I sit and swallow
Shards of panic
Follow follow
Lines of manic

Count to ten
Count to two
Flash of happy
Think of you
My ribs collapse
Soul relapse

The exhale's sharp
Jabs my heart
But I take a swig
And push the start

So I sit through life
Here I stay
Knowing everything I've had
I've thrown away.

For as long as I can remember
I’ve wanted to be older
Older than I was
Old, like my friends’ parents
I couldn’t stand being reduced to kids menus
Cold grilled cheeses and apple juice
I wanted to drink wine like a 29 year old that had two jobs,
But not for the money - just to keep herself busy
I wanted to be old enough to be mad at someone and have it matter
Old enough to never have a tantrum again
Or to drive a car with all the windows down on the highway.
To live alone and only be a little scared
“Talk like a kid, eat at the kids table, you can’t give adults money in birthday cards, you’re too young to know”
So many rules from a group of people who didn’t have any
And so I did grow up.
Worked too many hours and stayed up late on the weekdays
Skipped some 8am classes and tattooed a dead bird on my upper thigh and still I’m so young
So much younger than when I was 9 and sure about every fact I made up
More naive than a child that saved all her money and counted it on the living room carpet
Less knowing than someone who would have a bedtime and ****** strawberry daiquiris. Saw her friends often and didn’t relay all my mistakes to anyone I met just to make sure
I’m still good
When I’m too old to be so wise for my age,
or an old soul,
I hope that means I will finally be myself
That me and time will meet in the middle of a familiar place
And continue our conversation like two old friends
And walk without looking behind us.

The doubt is encircling
The negativity nauseates
My inner soul
I can't control what you think
Of me
The one you claim to love,
To want,
To need,
To treat better.

I guess a mistake is better left unspoken
But then where's the truth?
In the corner,
Broken?

For the amount you claim
To put out
I get out nothing,
But this heartbroken drought
And you ******* believe,
That I live for these doubts?
And what's perfect,
Is you're something I can't live without

I can't take all this hurt
Steal a glance, walk away
Can't breathe deep
And rewind
So it all goes away
No no no
Your blows are something that won't start to stray
They will stay
And will stay
And will stay and watch me
All
Day

It may sound cliche
But it always rings true:
I can never escape
When my heart lies with you.

As a sea wishes it could see
A bee longs for more to be.
And I wish to meet the eye
Of every passing passerby

A waist that wants to waste away
The monster that prays for every prey
The one that wishes it could have won
A nose that knows,
A toe that tows
The burden of an ode I've always owed.

Lover
Float to me unraveled
Wrap me in your arms of travel
Let your fingers prattle on

Your shirt, my skirt
I feel unearthed
Tell falling fractions of my climb

A line
Strewn from frown to frown
And as one flies up,
The other floats down
Lips are not full with atoms but with laughter

Stardust is ******
The clippings of a song
The dresses hem
A lemon rind
A dog who bit too many times

A stitch in the side
Don't play with your food,
Can't you tell when I'm in a good mood?
We're firing on cylinders
And prisms, cubes and cones
I feel liquid limelight in my eyes
I can taste it in my bones

Digging back from China
We're channels in the ground
But we can make a life well spent
The second time around.

We are so young yet
Feel so done
Each milestone wraps a bow
Around an old run finalized
Let's take the new one for a spin
A journey untouched is just one to begin

We've waded in the waters of everyday
So boring, so gray
We want alochol!
The ferment of life,
Let me lull in it all
Let me dive in and feel
The bubbles in my nose
The fizzing of my mind
The growing of my carelessness
The numbing of my toes

Sip it, hold the fruit of life
It's heavy and dense but easy to slice
The skin is a facade, a
Surface just longing
To be punctured
Be prodded
Peel away all its wronged

So strange
How the flesh of our lives is repitition unearthed
But from my deirvation,
A new life,
I give birth.

