I can't believe
The way I treated you.

You are calm
You are pure
You are sweet

I was vicious
I was rash
I was rude

How could anyone
Ever harm you
Yet here I am
Stabbing you in the back.

You are too soft
For what I did.

I failed.
I failed you.
And no words
Will take back
The ones I said.

I just want to apologize
And gather you up
And hold you close
And brush my fingers
Through your hair.

But I lost that privilege
When I acted a coward
And put all of my faults
On you.

Ever since
We started falling
I was never fair
To you.

And you loved me so purely
And you cared so deeply
And you did everything right
And good.

But I loved selfishly
And I didn't treat you
In the way you deserve.
I treated you in a way
That I was not proud of
That I am not proud of
I'm ashamed.

Then I poured all the fault on you.
I failed you.
I failed myself.
And I am no good for you.

You kissed
The palm
Of my hand

And you curled
My fingers shut
Over the place
Where your lips
Had just been.

"A kiss to carry
With you
Wherever,
Forever,
Together."

And I press
That hand
Up to my cheek
And use it to
Hold my mouth shut.

And you moved on
And you moved out
And you moved away.

But I'll always have
A glimpse
A bit
A handful
Of your affection.
Wherever.
Forever.
Together.
A kiss.

It's not the same
Anymore.

And at one time that was good
But now I'm not so sure.

I cry
Way more than necessary.

And I don't want you to think
That I'm crying to avoid
Confrontation
Or
Discipline
Or
Uncomfortable conversation.

I cry
Because I'm sensitive
And sad.
I'm a bit pathetic
But I'm entirely truthful
In the fact that
I would stop the tears
If I could.

But they just keep flowing out
When I get a little overwhelmed
Or your voice gets a little too loud
Or the days been a little too long.

I'm an ever flowing fountain of
Uncertainty and confusion
Amidst my tears and sniffles.

But please don't feel sorry for me
As my emotions pour down my face.
Don't feel guilty or uncomfortable or sad.

I'll be just fine.
I live with this.
I'll live through this.
I cry.

I miss you.

What we had
Was so simple
So sweet
So innocent
And insecure.

I miss you.

Every day
I think about you
Always.
You were
Forever more
Than just a friend.

I miss you.

How was it so easy with you?
Even now that you know
All my deepest darkest secrets
That I wanted to keep from your
Kind, pure heart.
You know.
You know me.
And it's still so
Simple.
Sweet.
Innocent.
And insecure.

If I could hold onto anything in this life
It would be to the end of each of your sentences
Or the corner of your smile
Those are the two things I never want to end