It's been a long time,
But once again,
I'm dopesick.

I imagine the suburban struggle
That my father works through every day
I know that his spirit is smothered now
By the falsehood of American dreams
Struggling to feed not just him but me
the suburban struggle is a real one
that plagues him whenever he rests his eyes
Those eyes that squint at overdue taxes
Those eyes that cast a blue desperate glare

He's always scowling at something
But mostly at himself
For feeling inadequate in times
Of the most desperate need
But I look to my father for morality
And peace of mind,
I just wish he'd rest a while

What can I do to make you love yourself again ? You literally make me the happiest person on earth. When I wake up you're the first thing in my mind and I dream about you when I sleep. My whole day is preoccupied with thoughts of you. When I think of beautiful sounds I think of your voice. When I think of beautiful sights I think of your smile. I wish I could do something to make you see this is all worth while. I want you to love you the way that I do. When you look in the mirror I want you to see a person that emanates light from all your pores and supernovas in your iris. You're all the good things I could never find in myself. My other half. But I've blinded you to these things through my own moronic action and ethical pitfalls. And for that, I'm truely sorry... I love you so much... Please don't leave me..

I'm falling away from peace,
Back into my self destruction
And honestly, part of me
Just wants to let it happen.

It's much easier to be a sinner than a saint.

Living life,
Kicking rocks
****** weather,
Wet socks

Lonely walks,
Dusk falls,
Wind blows,
Earths call.

I find company amidst the strange.
Solace in anything idiosyncratic.
Normalcy leads to boredom,
And a boring life leads to sooner death.

Overbearing sun,
Above the highest of clouds,
Illuminating

I want to write a poem,
But there's not much to write about
It's four in the morning,
My eyes droop heavily as I type,
I'm exhausted, and worn out
But that's on my own account,
stay up all night, sleep all day,
A teenagers sleep cycle,
I always fight to stay awake,
But it's a battle I rarely win

The wanderer has seen many things,
In his many years of travel,
Many songs, he likes to sing,
While he lets his thoughts unravel

One foot in front of the other,
He looks at the clouds he's under,
He stops, to look,
And sit and wonder
What's become of his father and his mother

Still, he travels on,
Searching for the rights to his wrongs
He grows ever fond
Of the mountains he passes,
That stretch so long

He is the wanderer,
He is the wonderer

Out of luck, and out of time
The wealthy shake me down,
though I've commited no crime
I won't let you push me around
I aint taking what's yours, I'm just asking for whats mine!

I used to think the rich were okay
Selling me lies from their masquerades
leaving young men stranded on foreign shores
It doesn't matter now,
That's not what I stand for anymore!

It's 3 pm, I was sleeping still
Wondering what the hell is inside of them sleepin pills
First things first, walk to my bar, grab a glass, and get it filled.
Whiskey is the juice of sensations,
I,
Sit cross legged during meditation
Contemplating the fate of a dying nation
In my basement, my body, the temple, distasteful
Falling apart like the homes of the Haitians.
I'm faded.
Trying to get straight answers from my family but they're all wasted
Drinking together us the culmination of our communication.
They say they wish I'd just ****** die.
Fine. I'd rather hear a crooked truth than a linear lie
**** em.

In the space between
The words we leave unsaid
I trace a thousand constellations
And the brightest stars
That line your pupil
Illuminate the darkness in my heart
And I focus on the gravity
That draws me closer to you
And the most beautiful part
Is I will gladly let myself
Fall into you

These days just slide in
And slide out
Like I'm watching the discovery channel
Showing a time lapse of 6 months
In six seconds
And while time moves forward
I'm still here
Stuck in the same old spot
In the same old rut
And I find myself asking
To the stars, if anything
"Where do I belong?"

Whenever I peer into the rising sun,
I am reminded why suicide isn't an option.
Whatever feeling that comes will surely flee
Like the tide from the breaking shore.
When the rain comes, I'd rather jump in puddles
than spring for shelter.
I guess it's all about your disposition.