Presents don't mean what they used to
And I understand why you never
Used my mugs and platters
That I constructed myself
With my little hands
And my heart of unaware

They have holes
These lopsided bowls
Or pots
Whatever you prefer
They've been on display and only now
I understand

They are non-intrinsic treasures
Holds no monetary promise
But you hold it in your heart
Such as every smashed dandelion
Or mishapen clay creature I've ever conjured
Yet I know you love them, uninferred.

Tree, why do you shake?
Because it is cold.

Why do you slump?
It's because I am old.

Are you leaving, with the leaves?
Yes, I go when they do.

Alright, I'll see you next year.
**And I'll be seeing you, too.

Sing me a song of
This romance gone wrong
It sounds so intriguing, I can
Barely contain myself

I'm sorry, do I come off brash?
I feel distracted
Can I bite your skin?
Find the troubled,
Insecure soul deep within?

Why are you so tense?
Your skin's like an apple's
You both taste like rain
Strange...
Don't feel like playing games?

Sorry, this is coming off as nasty
Don't worry, I'm done
Just pass me by
There's a shard in your eye
As big as the touch that used to make me cry

Could I still be a stranger,
Though you know every turn?
Could confidently travel
Every bump, every curve
You love this land
Try to pick out parts that enthrall you the most
But by now,
You've said they're all your favorites
And I like that

If I'm an animal then you are my instinct
My predetermined pawprints and my next neck to breathe down
The limbs that help me prowl around
The air that dances with my tail,
Applying force where I cut the air

Forgive me I'm not good at this
Do I flaunt my step or **** my hip?
Fake being ansy or bite my lip?
Or we ***** this odd rhythm and skip right to the drop
I don't know what you're doing but I won't tell you to stop.

Can a silver cord bring you back?
To your hair, your luminescent messy headed shards of gold.
It moves in a coil
Like a snake, or a Slinky.
Quakes like your curls.

The beads are perched, one next to the other.
Perfect and sagging in a bend like a timeless smile
Like yours
Each bead a tooth, each
makes me smile back at you.

And the colors
The colors, the colors.
They are your moods, your rounded flaws.
So great and right.
If I could wear you every day, If I could wear you every day.

When brunettes see me stop and stare
I wonder what hides beneath their glare
Under by and by smiles
I'm pathetic,
And watch
Walk through each like an aisle

Beauty, hair,
It's everywhere!
Long, long summer length
Bold of shine and full of strength
It's been so long, I've watched mine grow
But it still won't reach down to my toes
Hair, Hair, Hair


Blonde here, red there
Straight impossible thick or fair

I like men,
Not the latter
But that doesn't matter
Because the locks of men cannot compare
To a brunette that makes me stop and stare.

Can't write a poem
Though a poem is my home
It's the place where I roam

If I can make things rhyme
In time in time in time
Too many syllables ****
****.
Can't think of much to rhyme with **** so
Lamb Lamb Lamb

Or I could be romantic
A rose knows how to tie bows
So it curls its toes and wrinkles its nose
Prose Prose Prose

Unfortunately, I am just me
An incomplete, awkward poem-to-be
But I persist and jot my lines
To a world where I am **undefined.

Knuckles knee-deep in bright orange dust
Her words half-crunched
In a hurricane of hurried lunch
I mix in wit to her serious plot
Her mouth flies open, filled with half-chewed corn starch
And she still looks like a matriarch

We turned the radio on
But was gradually turned down
The ridged **** twisted all the way around
So she'd mention a song and I'd ask her
"How's that goes again?"
To hear her voice slip in and out
When really I knew it all by heart

Even when there was no reason to,
We smiled
Giggled off each other's cues
She looked from me once
Her eyes widening like a telescope
Mouth gaping, absent of laughter, as she braced a hand against my chest
The liquid-like sucker punch
Of the metal colliding quick
Like jelly under a rolling pin, I stuck
Grasping onto prayers with my fingers loose as God
She didn't scream, just held my shirt
As my tumbleweed Taurus vaulted yet another foot
Into the same solid ground, the same stars of shards
Mingled with bright orange dust sifting through the air.

