There isn't a reason to do this'
He almost said.
but he didn't
and when the pen touched the paper
they were divorced
like a person who faces death
he saw his happiness flash before his eyes

There is a spot in my heart
for little children
their laughs
such pureness that I miss

you forget what its like to be truly happy
until a child's smile comes beaming
and you cant remember
the last time you've laughed like that

I hope you have fun
dancing alone in a bright blue light
I hope youre happy
with such little pretense

but pretense is pretense
no matter the quantity

I see you
clearly in the water
of such from womb to tomb connection

I felt my heart beat in your breathe
the littleness of you is ironic
in those tiny fingers grasp my purpose

I look upon your eyes
a perfect blend of love
the proof of the universe's master piece

I will never forget the night I heard you laugh
I swore my world popped in colors
that can only be seen in an epic sunrise.

In those tiny hands,
grasp my entire purpose
a tiny heartbeat with such momentum.

she swayed lightly alone
her hands holding onto the fragile air
feet grazing the ground
gravity preciously holding onto her
after all, reality is subjective plus perspective.

she dance a hopeless dance
on top of shimmering watersnacks
her heart as dry as dust
those praying hands prayed no more
for she could speak with god

just by closing her eyes

you can take that enneagram test
and find out what number you land on
as a grey attempt to know who you are

you can look in the mirror
and make faces till your cheeks hurt
and still not see yourself truly at all.

Someday, you may look in the mirror
and not recognize those eyes anymore
when did they dime? like hallow shapes?

then one day, your face shrivels up
you can hardly remember who you were before
and you look upon your child

you know one day, she will also look upon the mirror
lost upon herself
taking that enneagram test, as faithful as you once did,

Only 17
still a child.
She walks into the ocean
face barely above the water, floating in the unknown
but the sky burst--

into such majesty
the red, the orange, the paint sliding across canvas
oh how the water moved her

so she shed a tear
for the waves that told her sweet nothings
the sand was a relief
a soft ground to land on
She would die for this.

Be still, my glass bones
the ship will carry your soul full of sins
the times you shot down the albatross

Perhaps Life in Death will not torture you
perhaps she will lose her gambling
she will give you to death himself

Perhaps you will use the last bit of color
to leave a fade mark in the world
the potential you could have had

but you were always a gambler
when you win you feel so little
when you lose you leave no mark.

I suddenly got so sick
so sick of the colors around me
like every person was a vibrant soul
and I am just grey
I am so sick

I got so tired
trying to paint color on everyday
So very faded at the end
Too grey
I cut my skin to force that red

but when I stood under the shower
I am grey
I felt so sick
of being washed over--feeling no renew
no one wants to mix with grey

and then I turned a pitch black.

When he left,
my heart moved with him
How funny
I thought blue was the color of sadness
but blue is the color of a new beginning

I dipped my body into the ocean
5 seconds of waves washing over me
I am new, I am fresh.

I can't even begin to explain to you
WHY it hurt so bad
to watch what was once BURNING
now nothing but bits of flames occasionally
to witness my mother's failed marriages
right in front of my eyes
I CANNOT begin to tell you
how hallow I feel seeing our old videos

maggots upon my heart my dear
chewing out what was once yours.

I can only assume
how insignificant we are
if we stood only alone

but we are not
in a universe thriving for balance
we balance each other.

our lives connected
transcending time and space
creating colors bursting from within

and so, "with each crime and kindness
we birth our future."

My absolute dearest
put a hand over your left chest
feel that beat
the energy it takes to pulse
You are not alone
you have an army inside you

Don't give up on your life
if not for other,
at least for your organs.

They work so hard to keep you alive.

Peanut the orangutan is an orphan.
He was rescued, recovering fast.
Although, he refuses to climb trees and is anti-social.
This would mean he can’t survive in the wild.
After a long physical checkup, the vets concluded that his problem is nothing more than mental.
The baby misses his mother.

A man who lived near the Amazon forest vanished.
They soon found his body, inside an anaconda.
This is rare, because anacondas do not typically go near human.
It is however understandable; the anaconda’s home is destroyed and is forced to nest near the village.
They killed the anaconda regardless.  

It was a national discovery when they found a white tiger.
The majesty of such a mutation.
God’s gift! The scientists exclaimed.
They studied it, documented it, took pictures.
When the scientists were done,
The white tiger was famous worldwide.
It soon became a prized rug on someone’s marble floor.

How amazing it was to be able to weep
for something so wonderful like colors
To be glad I was once  not color blind
to the beauty the world had to offer
and was graced with an angel from heaven

though now we must part
and I weep of sorrow tears
I will keep my blessings

that I possessed such joy once
that cut so deep I cry tears of pearl
when I no longer possess it.