Summer nights beckon to me
With memories so happy
And nights well spent together
Then till forever

I can't even write
Because my minds pre-occupied
Worrying about you
Your will to live
If the skin is split
Upon your wrist

when I wake, will you be there?
Or was the weight to much to bare?
You know I'd bare it all
For the beautiful girl who made me fall

So in love,
But I'm never enough,
To take that weight off your shoulder
You're going uphill carrying boulders
And I cant do anything but watch

With strained eyes,
As the love of my life
Is losing her mind
While I sit here and whine
Because I feel so ******* helpless

Why can't I save you?

Beautiful women come with beautiful sinnin,
Wrap our bodies up in the softest linen,
10 thousand thread count, way out
In the stars when we eat that lucy and space out.
Let the album play out,
running around in circles, a ring in a boxing bout,
Straight chillin.
Putting all my time and energy into hip hop composition,
I'll display my passions at a free show for general admission,
The acquisition of cognition comes and fades, like apparitions.
no repetition.
no intermission.
All verse, no hook, yeah, the chorus missin.
The words come, and then they go.
The impermanence of life is present in the flow.
A happy man with a split smile named Glasgow.
Bleeding passion.
all these rappers verses is haphazard.
But I'm just a *******
With his craft mastered, cutting lines on the dashboard
Until further notice.
I'll rise from the murky depths and bloom with the lotus.
You know this,
Uh.

To quote your favorite movie,
"Don't you forget about me.."

Introspection: noun, the examination and understanding of ones own mental and emotional processes.

This word has killed me for as long as I can remember.
Being an introvert I'm left with just myself and my thoughts
And, more often than not,
I hate myself for the sins that I've wrought
I'll never be good enough to satisfy myself,
Hell, I don't know if I'm good enough
For anybody else
And all these thoughts and these feelings that I've felt
Have me questioning the cards I was dealt,
And whether I should play at all
Whether I should just fall
Down into a hole and never come back up
Because the world would be better off without me

I really like the way your hair waves in crimson hues.
The way you hold your cigarettes is as light and airy as your voice.
Watching you sing your favorite songs, makes them my favorite too.
What am I gonna do, if I keep falling for you?
I've got a crush on you.

I'll simply say
That I'm not the same
Without you

I wish to write shakespearean sonnets
That will be remembered through the ages
I want to reach skyward and catch comets
My sons sons remeniscing through pages
And volumes that were thought to be long gone
Blowing the dust of and squinting at ink
Of crossed out verses and doodles I've drawn
I hope my poems make them stop and think
And ponder anything, and everything
Make them question all the authority
I hope they hear destiny beckoning
To prove wrong all the vast majority

I hope my sons sons will come and find this
I hope they will find this, and remenisce

The sun has shined today for the first time in weeks.
The bird song today doesn't seem to lull me to sleep.
The grass is starting to pucker it's lips
and the trees are stretching their limbs.
Flowers open to breathe fresh air,
The scent of spring is everywhere.
I feel renewed by this springtime hues,
Out with you, old wintertime blues.

I remember when we were young
And we had nowhere else To go
And I had no purpose but you
And your happiness

My reason to be
My reason to breathe
My reason to love,
Riding the wings of a white winged dove
Into a sunset of uncertainty and inspired youth

I'll hold you in a cold place
Bring laughter back to that face
And i stay up all night to pace when you're gone
Because you're all I ever think about baby
And no one could ever take your place

I felt alive, as I took my final breath
Don't you cry, I've found redemption in my death
Home isn't where your heart is,
Or where you hang your enemies head
but wherever the beautiful woman is,
that I woke up, laying next to, in bed

My headstone shouldn't be grieved upon
I am just a poet, a scholar, and a man
It's always darkest before the dawn,
And the dawn now comes, again

Muttering, stuttering,
Lost in thought,
Steps are stumbling,
All signs
Of a heart
That's fluttering
With love

He's got a gentle heart,
But he's a fighter
Lost in lyrical art,
His words  strike her
He wants to find love,
But he thinks he may never find her

He's a dreamer,

The water colored sunset paints my soul golden.
The clouds hanging like opalescent miracles.
The sun shining between them as Angels trumpets sound.
All the colors are stunning, vibrant, and new,
Yet when they're all mixed together,
They turn back to that gray blue
That I missed so much about your eyes.