My hair is feeling good today
Moves about my fingers with a sound like rain
Soft like a sigh, they let me breathe
The strands hold no effort, only shine
I bow my head and it slinks to the table
Laughs with a swoosh
And slides on the slab
Quivers with itself

They are arms, extensions
Of my mind
I turn my head and they ready themselves
Pirouetting, gracefully prepared
It falls and hushes across my shoulders
Reptillious and curious, self-entertained

Each movemnt is an earthquake
An electric shock that pulses and jumps
Coiled up length that frames me so
Sit in a new way that I don't know.

Sweet white meat between
My teeth

And between my teeth I let it run
Down my throat and over my tongue

Taste so rich
And smooth
And firm

My summer fruit
Just make me warm

Tonight I watch us bloom,
With you
Stuck in the rhyme of time
We gather, and we sit,
Sublime
Not every moment tastes so still
No essence of tension, so we
Wait for the new battle to instill
But while we wait? Let's
Celebrate in quiet
And study the color
The texture in each others' eyes like we're
Soulmates, dizzy and tired.

The fire doesn't hide inside us
It's about the air, it's
Everywhere
Devotion combs its fingers through our hair
Lust curls up,
And falls asleep
In our laps and at our feet
And we sit, our bodies absorbant
******* in warmth for the next time it's
Cold
These times here with you never last forever
But if they did
Wouldn't they get old?

Yesterday I saw you fly
It was a bird but so am I
We flew so high I couldn't see
But who cares?
I'm as much a bird as bird could be.

I feel as though I have found peace, as the pieces have found me
Stuck to my skin, want to push within
But for now I let them be.
I'll drink with you tonight my friends, let laughter build me so elate
But at home my mind waits
Thoughts are clawing through gates
It purrs as it asks, "Why so late?"
I sink to the abyss, bobbing my head
Trying so hard to tread in these doubts and these bouts
As soon as something's clarified it finds a hole and flourishes
And the fears I've repressed, it nourishes
The animal inside that coerces me to abide
And let it have my courage.

"Let yourself feel what you feel,"
It's not hard to argue that the feeling is real
It's primal, this feeling
But still keeps me reeling every time you've upset to a point where I'm lost.
And even in these times of tough navigation
I find brutal elation in the fact that you want me
So stay, disappoint me, corrode while I watch thee
A same mistake twice is just one time to little
Because I know you take pleasure in the way you belittle.

That soft, sensitive side turns so raw, becomes blind
My words hit like seashells on diamond, and slide
The hopelessness curls in my stomach and sighs
Just a night gone awry, just a night gone awry.

The dream I had about you
Was meaningless and weird
It wasn't odd and it rang true
It wasn't what I feared

The dream I had about you
Is fuzzy
Is unclear
I don't know what was happening
All I know is you were here

Yes, I had a dream about you
And from it
There isn't much to say
But I woke up and I cried because
I miss you anyway.

The pretty people do the drugs
The criminals will do the time
The homely people do the work
Inside,
They don't like what they find
They don't have you
The way I do
Your t-shirt's large but belongs right here

You think I'm hot in yesterday's get-up
You prefer me when I'm fresh from a morning
When we both have a twang of slight halitosis
You're gross
But you loved the smell of my hair

I know that it's wrong
To think of you and grin
To recall the definition of your chin
The freckles on your chest
You hated them, wanted them removed
And I'd shake my head
And press my nose against your neck

Remember when we used to dance?
Front and center, your locks of gold would gather
Corkscrew
And condensate
Salty, sweet times
I'll find them once again.

Today is a day for wishful thinking
Or day long television marathons
A day of binging until your soul wears thin

Today is a day for bleaching
Licking envelopes so they will
Rip when pried
Just to hide what they hold

Today is a day for sacrifice
To sacrifice depriving yourself
Don't be so greedy about the amount you ignore

Today is a day to sit and cry
Even though you don't know why

Today is one of the days you can let yourself lull in the
Hangover of love
To feel the buzz of everyone else's call
But want no one else at all
This, is the day to waste away

Maybe yesterday was forbading
And tomorrow may be delayed
But I've put my foot down
I'm not ******* around
Because today?
Is a happy day.

