She was an old barn cat, around the place for
a dozen years or more. Superb mouser and
yard hunter. Came from feral parents, aloof
by nature, and breeding, a little wild at heart
I suppose.  In time she developed some slight
affection for some of my family, me included,
eventually a regular welcomed visitor to my
porch, even crawling upon my lap for pat and
scratch under her chin but always declining to
be held by any human being.

She would come when I called her, running
full tilt and jumping fences, ignoring the food
just wanting companionship and attention.
Over the years she and I became good friends.
She came every day, morning and evening to say
hello and oh yes, get an offered meal. Rubbing
her sleek cat body on my feet and legs, offering
up her affection with an audible purring for
everyone to hear even from some distance.

Her age was starting to show, thinner, slower, she
was getting on just as I am, perhaps we both knew
it. Last night she came to the glass door and looked
so forlorn. Though cold outside I put on a coat and
brought her out some food, and I sat in my chair.

She sniffed the food with disinterest then came
over to flop upon my feet softly meowing, I could
feel her little purr motor vibrating on my shoes.
I reached down and gave her a tummy scratch,
she always loved that.

We resided like that for a while, her upon my feet,
me in my chair. Becoming too cold I started to rise
to go back inside, but she did not move, I reached
down and felt no purr vibration, she was unmoving
and silent. In that moment I knew that she had passed
from this earth. I picked up her now limp unresisting
body and placed her on my lap, my eyes teared knowing
that she was gone.

So sudden, one minute there and then just gone.
Not a bad way to go, rather than some long-drawn
-out affair, with doctors, useless operations, hospice
and lingering formidable pain. Just lay down and
go to sleep.

We should all be that lucky when our time comes.

my love, you are neither the morning
with her bright unwinding hills

or the night, with her nets of silver stars,
you are not the sea whispering.

you are hidden from the world, an alpine
rose that nobody sees.

you flower like the sky makes its way
out of the dark, her archipelagos  

thrown to the wind, there to discover
like a frost that whitens the earth and

leaves its footprints in the leaves.

you are neither the moon, my love,
that waits at your feet

nor the sun that burns like the
summer with her mute fire. you

are none of these things and yet all  
these things carry me to you,

like a drifting cloud longing
for the waters of the night.

there is nothing of you in this late hour,
i have no voice to wrap you in tenderness,
and i wait for your arrival like a starless sky,
empty of light, the ocean's forgetful voyage,
the sinking wave coaxed to grow out of the dark.
the trees are motionless, branches fall silent in the night,
like ghosts against the sky. i am empty of light,
drawn out of memories and blue air,
a crystal that breaks, bound to the wide earth
and the white dust of immeasurable hills. i think i am
still, small as a bird, and i know that i long for you,
that the hunger never leaves me for long, colouring
dry paper with the gleam of a harbour-like moon.

Bones asleep on ocean floors
tell a story like no other,
we are a natural machine,
a creature cursed.
To soil, earth, rock,
it's been no time at all.
To us it’s been an eternity.

I think humans each have a few fundamental flaws,
and that each one is its own personal tragedy.
I think one or two are someone else.
A natural result of hearts incompatible,
not everyone can love you back.

You are to devour me one day,
or perhaps I, you.
Currently we are blank slates,
beings so young,
beings so old.
We knew each other back then,
I can feel it.
Quarks coming together,
fossilised footprints whose paths intersect,
fish in a fishbowl,
rats in a cage.
But one day you are to devour me,
or perhaps I, you.
And we will be joined as we once were,
two people sharing a body,  
hearts beating together,
lungs expanding as one.

The word soulmate springs to mind,
the idea of my heart beating anywhere
but besides yours terrifies me.
It unsettles me,
makes me sick, absent.

And I’ve felt this absence for years,
it's starting to get to me,
weigh me down, a led balloon,
a ship in the storm,
pockets filled with rocks.
A part of me wants you to feel it too.
Another hopes you never know such a weight.

Sometimes I can’t stand it, alone in my chest,
I lay it out on the table,
watch it pulse and ooze, beat painfully,
beat alone,
and I dream of a time long ago,
an eternity away,
where you and I were there, combined,
with no before and with no after,
quarks coming together,
rats in a cage,
thoughts lying only with each other.

I dream of a future, much the same,
our hearts beating, our lungs breathing,
thoughts simultaneous,
laying side by side,
bones asleep on ocean floors.