Why don't you adorn
Your crown of precious metals
With all of your lies?

I dream in black and grey drawings.
Like a flip book of subliminal messages.
Every mark a memory
Underneath eraser stains
Your outline is still visible
I've only got one canvas
So I'll have to make beautiful things
Around your shadow
Like I'd never made you into art at all

It's just after midnight,
The bell has sung it's song
Gotta get to feeling right,
After so many days of trial

Let loose,
Let the alcohol take over,
Come through,
I need to cure this case of sober

It's a party, it's a party,
everybody's turning up,
Though it's just getting started,
I wonder if it'll be enough,
To take you away,
To take away the memories of my brightest days,
With you,
Intoxicate me...

The callouses are rough
On the feet of
The Pilgrim
His every breath filled with purpose
His calling something higher than himself
He trudges on
Over lush forest and craggy heights
sun-warmed sand and swampy pools
He can't stop
Until he finds his peace

I'm angry
No, I'm ******* *******
I don't even know what I'm mad about
But I am
And I'm going to snap
On the next person
That opens their ******* mouth.

I need a loud blunt.
I need a Xanax bar.
I need something to help me cope
Before I take a rope
And surely choke
Myself to death

I'm seething
Barely breathing
I could cry like an infant teething
I am a vengeful god,
Sentient being
All of my subjects
Deserve ruthless beatings

Rain, rain,
go away
Come again another day
I want to go out and play
But inside I guess I'll stay

Rain, rain,
pour down on me,
Wash away my sins, relieved
restore the faith in my beliefs
Now alive, once deceased

Rain, Rain,
Keep falling down
It's been a while
Since you've been around
Won't you please soak the ground
Of this dry and boring town

Rain, Rain,
fill me up,
Satisfy my feeling of "Not enough"
Make soft the callouses
On these hands that felt so rough

Rain, Rain,
Won't you come more often
Make my heart soften
Along with the Earth
Thats been trodden

Rain, Rain,
won't you come more often...

I'm standing in the ashes,
Of the bridges in between us

Tonight every cricket chirps,
His soft little sounds booming in my ears,
Along with the sizzle of a midnight Marlboro
It is here and now I feel fully alive

Nothing but myself and my thoughts
Running through my head, of love, of loss,
Laying in my bed, thinking of the cost,
Of life, and happiness

Sunlight beams between the leaves,
Their colors are changing,
As I walk beneath the shade of Ohio oaks
Burning the finest sativa, slightly ******
Enjoying natures period of change

Autumn speaks to me, in a way
Leaves falling, dying, then being born anew
As the years end draws near, I wonder
If I should begin anew as well

I've never felt so out of place
Didn't think I'd only be another face
To be placed under societys mandate
Of what perfection is supposed to be
To be, to be how your supposed to be seen
As being perfect an benevolent
Place the emphasis on eloquence
But the evidence goes forth to suggest
That we're supposed to be invincible,
Like bullet proof vests
But even those vests tire of bowing to the standard
Of Americas "best"
But being the best is irrelevant
Forget what society says and follow your dreams
I know that your bursting at the seams
With dreams of movie stars and shining seas
And all of that could be yours if you try
If you muscle through the wear, tear, and salty eyes
And standing there with arms open wide
To welcome you, though they're not supposed to
These were the ones who made their own path
And forged their own destiny
so before you give up, give it another try
Before you say,
"The world has got the best of me"

You greet me with open arms day and night.
You look down upon me tenderly while I whisper you my secrets.
You never seem to mind the smoke from my cigarettes
and listen intently while I sing to no one.
I know we never speak directly,
But I just want you to know that I am full of thanks.

I'm about to have a panic attack
These four walls growing closer
I feel like I just woke up inside a casket
With the dirt being thrown on top
And I can't even scream

I can't breathe,
I can't ******* breathe!
Get me out of here!
I can't be here anymore!