Just act aloof and overhead
Like a plane less inclined
for its needs at the ground
Take a drag of what's in your hand,
Let time run as fast as sand
This life is unattached as your intentions are complete

It's looking out over a choppy sea
Where everyone's riding it fine but me
They don't care if they drown,
That's how they maintain
Easier than a relationship
to sustain

I'm angry
I am angry and ill
Ill with my allies weak sense of will
I believe in energy, the transfer of waves
I believe what you give is what is returned
And also I know that people don't learn.

It's the circle of all, taken down by the larger
Wouldn't want my dependents to starve
They tear and they take
My words healing their hurt
Once they've pawed through the bones,
I return to the dirt.
Once again,
With the earth.
Me and Her.

And if I decompose then
I will wait below,
Just more ground you can tread on
Just more plants that won't grow.

Everybody knows who they are until they lose.
But if I scrape together my earnings I have enough to show for at least a little time where things were probably true, and ok
It wasn’t the proudest I’ve been. Probably not even the second.
But my score is woven so deeply into the fabric of how people consume me that I shudder when they put the fork down before
they’re done.
I’m done too.
Too well for anyone’s taste and especially not my own. No one’s famished anymore they all ate what was up first.
Mediocrity spills out of me like a fountain rotting from the underneath. Nothing can be contained forever, least of all shame.
I can plug it up with all the sacred earth and dead flowers that I want. It’s still a broken vessel. It will still be an obnoxious mess that begs for demolition.
No one will care enough to even destroy it.

It will feel the seasons and cry the graffiti off of its sides while the moss grows over. No longer serving its purpose, it begs to be gazed at. Lounged on. Wondered about how beautiful and useful it was before time tore it down.

Always gonna want your name
Sharpied
At the front of my shirt
Always gonna scream from the stands the way I did for you
And just fake the way I do, my lungs stay true

Never gonna
Stop missing the way your mouth wanted air
But when it had my lips?
For air, it no longer cared
Though my lips may be shared with the cold until they're blue
I'll just fake the way I do, my lips stay true

Always hated it
When you ran your fingers through my one curl
I worked so hard!
But you never ceased
And you loved it up
Tucked up in a bun and you melted over me like butter
Wish I could recreate the lines on my skin you drew
Still fakin' the way I do, my hair and skin? Are true

Forever I'm going to sit
Unprepared
Move my mind in stills to touch your translucency
Never seen eyes so fixed, they stuck to me
Baby you know me, I look everywhere
But only have eyes for you
So I'll fake the way I do, my eyes stay true

And the way my heart used to twirl
Like a heart-wrought lover with a head of curls
My life was a movie

When the feature ended you were an actor
Captured by the role of raptures
Tired of faking what was always there
Problems nesting themselves in my hair to my brain
To my eyes
My lungs
They all tell me I have no room, to be with you
But they can all just fake it, 'cause my heart stays true.

Destroy me
You phantom of a frostbit branch
The window thin as ice but
Thick enough to shut you out, I'd say
To throw a cold shoulder
But you hold the thermostat in your palm
To bade our blades much colder

It falls so softly, induces
Coughing, ravaged throats
Coated in mucus and eucalyptus
And dry as toast
Your accumulation stings.
Builds around my every-thing
Traps me, while you sag on limbs
Sapping at the sight of heat, you
Squelch beneath studded rubber
Soles, and unsuspecting stockings

We react to you in opposites
Sway a daydream tropical
In stiff and childish ways of yours, you drop your toys
Ground to numbing dust
So it falls among the rest of us just waiting
For your twin's return

It's not your choice, to have remains
That soak the grains of greater plains
That lavish in the wreck of your rule.
But to keep the warmth, from coming on
Long after silver bells are gone
Are cold and jealous actions of a fool.