Drowning under water
Almost helpless to speak
The ocean taste so salty
Yet overwhelmingly pleasant
I found some sweetness in this bitterness
One is lucky if one still have tears
To cry about something so Precious

You never live till you have had something
Worth ripping your heart out for

Terrified of letting go
I aim for simple things
just focus on my breathing, his eyes
my hand, how it feels
try to remember the summer breeze
try to remember his hug and touch
try to remember burst of happiness

before I have to be by myself
convincing myself to drag on my hallow shell
before I turn to something else for comfort

I am trying to remember
because for once, I had a reason to want to.

He walked to the lake
the frozen sheet of ice that glistened
I followed with so little hesitation
as if I knew he wouldn't let me fall through
But he would
Foolishly in love I am
so close to danger
the closer to danger I am
the further away I truly am.

we are all shouting
into the abyss
hoping someone would shout back
and we do find them

and when we do
we hold on tight.

1000 minutes of staring
into a blank wall
trying to find my purpose
I wish I had a life map
show me exactly where to go
because this unknown Abyss
its driving me mad

I could hear it whispering
time clicking louder than thunder
it keeps me awake at night
it follows me like a shadow in the day

he took the form of a tall blank man
who stared with no eyes
I panicked and took a knife
to end my abyss

all the same. hes driving me mad.

When the lord put smoke in my lungs
I saw the world in 5 more colors
I begged the lord
do not let me drown
I danced wildly in my head
with music that only I could hear
every instrument so clearly
banging on the rhyme of my delusions
And so I pulled on my burnt skin
not knowing where the smoke came from
the lord, or my little world on fire

I was never this bitter
the kind of person to complain all day
even I find myself dull
the mundane feeling of my parents
I've become who I loathed
I just want to be easily impressed
easily joyed
like a baby overwhelmed by laughter or a silly face
I just want to admire butterflies
the same way I did when I was five.

The first time I heard the Earth sang
I cried with all my rarest forms
The earth softly whispered the secrets of us
the past, the present, the future
I saw the history slipping from its melody
There were no more pleasant sound
The colors of the everything fall around me like rain
I tap on the shoulder of my mother
and she cried too.
The earth sings to the sad, tired and lonely,

Their lips touched in the autumn air,
under the tree he had always loved.
his hair tickled his chin,
they both giggled,
what a sin.
if this is sin, so be it
love, burst, explosions that I will die for.
their hands tangled with such scandal
the roman air smelled nice
they saw their graves
but nothing came with more worth
than the ritual of love.

I couldn't stop touching her
Lady Universe and her ever soft kisses like comets
The dance floor was so dark
and she shined so bright
She put her hand on my hair and said
you're beautiful baby girl
I could feel the beat on my floating feet
blood boiling
oh!
imagine if our lips touched I said
she laughed with a wicked flick of hair,
rivers and the earth spawned from just that
Lady Universe
she laughs at me.

It was so overwhelming
the swirls of orange around me
A subtle dreamy orange like the sunset
So safe
So light
I waved my finger for more swirls of orange
my fingers wiping the sky as the night turns bluer
the sky became this deep ocean blue
My fingers drew points on the sky where I want to go
with each point a sparkle
then the sky...it lit up for me.

Sometimes I can tell
the Universe is moving without me
Even when I was a child
I saw the moon smile at me
It was running along side me  in the car window
That night the moon appeared outside my window
That's how I know
I will never be alone.
The moon will never let me be.
Sometimes I can tell,
the Universe is moving without me.

I used to reach up,
and let the stars melt in my hands.
I felt the time slip away
but the night was too attractive to shut my eyes.
There are stories in the sky
mapped with pattern
the same stories people saw 5000 years ago
I reached up and melt with the stars
Now I can see the stars anytime, everywhere.
I close my eyes, and reach up.

Like a crowded hallway
I squeeze by people who don't see me
there you are
holding my cheek to your hand
every planted kiss
I feel visible.

It has been a while since I've written
Picked up words that I couldn't find.
Sometimes, it feels as though I had dreamt for too long
and my body is well rested
but my soul is so tired.
Thank you for reading my poems
so that when I shout into a void
loving echos shout back at me.

There is something strange '
about the architecture of his soul
how he maneuvers through my life
exploring my weakness
and I let him.
I am shot down
Surrender with my hands up
In love
like a fly attracted to the light of his eyes.

From the first time you drew breathe
I felt my heart beat somewhere else
other than my own body

From the last time you drew breathe
I felt my heart sink
into that tiny coffin with you.

the bitter coffee taste consumes
yet another tired hallow shell
the morning light has no appeal
plain beauty ignored by heavy feet

its alright-
just survive.
There is no need to worry about living
there is no urgency in observing every beauty
Suriving is an art too.

I've seen the universe through a telescope
all the vast, grasping so little purpose.
But next to you
watching the rise and fall of your chest
as you're sound asleep next to me
I felt the meaning of universe
trapped in the breathe of your lungs.

