.
I can only imagine, what judgment
has to say about the transcendental spirits.

Yeah, Mr. Hermit is going off a tangent with no where else
to turn, and Judgment seems to seek you out, as long as
the High Priestess does not trump you out
of the card game, my guess is that
Mr. Hermit can only depend
on the Lovers to make
a point in life
readily
for
me.

Does
this interpret
your cause for the life
lessons on love, for which transcends
from the Heavenly afloat of salvation that
missing the main point in your life:
Why Do You Misinterpret Me?
Can it be that you never
knew me until
you placed me
in the
box?

You're not scared of the dark;
You're scared of what's in it.
You're not afraid of heights;
You're afraid of falling.
You're not afraid of the people around you;
You're just afraid of rejection.
You're not afraid to love;
You're just afraid of not being loved back.
You're not afraid to let go;
You're just afraid to accept the reality that she's gone.
You're not afraid to try again;
You're just afraid of getting hurt for the same reason.

Can you hear my silence?
Can you see the dark?
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel my heart?

If I only I could know
the dept of your mind;
The Hell you put me through;
The consecrated B.S. that
only flutters your mind-
putting me inside out.
The assault, impeding comprehensible
Delusions of your own mind.
The character of a dog-
the dog that screeches at
himself constantly over and over again.
I can only imagine the head-
ache that you place your-
self for no words are given lightly.
There is a time to make
things right- and that time
is not now- and will not be later.
The sooner the later, only
reality can make that call.
I can only imagine the
hurt you are feeling; yet,
the character assault makes
it obvious- that day of judgment
answered your evil questions-
no wonder that only if
I could mediate between you
this low-life will only
be considered the Character Assault of my life.

Boring to me
listening to those
them disconnected Rondos-
no idea where the
progressions are-
yet, they still anticipate
something!
With every life situation;
there should be
a limited amount
of dominants-
then when using
secondary dominants
one can make progressions.
The music can only
be plucked
like a harp
in several directions,
making music
without the control
of one chord.
One chord has
trouble progressing
without the secondary dominants.

Three time in one;
only one time in three-
do you not know me?
How funny
in two paths;
yet, I find you;
when did I know you?
Was it when I took
a wrong turn,
or was it WHEN?
I was forced to
learn a lesson?
What lesson should
it be that I learn?
Could it be the thought
of freedom with reality?
What freedom are YOU seeking?
How did I know you?
Why did I know you?
because in life,
we all must learn
from each other.
What did you learn?
Am I that nasty person
YOU know?
Or is it, I held a secret
when in reality
there was no hope?

How do you know me?
Am I a person
that person who succumbs
to your fear?
Did I have to know
your underlining secret?
What is this secret?
Am I the person
whom you only think
in your delusional mind?
Was it in a delusional state
of mind where you
found me?
Am I at fought here?

See, here I found you
when I needed a friend to trust.
When I think of you,
I think of the best of
what could be;
I never saw you
as the evil one.
How, then could
you remember me?
Did you think
I was jealous of you?
How could I think such?
We both have lives;
and we both love-
to the purest measures.

If we could start
over, again-
where should I
meet YOU?
See, your delusions
have left me sinking.
Yet, with words
that you watch as a hawk-
I know you are watching.
You are hiding from me.
When will this fight end?
How can we make
the legacy stand?
i see you as a friend;
you see me as a freak.
I am so freaked out,
because how you know me.
All the good left,
because of delusions
you believe in strongly.
The question is: WHEN?
When do you see change?
Where will you
leave your delusions?
How will you leave
your delusions?
I am telling you,
I forgive you;
and you know
I capable of
unconditional love,
but what love do you
think?
I am holy to God
who knows me.
Apparently, you did not
know me as well
as you thought.
This could have happened
to anyone, but it is
time to move away from
this battle.

Here, my door is
re-opened, for the
presence of life and purity.
And when you are ready,
you take the time,
because this is where
I will wait.
Take all the time you need.
My door is only
thin enough to carry
the positive loads,
which are few,
but I know how
you can do this-
you must take
away the load before you,
and you will find me
on the other side
where the door opens out
to close us in;
and when that happens,
there is no more
confrontations.
This love is the
love of forgiveness/amends;
leave the delusions behind;
and do not believe
the negative advice
of evil angels
who keep you down their level.