Your semester's over
And you'll be back
And everyone will be seeing you
But me

But what else is new?
My life without you.

Treat the lemon
Like it's rain
Find the rind's weak side and cringe
Blowing softly at the fringe it delights the mind for one,
Whole night

You smile in rows
In columns and dots
They line me up and slather me with offense
Knock one down and forget the rest

Look at me for two whole seconds
Just enough time to make me start
The hungry thunder of my heart
The warmth spreads like a second skin
And a nasty laughter folds within
How've I been, how've you been?

Knead the dough until it's dry
Knead until your knuckles crack
Fold over but it never shrinks
Just enough to make you think
Keep running 'til I die.

I can't explain who
I can't explain why
I can't even explain what, but
I'll just have to try
Because friends, they're the glue that assembles my mind
They're the day's daily tread
They are the thread of my life

But, I would stand my ground for each one of you
Cradle your head as you cried, told you things that aren't true
So wait,
Are you a friend of the memorable kind?
Am I the seed of this plant
Or the unspoken rind?
I define this, but crumple it and toss it away
Do I define those who go, or judge when they stay?

So call me in distress, when your friends have parted ways
Trade with me the garments that we'll wear every other day
Share with me the word that we've defined all on our own
And let me give you reason to live
When all your others are on loan

It's somewhat of a hobby, a pastime I can grasp
Let's clear away your awful thoughts, or feed them as they pass
Whatever makes you safer, or feel just less alone
I'll hold your hair back
Hold your hand
Or let you use my phone

They say, there's a reciprocal
A counterpart to all
A indebted soul is restless
And it needs somewhere to fall

But I can't take anything from you
Even when you've asked of me
But it circles around, feels so nice to be found
A friend, is what I'd like to be.

I can't explain who
I can't explain why
I can't even explain what, but
I'll just have to try
Because friends, they're the glue that assembles my mind
They're the day's daily tread
They are the thread of my life

But, I would stand my ground for each one of you
Cradle your head as you cried, told you things that aren't true
So wait,
Are you a friend of the memorable kind?
Am I the seed of this plant
Or the unspoken rind?
I define this, but crumple and toss it away
Do I define those who go, or judge when they stay?

So call me in distress, when your friends have parted ways
Trade with me the garments that we'll wear every other day
Share with me the word that we've defined all on our own
And let me give you reason to live
When all your others are on loan

It's somewhat of a hobby, a pastime I can grasp
Let's clear away your awful thoughts, or feed them as they pass
Whatever makes you safer, or feel just less alone
I'll hold your hair back
Hold your hand
Or let you use my phone

They say, there's a reciprocal
A counterpart to all
An indebted soul is restless
And it needs somewhere to fall

But I can't take anything from you
Even when you've asked of me
But it circles around, feels so nice to be found
A friend, is what I'd like to be.

Run two over 10 minute miles.
Feel sick on the treadmill.
Buy $15 worth of Whole Foods hot bar.
Go to work.
Drive slow, it’s snowing.
Drink some good wine to learn
Drink some **** wine to unlearn
Be seen, feel wanted
Don’t get forgotten
Leave while you’re still memorable
Run another 10 minute mile
Stop
Work when the sun comes up come home when it’s down
Base your entire self worth on one thing
Stop
Consider dyeing your hair back to brown
Change your mind. You won’t get noticed
Crack some wise *** joke about how you were ugly in middle school so now you have a real personality
Drink a bottle of wine
Make someone laugh
Cook a soft boiled egg just right
Make someone cry
Hate yourself but only an amount you can come back from
Don’t be perceived but definitely get looked at
Order a shot and a beer
Go to the bathroom and watch the door stickers spin
Go to the beach and find meaning
Water the plant that keeps trying to die in your perfectly ******* lit living room
Wake up and watch your partner
In stillness except for breathing
Leave your bed before the sun is up
Be the first thing the world sees