Holding back tears with a straining smile
I speechlessly waved goodbye.
And now i think of you hopelessly
learning a thirst that cannot be quenched
a craving that eats you away like a venom.
As i type out this poem late at night
i begin to realize
There are pain in the world that leaves you helpless
and in that helplessness, I learn love in its full force.

The even breathe in the mist of nights
your chest steadily rising up and down
your warmth against my skin
like an adventurist
I wander into depth i could not fathom
fearful yet serene
serendipity i suppose
to wander right into your arms

Its alright if nothing goes your way
the tears in which you chose to conceal

Its even better if everything goes your way
the happiness in which you have no one to share with

But its going to be alright
aloneness isn't  the same as loneliness

and until you find the wothy someone
don't be afraid of being alone

you are your best company

my eyes welled up
the seas that you had a tame
to learn how to love me
me, a thunderstorm without the beauty
But when i closed my eyes
i saw the unvierse in our fingers
i saw without my eyes, but only a glimspe.
The rising sun of a new day fell on you,
i saw my happiness in the architecture of your soul.

In her very last breathe,
she looked over at him.
He seemed so frail now, shivering from sadness
She blinked, and suddenly her wrinkly hand turned smooth again
she is 18, he is 19.
He held her hand, the one that had anti-depressants clunched in her fist
He made the promises of marriage, of children,
of the career she wanted, of sending their children off
he made the promise of strength, of love, of light.
Finally, he made the promise of a love that is constant.
She let go of the clunched fist, and sobbed towards the future she longed for. She saw it all in his eyes, every wrinkle they'd grow.
She blinked again, and the wrinkles were all there.
With her tiny hands she stroked his tears away
as he once did to hers
and she stared straight into his eyes
their life frame by frame
"you never did break your promise."
Her last words.

4:00am, I cried harder than I ever have
your happiness says she misses you
and I watched mine slip away.
I let my sadness spill onto a piece of paper
my blood took on the shape of words
5:30am, I let the ocean waves wash over me
wash over every place you touched
Its alright,
if she is your happiness.
My love is just enough
to let my happiness run freely to his own.

My hands tangled with yours
6:30 am i spring open my eyes
to catch your groggy eyes
the little snore you do,
the twitch of your face.
The way your hair curled upwards
I never was an early bird
unti l had a good reason to be
much like a traveller
who wakes up early, to catch the sun rise.

The pretty brunette stood fearfully
in front of the television
a large symbol as the crowd riotted
the Symbol of hatred burning right through her skin

Her child, with his tiny fingers
pointed at the unfamiliar symbol
his innocence lingering in a silk string
"what is that?"
He does not understand yet, the ignorance of this world.

She turned off the TV
and as any mother would
she hugged her child tightly
whispering under her breathe
"America."

What do you mean why?
They're wrong for hating us!
This is the country
of love, freedom, and liberty
of oppurunities, of life, of everything golden!
yes, there are children under fire in school
okay, maybe it isn't such an ideal world if you are a person of color
sure, it's still scary to go out at night as a woman
fine, we might have impossilbe high tuition rates.

but I dont hate America.
no, not at all.
I love America.
but i can understand why people do.
And thats why
I
will
vote.

not every wish
comes true for you
the stars know better
and while you cry about them forgetting your wish
they smiled
they did not forget
theyre simply waiting
to give you something better.
you just dont know it yet
like a little child
who doesn't know her parents
rejected her pleas for a new teddy bear
because there will be a puppy
under the christmas tree this year.

I reckon
Love is overrated
Among the broken wedding Chinas
the divorce paper rested gracefully
She looked at peace signing it
So fast
So sure
I suppose love is overrated
For those that are unfortunate.

10 years ago, you werent going to make it
5 years ago, you never pictured youd be here
1 year ago, you were facing the hardest dilema of your life
2 weeks ago, you had the worst mental break down
1 day ago, you doubted yourself
but here you are
overcoming, defeating, conquering
you think you cant
because you dont remember the times that you could and did.
you think you failed
because you don't remember the simple task you succeeded in.
You are always overcoming.
Breath.
When you feel like you cant,
look back a little.
Remember that
you can,
and
you did.

Yellow brick road
my little unknown redhead
you have traveled so far!
Are you not tired? Does your feet not ache?
But oh little redhead,
don't pause for anyone.
When your feet feel sore
when storms knock you down
you are
indeed
still
standing.

I suppose she saw her fading youth
Like steam from a shower on the mirror
Slowly-little by little
But all at once covering your image
Time hasn’t touched her skin yet
But she could feel it in her eyes
When she gazed upon a young set
She saw the little enthusiasm she somehow lost
Laying slumped on her bedroom floor
She couldn’t even find tears
Empty pupils, unable to find her image again.

Oh you’re beautiful
The way you tailor your love
fitting me like a glove
The way you pull up my sleeves
Expose my scars, and kissed them.
Brown eyes honey
Soothing a ever lasting storm.