Drunk on nostalgia,
and longing for the past,
looking at who is still my friend,
and the ones gone too fast,
I miss them all,
but I dont want any of them here,
but then again my courage out weighs my fear,
and I see it all so beautifully clear,
what I would do to hear that smile,
or see that laugh,
feel that giggle,
and dance during math,
to have stories of yet to comes,
and what dreams we have with the future suns,
friends of guys and girls,
sending my world into swirls,
and dancing with the flame,
the band maybe different, but the music is still the same,
we all just have a new name,
that is a representation of the yesterdays,
and I miss the the future and past figuring's of today's faze,
nostalgia is weighing the other half of my couch down,
as it is my friend, my smile and my frown,
I'd push them all away,
if I didnt know they were here to stay,
so I might as well enjoy the ride,
because life is just a rock skipping on a pond,
thrown by a bad hand,
I'll keep saying it along with you,
the next skip is new,
but its the skip behind that I'll think aboot in the next few

Fear and panic sweep over me.
I need to move
but I'm paralyzed by my need for normalcy.
One pop of a pill and it will drift away,
and I will sleep.

But sleep is for the weak,
or is sleep for the week?
That's what my body
bounces back and forth between.
There is no middle.
No start.
Eventually an End.

The inner meaning of desire
bounces from my heart to my head,
as if it is the ball in a pin ball machine.
I try to fight off this anxious feeling,
though it is a chemical imbalance in my brain.
Why do I fight with the chemicals in my body?

I fight to feel normal.
I fight to not rely on a simple pop of a pill that my doctor gives me.
She tells me to take it when I need it, she trusts me.
Sometimes I feel that trust is too much.
Because this anxiety is a metaphor for life,
and I know that problems cannot be solved, by one simple solution.
I fight to be strong.

dizzy, dizzy
walked in the cold and now
so dizzy, dizzy
what's it like to walk and sway
on your way to the shell in
the night and maybe trip a little but
not have to
worry, so dizzy

pleasant chatter at the locked up
door, **** two nice old guys
whats it like not to have to
doubt, keep two paces back
spilling words, smiling, sharing
doubting what's it like not to
feel so dizzy

voodoo child, diet coke stomach
wind bit cheeks and a pack of
**** I don't need just for a
breathe of air in the night to not feel
so jealous and hopeless
and instead there's cold
and cold
and fear
and judgement
and cold
and dizzy

they took it all
they took it away from me
i can have anything
nothing to mend
nothing to numb
nothing to heal
i have dissolved into nothing
nothing but quakes and vibrations
these throbbing hands aren't mine
last shreds of seeing have been blind
growing cold
i am concealed
in this hell that seems surreal

get out of my head
and into my bed
who even cares
about the regrets?
just for one night
just for one day
I wanna make it right
I wanna make this okay

I wanna say sorry
just please
******* hold me

I'm such a loser
my heart is burning
beyond compare
I let you down
I drown in shame
I drown in disgust
at my stupid self
you deserve the best
and I could never be that

so good luck in life
you'll be a beautiful bride
to the one you love
when that day comes

you'll be a success
in whatever you do
just because
you're amazing you
you'll never believe me
but I swear, it's ******* true

I love you
and,
I'm sorry.

My most powerful emotions,
locked away in a room that no one can enter
but me. Privacy.
I threw away the key.
I tried
pouring them into the lake one evening,
one, by one. But they continued to follow me
like my shadow that appears on every single wall
that I see. I tried to
bury them along with the seeds I planted in the garden.
They continued to follow me.
Every time I looked in the mirror,
I tried to
copy and paste the facade I let the world see.
I wanted to make it permanent,
but that was impossible. So I
locked them away in a room that no one can enter
but me.
I threw away the key.
I needed privacy.
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