I love the crystals in my mane
Drenched in sunlight, glowing bone deep
Everything is smooth as butter
Rolled and tumbled from the blue

The sugar on my eyes and mouth
Interlaced in arm hairs
Filling my brown bag
Taste the savory on my fingers
It reaches deeper every time

Strolling foam, fantastic vastness
Fills my mind with emptiness
Hated breezes
Find the towel
Sink til you're beneath it

Lumps of plant life
Look like mountains
I shove my chin into the grit
Level off my point of view
Thousands of years of sediment

Locks as parched as hay
Skin as crisp as chips
I taste you, summer, in my blood
And I know you by your lips.

I'm not saying that I'd
Pick up smoking, kick my grade point
Out the door
I'm not saying that I'm too great
For a university's education
Won't be showing up late
For Spanish 4

Doors won't slam with the gust
Of rebellious teenage luster
My fights will be well-picked
Won't apply my eyeliner too thick
I'm not saying
These paths won't match my
Spirituality

I'm not saying that I wouldn't miss
My friends
I won't pretend my home is not of the peaceful,
Higher end
I won't say I've reached clairvoyance beyond your ration

I'm not saying that I'm above this
That this world revolves to slow
I'm just saying if you asked me to run away
I've a feeling I wouldn't say no.

I don't know why I did what I did
The words spilled and shattered as they collided with my
Unidivided
Attention

Happiness creeps in, is hungry
Starving
Has to sneak for food
But is chased away
By an endless mood

It scoops out my heart
Leaves a gap for storage
Of all the items I have nowhere to place

My chair feels uncomfortable
As do my clothes
My skin
My teeth
My nose
My organs are closed

My body knows what it needs
But does not know the chore
It will punch holes in me and ask what
I'm waiting for.

It's so hard not to feel insane
When I love the creation that is your brain
Your skin smells damp of earth and
Rain

Coils winding through my hands
Soft and fair
Golden hair

Your cheeks, they plummet sharp
Creates a sculpture
Melts my heart

You think I look but it's so much more
Every kiss is a strain,
A chore,
A kiss that burns me to my core.

I wish you loads of fortune
Cashews
And grains of salt from foreign grounds

I wish you mobility
Through a sky not travelled by
I wish for you to dream and fly

Enjoy the fair food
Like it's wine
I wish for you to pass the time
With humble thoughts you won't admit
Abandon the life to which I couldn't commit
To which I fix that, bit by bit

And last of all
I wish you immaturity
The ability to love and lose, to lick you lips
To close your eyes
And choose

And I wish there was a better way
If common sense can't mend the break
Love like this is far too light
So I'll sit knee deep and drunk in history
Stroke blonde hair, and curse all night.

A sight to you is a sight to me
But is it a sight if we both can't see
It's ability to be and only be?

A fallen tree is a sound to be
As it is found by a deer
A fox
A bee.
But what about you,
And what about me?

We can and will be
As a sound, or a tree
As something that will never see
Existence.

There is jail
There is Hell
There is space where you roam
In between places nowhere
And the place you call home

They can tell you you're nothing
That you can't be free
But what is free
Is always
Your right to be.

You can find me on the water slide
Picking daisies apart and whispering your name
Backwards
Forwards
And still it sounds the same

You will find me glancing through time and
Turning pages fast when I see
The ugly photographs
Of me

You will find me buried in the sand
The beads are salty
They are dry
And the nostalgic sound of crashing water makes me
Want to cry

The sand grows warm and I drift to sleep
And I dream of a shore
Where we are washed up
Hand in hand
Core to core

Sublime
On time
But never late.
It hovers, waits
It relocates
It destroys the butterflies it creates.
Time will tell
What stays the same
But love's outcomes
Are never sane.

I’m a soft moan in the mewing darkness
Our skin is see-through just around the edges
Paler than we might remember
Softer. Always softer in a way not weaker
I follow my own line of symmetry
All the way up my body and out of Breath
Beneath the sea there’s more earth but never more than there are stars. Above you
There’s no other. Above you
There never was.