I can't cough because my throat is clutching
I'm drowning on snot and tears
I can't push this away
I have no choice
But to suffer
Through this

I'll always remember
Fifth period, Junior year
Walking in to class on a bad day
To be met with a warm smile
And a first bump from
Mr. Carter.

When I first met you, Mr. Carter
I thought you were a strange bird
You said things that were so absurd
I'm surprised you keep your job

Yet, You always had a way of making me see things
From another perspective
Besides my own
And I would like to thank you for that
Because it takes a lot to sway my opinion.

I remember when Jacob was sleeping
And you broke out the fishing pole,
Stealthily lifted his hat,
And stuffed it under in the light
Yeah, I'll always remember that.

I've never had a teacher that cared so much
That would stick his neck out for students, like you
Always concerned, asking how we were,
Make us smile when we're blue

I would always sit and write,
Instead of doing my work
And you always pushed me back on track,
Yet I don't think you've laid eyes on a verse

So since the end is drawing soon,
And the calender has been marked June
I decided I'd write a poem to my favorite teacher,
A verse from me to you

She beckons,
Calling me over with a voice so sweet
I reckon,
If she keeps on, she'll have me on my knees
She'll have me begging her,
Please,
Give me a chance to fulfill all your needs
She brushed me aside,
No blink of an eye,
Punish me for the tears I'd made her cry,
My heart falls to the ground,
It bleeds...

I'm just really sad right now. I feel so worthless and unappreciated. I'm an optimist and I try and look on the bright side but the world just makes it so hard. It's hard to keep being compassionate and mindful in a world that's so ugly and greedy and ambitious with people who would sell their mothers skin for personal gain. The love of my life left me for the dude she cheated on me with and I can't stop thinking about it. Him holding her. Kissing her. Making love to her the way I did and it makes me want to **** myself. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I need to end my attachments to others and learn to be happy on my own. I know all happiness comes from within, and the Dharma is my guide. I just need to pull myself out of this rut. Get my **** together, keep working at my job and finally graduate. I just feel like I have a thousand pounds of weight on my shoulders like a bar bell I can't toss off. My anxiety makes my stomach hurt all the time. I'm so different from everyone else. No one really "gets" me like that. Everyone else is so material, bland, and blind to the truth. They all just look at my like I'm crazy. Like I'm gonna douse myself in gas and light myself on fire in protest of their sins. I', just in a terrible spot in my life and this is the one place that I feel like I can be honest. I'm sorry to bother you all... goodbye

I have become strong,
Because I got tired of feeling weak.

It's all up to you.
You just kinda have to... decide.

Decide that you're not a victim.
To get off your *** and do something about it.
Instead of moping, and feeling sorry for yourself,
You can make the change.

You can do this.
I believe in you.

It seems that the sun,
Is setting upon the optimist

Have you ever loved someone so very deeply,
And knew they were the completely wrong person?
You knew they were going to shatter your heart eventually
But you just didn't care.

You embraced everything about them.
How high they made you feel,
How low they drug you down
How they could be a complete disaster
And you'd still be around
worshiping them,
Putting them on a pedestal,
and bowing before it
Knowing full well their throne
Is built on a lie.

The worst part is when
You start to see right through them
When you've committed yourself
But you're too far along to quit
So you stay in the game
Asking yourself every day
"why'd you have to come my way,
With that deadly, ambiguous gaze.
I'm running through your maze,
Delirious, deranged
all the while expecting you to change."

You'll think that they're different,
That they're not the same,
You'll buy into the  illusions
That haunt photo frames
And you know that they'll  say
"I'm doing my best!"
But you can feel all their baggage
Weighing down on your chest,
And it becomes hard to breathe

Funny now, how the nausea replaces the butterflies

Poetry is
The Soul
Escaping its
Fleshy human
Prison cell

I want to feel an open breeze
Blow through my shirt
And taste salt in the air
And squint towards the sun
Looking at the come-what-may
And greeting danger with a smile