the things i see are hideous and the things i feel are scared of the things i see.
i dont feel much but i feel that.
feeling lost but seeing three different directions is so frustrating.
tell me why i closed my eyes when things got rough.
pushed enough to shove and drown the dove
dont drown the dove just yet i said.
to feel prolonged suffering.
put me out of my misery.
i cant drown the dove on my own.
i need some help.

Growing, Feeling, Dreaming.
These are activities I used to do.
Growing up, Feeling emotions, Dreaming of the future.
Before I discovered I was gay.

My experience has growth, growing towards the sun,
Growing towards a box, that I could fit in.
Feeling feelings and shutting them away.
I can’t be gay.

I used to dream of great things,
Changing the world and helping people out,
But I am riddled with self-hatred,
And can’t escape, for I am a product of pressured hate.

I feel like a sunflower, Growing in the summer.
I am admired from up close but not given another look when moved on.
Sometimes I feel as though I have come to my fall,
To rid my seeds and go to sleep.

Withstand the pressure or crumble to a system,
A system of unvalued lives,
Open your eyes and see the truth,
Your gay friends are on the news.
Not as heroes or as villains but,
As stereotypes and hidden additions.

I don’t see myself, I do not see in third person,
I breathe and feel and exist as I am,
Not as a side character and not as an omission,
I am myself, and that is the mission.