I mention all the negatives
When you're really quite the comedian
I cry from laughter all the time

And have I mentioned you're beautiful?
Because you're walking awe
You body inspires me all the time

And did I mention that sometimes
I sit alone and cry because I picture
Being without you, all the time.

Love isn't all it's cracked up to be
There are fights, and doubt
And times when you fear what the future is keeping
To itself
It is cold and alone
Your house isn't home

Each friend is a pastime
But each love is a job
A hobby
A passion
A gut-wrenching hug after the day's been too long
It is a tool
A fixture
An element, and a mixture
A blessing and a verse
Your life turns into fast forwards
Pause

Then reverse

But this loss,
It isn't all it's cracked up to be
It isn't like you and me
Because we loved each other
Didn't we?

Wasn't I wanted
When I was there?
Your four sides to these long rides
of your square?

So say it, I don't want your copy and paste
I want your old broken self
Filled with liquor, and haste

The way shelves of fine China used to crash down
Inside of your chest when no one was around
You would grapple and shake, you would fall to the ground
And you'd cry
You'd cry.
Only I knew that sound.

I wish I weren't sour
Wish my thoughts about you
Didn't seize up and freeze the moment that they come through

I also wish you'd stop acting
Like I'm an asset of the past
Like you are happy now at last
You should see the way it hurts me.
It's selfish to act like I'd cross rivers for you
When you know I don't swim, unless you're drowning, too.

Teeth so white,
and straight,
and clean

Legs so long,
so tan,
so lean

Body so fierce,
and tight,
and great

Mind so gone,
too little,
too late.

I need you to know
That every part of me belongs to you
That when I close my eyes and heart
That I am hurting, too

I need you to know
That I need you there
Though it's not fair to you
I need you to know I care

I need you to know
That when I broke your heart in two
I held both halves
But they were both for you

I need you to know
That I'll get those in the mail
Though post is slow and I am nervous
Because you know they're very frail

I need you to know
That even though we're through
I will sniff the flowers and fix myself
On my way back to you

So when you're flying without strings
And you can hear my thoughts below
Just know that I'm not trying to hurt you, but
I needed you to know.

I met a void the other day
He speaks in stutters and rolls his tongue
Talks in slang, then ambles away

And later when I pondered him I wondered
Why both sides of my pillow are soiled
And my journal tastes of salt

I lace these minions with my love
Pull each apart
Too occupied to face my bare heart

So littered and heated with old despair
And for as long as he cares
The void is there.

There are two things I’ve had closest to a fear
Needles,
And my own uncertainty
My insides wince when I see either or both
In the same room
Lit by the same gritty flame
Parked next to each other on the couch and gripping two glasses
Of mid shelf
They both look at me with a gaslit glare
They’re not there, or not in the way
At least
I know my moms arms are
The grass when it makes my back itch
A book when I flip it through like I know what I’m seeing.
Their eyes follow me to the back of my head and
The roots of my fiberglass brain
I haven’t showered, in days.

On a happier note!
I found a new antidote
It tasted
Like something between
Mittens and soap
Something like a light handshake
And a *****
Held the line between despair
And nauseating hope

It was a red nose, or a car
Or a throat caked with tar
And it's this hard I try,
And don't know where you are
Gone so far, that I've made friends
With my scars.

Dragging feet though out of time
Such a new-found face to climb
Be my sweet, sweet paradigm
Be mine.

I will poke at the belly
That you used to hug
I will ponder the body that
You used to love
I will gnaw at the fingers
That you used to kiss
And I will smother the hope
That I am something you'll miss.

The other day you turned your head
And looked at me
Nostalgia clouds my memory
The recoveries I've conjured are
Pointless, as I find you

I remembered your meter
I remembered your lines
As cut and sculpted as I recollect
Your control is spectacular
Teach me what you know