theres a hum beneath my skin
a pressure in my arm
where pain once breathed
and healed like snow

i try to stay clean
to hold the ache without letting it spill
but sorrow gathers like a wave
and crashes in the pit of my heart

i miss the comfort
of instant release—
i just wish my favorite color
wasn’t a wound

reaping of pure white flesh.
innocent, ungrown.
lying through crooked teeth, grey hair.

bile rising.
utter disgust flowing through tense veins.
livid blood drips at a memory.

grief hums in my bones

folded under silent screams

pain stitched in my skin

i love you like a soft rainy day—
because you're here,
because you stay

i carry you like an old song,
i hum without meaning to—
not born of blood,
but stitched into me, just the same

i want you to be okay,
i want endless joyous memories—
i just want to laugh with you again
on some small, ordinary day

tongue tasting iron prayers.

maroon patches, like cowhide on cotton.

smearing grief, across closed lips.

a blue coal sky, littered with stars.

red blooming beneath skin.

like a childhood teddy, clutched too hard.

sweetness dripping from the chin.

in the end, im wailing in water.

i drink and feast on pretty things.

sun-kissed cheeks,
tangled wild hair,
pouncing, dashing
through tall, sticky grass

up rough, crumbling trees,
down ice-cold creeks,
ankles tickled by wriggling eels—
laughter loud, free, aimed at the sky

rolling down bumpy hills,
soft grass clinging to clothes,
a taste of wild fruit—
sweetness dripping from the chin

pure joy, carelessness,
freedom—
soul light as a breeze,
never a dull moment

i miss being a wild child

my old bandage
soft, frayed edges,
threadbare, worn thin
by restless hands, restless nights,

maroon patches
like cowhide on cotton,
each stain a quiet record
of battles no one saw

years of ache
woven into its threads,
dried blood stiff
like a childhood teddy
clutched too hard,

and still –
i rinse it gently,
silent and thinking,
afraid the water
will wash away
what held me together